Today, here's the (long) snippet for the result of our Sadistic Poll (Kid edition!) On rereading though, I just realised that the section where Kid has to listen to his crush complaining about her boyfriend problems was smaller than I remembered xD. But it in itself was a specific part of a much longer scene, so we're sharing that as a whole today! Guess it's more an excerpt than a snippet...oops
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Two Devils and the Toughest Pirates on the Seas: A How-to Guide on Teasing (One Piece fanfic; OC (Aurora) x X Drake; OC (Joy) x Killer)
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At that same moment, Freaky was ringing in her pocket. Hmm, when did I put you in there? Her mind asked, lifting the cheeky snail from her pocket. She picked it up on instinct, even though normally, she would have hesitated. But her foggy mind didn't particularly care who it might be.
Killer was sleeping off his drunkenness and Aurora was frustrated and annoyed and her thoughts were wild and not exactly making any sense. She was stuck in a cell. And a crazy Mudcake was planning a massive wedding for her best friend without her best friend’s permission!
“FINALLY! I know it's you, Midget! Don’t you dare hang up on me! Give me back Killer!"
Aurora pouted, why was it always Kid? “No! Go away!”
“Yes!” his scowl blasted through the phone, and Killer twitched by the wall. “Damn it! Tell me where you are!”
“I don't want to,” she said, sounding childish.
“For the love of god…. Just tell me, Midget!” He sounded tired and angry and thwarted. “He's my goddamn friend!”
Part of Aurora felt that she should care, but Aurora's head was foggy with alcohol and she was only vaguely aware of what she was saying. Drunk Aurora trapped in the singular confines of a holding cell was not a very good idea. Not at all.
Aurora winced, the noise too much for her drunken self. “Out!” she said, focussing on her cup.
“Damn it, Midget, explain yourself!”
“He's picking daisies!” That didn't sound right to Aurora, but she was more concerned about the burn of the alcohol down her throat and the possibility of her liver melting.
“In the garden?” said a very confused Kid.
“No, um, digging a hole, six feet.” That also didn't sound right. Was there one finger or two of alcohol in her cup? It was kind of pretty, the alcohol. The amber glowed in the light of the prison cell as she tilted the plain shot glass from side to side.
“What?” Yep, he was definitely confused now.
“He's flying?” she said hesitantly, downing what felt like her hundredth cup. Yes, flying sounded much better!
There was a moment of silence. “Are you drunk?”
Ah! A question she could answer! “Yup!”
Kid groaned. “Then where the hell is Killer?”
Also another question she could answer! Wait, didn't he ask something similar before?
“Locked up!” Aurora said finally.
There was a growl on the other end. “Locked up?”
“Why does that sound like you don't know?” he said suspiciously.
“Because I'm locked up too, and it's all a matter of semantics you know.”
Hey that sounded smart to Aurora! Should she say things like that more often? No wait, she was smart, so that meant she was always such smart things, wasn’t she?
“What the fuckkkk is going on?”
“Nothing! But I can tell you!” Aurora said excitedly in drunken stupor.
She then proceeded to explain everything that had happened from day one of arriving on New Marineford, and she was sure she exposited about Drake on the Sneak Attack and the things she thought he did that were cute, and finished off with the conversation Burner had let slip earlier while drinking!
“And now Drake and Joy are going to get married! And Killer will die of a broken heart and I will-will-will-...” she stumbled, not sure what to say.
Except she knew what she was thinking. She would be very confused!
“That is the insanest story I've ever heard,” Kid said, sounding or Aurora thought he sounded, mostly disbelieving.
“Because it just is. I didn’t realise how much crap you could pull. But when I think about it,” he said dryly. “It makes so much sense. Don't think I've forgotten how you puked on me!”
“Oh that. You washed it off didn't you?” Aurora said dismissively. “Plus, that wasn’t planned!”
“You could have not eaten it!”
“It smelt good.” As if that was a good answer. “And you scowled that time and said it’s rude to complain about a chef's food! Not that you're a chef—nope, that was poison!”
“It was not poison!” Aurora pouted.
“And you're always yelling at me and shaking me—”
“Hey you shook me first!”
“You're this annoying thorn in my side.”
That zipped Aurora’s lips quickly. Even her drunken mind wasn’t so slow that she didn’t catch those words. Aurora wasn’t the sort to dwell on her past. Once it happened, it was done. But lately, she had been frustrated and uncertain and it was Drake’s fault mostly.
Aurora didn’t say anything. The cell had suddenly become oppressive and she felt mostly hopeless, the alcohol sinking her into an uncomfortable pit of thinking she didn’t want to think about.
“Oi little monster. Say something. The silence is freaking me out.”
Aurora sipped at her shot. “Don't feel like it.”
“And you know what else is freaking me out? You're not cursing at me every second.”
“I'm drunk. Shut up.” She poured another.
“No. Emotional drunk. Truthful, angry, flirty, whatever have you. If I did something behind your back when sober, I'd do it to your face drunk.”
“What's so funny!” She banged her shot glass on the ground.
“So if you're drunk right now and you sound depressed, then what the fuck is making you sad? Don't tell me it's that lizard idiot.”
“Do you call everyone ‘an idiot’?”
“I've called you ‘wildcat’!”
“You call me midget!” She pouted.
“Would you prefer ‘shortie’?”
“Shut up, you overgrown mushroom!”
Aurora let out a furious gahhhhh. “I am not cute, you deranged upside down pineapple cake!”
Kid roared with laughter. “Oi little monster, you know I hate your stupid insults but for fuck’s sake it sounds a lot better than depressed Aurora.”
“And for the record didn't you once scream at me that you were ‘cute and bloody adorable’ and whatnot, what the fuck's this shit about not being cute?”
“That's none of your business!”
Aurora put down her shot glass and massaged her temple. They’d gotten loud on the call, and she had pretty much forgotten that Killer was still there in the cell with her.
“You're supposed to be bloody honest right now. You're drunk right?”
“My head’s spinning and I want to keel over and die.”
“Do that after you tell me.”
“Why should I tell you anything?” Aurora sniped.
“Because I'm the best goddamn person in the world wasting my time talking to you because you have Killer hostage!”
That was so wrong! First, he was not the best person in the world—that was Joy! And second…
“For your information he hostaged me!”
“He walked into the cell before I got locked in.”
It was not Killer's fault, Aurora told herself. It was hers because he'd been drunk and she hadn't been! And people wonder why she decided to drink herself silly!
Kid roared with laughter.
“Fine,” said Aurora. “Drake is always going on about my adorableness. Despite saying he likes other things about me and then he even stole a pie …and I think he did it for me. But I'm just worried that if I fall for his shit, he's going to regret it in the future and then I'll be disappointed again because guys are dumb and they want nice and cute things. I might call myself cute, because I am, but that’s not all of it!”
There was a moment of silence again. And Aurora chose that moment to refill her shot, misjudging the height of the glass and spilling the alcohol. Not that her drunk mind registered it.
“You're definitely drunk right? Are you going to remember any of this when you wake up?”
“Definitely drunk,” she said, even nodding her head with a smile as she polished off her thousandth shot. “Finishing off some very good liquor because I’m frustrated and annoyed! And no I probably won't remember a single thing. Probably.”
“Fine. If there's anything you need to remember. Remember this. And this is the only time I'm ever going to tell you. Don't be an idiot! What's wrong with being liked for being cute? That stupid kimono you were wearing on Wano was pretty cute,” he said, his tone rising with every word he said. “But fuck all, you were scary as hell at the same time. And yet that lizard idiot still said he was coming with you. If that lizard idiot sees something about you then what's wrong if he thinks you're cute? You can always beat him up in the near future. Hell, I'll help you. I've always wanted to fight him, that smug, posh bastard.”
That stunned Aurora into silence. Suddenly she felt better. And she didn't know why. Stupid Kid had actually said something half decent. She put down her shot glass.
“Really Kid?” Aurora said lightly.
“Yes, weirdo. Now do you need a rescue?”
“You'd come all the way to New Marineford to rescue me?”
“Not you, Midget! Killer!” But it sounded like Aurora was included in there too. And Drunk Aurora was a little touched by this backwards kindness. But sober Aurora probably wouldn’t remember it.
“Aww you're such a good friend!”
“Not about you midget. For Killer. Killer.”
“Sure, sure,” she said with a smile
“If he dies because of you—” he warned.
“No way! I'll get out of here somehow. Maybe call rape.”
“The fuck kind of plan is that?”
“A drunk one! Better than you getting your whole crew caught up and I can't use my swords to pick a lock.”
“Aww, you care?” he said sarcastically, mimicking her earlier tone.
“Not at all,” Aurora denied instantly, looking at the wall in front of her. “Wondering…if I can cut my way out of here.”
With haki…maybe? Well who cared if she destroyed a prison cell? Aurora sure as hell didn’t! If it was the only way to get out of here, then she would!
But first, she would try her daggers.
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