words for when you need them

[ty-bearr]

i love . and what more can i be thankful for than the capacity to show that

[ty-bearr]

listening to ethan gruska at 9:30 on a monday… not even allowing the day a fighting chance

[ty-bearr]

you painted my nails

my favorite shade of blue

and asked to put your head on my lap

and when you looked in my eyes

it hurt me

because i could never look in yours the same way

i don’t want to have to move on

i don’t want to make you leave

but i don’t want you to hurt more than you already do

so i move on

and i hope you can too

and when i see your friends

i somehow feel worse

because they had to be there for you when i couldn’t

and now they have to even more

and i when i wash you out of my hair

and out of my mouth

and out of my mind

the shade of blue doesn’t wash out so easily

[ty-bearr]

you seem to need me. and it’s not fair if i can’t reciprocate that

[ty-bearr]

here’s how your life doesn’t end:

you wake up one day. thinking about them.

you text. you study. you see. even if it’s not, it’s always them.

then, innocently, without warning or fanfare, you realize.

it’s a small moment in time, but it stretches to infinity. it’s nothing to an outsider, but to you it screams volumes.

the sinking feeling doesn’t last long, but the implications do.

and that instantaneous moment becomes branded onto your gray matter. it’s never leaving.

and you ask. you have to know. and they tell you. they tell you exactly what you didn’t want to hear.

and your life doesn’t end. it may feel like it does. but it doesn’t.

this is where you find your true friends. this is when you get back outside, try that thing you’ve always wanted to, climb that tree that’s always seemed insurmountable.

and while you’re living the most life you have, you can’t help but feel that brand. it’s still there. it’s never leaving.

but it heals. and you find other feelings that make the brand feel less invasive, less overwhelming.

and you sleep. for the first time in the last month, you sleep with no worries, no tears, and no wishes for them. and life is starting again. until

you wake up one day. thinking about them.

[ty-bearr]

t

forgor

[ty-bearr]

the greatest joys always stem from the deepest strife. the peaks don’t happen without a valley. and the nostalgia for the worst times hits harder than anything

[ty-bearr]

my real goal is to know myself so well i can catch every single time im thinking illogically

[ty-bearr]

to be human is to .

to be. to love. to hurt. to cry for no reason yet never when you want to. to laugh so hard your cheeks feel tight. to soak up the sunlight until you’re exhausted. to confess and be disregarded. to run barefoot. to do nothing. to be human is to.

[ty-bearr]

emptiness of joy and glowing fear from life. who are we but the tvs reflecting our own lives

[ty-bearr]

hello goodbye i’m climbing a building

[ty-bearr]

the polar fox dancing through the sky paints my eyes a shade of contentment. and i can do nothing but cry

[ty-bearr]

summer sun high in the sky. rays of amber washing me in warmth. the feeling of love and contentment in the swelter and squalor

[ty-bearr]

life is so good when you let it just sit. and simmer. and just be. in it.

[ty-bearr]

peace be still. peace, and be still, and the peace is still. yeah whatever

[ty-bearr]

it’s all a joy. being alive is just so beautiful. every day is a prospect that cannot be squandered. here and now is so so so much more than enough. kendrick won though

[ty-bearr]

driving towards the.

sorry, i was trying to say towards the.

??

leaving a whole year or two behind. literally heading straight down the road to my future. at least, the future for a bit. and what will be here when i return? anything?