I almost like being sad. Sadness waits for me and welcomes me with cold arms. It feels weirdly good. Comforting. I loved being welcomed back into the darkness. A cave that once was scary but then became home. A dark eerie place most would stay away. But me? Oh no. I want to explore this eerie scary dark place. Sadness grounds me. But also makes me want to kill myself but also saves my life. This dark feeling feels good. Such a relief to finally let it out. You see that’s why this scary place is mine. Because I can let go. Let it out and then leave. I feel good after crying it out. But I feel bad to leave such sad feelings inside a cave. You see it was once a beautiful cave filled with flowers and sunshine. But over Time I filled that cave with grief. Sadness. Pain. Hurt. Because it was my only cave. I didn’t know where else to store it. So overtime. My beautiful cave turned into something scary but now it’s a place that I like to go to let it all out. So I leave behind my sad feelings in this dark scary cave, and I go about the world and as I feel guilty because I’ve ruined my own beautiful cage it is also a place that I go to let it all out so it is also confusing. Because it’s my fault I ruined it but also because i ruined that I have another place to ruin more stuff. I don’t know if that makes sense. But my cave is my cave. Now its dark. Once the feelings of sadness disappear. I go back to feeling happy. An uncomfortable feeling, but I’m getting used to it. I leave the cave so freely now where is once I was chained down to the cave. Now I can go freely in and out whenever I want to. I am always welcome there because I am the creator but at the same time I can tell all the things that I leave in the cave resent me. They haunt me. when I’m sad all the other eerie things will come back up and make it worse. That’s why that cave .. it’s only for the strong. Not for the weak. Easy to get chained to the walls just like me I was going to change but I am free now. You have to have a strong mind to be able to enter in and out of the cave freely. Thank you sadness. For always being there. Something I’m grateful for is your consistency.
