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manboro

““I was afraid to be alone, and now I’m scared that’s how I like to be.””

— November, Azure Ray (via naturaekos)

I am a bookmark

I’m having serious cravings for a genuine connection with someone. Someone who actually wants to get to know me and build with me and be apart of my life. I’m tired of being someone whose only called upon out of loneliness.

I’m becoming such a shell of what was once a person. If no one desires to find out what’s beneath my surface, I fear I’m losing that very content.

I feel as if my void could be filled by any pretty face or any other mom with a kid around your kids age. I feel ordinary and unspecial around the people who don’t share my blood.

I confessed to a man I’d been seeing that I have a siezure disorder. Several days later I tell him about how I end up not being able to work because I had a siezure. He has no clue what I was talking about. He didn’t remember me mentioning a thing about this disease we had a half hour long discussion about. I am a fucking bookmark. No one asks about me. No one cares about my past or my passions.

I am a goddamn bookmark. I am an object used to accomplish a simple goal. I can be anything. As long as I accomplish the goal. A place holder. Used only until someone actually worth getting to know comes along. I am a bookmark. And I’m afraid that’s all I’ll ever be.

July 5th 2018

I am alive again

My spark was reignited