The gentle sunlight warming up your face, the smell of freshly made coffee filling up your nostrils. You slowly open your eyes, adjusting to the morning light. Heading downstairs, you couldnβt keep yourself from smiling at the sight: Doyoung was facing the opposite way, busy cooking you both some breakfast. Seeing him in his squared blue pyjamas, his messy black hair perfectly surrounding his beautiful bare face, round glasses resting near the tip of his nose, you couldnβt help but immediately feel butterflies growing in your stomach.
You slowly passed the kitchen counter, making sure not to be heard by your boyfriend who was too focused on putting some cream on both of your pancakes. βMorninβ beautiful.β You murmured, hugging him from behind. He jumped a little, a bit of cream falling on the plate: he didnβt hear you getting closer. βHey, angel.β He turned around, welcoming you in a soft warm hug. βDid you have a nice sleep?β He asked, resting his cheek on the top of your head. You hummed in response, burying your face further into his chest. He raised his head placing a kiss where he was previously resting his cheek. βYou hungry?β His right hand gently stroked your hair, whilst the other raised your chin to face his face. βVery.β You smiled at the sight. βGo sit down then, Iβll bring you some homemade breakfast.β He chuckled, winking at you.Β
You ate your pancakes, glancing over at your boyfriend from time to time. He had this soft aura around him, feeling like he came out straight from a dream. You started noticing every detail of his face, every little movement: his long fingers wrapped around the fork he was holding midair, ready to eat a small bite of food, the veins popping out on his forearm and hand while scrolling through his social media. His gaze fixed on the screen, wrinkling his nose from time to time, probably because of some crazy fansβ comments he read under one of his posts, promptly followed by a little grin. You came to think how lucky you were to be around him, to know all of his strange but cute habits, to see him at both his best and worst.Β
And then it hit you: the reason why you always felt like you were living a dream whenever he was around. Why do you always feel like yourself and never had the need to fake it. The reason why he always managed to make you smile, no matter how shitty your day had been.
You were in love.
The sound of your fork falling onto your plate got Doyoungβs attention almost immediately, fixing his gaze with yours, a mixture of concern and confusion on his face.
There were a few seconds of silence that felt like hours, then he finally spoke βWhatβs the matter?β
You simply stood there for a little bit more, unsure of what to tell him.
βI love you, Doyoung. I really do.β You gulped loudly as anxiety took over your body.Β
His expression changed: melancholy was plastered all over his face, a bitter smile growing on his lips. βI love you too, angel.β He sighed. βI just wish you had said it when I was still alive.β
You furrowed your eyebrows, unsure of his wordsβ meaning. Then you saw him changing: his skin getting paler by the second, dark circles forming under his now bloody eyes, his lips had now a dark blue tint. You tried to get up from your seat, willing to reach him but you were frozen in your spot. Then you saw him, his eyes closed, his lips slightly parted as if he was sleeping. Fully dressed, his lifeless body was resting inside an open coffin: and you were there, looking at him with bloodshed eyes, tears still running down your cheeks as you held his cold hand, the same hand with which your boyfriend took his life.Β
You woke up, with your eyes wide open. Your bedroom was filled with darkness. You felt tears running down your cheeks, which you promptly whipped off. You turned over to the other side of the bed, hoping to see your boyfriendβs figure laying down peacefully next to you. But he wasnβt there. The strong aroma of coffee wasnβt filling the air. You walked into the bathroom, turning on the light: the image of yourself in the mirror almost startled you. You were a complete mess. Just like you have been for the past year. The dark circles under your eyes clearly tell that you have been sleep-deprived for quite a long time. You washed your face with cold water: a mare attempt to wipe away any trace of tiredness.Β
You reached the kitchen downstairs, making yourself a cup of coffee: the only thing that apparently kept you going through the day.Β
βYes?β You answered your phone, your voice was quiet, similar to a murmur. βHey darling, how are you doing?β Taeyongβs voice reached your ears from the other side of the phone. βIβmβ¦doing okay.β You were everything but okay, and both you and your boyfriendβs best friend were well aware of that. βDid you at least get some sleep?β He was clearly worried, his tone got softer with the question. βI had another nightmare about him, Yong. Worst than any other I had so far.β Your voice cracked remembering the lifeless face of your boyfriend. βI am about to come to your place, do you wanna talk about it?β You sighed. βI would really appreciate that. Thank you, Yong, youβre an angel.βΒ
βI can only imagine what youβre going through.β Taeyongβs hand reached out to yours, caressing the back of it. βHe was also your best friend, Yong, donβt pretend you are not hurting as much as I am.β You looked at him straight in the eyes. βAre you ready to go?β You sighed after a few seconds, your gaze lost in the emptiness of the room. βYeahβ¦letβs go.β
The car ride felt awfully long: you couldnβt actually tell if it was for the silence that none of you dared to break or because of the intrusive thoughts that have been accompanying you since Doyoungβs death. Both you and your friend got off the car and instinctively took the path that lead to your boyfriend grave: the fact that both of you did it so naturally made you realise how many times you took that same path every single day of the week.Β
Β You stopped in front of his tombstone: you promptly put some fresh gladiolus in the crystal vase in front of it, careful not to cover his photo. Once again, tears started filling your eyes and in a second they were already running down your cheeks. You saw Taeyong gently caressing his friendβs photo, whispering something that felt unintelligible for you. βIβll wait for you in the car. Take all the time you need.β He cracked a broken smile and went back on the same trail the two of you came from.
βItβs been a year already, huh?β You were now sitting in front of the tomb, playing with a bunny plushie. It was the first gift he gave you. βYou know, I often dream of you.β Then you chuckled. βWell, actually I always dream of you.β You let out a painful sigh. βI regret it every day, not telling you that I actually loved you.β You started sobbing. βWhat if I had told you, baby, I am sorry, Would you still be wearing my shirt every morning, or were the broken parts, waiting in the dark, I guess we'll never know it.βΒ
And then you felt it. You felt the warmth of a hand on your cheek. You immediately put yours on the same spot but felt nothing. But you could still feel it on your skin. You knew it was his hand. You could feel it. You could feel the loving touch of his on your face. You started crying even harder, unable to say a single word. You have been waiting for so long for a sign of his, and now you had it. He knew. He died knowing that you loved him with all your soul.
βI love you.β You whispered. A gentle breeze caressed your skin, giving you goosebumps.
βThis will never work out.β You let your body crash on the seat-back, closing your eyes and letting out a loud sight. You were running out of time as you found yourself staring at the Word page on your desktop once again.Β
Word count: 2500
βOnly 1500 to go.β you thought. Your stress level was rising by the minute, your brain incapable of writing any other argument that could fill in your summative assignment. You could feel the tears threatening to come out, another mental breakdown approaching soon.Β
βHere, take this.β An external voice brought you back to reality, moving your gaze from your laptop to the cup that suddenly appeared next to your hand.
You let out a smallΒ thank youΒ as you focused again on your essay, slowly sipping what appeared to be herbal tea.
βHow is it coming along?β Your boyfriendβs voice broke the silence once again, whilst he leaned over your shoulder from behind: his eyes reading the last paragraph you just wrote. βHow do you think, uh?β Your statement came out way more angrily than you wanted to, the confirmation coming by the fact that your boyfriend suddenly stood up as soon as he heard your voice.Β
You didnβt even turn his way, too afraid of losing any more precious time.Β
βY/Nβ he finally spoke βthere is a sentence, in your last paragraphβ¦β he paused for a bit, probably not sure on how to break it to you. βIt doesnβt make sense in English.β
That was it. βYeah, I know that Mark!β You shouted turning to him abruptly. βProbably the whole essay doesnβt make sense. I donβt even know what I should be writing about! Thatβs why I am trying to stay focused so that I could at least try and take a Pass, but apparently, you took it as a personal challenge to disturb me a countless number of times!β
He looked at you, completely astonished by your sudden reaction; his eyes starting to get watery. It was the first time you saw him getting emotional over something you had said. βI just wanted to help you out.β The words came out as a whisper, making your heart hitching. βMark Iβm-β but you didnβt manage to apologise: he rushed out of the room and probably the house too, as you heard the main entrance door slam.Β
You wanted to run after him, but at the same time, you knew you had to submit your work as soon as possible.
