dulled star @twnklelittlestar - Tumblr Blog

I am stupid.

I wasnt good enough for you because I was never going to be.

it seems like nothing ever was

I got linked this reddit thread after talking about the events of the summer and

oh.

#you made me feel crazy and irrational #and now i wonder if the irrational paranoia i had years ago was actually not that irrational at all #was everything a lie?#were you skirting the edge the whole time?#you moved on so quickly i don't even know if you truly loved me or if i was just convenient

you mistreated lisa and you also mistreated me

even now, months after breaking up with me, you are still struggling

the problem wasn't me. I don't think she was the root of the problem either but I know the mutual toxicity didn't help.

you need to look inside yourself and really work on the why and how you keep being this person.

marinating in guilt is easy

doing the work and actively changing is the hard part.

please stop running away from those of us who care about you. you are mourning friendships that do not need to end at all.

"you hurt but you never learn"

you spat this at me and left me confused. but now I need you to read this and realize this is directly about yourself, much like a lot of other confusing hurtful things you unloaded onto me.

yes, bethany. we know.

she did get into your head. that was her plan.

and there was nothing i could do to stop it. you couldn't listen to me.

i could only sit back and do my best by you even when it hurt so bad and i wanted to run away

because I had all of my actions turned against me, everything i did turned into accusations of me manipulating you or controlling you. no matter what it was.

because that's what she was doing to you

i wonder what else she accused me of.

it's no wonder you weren't getting any better

it's no wonder you got so bad

I just wanted a chance for us to fight for each other

did you really want to dump me?

a thread from my locked twitter account

stuck in the traumatic emotional whiplash of having a beautiful intimate night together where i cried about how i was scared i lost you forever over the bad things that had happened between us just days before and you holding me close and kissed me all over while i wept and gently reassured me you loved me and weren't going anywhere

to just one week later where you were screaming in my face over things that weren't true and didn't listen to me when i defended myself, which then led into months of being treated like shit because whatever you were told made you hate me so easily

it hurts.

it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts

i don't know how to make it stop hurting.

#it pops into my head and i want to throw up #every god damned day #the way your eyes looked at me is seared into my brain #and i didn't do SHIT to deserve this #the ONLY thing i did wrong was trust that manipulative bitch #if i can go back in time and change one single thing from the summer of hell it would be to never have tried to be her friend #because maybe things wouldn't have been QUITE as horrible as they turned out

cheaphalloweencostume

i’m gonna say something that doesn’t feel good but you might need to hear it: bending over backwards being a people-pleaser, being conflict averse and not telling anyone your needs, and then being resentful and upset when your needs aren’t met is a You problem first

cheaphalloweencostume

not related but also just good advice: when you’re lowkey frustrated with someone and can’t quite figure out why their behavior is bothering you, i highly recommend examining if they have broken an imaginary rule or standard that you hold yourself to