⠀ "it doesn’t matter if i’m right or if i’m wrong about that.. it just matters that i feel it." 𝒢𝜚| .she/he/they 𒈔 irl 𝓣aissa turner ˙ . ꒷ 🪽. 𖦹˙— yjs , st , it , tlou , oitnb , nana , paper girls , the wilds , arcane , obx , sharp objects , euphoria , gravity falls , MY LITTLE PONYYY !! Stan loona
"I COULD BE A BETTER BOYFRIEND THAN HIM" 'I COULD DO THE SHIT HE NEVER DID'
PAIRING: SEMI X F!READER
SUMMARY: You had an argument with your boyfriend… he was shit, but you loved the bastard. You guys were studying in your room when he got mad at you and cheated on you, just a typical asshole. Semi became a good distraction and wanted to prove she could be a better boyfriend.
WARNINGS: kissing , fingering (r reciving) , use of the word cock (can be seen as strap or g!p) , cheating ? cussing , flirty language , eating 👀
AUTHORS NOTE: hii , first smut on here! hopefully people still like semi.. if not oh well 1 2 3 i want yuri!! dividers by @feimingo and @cursed-carmine
You checked your phone again. Nothing. Three weeks, and he still hadn't answered.
You let out a frustrated groan. "He left me on read!"
"You're actually pathetic, you know that?" Semi didn't even glance up from her book, voice flat as she turned the page.
Your fingers tightened around the phone until your knuckles whitened. "Shut up, Semi."
"I'm serious," she pressed on, casual as ever. "He's jealous, manipulative, and acts like a total bitch. I don't know what you saw in him half the time."
You scrambled to defend him, voice cracking. "He's nice to me most of the time!"
Semi let out a sharp giggle. "And the times he's not?"
You sighed, thumping your head back against the headboard with a dull thud. "He just has a short temper. That's normal. Wouldn't you understand?"
She finally looked up, eyes narrowing. "No, because I don't cheat on my girlfriend, and I sure as hell don't fuck dickheads with brains smaller than their dicks."
You met her gaze, pleading. "He doesn't cheat! He loves me for me—he just gets worked up easily, that's all."
She side-eyed you, sighing heavily. "That's manipulation, not 'worked up.' He wants you jumping through hoops to please him. He doesn't love you."
Tears spilled over then, hot tracks down your cheeks.
"I just want him to stop cheating, stop being an asshole," you sobbed. "I want him to love me, care for me like I do for him."
Semi set her book aside and scooted closer, thumb brushing your tears away with surprising gentleness. "Maybe if you stopped chasing scraps of love from guys who can't keep it in their pants, you'd land someone stable. Someone who won't have you ruining your pretty makeup at 10 p.m. on a Friday night." You laughed through the sniffles, a warm spark igniting low in your belly at her calling you pretty.
You sighed, wiping your eyes. "I just need a distraction..."
Semi's gaze sharpened. "Like what?"
"Something to get him out of my head," you murmured, looking up at her through damp lashes. "I'm so tired."
She bit her lip. "I could be a better boyfriend than him."
"Wha—" Your question died as she crashed her mouth onto yours. You kissed back hungrily, moaning into the heat of her lips, her tongue tangle with yours. Her hand clamped on your waist, pulling you flush, and she groaned low. "Shit, see? I bet that loser doesn't get you moaning like this already."
Her fingers slid up your skirt, tracing the damp patch on your lacy blue-bow panties. "Is this okay?” she murmured against your mouth. You nodded frantically, hips twitching as she hooked the fabric aside and yanked them down in one swift tug, exposing your slick pussy to the cool bedroom air.
Semi kissed a scorching path down your thighs, spreading them wide. Her tongue piercing glinted as she dove in, the cold metal ball pressing firm against your swollen clit. She circled it teasingly at first—slow, deliberate flicks that made your thighs quiver—before flattening her tongue to lap broad strokes up your dripping folds. "Fuck, you taste so good," she breathed, plunging two fingers deep into your clenching heat.
Her fingers curled inside you, stroking that spongy spot with ruthless precision while her tongue worked faster, the piercing dragging sparks over your clit. She alternated kitty licks—light, fluttering laps—with hungry sucks that hollowed her cheeks, drawing your arousal into her mouth with wet slurps. Your walls fluttered around her knuckles as she pumped harder, thumb now rubbing your clit in tight circles when her mouth dipped lower to tongue-fuck your entrance.
Your fingers twisted in her hair, back arching off the bed. "Semi—oh god—" Stars burst behind your eyelids, breath coming in ragged pants. She was breathless too, chin glistening with your juices. "You close, mm? Come on my tongue, baby."
You shattered, pussy spasming wildly around her fingers, gushing slick down her wrist as waves of ecstasy ripped through you. She held your trembling thighs up, licking you through every pulse.
Semi crawled up, kissing your neck and sucking a dark hickey into the skin—you'd need concealer for that tomorrow. She tapped your cheek lightly. "Earth to Y/n."
You ran a shaky hand through your hair, reality creeping back. "Isn't this... cheating?"
She smirked, eyes dark. "Not if he's balls-deep in other girls. And you're stressed—I'll take such good care of you, mhm?"
You nodded, but hesitated. "But lik—"
She silenced you with another deep kiss, hand already wandering lower, promising more.
She broke away, voice husky. “Shh, good girl. Mommy’s gonna fuck that worry right out. Spread it for me.”
You parted thighs shaky, pussy still twitching from her tongue. She stripped fast—cock springing free, fat head leaking pre-cum, she rubbed it along your slit, coating herself in your mess, nudging your hole.
“Beg for it, baby. Tell Mommy you need this cock more than his pathetic one.”
“Please... Semi—Mommy, fuck me. Make me forget.” Tears mixed with sweat now, raw need.
She thrust in slowly at first—stretching you wide, “Fuck, so tight... Good girl, taking my strap like you were made for it.” Halfway, she snapped hips—bottoming out balls-deep, grinding your cervix.
Wet slaps filled the room, her thumb circling your clit.
Guilt flickers—his face flashes but all you could think about was cumming.
She flipped you suddenly—ass up, face in pillows. One hand fisting your hair, the other slapping your cheek red before plunging back in, pounding doggy. Balls smacked your clit rhythmic, sweat dripped from her onto your back, breaths ragged moans mixing with your gasps, a giggle slipping when you clenched too hard and she slipped out.
The phone buzzed distant - him? but she snatched it, tossing aside. You quickly yelled “Don’t pick up!” She picked up the phone and said “Heyyy!” his voice on speaker “Who is this?” Your moans and her still thrusting into you filled the room, she said “She’s busy right now bro she’ll call you back! Don’t worry, I'll take care of your girl.” She hung up laughing.
You shattered first—squirting around her, vision blurring white. She growled, “Fuckl!” Hips stuttering, she pumped deep hot cum flooding you, spilling out as she kept thrusting sloppy through aftershocks.
Collapsed together, her cock softening inside, arms wrapping you tight. “Better distraction?” she murmured, kissing tears away.
Yeah... for now. You nodded, thinking about what to say to him.
can i pretty please get fanfic requests Ik all of you probably hate me cause who likes a writer who doesn't keep promises but I'm lowk active now and I'll do them🥹🥹 plus I'm going to release my nat fanfic this week
I'm really sorry! I've been unactive for weeks because I got a gf and I fell into a hole of depression to the point where I slept all day I'm feeling better now and I will pick back up on my writing my nat fanfic will be released this week.
please say ur gonna write another part of the nat fic where they get together I love it so much
ur writing is so so good and I need them to be happy!!
Thank you very much! I've been sick and not doing well but it will be another chapter today or tomorrow probably today 🥰! i wrote part 3 , 4 , and 5 but five needs a little bit of tweak so yeah! so don't worry I'm not discounting it or anything😭 but thank you very muchhhh and yesses it will be another chapter!!
hmmm lottie matthews x reader where it's pre crash/no crash and they're practicing kissing for the "future".. and it turns into smut... yes no maybe so?
i am so sorry for late respond my life has been shit i had health problems with my family it was just a lot going on! but i decided to write sooo and i just got rid of tumblr but im back so.. idk if u still wanna read or not but i got it!! thank you for sending in my very first request i feel very hyped enjoy reading sorry for late notice!!
request lottie matthews fanfic right here ! 🪽lottie matthews
'FUCK ME TILL YOU CAN'T NO MORE THAN WE'LL SWITCH AND I'LL GET ON TOP!'
PAIRING:LOTTIE MATTHEWS x Reader
SUMMARY: You guys had a sleepover, and it was fun in the best way—nail polish, makeup, snacks everywhere, gossiping and talking. While you were reading a magazine, your intrusive thoughts slipped out, and you asked Lottie to “practice” kissing, which turned into something more… but that’s a future you problem.
JASMIN NOTE: hiii this was a request. i’ve been busy and sick :/ so this is my first time writing something like this ahh i’m nervous!! thanks for all the love byeee enjoy reading divider creds to @cursed-carmine @debetun @suupersonic
You were in Lottie’s room, the night messy in the best way—nail polish open, magazines scattered, clothes everywhere. The tv flickered a horror movie you guys wasn’t really watching anymore.
You flipped through the magazine. “The hottest guys of the year!” you said dramatically. Lottie glanced over for a second, then back down at her hands like it wasn’t that serious—but a small smile tugged at her face anyway. You looked up. “Lottie?” “Yeah?” she answered softly. You hesitated.
“Have you ever kissed someone before?” There was a pause. Not awkward—just like she was thinking in a different rhythm than you. “Yeah,” she said finally. You groaned a little.
“Ugh, of course you have.” That got a quiet exhale from her—almost a laugh, but not fully. “I figured you’d say that” she added. You stared at her for a second, then shifted a little on the bed. “…We could practice,” you said, trying to sound casual. Lottie looked up again. “Practice what?”
You shrugged, suddenly not as confident as before. “Kissing.”
There was a beat of silence. Then she tilted her head slightly, like she was actually considering it. “Okay,” she said simply.
That caught you off guard. “Wait—really?” She nodded once. For a moment, neither of you moved. The room felt quieter than before, even with the tv still flickering. You leaned in first, just a little. Lottie didn’t move away. But she didn’t rush either.
She just watched you for a second longer… then closed the space herself, slow and steady, like she was planning it. It wasn’t intense. It was careful. Controlled. Lottie would lean in for another one, nipping at your lip and tongue, blood drawn, but she kept kissing you, kept on making out as she gently bit your tongue.
"Practice," she whispered.
Her hand moved to the hem of your nightgown. The fabric was thin, worn cotton, but you felt the heat of her fingers through it. She didn't ask for permission she simply gripped the nightgown and tugged upward.
"Lift your arms," she commanded.
You obeyed without thinking, your body reacting to the authority in her tone before your mind could even process what she was saying. The cool air of the room hit your skin as she peeled the nightgown up and off. She took it off slowly then it was gone, tossed carelessly into the pile of discarded clothes on the floor. You sat there in just your panties, exposed. Your bare breasts and stomach. You crossed your arms over your chest instinctively, an attempt to hide, but Lottie reached out and pulled them away.
"Don't," she said. She pushed you back until you were lying against the pillows, your hair framing your face around you. "Let me see."
Her gaze raked over you, the way your nipples hardened in the chill. You felt your face burning, a flush that had nothing to do with the temperature and everything to do with being laid bare under her submissive. You had changed in front of her a hundred times, but this was different. This wasn't friendship it was sex.
"You're shaking," she observed, a smirk playing on her lips. She trailed a finger down the center of your chest, circling your body, then dipping lower to hook into the waistband of your underwear. "Are you scared, or are you desperate?"
You couldn't find your voice. Your throat was tight, dry. You just watched her hand, as her muscles flexed. She pulled your panties down in one smooth, rough motion, stripping you completely. The air felt heavy and very suffocating.
"Spread your legs," Lottie said. When you hesitated, she climbed between them, using her knees to force them apart. "I said spread them. Unless you want me to stop."
The thought of her stopping was worse than the humiliation. You let your knees fall open, feeling the cool air brush against the wetness already gathering between your thighs. You were soaked, and you knew she could see it. The evidence of your arousal was glistening on your folds, undeniable and shameful.
"Look how wet you are," she taunted, her eyes fixed on your exposed pussy. "You really need this, don't you? You're dripping."
She didn't give you time to respond. She slid two fingers into you without warning, thrusting deep and hard. You cried out, your back arching off the bed, your hands clutching at the vanilla-scented sheets. It was a shock, the sudden stretch, the way she filled you so completely. She curled her fingers immediately, finding that spot inside you that made your vision blur.
"God, you're tight," Lottie groaned, though her eyes never left your face, watching every twitch of pleasure and embarrassment. "Has anyone ever touched you here properly? Or do you just touch yourself thinking about it?"
She began to fuck you with her hand, pumping her fingers in a relentless rhythm. There was no gentleness, no slow build-up to ease you into it. It was aggressive, a claiming. The wet, squelching sound of her fingers driving into your cunt filled the room, loud and obscene, drowning out the television. You squeezed your eyes shut.
"Look at me," she snapped. She used her free hand to pinch your nipple, hard enough to make you gasp and your eyes fly open. "Don't you dare hide. Watch what I'm doing to you."
You locked eyes with her, humiliated by the tears pricking the corners of your eyes. She looked so in control, so composed, while you were falling apart beneath her. Her fingers were moving in and out, dragging against your walls with every withdrawal, then slamming back in. The pressure was building rapidly, a tight coil in your lower belly.
"Is this what you imagined when you asked to practice?" Lottie leaned down close, her hair touching your face, her breath hot against your ear. "Did you think I'd be sweet? Did you think we'd hold hands?"
She added a third finger, stretching you further, and you whimpered, your hips bucking involuntarily to meet her hand. You hated how your body betrayed you, how you ground down onto her fingers, desperate for more friction, more depth. You were fucking her hand back, eager and desperate the shame of it made the pleasure better.
"You're such a slut for this," she murmured, kissing the corner of your mouth. "So fucking eager. I can feel you clenching around me. You're going to cum already, aren't you?"
You couldn't deny it, the orgasm was close you were at your peak you didn't know best friends could fuck this good. You moaned out as she went faster.
"Ask for it," she demanded, her fingers curling ruthlessly inside you, pressing deep against your g-spot. "Beg me to let you cum."
"Please," you choked out, the word wrecked and breathless. "Lottie, please..."
"Please, what?" She bit down on your neck, hard enough to leave a mark, sucking the skin into her mouth.
"Please let me cum," you sobbed, the humiliation burning through you, mixing the shame of your release. "I need to cum. Please, make me cum."
She laughed, a low, dark sound, and finally, mercifully, pressed her thumb hard against your clit while grinding her fingers deep. The stimulation was too much. A loud scream tearing from your throat as the orgasm crashed over you. Your pussy spasmed violently around her fingers, rippling and clenching, waves of pleasure washing out from your center until your entire body was shaking. You gushed around her hand, soaking her fingers, the cum leaking out onto her sheets.
Lottie didn't stop immediately. She milked it out of you, prolonging the aftershocks with slow, deliberate thrusts that made you gasp and twitch with over-sensitivity. She watched you the whole time, a satisfied smirk on her face, taking in your wrecked expression.
Finally, she pulled her fingers out. They were coated in your slick. She brought them to her mouth, maintaining eye contact, and licked them clean, one by one, tasting your cum.
"Good girl," she said, her voice thick with satisfaction. She wiped her hand on the inside of your thigh, marking you with your own wetness. "But we're not done practicing yet."
"I COULD BE A BETTER BOYFRIEND THAN HIM" 'I COULD DO THE SHIT HE NEVER DID'
PAIRING: SEMI X F!READER
SUMMARY: You had an argument with your boyfriend… he was shit, but you loved the bastard. You guys were studying in your room when he got mad at you and cheated on you, just a typical asshole. Semi became a good distraction and wanted to prove she could be a better boyfriend.
WARNINGS: kissing , fingering (r reciving) , use of the word cock (can be seen as strap or g!p) , cheating ? cussing , flirty language , eating 👀
AUTHORS NOTE: hii , first smut on here! hopefully people still like semi.. if not oh well 1 2 3 i want yuri!! dividers by @feimingo and @cursed-carmine
You checked your phone again. Nothing. Three weeks, and he still hadn't answered.
You let out a frustrated groan. "He left me on read!"
"You're actually pathetic, you know that?" Semi didn't even glance up from her book, voice flat as she turned the page.
Your fingers tightened around the phone until your knuckles whitened. "Shut up, Semi."
"I'm serious," she pressed on, casual as ever. "He's jealous, manipulative, and acts like a total bitch. I don't know what you saw in him half the time."
You scrambled to defend him, voice cracking. "He's nice to me most of the time!"
Semi let out a sharp giggle. "And the times he's not?"
You sighed, thumping your head back against the headboard with a dull thud. "He just has a short temper. That's normal. Wouldn't you understand?"
She finally looked up, eyes narrowing. "No, because I don't cheat on my girlfriend, and I sure as hell don't fuck dickheads with brains smaller than their dicks."
You met her gaze, pleading. "He doesn't cheat! He loves me for me—he just gets worked up easily, that's all."
She side-eyed you, sighing heavily. "That's manipulation, not 'worked up.' He wants you jumping through hoops to please him. He doesn't love you."
Tears spilled over then, hot tracks down your cheeks.
"I just want him to stop cheating, stop being an asshole," you sobbed. "I want him to love me, care for me like I do for him."
Semi set her book aside and scooted closer, thumb brushing your tears away with surprising gentleness. "Maybe if you stopped chasing scraps of love from guys who can't keep it in their pants, you'd land someone stable. Someone who won't have you ruining your pretty makeup at 10 p.m. on a Friday night." You laughed through the sniffles, a warm spark igniting low in your belly at her calling you pretty.
You sighed, wiping your eyes. "I just need a distraction..."
Semi's gaze sharpened. "Like what?"
"Something to get him out of my head," you murmured, looking up at her through damp lashes. "I'm so tired."
She bit her lip. "I could be a better boyfriend than him."
"Wha—" Your question died as she crashed her mouth onto yours. You kissed back hungrily, moaning into the heat of her lips, her tongue tangle with yours. Her hand clamped on your waist, pulling you flush, and she groaned low. "Shit, see? I bet that loser doesn't get you moaning like this already."
Her fingers slid up your skirt, tracing the damp patch on your lacy blue-bow panties. "Is this okay?” she murmured against your mouth. You nodded frantically, hips twitching as she hooked the fabric aside and yanked them down in one swift tug, exposing your slick pussy to the cool bedroom air.
Semi kissed a scorching path down your thighs, spreading them wide. Her tongue piercing glinted as she dove in, the cold metal ball pressing firm against your swollen clit. She circled it teasingly at first—slow, deliberate flicks that made your thighs quiver—before flattening her tongue to lap broad strokes up your dripping folds. "Fuck, you taste so good," she breathed, plunging two fingers deep into your clenching heat.
Her fingers curled inside you, stroking that spongy spot with ruthless precision while her tongue worked faster, the piercing dragging sparks over your clit. She alternated kitty licks—light, fluttering laps—with hungry sucks that hollowed her cheeks, drawing your arousal into her mouth with wet slurps. Your walls fluttered around her knuckles as she pumped harder, thumb now rubbing your clit in tight circles when her mouth dipped lower to tongue-fuck your entrance.
Your fingers twisted in her hair, back arching off the bed. "Semi—oh god—" Stars burst behind your eyelids, breath coming in ragged pants. She was breathless too, chin glistening with your juices. "You close, mm? Come on my tongue, baby."
You shattered, pussy spasming wildly around her fingers, gushing slick down her wrist as waves of ecstasy ripped through you. She held your trembling thighs up, licking you through every pulse.
Semi crawled up, kissing your neck and sucking a dark hickey into the skin—you'd need concealer for that tomorrow. She tapped your cheek lightly. "Earth to Y/n."
You ran a shaky hand through your hair, reality creeping back. "Isn't this... cheating?"
She smirked, eyes dark. "Not if he's balls-deep in other girls. And you're stressed—I'll take such good care of you, mhm?"
You nodded, but hesitated. "But lik—"
She silenced you with another deep kiss, hand already wandering lower, promising more.
She broke away, voice husky. “Shh, good girl. Mommy’s gonna fuck that worry right out. Spread it for me.”
You parted thighs shaky, pussy still twitching from her tongue. She stripped fast—cock springing free, fat head leaking pre-cum, she rubbed it along your slit, coating herself in your mess, nudging your hole.
“Beg for it, baby. Tell Mommy you need this cock more than his pathetic one.”
“Please... Semi—Mommy, fuck me. Make me forget.” Tears mixed with sweat now, raw need.
She thrust in slowly at first—stretching you wide, “Fuck, so tight... Good girl, taking my strap like you were made for it.” Halfway, she snapped hips—bottoming out balls-deep, grinding your cervix.
Wet slaps filled the room, her thumb circling your clit.
Guilt flickers—his face flashes but all you could think about was cumming.
She flipped you suddenly—ass up, face in pillows. One hand fisting your hair, the other slapping your cheek red before plunging back in, pounding doggy. Balls smacked your clit rhythmic, sweat dripped from her onto your back, breaths ragged moans mixing with your gasps, a giggle slipping when you clenched too hard and she slipped out.
The phone buzzed distant - him? but she snatched it, tossing aside. You quickly yelled “Don’t pick up!” She picked up the phone and said “Heyyy!” his voice on speaker “Who is this?” Your moans and her still thrusting into you filled the room, she said “She’s busy right now bro she’ll call you back! Don’t worry, I'll take care of your girl.” She hung up laughing.
You shattered first—squirting around her, vision blurring white. She growled, “Fuckl!” Hips stuttering, she pumped deep hot cum flooding you, spilling out as she kept thrusting sloppy through aftershocks.
Collapsed together, her cock softening inside, arms wrapping you tight. “Better distraction?” she murmured, kissing tears away.
Yeah... for now. You nodded, thinking about what to say to him.
ALL MY WANTING LOOKED LIKE A SIN : IS IT CASUAL NOW?
PAIRING: NATALIE SCATORCCIO X READER
SUMMARY: religious conflict, internalized homophobia, toxic relationship, cheating, substance use (smoking/drinking), verbal abuse (parents), emotional distress, jealousy, angst, strong language , mentions of sex.
WARNINGS: You try to pretend everything is normal after what happened with Natalie, but nothing feels the same anymore. Between your family, your boyfriend, and your faith, you keep choosing the easier version of your life even if it’s not the truth. Meanwhile, Natalie is falling apart without you, and no matter how hard you both try to ignore it, something between you refuses to go away.
JASMIN NOTE: hi sorry for the wait my granny was sick ! but its out so enjoy i guesss no smut sorry i just like to build up a bunch of angst in the chapters before i write smut but chapter 4 or 5 really i feel like so uhm yea!
divider creds is @angeliicide dont know where the first first lace divider is from tho.. i found it off pintrest have fun reading !! 🤎
Nat felt like shit that night, and the day after too.
She smoked more, dealt more, and started throwing herself into rebounds. Too many of them.
Every girl she talked to. Every laugh she forced. Every time she acted like she was fine — it only made things worse.
Because none of it was real.
It was never about them.
It was about you.
She kept trying to replace the space you left behind, trying to drown it out with noise, with people, with anything that wasn’t the thought of you sitting across from her like nothing had ever happened.
But it didn’t work.
Because every time she closed her eyes, it was still you.
Your face. Your voice. That look you get when you’re trying not to feel anything at all.
And Nathaniel.
Especially Nathaniel.
The way he stood too close to you. The way he laughed like he belonged near you. The way he got to exist in your life like he deserved it.
Nat hated him for it.
She was convinced that if you could just see her, really see her, you’d understand. You’d choose her. You’d finally stop pretending like what you felt didn’t exist.
But she was wrong.
And that night, you proved it.
Her mom didn’t make anything easier either. The yelling, the disappointment, the constant reminders that she was already failing at everything she touched — it all stacked up.
School got worse after that. Not that she was ever good at it, but now it was obvious. Teachers noticed. Her grades dropped even lower. She stopped caring enough to even pretend.
Practice was worse too.
Coach Scott’s voice followed her everywhere.
“Scatorccio! Focus!”
“Your form is off!”
“You’re not trying!”
But she was trying.
That was the worst part.
She just couldn’t stay in it anymore.
Lunch changed too. She started sitting outside alone sometimes, even when she had somewhere to be.
And worse, she stopped talking to you.
Not because she wanted to.
Because she couldn’t.
Every time she looked at you, it felt like something in her chest cracked open again.
And it wasn’t anger anymore.
It wasn’t confidence.
It was loss.
Like something in her had already broken, and now she was just trying to learn how to live without you.
You were in your room, laying on your bed with your scrapbook open.
You flipped through the pages slowly until you found a picture of you and Nat.
You smiled.
A real one.
A quiet giggle slipped out before you could stop it.
Your fingers traced the edge of the photo, then moved down to where your initials were written together. You stared at it longer than you meant to.
Then you reached for your phone.
The cord wrapped around your finger as you dialed her number, twisting it slowly.
On the other end, her mom yelled, “Nat! Someone’s on the phone for you!”
A pause.
Then Nat’s voice came through, rough and slightly slurred. “Yeah? Who is it?”
You smiled without thinking.
“Me. Nat, are you seriously drunk or high right now?”
She froze.
Your voice hit her instantly.
She coughed, trying to recover. “It’s five o’clock somewhere.”
You rolled your eyes, smiling anyway.
“You still don’t have your own phone? You’re still sharing with your mom?”
You twisted the cord tighter.
She sighed. “Yeah… my job doesn’t pay enough. I’m quitting anyway.”
You softened. “I’ll buy you one for your birthday.”
There was a pause.
Then quieter, “Yeah… I’d like that.”
You shifted, changing the subject.
“We haven’t hung out in forever. You’re my best friend.”
The word hit her immediately.
Friend.
God, she hated that word.
Friends don’t look at each other like that.
Friends don’t stare when the other one’s changing.
Friends don’t linger too long during makeup.
Friends don’t hold hands like it means something.
Friends don’t kiss like that.
Nat swallowed. “Yeah… we could hang out.”
You narrowed your eyes slightly. “Did you even hear what I said?”
She forced a small laugh. “Yeah, yeah. About hanging out.”
You smiled. “Okay. Saturday. Four o’clock. We can go to the mall or something.”
“Yeah,” she said quickly. “Yeah, okay.”
When the call ended, Nat stood there for a moment.
Then she broke into a grin and let out a loud shout.
Maybe she still had a chance.
From the kitchen, her mom yelled, “Natalie Scatorccio, clean the fucking dishes!”
Nat didn’t even hear her.
She was already walking to her room, thinking, planning.
For once, she cared about what she was going to wear.
Because it was you.
The next day at school, you were walking to your locker when Jackie stopped you.
“Okay, first of all,” she said, “I’m dating Jeff. I don’t want Nat. And I like Shauna. I’m hooking up with her.”
You blinked, then made a fake explosion sound. “Wow. Jackie, out of nowhere. Can I get to my locker now?”
She laughed. “You wrote ‘slut’ on my locker because you were jealous of me and Nat.”
You smiled tightly. “Good for you. Didn’t know you were gay, but I’m not, so I wouldn’t be jealous of anything.”
Jackie tilted her head. “So what, you’re jealous of Jeff?”
You gagged. “God, no.”
She grinned. “Then admit it.”
You rolled your eyes.
“Come on,” she said. “We’ve been friends forever. Tell me about Natalie. The way you two stare at each other all day and pretend you’re just friends.”
You scoffed. “We do not stare.”
Jackie raised a brow. “Sure.”
Then she shrugged. “You’d have to stop the world to figure out your feelings.”
She started walking off, then added, “Maybe kiss her or something so she can stop playing like shit at practice.”
You stood there, stunned.
Offended.
And uncomfortable, because part of you knew she wasn’t completely wrong.
Saturday came faster than you expected.
You stepped outside in a soft summer outfit — a short skirt, a fitted top, your hair done just enough to look effortless.
You rode your bike to the mall.
Nat was already there.
At first, everything felt normal.
You talked. You laughed. You walked side by side like nothing had happened.
You got ice cream, wandered through stores, played games at the arcade, then ended up at the beach before going to the fair.
By the time you were on the ferris wheel, the sky was dark and glowing with lights.
You were eating funnel cake.
Nat had cotton candy.
And she was staring at you.
“Nat?”
She blinked. “Yeah?”
You hesitated.
“We’re still friends, right?”
That was it.
“Here you go again,” she muttered.
You frowned. “What?”
She looked at you fully. “Friends don’t look at each other like that.”
Your stomach dropped.
“Friends don’t stare when the other one’s changing. They don’t hold hands like it means something. They don’t say ‘I love you’ like it’s more than that.”
Your grip tightened.
“If I’m such a sin,” she said, her voice shaking, “then why do you keep looking at me like that?”
The ride stopped.
You didn’t answer.
You just got off.
Fast.
“Did God make me wrong,” she yelled, “or did you?”
You paused for a second.
Then kept walking.
“Just come out of the closet already!”
You didn’t look back.
That night, you laid in bed staring at the ceiling.
Her words replayed over and over in your head.
What if she was right?
What if this wasn’t just confusion?
What if you weren’t who you thought you were?
Your parents. Your reputation. Your future.
Everything could fall apart.
But even then, you still couldn’t stop thinking about her.
About a future with her.
And that scared you more than anything.
The next morning at church, you didn’t sing.
For once, you stayed quiet, sitting beside your family while your uncle preached.
“Matthew 5:28,” he said. “Anyone who looks with lust has already sinned in their heart.”
Your fingers tightened around your cross.
His voice kept going, and it felt like every word was directed at you.
Your chest felt tight.
You couldn’t sit there anymore.
You stood up and walked out.
Outside, you sat on the steps and cried.
The next morning, you stood in front of your mirror, holding your cross.
What if God wasn’t real?
Like Nat said.
Her face stayed in your mind. The ferris wheel. The way she looked at you.
You brushed your teeth quickly, trying to push it away.
It didn’t work.
School felt unbearable, especially with Nathaniel.
By the time practice came, you were drained.
You were changing, talking to Laura Lee, trying to act normal, when Jackie walked up.
“We need to talk.”
You stepped aside.
“You’re ruining her and yourself.”
You frowned.
“I had problems with Shauna too, but look at me now. We’re together. We’re happy.”
You didn’t answer.
“Nat’s playing like shit. And so are you,” she continued. “This isn’t a phase. You’re gay. Just accept it.”
“I don’t like Nat,” you said quickly.
Jackie laughed. “I’ve known you long enough to know you’re lying. Just talk to her.”
She walked away.
You stood there, hesitating.
You wanted to go to Nat.
But you froze.
Before you could move—
“Everyone, huddle up!”
Coach Scott called out.
Laura Lee started the prayer.
And the moment was gone.
Practice ended.
Everyone started leaving, laughing and talking like everything was normal.
You weren’t.
You saw Nat grabbing her stuff, heading out alone.
Your chest tightened.
Now or never.
You walked up to her.
“Nat.”
She stopped, then slowly turned.
Her face was guarded.
“Yeah?”
You hesitated. Everything you wanted to say got stuck.
“I just… I think we should talk.”
Her eyes flickered with hope.
“Okay,” she said quietly.
You swallowed.
And ruined it.
“I think things just got weird. Maybe we should go back to how we were.”
Her expression changed instantly.
“Back to what?”
You forced a small laugh. “Friends.”
Her jaw tightened.
“Right.”
Silence settled between you.
“I mean… it’s just easier,” you added.
Nat let out a quiet, empty laugh. “Yeah. Easier.”
But her eyes didn’t match.
“Good for you.”
She walked past you, her shoulder brushing yours.
Jackie watched from a distance and sighed.
You turned slightly, like maybe she’d look back.
She didn’t.
You stood there for a second, then looked back at the field.
ALL MY WANTING LOOKED LIKE A SIN : MAYBE I DIDN’T WANT YOUR PRAYERS, I JUST WANTED YOU TO LOVE ME.
PAIRING: NATALIE SCATORCCIO X READER
SUMMARY: natalie had loved you for as long as she could remember ˙ . ꒷ you lived in a world that called girls like her temptation and girls like you daughters. good girls didn’t want what you wanted. ˙ . ꒷
WARNINGS: cussing, flirty language, infidelity, religious themes, trauma/guilt, internalized homophobia, emotional abuse, mild blasphemy, atheist (nat), misogyny, mentions of sex, kissing , injuries ,undressing in locker rooms ,manipulative/controlling boyfriend, mom controlling what reader eats , virgin talk. ˙ . ꒷
JASMIN NOTE: hi i love yj and this is sad. read with care and let me know if i offend anyone. ˙ . ꒷
divider creds is @angeliicide dont know where the first first lace divider is from tho.. i found it off pintrest have fun reading !! 🤎
You were in church, fiddling with your cross as your uncle preached, twisting the silver between your fingers until it left dents in your skin. The words droned on and on, but you weren’t really listening. Your stomach curled with boredom—or maybe shame. Maybe both. Every glance your mother threw your way felt like judgment. Every breath felt like it could be wrong. You weren’t just sitting in church.
You looked up and saw Natalie across the pew, her hand waving slightly. She always waited for you during church because the two of you hung out almost every day. Best friends. At least that’s what you told yourself. Maybe it was more complicated than that, but you didn’t want to think too hard about it.
Your uncle’s voice cut through the hall.
“In Matthew 5:28, it tells us—lust is a deadly sin. And temptation? That’s for exactly the punks of this world. God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.”
Your chest tightened. Your fingers clenched around the cross so hard it almost hurt. Every nerve in your body screamed that this wasn’t just a sermon. It was a warning. A reminder. A list of everything about you that could be called wrong.
When church finally ended, you walked out quietly, avoiding Natalie’s eyes. Your parents followed close behind, leaving you to brace yourself for the world outside—and for the school day ahead, where you would surely have to face her.
At home, the walls of your huge house did nothing to drown out your parents’ arguing. Even with six floors between you and the living room, their voices still cut through the house like knives.
“She needs discipline! An ass beating!” your father shouted.
“Oh please, she’s not a little boy,” your mother scoffed.
“Well, she sure acts like one! The way she messes around with that Natalie Scatorccio—”
You stood in front of your mirror and sighed, tracing your reflection with tired fingers. Who were you supposed to be? And who did you even want to be?
Downstairs, the maid looked at you with concern. “Want breakfast, sweetie? Walter can drive you to school.”
You shook your head. “Actually, I haven’t eaten in da—”
Your mother cut in sharply. “She’s on a diet. She only needs fruit and maybe dry toast.”
The maid frowned. “She’s a growing girl. She needs food.”
You dismissed her quickly before your mom could snap. “I’m okay,” you said, even though you weren’t.
You slipped past your father before he could say anything and headed out. Outside, car honks greeted you before you even reached the sidewalk.
“Want a ride, preacher’s niece?”
“Want a ride, princess?”
You rolled your eyes at the jocks leaning out of the windows, laughing like they were God’s greatest gift.
Natalie caught up to you quickly, one hand wrapping around your shoulder.
“You okay?” she asked, looking at you closely. “You’ve been running off all day like some kind of superhero. What are you, Batman or something?”
You let out a small laugh. “No. I just want to get through the day.”
Natalie frowned. “Why? Days are supposed to be slow. Don’t take life for granted.”
You snapped before you could stop yourself. “What if you don’t want this life? What if you want to be left alone?”
She blinked at you, caught off guard, then shrugged. “Seems like you’ve gotta figure that out on your own.”
And just like that, she jogged ahead toward school, leaving you feeling worse than before.
At school, Natalie ignored half of math class, scribbling in her notebook instead of paying attention. You caught a glimpse when she tilted the page—she was writing down songs for you. Fantasy. I Love You Always Forever. Sittin’ Up in My Room. Only songs she thought you’d love. She always knew you too well.
Later, when the bell rang, Natalie walked to her locker and caught sight of you talking to your friends. They were whispering about her again.
“She’s kind, guys. Can’t she just come to our hangout?” you asked, already tired.
One of the girls scoffed. “She’s a fucking dyke. Do you want her staring at us too?”
You laughed nervously. Too quickly. Too fake.
“She’s straight—what? And what do you mean too? You think she likes me?”
The panic in your chest came fast and ugly.
“Even if she did, I would never date her. She’s my friend. That’s all. And she’s kind of a junkie, I guess.”
The second the words left your mouth, they tasted rotten.
You walked off before they could say anything else.
You always felt like there were only two choices in this world: the lie or the truth.
And obviously, you lied.
All the time.
That was probably your biggest sin.
If your uncle knew how much you sinned, you’d probably already be burning. All the lies you told. All the things you said to keep up your image. All the ways you carved yourself smaller just so people would still love you.
Soccer practice was the only place you felt remotely close to being real. Your parents hated it, of course. A girl like you should’ve been in cheerleading, they thought. Something pretty. Something feminine. Something soft.
But soccer felt like the only thing that belonged to you.
You changed into your jersey quickly in the locker room, trying not to look too long at Natalie as she changed too. She caught your stare anyway. That crooked smile pulled at her mouth.
“You ready to kick ass at practice?”
You tied your shoelaces tighter than necessary. “Mhm. Sure.”
You were the goalie. Natalie played striker. Which meant she spent the whole practice charging toward you over and over, sending ball after ball flying in your direction while your heart beat for reasons that had nothing to do with the game.
After practice, you stayed behind in the showers long after everyone else left. You didn’t even really wash at first. You just sat there in the cold, dark stall with your knees pulled to your chest, water hitting your back while your thoughts got louder and louder and louder.
Your fingers found your cross necklace again. You tugged on it once. Twice. Harder. Until it snapped. The tiny silver cross hit the tile with a sound so small it almost didn’t feel real. You stared at it for a long time.
Then you got up, dried off, changed, and walked home.
That night, you wrote in your diary while your parents screamed downstairs. You listened to the Walkman Natalie made you and thought about the way she’d handed it to you earlier with a grin and a quiet little: “For you.” Her blonde bangs. Her rings. Her short frame. Her laugh. Her stupid crooked smile. She knew you too well. And somehow, that made everything worse.
The next week, Natalie slept over. She sat cross-legged on your bed, painting your nails pink because your mother would’ve hated black. The room smelled like cheap polish and your vanilla lotion and the strawberry lip gloss Natalie kept stealing from you.
You talked about stupid things at first. Futures. Marriage. College. What your life was supposed to look like.
Then you said, “I’m talking to this guy. Nathaniel Alex Cameron.”
Natalie looked up immediately. “The football player?”
You nodded. “Yeah. It’s kind of arranged, I guess. We get married after college. He’s a virgin. I am too. He loves me. We want kids. I’ll be a housewife.”
Natalie stared at you for half a second, then burst out laughing.
“A housewife? Marriage? That dickhead couldn’t keep it in his pants for five seconds.”
Your face dropped. “What?”
She snorted. “He hooks up with everybody. I hooked up with him a couple years ago. Trust me, you’re not missing much.”
You stared at her. “You hooked up with Nathaniel?”
She shrugged like it was nothing. “Yeah. He sucks.”
Silence settled between you.
Then Natalie looked at you differently—more carefully.
“Have you ever dated a girl?”
Your stomach dropped.
“No,” you said quickly. “It’s a sin. My parents say.”
Natalie leaned back on her hands. “What if God isn’t real?”
You stared at her. “That’s not funny.”
“I’m serious,” she said. “What if nobody’s controlling any of this? What if we’re the ones making our own lives? What if it’s just us?”
You looked down at your hands.
“I wish that were true,” you whispered.
Natalie’s expression softened.
“I like being here with you,” she said quietly.
You looked up.
“Me too—”
But she cut you off with a kiss.
Warm. Gentle. Careful.
And for one awful, perfect second—you kissed her back.
Your hand found her wrist. Her hand found your waist. The nail polish tipped over and spilled across the floor, forgotten.
Then your mother knocked on the door.
“Everything alright in there?”
You pulled away too fast, your breathing uneven.
“Come in, Mom.”
Your mother stepped inside, took one look at Natalie, then looked at the snacks on your bed with disgust.
“You can’t be eating this shit, Y/N.”
“Sorry, Mom,” you mumbled.
She told Natalie to wait and dragged you into the hallway.
The yelling came fast—about your image, your future, your family, your reputation, about Natalie, about what kind of girl she was, about what kind of girl you were becoming.
By the time you walked back into your room, your face was hot and your chest felt like it was caving in.
Natalie stood up immediately. “We need to talk.”
You didn’t even look at her.
“You need to go.”
“What?”
“That kiss,” you said, your voice shaking. “That didn’t happen.”
Natalie stared at you.
“I’m not gay,” you snapped. “Okay? So just stay the fuck away from me. You junkie.”
The second you said it, you wanted to take it back.
But it was too late.
Natalie looked like you had slapped her. Her eyes filled with tears, but she still laughed bitterly.
“Have fun praying on your knees to God,” she said, grabbing her bag, “when you realize nothing can ever save you from how you feel.”
And then she left.
The second the front door shut, you lost it.
You screamed. You threw your lamp. You ripped the blanket off your bed and hurled your diary across the room. Then you collapsed face-first into your mattress, sobbing so hard it made your chest ache.
Why couldn’t you just be normal?
Why did everything good feel wrong?
Why did wrong feel so much like her?
You didn’t eat for days. You didn’t go to school for days. You locked yourself in your room and barely moved, barely spoke, barely even slept.
It was like being trapped in some endless loop where every thought led back to the same words.
Sin. Lust. Temptation. Lies.
Your parents argued outside your door almost constantly. Sometimes they yelled at each other. Sometimes they yelled at you. Sometimes they tried dragging you out for school, but every time they touched you, you just dropped your weight to the floor and cried harder.
One morning, your older sister Evangeline found you curled up by the door. Your hair was tangled. Your eyes were swollen. You looked half-dead.
She sat beside you on the floor without saying anything for a while. Then she pulled you into her arms and held a granola bar to your mouth.
“Sis,” she whispered, brushing your hair out of your face, “you need to eat.”
You stared at nothing. The only words you could get out were broken and small.
“Sin.”
Evangeline frowned.
“Lust.”
Her hand tightened around yours.
“Temptation.”
She looked like she wanted to cry too.
“Lies.”
She shook you gently. “None of that means you deserve this.”
But you didn’t answer. You were too tired. Too numb. Too gone.
A week later, you finally went back to school. You avoided everyone. Natalie. Nathaniel. Your friends. The teachers who looked at you too closely. You kept your head down and walked the halls like a ghost.
But of course, Nathaniel found you first. He grabbed your arm and spun you around with a grin.
“Hey, babe. You look like you got hit by a truck.”
You blinked at him.
He tilted his head, fake concern all over his face.
“You know I can’t have my girlfriend walking around looking like she doesn’t take care of herself.”
You nodded automatically. “Sorry, Nathan.”
He smiled, pleased. “That’s a good girl.”
You hated how natural it was to go blank around him. To act clueless. To shrink yourself down into something easier to hold. That’s how he wanted you. That’s how your parents wanted you. That’s how everyone wanted you.
Nathaniel leaned down and kissed your cheek, then looked you up and down.
“You should really quit soccer and do cheerleading.”
“What?”
He laughed. “You look unflattering in that jersey. It’s too manly. Too dominating. You don’t wanna end up like Scatorccio, right?”
Your head snapped up.
“She’s not a dyke,” you said before you could stop yourself. “Why does everyone keep saying that?”
Nathaniel’s face changed instantly.
“What, you defending her now?” he snapped. “What, is she fucking you too?”
Your stomach twisted.
You stared at him for a second. Then you laughed. Not because it was funny. Because if you didn’t laugh, you thought you might start screaming.
“Okay,” you said. “But you cheat on me all the time with Valerie.”
His jaw tightened. “Not this again.”
“She literally told me.”
“It was a one-time thing.”
You gave him that look. That empty, tired look.
“One-time thing?” you repeated. “I literally lie to everyone and tell them you’re saving yourself for marriage like I am, just so people think we’re perfect. And you’re out here fucking other girls.”
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, because you won’t give me what I want.”
That one shut you up.
You walked away.
In class, you couldn’t focus. Your notes turned into scribbles. Your scribbles turned into her name.
Nat. Nat. Nat.
You pinched your arm under the desk.
“Nat is sin. Stop. Stop.”
“Do you need a minute?” your teacher asked.
You nodded too fast and left.
Bathroom stall. Shaking. Can’t breathe.
Her. Her. Her.
Lunch.
You sat next to Nathaniel like always.
Across the room—
Natalie.
Jackie.
Laughing.
Something in your chest tightened.
Is she replacing me?
You stood up.
“Bathroom,” you said.
Nathaniel didn’t care.
But Natalie watched.
Always.
You were now walking toward Jackie’s locker, doing something you would normally never do. But jealousy brought out a new woman in you, but you were still the same innocent Christian, perverted girl you were, right?
You ruined Jackie’s locker by scribbling “slut” on it.
The hall monitor caught you instantly.
“Miss Y/N L/N!”
Detention.
He wrote you a slip.
You sighed.
You were now washing off the locker for hours, and Nat saw you.
“You need a hand?”
You nodded. “Yeah… then I’m in detention after this.”
Nat chuckled. “Wow, naughty girl.”
You rolled your eyes. “Not shocking.”
She hit you playfully. “I’m in for ruining a jock’s football uniform.”
Your eyebrow went up. “Who?”
She sighed and laughed. “Nathaniel’s.”
You gasped. “My boyfriend?”
Nat shook her head. “Why do you think I got a bruise on my face? I had a fight with them.”
You looked worried. “You look really bad. Do you want me to patch you up after detention?”
Nat smiled. “Mm, sure.”
You guys continued chatting while she helped you wash the locker, then you both headed to detention, having to stay quiet of course.
Luckily your parents were out of town, so the meeting they had was with your maid, and she took you and Nat home.
You were in your room patching up Nat, cleaning her eye as she had her shirt off and her sports bra on, wiping the cuts and bruises she had on her ribs. Her ribs were bruised and her lip was bleeding.
You wiped and patched her up, and gave her tea that she definitely didn’t want but just drank it for you.
Nat would lie in your bed with you while you guys talked.
Natalie said, “Can we talk?”
You sighed. “That thing… that happened. We could still be just friends, right?”
Nat didn’t want to stress you out anymore so she sighed and chuckled and said yeah it was just an accident.
When you smiled and walked off to head to the restroom, she sobbed and wiped her tears.
When you came back, she acted like nothing happened.
Gosh, you’ll never truly know how much she loves you.
Or if you can love her… or Jesus more than your feelings.
omg ik you would eat at writing anora!! if you havent watched it please.. do😳😳mikey madison so fine omg i love ani
if i knew people yearned for this i would have been on the ani train from the beginning . . . anon come into the light bro
you’re only here for your friends and nothing more , this isn’t really your scene but they dragged you all the way down here and you’re just sitting far from the crowd on a red couch in the dimly lit building holding a drink in your hands that frankly you didn’t even want . then someone was walking towards you , ‘ why are you apart from the crowd ? ’ she was beautiful , a goddess really and she gave you a warm smile you couldn’t help but give back ‘ i’m anora but you can call me ani ’
‘ nice to meet you ani . . . i’ve never been here before , not sure if this is exactly my type of fun ’ she stared at you for a while , ‘ can i sit ? ’ you nodded and she sat next to you , her knees touching your thighs ‘ you know what my boss always says ? that all someone needs is a little bit of . . . a push to see how fun this place can be ’ you took in her words and her accent , her strong accent that infatuated you very much ‘ what kind of push ? ’ she bit her bottom lip then got up from couch and put her hand out for you to take it , hesitantly you did and she lead to you to a hallway with many doors
she ushered you into door number three , another dimly lit room with a leather chair and a small table with candles and other things you couldn’t really see . you placed your stuff on the floor and looked around completely unaware that ani was taking off parts of her clothing and when you spun around you gasped . as if she couldn’t get any hotter , she let out giggles due to the look on your face , sweet giggles that you very much wanted to hear for the rest of your life . she placed you on the chair and made you comfortable , ready for whatever she was going to show you
you’re kind of stupid to not expect the next thing she did , the way she’s straddling you and grinding on you , her arm resting on the leather chair making her tits bounce right in front you . it’s taking you everything to not place a finger on her but you can’t rip your eyes off of her , she’s just too good . and when she switches position , cowgirl style , fuck it’s even better , bouncing on you , the slap of her ass against your thighs , the way you’re restraining yourself as she’s on display for you . you had to shut yourself up with your palm before you said anything stupid and when she noticed she stopped . . .
she kneeled besides the chair looking up at you with her sweet brown eyes , ‘ that kind of push ’ you stared back at her , your face hot and your body throbbing for more and in the heat of the silence you snapped out of it , ‘ where are my manners ! how much do i owe you ? ’ she smiled and nodded her head ‘ don’t worry about it sweet girl , there’s other ways to pay me yea ? ’ her warm hands rubbed your inner thighs
you nodded vigorously and that won another set of laughs from her , fuck , you were so down bad already
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