a smile can say a thousand words..

[tulika04]

From my blog thesunkissedlives. Here is a piece celebrating single life and choices.

[tulika04]

Let me be!! -

[tulika04]

Tryst with alone-ness

"-ness" just a four letter suffix simple yet defining. Everything or everyone has a ness say for example "together-ness" "close-ness" "wilder-ness" . It is something that defines a particular character something that defines a certain trait or a certain person. So what is your "-ness"? On a similar note "alone-ness" is something thing I associate with being used to being alone. More on the lines where you love to spend your alone time. Just when you hear "being alone" it evokes different reaction from different people. In our society it mostly evokes shock and bewilderment. "alone? Awww.. why?" "alone? Its so sad. Is there any problem?" and almost always it follows by a perception that there has been a heartbreak or something highly illegal stuff is going on. And this perception increases ever more if you are a girl and you love your alone time. You say you want to stay alone do your work in your own sweet way say that and watch the drama unfold! Being an unmarried girl in her late twenties is not a piece of cake in India. I spent most of my times living away from my home. Like most of small town kids it is just the most normal thing to move out of your place after completing school. Big cities - dreamy colleges - funny degrees! The big "small town" Indian dream that is. Not anything different in my case moved out after school, spent almost a decade outside doing things my way from picking groceries to defending myself in a crowded metros or busses. Now you might think it is what is supposed to be. What is there to say about it? Ofcorse it is but may be not here in India. Things are way different. It has been quite a journey. Finding myself in a whole new light. Getting to know myself better. From knowing whether I like scrambled or sunny side up to the fact that deep down I am a loner and accepting the fact. Dont get me wrong here. I love my parents a lot and its not that I dont like spending time with them or that I would deter from doing my duties towards them. But this also remains a fact that I do love my own space. I love having my own place in a way I love. To some this might be a crazy thought of returning home from work to an empty house. But for me it is peace. I can just get home throw my bag on the sofa and just fall on the bed without a worry that I have to meet deadline of dinner by 9pm! Or that people would come bursting into my room asking me for my "wellness", the fact that I dont have to engage myself in small talks! Yes ofcorse there is the task of making dinner but hey no hurry! I know and I will! Wake up in the morning on my familiar bed. Don't have to worry about hiding the cigarette packet. Now am not a regular smoker but I like to keep one handy. And lets face it how difficult it is even for boys let alone girls to keep one lying around carelessly on the table! I like to keep my stuffs arranged in a certain way. Remember Monica from FRIENDS? Am not as obsessed like her but I do relate. There has to be some sort of familiarity. A typical holiday alone starts with a late morning followed by a late breakfast. Yes I say breakfast because it is a late day! Laze around on bed thinking or not thinking about anything. If I plan on Netflix binge or just sleep all day that is what I would do! Want to spend my day in inners or pyjamas is my wish and I will do so. Spend the day reading my favorite novel with a cup of coffee, may be a cigarette break between finishing the whole book at one go. No rush of cleaning-sweeping- making lunch- entertaining small talks. Oh what a bliss! Do not dictate me if I should take my shower on proper- time or in the evening or at night. If I want to go out in the evening I will do so. If I want to ask my boyfriend over I would be free to do so. There is no need to play hide-and-seek! It is freaking holiday! There is gonna be the same hum-drum from the next day onwards. Now I am not saying this is the ideal scenario. Or that most people would do this. No. Never. And that is the fun of being free. You should be free to choose if you want to be alone or be surrounded by people. Because there are a lot many who are alone even while surrounded by so many others at all time and there are others who are not lonely even when alone, who find it peaceful instead. Long back I found a post on face book that would likely sum-up the entire post above. And it says: "LONELINESS IS ADDICTIVE, ONCE YOU FIND HOW PEACEFUL IT IS YOU DONT WANNA DEAL WITH PEOPLE"

[tulika04]

Run away days..

And so the vacation ends. And so I came to realise a thing or two (new addition) about human nature. We crave for love. But we are such stuck up people (at least some of us are) that we can’t even get ourselves to relax even when we promise ourselves carefree time. Just take me for example. After an arduous bargain and pleading with boss I managed to get a few days leave. Now mind it this comes at a price ( yea nothing is free). The price is you need to toil n toil the rest of the month (few may be) so that your boss is happy and you are under a “slight” load of -favour- that you got the leave!!! As I was saying got the leave and promised myself a wonderful time not having to worry about work or responsibilities and add with it a slight pinch of spiritual soul search (yea beat that!!). So what happened? Well let me begin with what did not happen. No soul search trip unless you count sleeping for two whole days ( baring bathroom breaks ) as that. Then I had planned to roam about the streets (what have I been thinking?? Some photojournalist? Right..), trying out street joints and NOT I repeat NOT thinking about office or work or the place where I stay or the future ( like that’s gonna help!). So after the 1st two days of sleeping and a very understanding friend who did not say a word of complaint even after cancelling plans repeatedly, I finally decide to go out and have a look of how the city looks after 5years of separation. So this is how it looks now! Not that conought place looked any different but it seemed all so beautiful. Well I guess that happens when you live in exile for year with (may be) occasional vacation breaks. Food, window shopping, shopping spree and checking out out almost everything from food to cars to people to dresses! Again thanks to the awesome friend who bore my new found eccentricity with unputdownable enthusiasm and also treated me to few of the best places to dine and hangout! Delhi my Delhi you did not change. Not in your essence. Not in your ability that you always manage to fill me up with a sense of freedom and confidence. Be it the upscale CP inner circle, Saket malls or the galies of old Delhi-nai sadak or Chawri bazar or Chandni chowk or the Tibetan market of Majnu ki Tila. Even though I had been sleeping like log at night (and the initial two days) I could feel the pulse of Delhi in the air ( well not the literal breathing in of pollution). Ate to heart’s content on the streets of Chawri, munching on street snacks ( promise I’ll work out. Please bear with me dear tummy), shopping like a shopaholic (well tummy you are in luck barely any salary left for the month), clubbing (couldn’t squeeze in more nights for that. Huh. Hate you , you barely existing salary) and yes lots of memories new and re-lived ones. Thus the trip comes to an end. And oh yes. Already next trip plan taking up the vacant space. Come-on! A girl needs something to hold onto to survive! See you soon jaan-e-maan..

[tulika04]

The morning river mist

[tulika04]

When you are free.. and can't resist the call of wild..

[tulika04]

My strange affair with Bengal and Bangla..

“Tor e shokal ghum bhenge dite pari… Toke boshonter din dite pari.. amake khuje de jolphoring!” My relation with Bengal is like the siblings. When we are together we drive each other crazy. But when away it’s an unbearable longing to be back and embrace with promises of never leaving again (which btw is totally false promise). All those of us have spent most of our lives or atleast some years away from Bengal feels this tug of some invisible thread pulling us to this land of culture progress and variety. There is something in the air that invariably becons us to return for few days atleast. Where ever we might be it always feels home. Yes, sometimes the over friendliness can act somewhat of a dampener. But there is more to this land than “rosogolla” and “misti doi”. Having spent college years in Kolkata I can vouch, the Kolkata the young crowd that I have encountered is a vibrant lot ful of energy, progressive mindset and brilliance. From Jadu Babur bazar to Esplanade, from Eden gardens to gol badir mangsho, from college Street to Jadavpur university campus and more there is history and modernity entwined in every lane and by-lanes. Yes true sometimes they are called “mumma’s boys”. But who aren’t?? What I have gathered traveling in India boys from anypart have this similarity. They love their mom! Epic!! What amazes me is the way their women are treated. Given full liberty and always encouraged to pursue their passion. May be this is what Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar, Tagore, Raja Ram Mohan Roy dreamt of and more. They started a renaissance. We have a lot to learn. Bengal is not just Kolkata. It is the only state to touch the feet of mighty Himalaya and at the same time lucky to be kissed by the waves of Bay of Bengal. Have you spent a night in the jungle of dooars? It’s an experience you can not forget easily. The sound of “madol” ( tribal drums) and the rhythmic steps of the tribes dancing, The moon high up trying to find a glance through the canopy of the trees and not too far, the mountains standing tall in silence as if challenging you “ dare you forget these!”.. it all sets the backdrop of a mystical night. You can not miss the “bhatiyal” song of the “Majhi"s ( boatmen) . I have been fortunate in taking a trip down the Teesta (one of the major river of North Bengal) and had been mesmerized by the bhatiyal song. The “Lal pahar and Ranga matir Desh” (red mountain and red soil) Birbhum plateau, you can not forget, if you are in love the “Baul” songs (folk song) the Baul singers bring out the best of the tunes with just an “ektara”. In the days of fine tuning songs and voices what they manage to do is something of real talent. How can the Digha and Mondarmoni trips be forgotten? The soft sand and waves between the feet and the feel of the sea. Yes yes I know. Digha is “over crowded” “has become dirty” etc etc who are to be blamed for that? Anyways.. Mondarmoni will always be the escape for everyone from college gangs to families. So when Shaan sings “o Majhi re” ( from bong connection) one can’t possibly help the feel of the nostalgia. The fields, meadows, rivers mountains all seem to call out. “Chelebelar swapno sob geche hariye/Majhi re.. Tumi dekhecho ki take” . How much irritated pissed I get, I can’t help miss this land. It has memories of the times I would always cherish and hold this close to my heart.

[tulika04]

Phir wahi raat hai

Love transcends all barriers. Be it geographical or be it the fenced society, colour of your skin, religious bigotry or the meaningless classism. Our hearts are like the wild horses of the prairies, untamable. Once it has the taste of that true love, it has the power to breakdown everything that stands in its way. But sometimes these hearts (though lucky enough to find that true love) faces a bigger enemy : here the physical distance becomes the biggest villain! We wait for that person while dreaming about the moments spent together. The memories of those long walks, the nights spent in each other’s arms, the bitter sweet memories of those cute fights well ofcourse at that time it didn’t feel so cute but surely now brings smile on our faces. Long distance relations are not so uncommon now-a-days. How much ever we say the world has become a small village, we can reach anyone within minutes but is it really so? Can we be near that person staying miles away –may be in another city or country or may be in another part of the world even, at the borders on the high seas? And if truth be told there can be no substitute like that of the soft touch, the sweet fragrance, the warmth of those hugs. These long distance relations are love in its most vulnerable and delicate form. The distance can be one of the best teachers you know. It makes us realize how much you love the person, it reaches us to treasure every moment spent together, it teaches us to make every fleeting moment spent together, Count. And when the wait is finally over and you get to meet that special person, it overwhelms. There are so many things you want to say and do all at the same time! The small things to do together, the big date that you had been planning since months, but all you end up doing is look at the person. Just keep looking and try to say all through the eyes because words can only say so much.

[tulika04]

[tulika04]

A platter of smoked up thoughts

When in school and went out on dates, we often used to hear this isn’t love. Sneaking away after classes, making excuses for hanging out, stealing glances while teacher continued with lecture, easy flirting made the classes seem a lot more bearable (or so we thought)!! School gave way to college n college to university. Made new friends developed new habbits, learnt the art of masking the hurt with smile. But that penchant for breaking the rules continued. Some habbits die hard I must say. A person built so, with a knack for going against the norms cannot just be selective and start taking orders all of a sudden. It’s kinda package deal you know. And so I continued on the high seas of life. This post today isn’t about the life of non-conformance to the social code that me or my bunch of people lead but is a platter of random thoughts. And the Wait for just a few days a year that I get to spend with you.

So, if what I was used to hearing in school, is to be believed then how come I feel so completely at peace with you inspite of being the utterly crazy and incorrigible person around you? Sometimes I feel my sense of logic just vanishes when you are around. You are like a corner of calm for me in the midst of all the crazy mess. The few days that I am with you it feels like altogether a different world. A world where I don’t have to answer to anyone for who I am for my actions, where being the odd one is the most normal thing. I know you are with me even when we are so far away from each other. I know you are there for me at the oddest of the hour. But sometimes it’s more than just the feeling of togetherness. Sometimes the distance drives me crazy. I need to feel your presence. I need the warm hugs. I need the assuring kisses. I need the cuddles and caresses. I miss our sweet moments. Bunking classes. Sneaking glances and the meaning of whichonly we understood. I miss our long walks holding hands. I miss the cosy rides, the busy metro rides, the movie nights. I could just go on. Some say you need to have similar interests similar thoughts to be comfortable around each other to be compatible but us? We are the stark opposite of each other. You are the base firm on ground while I like to fly. You love the seas I love the mountains. You are planned systematic I am the impulsive random. You are the calm while I love the chaos! So when I hear people say so much about being similar and compatible I hail the dissimilarities. The desperation to see you does not make my love for you any shallow. On a second thought, who gives a crap? It’s my love, my style, my guy! I know I haven’t always been the best of girls around. Moody arrogant stubborn flirty. But the way you handled all that.. well I give you credit for that! I know I tend to take off on whims, you accepted me with all that and more even when you were aware of all my indiscretions! Honestly I could not have gotten past if situation was reversed. I want to say a big thank you for everything for I can not pin point which one to thank for as there are innumerable things.

When I decided to be with you I was going way against the way things are done here in this part of world, where everything other than the person concerned is more important. Sometimes I wish I could be better at handling situations. But what can I say? The heart wants what it wants. And mine wants you. Sometimes I wish I could quit my job and travel the world with you. Run away from all these humdrums and live the boho life! But then suddenly the reality bites and am pulled out of my wonderfully smoked up reverie back to the boring (but totally important) finances. Just the lingering feeling of the high remains. And the fact that I love you so much. I smile inwardly and say “f**k s***t!! this guy really got me! I do miss him so much”!.

[tulika04]

Reflection..

Its been quite some time now. somehow I lost the track. I had been a bit busy. well life happens. And its hardly like the way you plan. When i first started off on tumblr I wasn’t sure how it would turn out to be. but then I was young. carefree. lived in my own dream world. The typical of young people form any part of the world. I wanted to travel. meet new people. build a career. be anything but ordinary. Just out of college with promises to be in touch always. not change. And then Change happens -  gradually. You don’t always see it coming.But it does. At its own pace. sometimes it rushes down like a swift mountainous riverine sometimes waltzing down the lane next block taking you totally by surprise. Sometimes you hope that it is gonna come but it never does!  

No it did not go as planned for me. Had so many surprises. twists and turns on the way. some i loved. some not so much. Some turns were so stiff i barely escaped unscratched! been such a whirlwind time. Spent nearly ten years away from home family. but then it never felt out of the way. May be I am that way. Staying away being on my own. It is some kind of drug. So intoxicating . It is more intoxicating than that of the cheap thrills we ho looking for. Once you get the hang oh the life u get a hold of your life you just don’t want to let go. Yes there are times when you do feel lonely some nights are longer that others. But then isn’t that the way with everyone whether staying alone with partners or family? Some nights they too feel the prangs of loneliness. Some nights they want to run away , be on their own. So what would you name that?

There are certain feelings that may be I’ll never be able to explain to anyone. My love for free life- life without bounds is something that I just cant give up....yet. I am not saying I want to spent all of my life alone. No I don’t say that. May be we are strangers now but someday may be there will be change in my life too. But till that time I don’t want to force myself into anything. Till that time I don’t want to go chasing after something I don’t have my heart fully into. Until then I want to do so many thing that I want to. Some say there is time for everything. You need to do this in this time if you don’t you have consequences. Well I don’t believe that there is hard and fast time set for everything. We keep moving. What if I want to do something now? what if I want to go bungee jumping? I want to go scuba? There is a famous saying in Hindi “ kal kisne dekha?” (”who has seen what tomorrow holds?”) 

Am I in love? Yes I am. But I am in love with the wilderness. I am in love with the free life. I am in love. 

.................”and miles to go before I sleep.”

[tulika04]

[tulika04]

[tulika04]

A few days in the wilderness...the world is yet to see the wild and mysterious and at the same time refreshingly wild Dooars. It is the foot hills of the lower himalayan tarai region. it has so much to offer..Tea-estates, forests, wildlife, swift dancing rivers..the serene beauty..And goes without mention  the people their simplicity and hospitality... :)

[tulika04]

the beauty that is nature...wildlife....

[tulika04]

Dreams...

[tulika04]

The Diary of Youngistan...

Hii... am not a typical blogger. but I like to write..well..sometimes at least.... Love traveling and catching up with friends.. So..there..I am a typical young girl..just the same as any girl from any part of the world.. be it the far east or the middle east or the west.

But there is one thing I never understood is why do I get those looks from my fellow "earthlings" from west? Do u think that Indian girls are what..like..the sombre shy delicate darlings who hide behind the veils the curtains every time she meets someone new? specially if its a guy??? Do you think all young men are dominating and masochists with no heart? All with huuuuge mustache and munching on pan? (its a typical Indian thing. Don't ask me. I dint taste. don't like my tongue getting red stains)

Excuse me!!!!!!! you can't be more wrong!!! These girls are awesome young people. contrary to being shy and delicate darlings they are quite upfront, fearless and fiery! And the men? well they are handsome well groomed romantic. But i do accept that exceptions do exist. but then where doz it not? 

In my following blogs I'll tell you bits from the life of these young people. May be it won't be much (am not JK Rowling or Anne Frank..) but still I am hoping it would give you glimpse of the the youngsters...A Young India..  ... as they like to be called " the youngistan" ...

(to be continued...)