Andi Mack Characters as Stuff I’ve Heard in School
Cyrus: *annoyed* Freddy Mercury never killed anyone!
TJ: *whips around in seat* Freddy Mercury killed a man!
TJ: Put a gun against his head-
Buffy, Andi, Marty, and everyone else in the room: -PULLED MY TRIGGER NOW HES DEAD
Kira: What does that mean?
Andi: It means ‘lovely person’.
Jonah: *whispering* What does it actually mean?
Marty: *very loudly* It means bitch.
A random 6th Grader: *walks by the GHC*
Cyrus: *slowly getting angrier* If the oceans become just 1 degree warmer, sharks will be able to live in Irish waters! Then there’ll be no seals left in Ireland!
Marty: Just put the seals in swimming pools!
Cyrus: HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO EAT, MARTY?!
Marty: BY US BUYING THEM FISH, CYRUS!
Walker: Miss, I went to a pride parade last year!
Teacher: Oh really? You see that’s what I’m talking about, anyone can go to pride parades, even straight or cis people.
Jonah: *from beside Walker* *mumbling* Miss, he never said he was straight…
Cyrus: *points at his hair* My hair is straight-
Cyrus: *points to Buffy* like you.
Buffy: And my hair isn’t straight like you?
TJ: *stands on his chair*
TJ: *starts swinging the chair backwards and forwards*
Amber (teacher): TJ stop!
TJ: Miss, don’t worry, I’m a pro.
Amber: TJ, you’re fourteen years old, YOU’RE NOT A PRO AT ANYTHING!
TJ: *angry at someone* You bitch!
TJ: Sorry I’ll say it in another language: ¡PUTA!
(everyone in my school is obsessed with cursing in Spanish)
Cyrus: Hey, we should pick a really gay subject for our project!
Kira: Are you sure you want to do that for your project?
Buffy: *glares* What’s wrong with picking something gay?
Kira: Oh, it’s just you’re really picking something gay?
TJ: *from behind Kira, mouthing* oH, sO yOu’Re ReAlLy PiCkInG sOmEtHiNg GaY?
Buffy: Guys, Kira isn’t in today!
Buffy: Y’know Monty the penguin from the John Lewis Christmas ad? How he always follows the little kid around in the ad?
Buffy: That’s you following TJ around.
Cyrus: I think you meant you following Marty.
Andi: That girl is obsessed with you Buffy, she’s like in love with you or something.
Cyrus: *gasps* Kira’s a lesbian for Buffy!
Andi: But isn’t she homophobic?
Cyrus: *shrugs* All homophobes are gay.
Andi: *talking about a teacher* And then he ran from one side of the room to the other side where Jonah and Marty were laughing at memes, and started grabbing at Jonah’s phone to see what they were looking at. He like, pinned down one of Jonah’s arms to get the phone.
Jonah: I’m still traumatised.
TJ: *gets his phone confiscated* This is unfair!
TJ: *points to Reed and Lester* They’re on their phones!
Reed: We’re not on our phones!
TJ: Then what’s that in your hand?!
Marty: *screaming* I LOVE CHICKEN!!
Buffy: *also screaming* FUCK YA CHICKEN STRIPS!!
Cyrus: *receives an award from a teacher*
TJ: *from the back of the room, yelling* I love you Cyrus!
TJ: *under his breath* Oh shit, I’m gay.
TJ: Okay I’m leaving! *starts walking away*
Buffy: *yelling* Fuck you, TJ!
TJ: *also yelling* Fuck you too, Buffy!
TJ: *immediately softens* Love you too, Cyrus.
Andi: I’m gonna jump over that bench! *runs towards said bench*
Cyrus: Yeah, you got this Andi!
Buffy: *deadpan* You better fucking fall.
Buffy: *poking her food* I don’t want to eat this.
Buffy: You can’t have it.
Buffy: I don’t want my straight to rub off on you