dulled star

maybe one day she'll shine bright again

[twnklelittlestar]

I really don't know which is more painful

that the you i fell for, the you who laughed with me, tucked me into bed, joked with me, drew with me, moved with me, gave me piggy back rides after scary doctors appointments, sang with me, took me on midnight rides and walks in the forest preserve, held me so tight, attended weddings with, committed fidelity with me, helped me explore myself, proposed to me and promised me we'd always work things out, that we would never be our parents...

either that person never actually existed and I fell for a mask

or he slowly died in front of me and is gone forever.

[twnklelittlestar]

everything I've learned and continue to learn makes so so much sense. it answers so many questions that left me confused for months. I no longer know what was real in our almost 8 years together anymore and what was just you settling for the convenience of me.

I feel like a fool.

no wonder you feel like us talking about things wouldn't help you, why you got so mad about it. because it won't help you. and you'd have to admit a lot of unfortunate things to me that would undoubtedly continue to break my heart. but I already know so much.

I waxed poetic about hope and shit for months... I just...

fuck, dude.

I miss the you I fell in love with, so badly it hurts. I don't know who you are now.

but maybe you were always this?

I don't know

I don't know what's real anymore

all I know is that everything hurts and it hasn't gotten any better

[twnklelittlestar]

I am stupid.

I wasnt good enough for you because I was never going to be.

it seems like nothing ever was

[twnklelittlestar]

I got linked this reddit thread after talking about the events of the summer and

oh.

[twnklelittlestar]

you mistreated lisa and you also mistreated me

even now, months after breaking up with me, you are still struggling

the problem wasn't me. I don't think she was the root of the problem either but I know the mutual toxicity didn't help.

you need to look inside yourself and really work on the why and how you keep being this person.

marinating in guilt is easy

doing the work and actively changing is the hard part.

please stop running away from those of us who care about you. you are mourning friendships that do not need to end at all.

[twnklelittlestar]

"you hurt but you never learn"

you spat this at me and left me confused. but now I need you to read this and realize this is directly about yourself, much like a lot of other confusing hurtful things you unloaded onto me.

[twnklelittlestar]

yes, bethany. we know.

[twnklelittlestar]

was hurting me worth it for some bitch's loose asshole?

[twnklelittlestar]

she did get into your head. that was her plan.

and there was nothing i could do to stop it. you couldn't listen to me.

i could only sit back and do my best by you even when it hurt so bad and i wanted to run away

because I had all of my actions turned against me, everything i did turned into accusations of me manipulating you or controlling you. no matter what it was.

because that's what she was doing to you

i wonder what else she accused me of.

it's no wonder you weren't getting any better

it's no wonder you got so bad

I just wanted a chance for us to fight for each other

did you really want to dump me?

[twnklelittlestar]

a thread from my locked twitter account

it was on purpose. she did it on purpose. she made everything worse on purpose.

[twnklelittlestar]

stuck in the traumatic emotional whiplash of having a beautiful intimate night together where i cried about how i was scared i lost you forever over the bad things that had happened between us just days before and you holding me close and kissed me all over while i wept and gently reassured me you loved me and weren't going anywhere

to just one week later where you were screaming in my face over things that weren't true and didn't listen to me when i defended myself, which then led into months of being treated like shit because whatever you were told made you hate me so easily

it hurts.

it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts

i don't know how to make it stop hurting.

[cheaphalloweencostume]

i’m gonna say something that doesn’t feel good but you might need to hear it: bending over backwards being a people-pleaser, being conflict averse and not telling anyone your needs, and then being resentful and upset when your needs aren’t met is a You problem first

[cheaphalloweencostume]

not related but also just good advice: when you’re lowkey frustrated with someone and can’t quite figure out why their behavior is bothering you, i highly recommend examining if they have broken an imaginary rule or standard that you hold yourself to

[prettynerdieworks]

[kyousukebei]

I slipped and fell okay?

@khyleri

[aortic-inkwell]

♦️The Shy♦️

Ko-fi | Bluesky

[sexysilverstrider]

angry kitten after failed attempt to steal the food crying screaming

[garbage-empress]

Rating: NOT CUTE.

Kitten not given the bowl of food and will be starbed forever

MEEEEEE-EEEEEEEE-AAAAH!!!!

[gabiwlove]

real yeaners know that shit is actually miserable