⚊ (I just wanna see you gliss) ft. flins.
syn. flins x reader in recovery for self mutilation, viewer discretion is advised.
content warnings. self harm mentions, angst in the beginning, blood mentions, mentions of sharp objects, hurt - comfort, reader is 3 months into recovery, fluff, it gets really heavy so be warned, dead dove, do not eat.
a/n. If you or someone you know is actively struggling from self harm or suicidal thoughts reach out for help, no one can help you if you refuse to voice it I know how it feels. the hotline is always available 988.
3 months 9 days 52 hours and 28 minutes. that's how long you've been sober for ever since that day. recovery felt so impossible at first, you struggled so hard not to run to your room lock the door and do the only thing that you knew after any minor inconvenience.
you used to tell yourself over and over again you weren't addicted to the feeling, who would be addicted to self injury? you swore you could stop when you wanted, you kept repeating these lies to yourself for years until you just accepted it one day. you were sick and addicted to feeling that cold flimsy blade across your skin that would leave funky looking deep wounds when you would hold it too hard causing it to bend.
you watched yourself worsen, it started off with simple cuts damaging the epidermis and leaving small things red lines that stung. then they got deeper and deeper until you had a scare at muscle, you thought you were going to die but in the end you didn't it just left a big itchy raised scar. after that you couldn't stop trying to go deeper and deeper.
but you weren't the only one watching your mental and physical state worsen, your boyfriend was watching you deteriorate in real time and it ate at him every day knowing that you would never ask for help. he didn't notice how you limped at first or how you started wearing bagger clothes. he got suspicious when he found a cigarette butt in your night stand and droplets of fresh blood around the bathroom.
he had a very vague idea of what was going on but he didn't think it was this bad.
you still remember that day, the day he came to visit you unannounced and caught you in your most vulnerable state. flins hadn't seen you for a week at that time so de decided to surprise you, little did he know about the events that would follow...
you were in the corner of your bedroom with your back on the wall with your knees up. streaks of bright red blood clumped up in place. you closed your eyes and pressed down with all your strength and swipe . when you opened your eye's the cut was deep fat tissue and slowly filling with dark red blood that fell to the side of the cut liked tears in someone's eye. you hit a blood vessel, grabbing that stupid face towel with dried blood from past sessions you quickly folded it twice and pressed it onto the cut to stop the bleeding.
...
on the other side or that day your boyfriend was at your front door just as he was about to knock he noticed the door was open, you never left the front door open so seeing it cracked open made his heart drop
were you hurt? in pain? injured? had someone broken in?
pushing the door open flins took a cautious step inside closing the door behind him.
silence.
there was no noise in the house it was just quite. it made him feel uneasy in a way like that was worse. taking slow steps he went through all the rooms looking for his poor lover helplessly calling out your name. “{name} are you in here? I'm...starting to get worried...”
he looked through all of the spaces and rooms in your home until he was at your bedroom door, surely you had to be inside sleeping or something. he couldn't make out any noises and pushed the door open making it hit the wall.
“{name} are you in here I'v-”
kyryll froze dead in his tracts when he saw you slumped against the wall with blood around you and unresponsive. he waisted no time running towards you and getting on his knees beside you to check if you were alive. you had a pulse (thankfully) but it was faint. he picked you up and placed you on your bed, that's when he finally took a good look at you, you had cuts and burns all over your limbs and stomach, deep ones at that. then when he saw the blade on your stomach his heart broke into a million pieces. he knew you were a little down but not to this extent, he felt stupid for not realizing and doing something sooner to prevent this.
he grabbed bandages and wound care from your night stand, he stitched the deeper ones himself, Bandaged all of them making sure to disinfect them and not tying the bandages too tight to restrict blood loss. by the time he finished you were all bandaged up. he laid down beside you, his head on your chest feeling the way it rose and fell with each shallow breath he didn't want to lose you, he needed you by his side. he couldn't fall asleep at all, not while you were like this.
when you finally woke up, your head was spinning making you vision a bit blurry. you felt something heavy on your chest, looking down you saw flins that made you panic. did he see them? you weakly lifted your knees and saw that you were bandaged and stitched up.
“{name}” kyryll's voice interrupting your internal panic snapping you back to your harsh reality, you didn't answer him and just stared at him.
flins turned his head to face you laying it down again on your chest.
“you are going to get better and recover from now on darling and that's final. do you understand?” his dull eyes staring up at you a glimmer of sadness behind them.
...
‘...I...i understand...”
⚊
that was 3 months ago though, you were doing so much better now. you and flins now lived together, you ate regularly and he made sure to show you that you were loved if not by anyone else, by him.
you and flins were currently in a flower garden. he would occasionally stop and pick one for you, ’for the love of my life<3’ blushing you would take them and place them in the basket on your arm.
your hands intertwined with one another as he led you deeper into the maze of flowers.
you guys eventually made your way to a tree surrounded by blooming flowers that swayed I'm the wind and took a seat on the tree roots.
no one said anything for a bit. just admiring the scenery. ‘this place is beautiful’ you said with your head resting on your palm.
‘not as beautiful as you my dear. ’
‘you always say that kykyll...’
‘am I not allowed to speak the truth? ’
...
‘fair...’
leaning against his arm you two looked at the never ending rows of flowers sounding the two of you.
‘darling...’
‘yes flins? ’
‘I'm so proud of you you've came so far in your revoveri journey. nev forget that I'm always here for you dearest. ’