“blink-182 have yet to let me down or be wrong, so good luck with the next cold and lonely year of your life. are you planning on singing twenty two? because i’d pay to see that happen.”
“that’s what i’m afraid of, but i appreciate your well wishes.. i know you mean them wholeheartedly. twenty-two is definitely on the menu; it was the origin of the whole evening, honestly. does that mean you’re in? we could throw in some chicks..”
“I actually think that was maybe the straightest blink has ever thought. twenty-three is such a bizarre age, it would just make sense for no one to like you, you know? and good. i’m absolute shit, so i’ll take all of the help i can get.”
“Hell yeah I’m serious! The saloon doesn’t pay nearly enough for my habits,” Graham laughed, “But I don’t do locals. I go long distance or nothing.”
“I hope you know that I’m mentally bowing down to you right now,” Tuck said, laughing along, “How are long distance men in comparison to the locals? I want the low-down.”
“See, this is why we get along. It might not be the most glamourous repertoire, and I’m definitely no singer, but how much fun is belting out I Knew You Were Trouble? Freeing, let me tell you.”
“you’re talking about what’s my age again, right?” reggie scratches as the back of her neck, not out of instinct but out of force – it’s a common gesture, and all she wants is to seem common; to seem normal. “taylor swift is mega cringy, man. there’s probably like, at least a dozen other songs about being twenty two that you can probably find. but being twenty three shouldn’t be too bogus, just s’long as you sorta get your shit together. or pretend to.”
“i am indeed,” tuck responds, offering up a smile at the recognition. “what other song fits more appropriately, honestly? I mean, I mostly love that it gives me an out if shit falls apart and I lose all of my friends this year, but that’s just me. as for taylor – she may be cringe-worthy, but damn if that girl can’t write a mad hook. try and truthfully tell me that you haven’t ever jammed to one of her songs.”
Sage: The picture of Tuck pacing around with his long legs was all too real in her mind, the way his nose would scrunch up ever so slightly if he didn't agree with something but was being too much of a gentlemen to call you out for once. She undoubtedly had the same ticks as him, but her emotions were clearly heightened for once, something about the situation made the blonde feel an unsettled feeling in her stomach, the feeling of wanting to throw up whatever food she could even take eating or the pints of water she drank that came out equally of her eyes. "But was there? I mean clearly in my mind there was if i'm reacting like this but you? Like I just thought I was one of Tuck Herrington's girls you know someone that.. Was just your friend.. I'm not sure where I'm going with this? " She just sighed into the phone. "I just.. I'm sorry you know? It's not Ernest's fault and if you wanna hate me you should."
Tuck: The boy's eyebrows furrowed even further as he listened to Sage speak, the feeling in his gut twisting and snarling with every second that passed. "One of my 'girls'? What the hell does that even mean?" The pacing was at an all-time high now, and he was sure that Burrito's incessant panting on the bed was due to the fact that Tuck couldn't sit still. "Do you think I just have a roster of women I pull from, Sage? Because that - That's not even close to true." He ran a hand through his hair, looking up at the ceiling as if it could offer some instant relief. "I couldn't hate you. Or Ernest.. I'm just pissed, and I want to understand, I guess."
“the countdown to twenty-three has officially begun. soaking in the last few days of being liked, because according to blink-182 i’m doomed for the next year. anybody up for a t-swift karaoke celebration some time before next friday?”
“I didn’t mean for this to get so long – who knew I had so many words inside of me? The only reason they’re coming out in the first place is because Sloane swore getting your thoughts out on paper was therapeutic. She’s right, but I’m sure as hell not gonna be the one to tell her that. Can you imagine? I’d never hear the end of it.”
I don’t know how to start this, and I’m not sure what to write, but I’m a little drunk and I just called you twice for the first time in months and I need to get some shit off my chest.
I miss you so much.. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere and kicks the breath out of my lungs, and all of the things I want to tell you start clawing up my throat begging for me to drop my pride and call you just one more time.. And sometimes I do, but there’s never anyone on the other end of the line.
I hope you know that I understand.. I don’t blame you for the years of silence, because I’m not making this easy. I hate that about myself, and I know that this isn’t what you deserve from me, but I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know how to give you up. I feel like I’m living in this parallel universe every 2am when my brain won’t stop, because how could we not still be us? Tuck and Sadie, Sadie and Tuck; The package deal, the inseparable kids waging every war of life side by side. How could I have messed up so badly that we don’t even speak anymore? I know that I hurt you, Sadie.. And I know I’ve tried to say I’m sorry a million times, but I don’t know that anything will do it justice.
I’m sorry for Lyla and for all of the miscommunication and for hurting you.. It’s the last thing I would ever want to do, yet somehow I managed.. Which isn’t altogether surprising considering my track record. But it’s you, and it’s me, and we don’t hurt each other.. It’s never what we did, and I would have never done it on purpose.. and I know you know that, but does that even matter in the wake of it all? If I would’ve known that you still wanted this.. That you didn’t mean it when you said you were okay with us exploring our options, I wouldn’t have done anything with her, no matter that it ended so quickly with Lyla.. Not that it’s an excuse. Thanksgiving break never for a second gave off the ‘we can see other people and be totally fine’ vibe, and I knew that.. I knew, and I’m sorry. I was so selfish. I missed you so much and just wanted to be near you, and I was so selfish.
I’d never tell you this, but there are some nights that I wake up in a panic and reach for you next to me. I remember the pull of your breath against my chest and your legs tangled with mine, throwing off covers in the middle of the night because we’re burning up but so unwilling to let go of one another. It makes my chest ache, Sadie. I go through old film of you in my passenger seat.. Sitting there not even saying a word sometimes, wind in your hair.. And I feel miserable. Some of the best days of my life were spent with you.
You’re such a huge part of who I am at my core, because we figured out who we were side by side, you know? I wouldn’t be me without you, mess and all. And now it’s like we’re strangers.. I don’t know how to fix it if you won’t let me, Sadie.. But I also don’t know how I’d fix it if you did. Sometimes I feel like it’s too far gone because it was so consuming for the both of us. In the grand scheme of things, two years isn’t a long time, but at that age? When we were figuring everything out and loving so fearlessly and hopefully.. It felt like everything. It felt like a forever. You were my favorite person in existence.. And it scares the shit out of me, because I don’t know if I could ever have that with anyone else in this world.. And I feel this shit at 22? After years of not having you, trying to make connections and failing miserably..
I don’t know if I’ll ever stop loving you. I don’t know if I know how to.
I want to call you and tell you all of this. I want to call you and tell you that this front I’ve put up for so long is total bullshit. I want to call you and tell you that I have no idea what I’m doing with my life, and that includes you. I’m graduating in five months with a degree that I have little passion for, pushed by my father for a number of different future paths that all lead the same direction.. And all I want to do is call and ask you what to do to make the world stop spinning for a minute. Because you’d know just what to say.
I feel lost, and I feel helpless that I can’t let you go.. And I don’t know if I’ll ever know how to say goodbye to you, but I hope that one day I can.. For both of us.
I’m sorry for the voicemails and the constant reminder of the shit I’ve put you through. You deserve better, and I promise I’ll start trying to be better about it.
I love you, Kiddo. You know that in the deepest part of you, and I hope that you never forget it.
hey lil patooties!! i’m driving to a wedding out of town today and i’ll be back at some point tomorrow :~)) (and me being my procrastinating self will b finishing up letters and posting the day they’re do god bless) if i owe replies or you want to start something, just hmu!!! my aim is itsracheltho! talk 2 u all vv soon xx
“I – I don’t know if you’re serious or not, and suddenly the dads of Amber Springs seem a lot more suspicious than they did before.. I mean mad props to you if you’re serious, I’d have a sugar daddy if I could.”
Sage: shifting herself to an upright position and touching her puffy eyes she inhaled deeply. "oh." she said pausing for a second recalling the past three days. "that was a, uh, accident." the blonde stated and laid her head on the back rest of the couch. "and i think we need to talk sure, you deserve that, tuck." her voice still faint through the phone as she held in her deep seated sniffles. "sorry. cold."
Tuck: His eyebrows furrowed as he got a good listen at her voice; She sounded exhausted, much like he felt. "I – Thanks, I appreciate that," he responded, running a hand through his hair. "I don't really know where to start, I guess," he admitted, "I just can't stop wondering why.. I mean, I get it, no one on this earth thinks more highly of Ernest than I do, I just though.. I dunno, I just thought there was something going on with us."
“ i like to think i’m an amped up version of my dad. like if he talked half as much as i did, i’m sure he’d be just as sarcastic. not much changes in the brooks’ household. i mean, i’m not surprised. with a face and personality like mine, who could resist loving me? ”
“i always saw glimmers of your sarcasm hidden in him in the few conversations your parents entertained with me, so that makes total sense. i’m glad to see that your humility is still in tact, sade.. but you’re not wrong. i can’t say i was able to resist.”
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