Turtleism

\turtle-ism\. noun. commonly known as christine's thoughts, ramblings, &life.

[turtleism]

I wrap myself in your blanket because I miss your warm embrace. I know it’s only been a few days, but I can’t wait to be greeted by your hugs and your smiling face. 🥰 I’m really not quite sure how you made me feel this way or how my feelings changed so drastically in these last couple months, but I’m really glad that things are going the way they are and my true happiness is falling into place. Thank you for loving me and teaching me how to love again, and showing up in my life in the most unexpected way. Thank you for all the memories we created thus far that is set on replay each and every day.

[syntacked]

“Make your happiness and personal growth a priority in your life. The more you take care of yourself, the more you can take care of others.”

—

anonymous

today’s mantra: don’t forget about yourself

(via astound)

[turtleism]

Even with all these distractions, my mind always wanders back to you.. I know I shouldn’t be missing you, but I do. I miss the times we’ve had, the thoughts we’ve shared, the little notes we used to write to each other, the hugs and kisses, and you.. I miss your embrace , the way you would wipe my tears when I’m down, and the way you used to look at me when we first met..

I miss you.. and wished that you missed me too.

If you really wanted to know how I felt about everything up until now, my heart is in complete void and I entered solitude again. Even if I have this great amount of support, my heart still aches for you. Even if it looks like I’m smiling and happy, I still feel empty and lost. I know no amount of support will help me get out of the darkness, but I hope I find my way out of the tunnel again..

[turtleism]

We were strangers,

Became friends.

Became lovers,

Only to be strangers again. 

To once always talking, 

To once always laughing,

To once always loving,

To once always thinking of you.

And now, she just reminisces of the times they once knew.

[turtleism]

Even as I try to distract myself from memories of us and possibly the flaws in our relationship..I still can’t help but think about you. Even as I’m dancing with a stranger and running down the street with someone else.. I still wish it was you. I miss you.. and wish you felt the same way about me too.

[anditslove]

“Time will pass; these moods will pass; and I will, eventually, be myself again.”

— Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness (via fyp-psychology)

[turtleism]

24hrs

Through these past 24 hours, I learned about hate, betrayal, trust, loss, sadness, and pain. After hearing the more developing story.. I now know that you’re not worth it. For the amount of history that we’ve had and for you to throw it all away is out of my control. I’m just happy to say that I gave all my best and if that wasn’t enough to make you stay, then it’s really your loss.

I know my self worth. I know that I’m amazing, kind, sweet, funny, silly, caring, and moody at times. I know that I have loved you as humanly possible giving you my time, energy, attention, loyalty, and love. I know sometimes I spread myself thin too, but if I would do it all again, I would do it for you.

I wish you knew how much I loved you, how much I cared for you, how much I wanted the best for you, and how much I needed you.. but that was never enough. I wish you knew how much pain and suffering you put me through and how it felt like my heart was bleeding with a million shards of glass, and how much it made me hate you.. I wish you knew how hard it was for me to archive almost 500 photos of our memories and of us away, and how hard it was for me to just try to donate some stuffed animals you have given me. I wish you knew how much I broke down and really didn’t want to let go.. but I have to. I deserve that much.

I’m grateful for the amount of overwhelming support: for those who have cried with me and felt my frustration, for those who called me to cheer me up, and for those who just visited me to see if I was okay. I’m grateful for each and every one of you as I fight this battle each and every day. Thank you.

[turtleism]

I have never been so broken in my whole entire life, filled with anger, disappointment, and hate. I will never forgive you.. for choosing the homewrecker over me. Especially when I confronted to you my feelings about her too and how it made me feel uneasy.. but you still did it. You were still emotionally invested on her, you still emotionally cheated on me.. with her.

Thanks for making me realize that our love and relationship was trash to you. And you’re someone I would have never expected this from, NEVER.. In a million years..

I was invested in us, I was in LOVE with you and I wanted to spend the rest of my fucking life with you. I was loyal and faithful, and I had so much trust in you.. but you broke it.. and I don’t think I can ever forgive you. I tried being the best girlfriend I could be, I gave 1000% of my efforts in being the best I could.. to even get your friends and family to love me. I put in so much effort thinking about cheesy gifts for you and your family. I opened up to you in every way I could.. and you still did this.

I just.. can’t. I will never understand and you will never see or feel how I’m feeling right now.

[6lacksoul]

Communication is only hard for somebody that doesn’t want to be with you.

[hergoldaura-deactivated20240509]

concept: a few years from now, you’re living your best life. you have your dream job. you’ve evolved into the greatest version of yourself. you’re happy. you’re content.

[turtleism]

As much as I thought I would be okay, I can’t help but feel sadness.. I am a little upset that I was not worth it enough for you to keep trying, but now it’s really hitting me that I wasn’t important enough for you to stay. They’re pretty similar thoughts, but I’m more affected by you just letting it all go like it was nothing.. it’s like you just got tired of me and just threw me away. Did our memories or time together not mean anything to you as it did for me? I can say it wasn’t the perfect relationship for me, but I loved you enough that it was still a piece of “perfect” to me..

I guess I really didn’t mean anything to you and I’m finding it really hard to accept, because I thought you were different..

[turtleism]

Sometimes, a little too much

Sometimes I overthink a little too much.. I wish i didn’t, but I do. Ever since I was a child, there has always been something inside of me telling me about all the things that would go wrong or could happen. Sometimes, it’s right and sometimes it’s wrong..  and sometimes I think of scenarios of “what-ifs” in my head and I end up hurting more. I wish there was a way for me to stop overthinking and to snap out of the negativity and sadness, but it’s much easier said than done. Something always pulls me down, but I try not to express it by smiling or pretending everything is okay, when it’s really not. When I do say something, I end up hurting the other person and it’s really not my intention.. So sometimes, I just try to keep the thoughts to myself and it ends up hurting me too..

Now that we’re apart, I can’t help but think that I was partially right.. That there is someone out there that understands you more than me, that I was never able to give you what you needed since I’m not good at reading others. I know it’s something I have to work on and that my brain runs on a million thoughts a second, but i’m trying.. I really want this to work, but it’s a little too late. 

Sometimes I wonder if I was the one who pushed you away, or if you just lost interest. Sometimes I wish that you didn’t let me go and to keep trying.. But I know that most of the time, life doesn’t work that way. The hardest part is sometimes I know that i’m going to be replaced, but really hoped it wouldn’t be this time.. 

[turtleism]

I feel numb

The more I talk about it, the more I know it’s really the end. My heart feels heavy and misses your voice, touch, and you but my mind is trying to hold the tears in. One day, my heart will be stronger and ache less as the days pass by. Maybe what we had really wasn’t that special, but I’ll keep telling myself that to heal..

I just hope that one day..if I ever encounter or see you again, I won’t have tears running down my face and just accept fate that we weren’t meant to be together as much as I wanted it to be.

[turtleism]

She forgot how it feels to be broken again..

She would never wish this feeling on anyone..To feel like it was because of her that he couldn’t love anymore. To live on cloud nine and to not even realize that he was never there with her. She was there while he was still climbing. She tried to pull, but he resisted.. She’s not quite sure how it ended that way, when all she wanted was for him to be up there with her. To think that she was happy and that he was the one.. but he was never the one..

She was hoping this would be different, to not feel pain again... but time and time again, darkness takes over. She was on top of the moon seeing the stars for so long only to have this gravity push her back into the darkness... with no one to catch her.

[turtleism]

Even when we're not together, the thought of you brightens up my day. Even when we're sitting in silence with nothing to do, there's no place I'd rather be

[eat-well-and-go-to-the-gym]

“When you can’t find the sunshine, be the sunshine.”

— My new life motto. (via championsaremade)

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.”

— Iain S Thomas