WARNINGS: children mentioned, (nsfw!!) riding, dirty talking, missionary, creampies, doggy.
jaehyun wheezes and falls forward on the dining table as you smack his arm again.
“you have to pretend i’m a random woman, jaehyun!” you whine while holding back a smile. “why are you flirting with me!”
jaehyun holds himself up and shakes his head. “it’s just—your acting sucks, babe!” he laughs, again. “well, it’s not supposed to be good, is it?!”
“okay, i’m sorry,” jaehyun clears his throat. “try me again.” he rolls his shoulders back and sits up tall.
you roll your eyes and huff, pushing back your hair and wiping your bottom lip. “hey gorgeous,” you lean forward with a grin. “wanna grab some coffee sometime?” you look from his eyes to his lips several times.
“sure,” jaehyun copies your stance and gaze. “when?” you roll your eyes and push yourself back. “ugh, you idiot!” jaehyun laughs and falls back into his seat.
“is this how you act when you go out without me?” jaehyun shakes his head and holds his stomach. “you’re not taking this seriously, jaehyun.” you glare at the man who continues to wheeze.
“you think this is so funny, huh?” you cross your arms and snare at jaehyun. “i genuinely cannot take you seriously.” jaehyun falls forward on you and hugs your waist.
you turn your head to the entrance of the kitchen when hearing footfall. your eldest pops out with your youngest on his hips.
“what’s going on?” jaemin asks with tired eyes. “i’m sorry, honey. were we too loud?” jaemin shakes his head and yawns while sungchan lays sleepily against his chest.
it was two in the afternoon, the boys both went down for a nap after watching a few episodes of johnny test together.
you flick jaehyun on the forehead causing him to pull off you with a whine and a hand to his forehead. “i can take him, honey.” you ignore jaehyuns whines while holding your arms out to your son.
jaemin shuffles toward you and hands sungchan off to you. the boy instantly clings on to you and shivers.
“what were you and dad yapping about?” jaemin asks, pulling out the chair in next to yours and rubbing his eyes.
jaehyun giggles and leans his head on your shoulder. “i just wanted to see how your dad would react if i was a random women hitting on him,” you side eye the man who sits with a wide grin. “and clearly your dad likes flirting with random ladies.”
“i can never see you as another women even if you were just acting. i’ll always see you as my beautiful wife.” jaehyun presses a kiss on your shoulder.
you tsk and shrug him off.
“you guys are gross.” jaemin chuckles and yawns.
“is this…what you do wh—when a women flirts…with you?” you say in between pants.
your husband holding your hips as you grind down and shake with pleasure. jaehyuns balls deep inside you, his face twisting with pleasure as he fights the urge to fuck up into you.
you still weren’t over the way how jaehyun acted when you flirted with him as another women.
you gave jaehyun the cold shoulder and a snotty attitude all day until now, it was late into the night and jaehyun had pounced on you the second you entered the bedroom.
“you’re gonna let a women—oh, my god.” you gasp and roll your eyes back when jaehyun presses down on your clit.
jaehyun flips you so that you’re under him. “fuck, you’re killing me, baby.” jaehyun groans while kissing down your neck.
you whine when his cock slightly leaves you. you lock your legs around jaehyuns hips and attempt to pull him down but he just chuckles at you.
“you’re so needy, baby.” jaehyun pulls out fully and fists his cock, he was angry red and rock solid.
playfully, jaehyun slaps his length on your folds and that earns him a whine from you.
you clench around nothing and begin to grow frustrated. “jaehyun—baby, please fuck me.” you grab your hair in frustration and shut your eyes.
jaehyun grinds his tip on your clit causing your hips to chase his cock. “please, fuck me. please, baby.” you give him your biggest puppy eyes. “please?”
“aww,” jaehyun frowns and giggles, his biceps flexing as he fights the urge to ram his cock into your pussy. “god, you sound so cute begging me to fuck you.” you let out the slightest gasp when feeling jaehyun dip the tip of his cock into you.
“want me to fuck you, baby?” you nod with your jaw dropped. “i’m gonna fuck you so good, baby.” jaehyun groans into the crook of your neck. “oh god—please, baby.” you dig your nails into his back muscles.
jaehyun teases you by dipping his tip into your cunt before quickly pulling away.
as seconds pass, your pussy grows more wet as he repeatedly teases you by ever so slightly dipping the tip of his cock into you.
you swore it felt like hours of jaehyuns teasing. “urgh, just hurry up and fuck me!” you groan and yank on his locks. “geez, babe.” jaehyun chuckles as his head is yanked back.
jaehyun rolls his head and sighs. “please, jae—“ your cries are silenced when he slams his hips into yours.
“oh, my god.” you let out a shaky sigh of relief.
“mhm, baby. there we go.” jaehyun says, holding himself up as he slowly fucks his hips into yours. “you feel better, baby?” he meets your eyes and smiles, showing you his pearly whites.
“i feel…” you can’t even breathe in a straight pattern, just hiccups. “so full—so filled!” jaehyun chuckles at your words. “that’s good to hear, baby.”
you lock your legs around jaehyuns hips and pull him closer. jaehyun doesn’t even bother to resist, he’s right where he wants to be.
buried in your pussy and fucking you at a slow pace that has you moaning and biting down on his shoulder.
you’re too focused on jaehyuns cock sliding in and out of your pussy to feel his nails digging in your hips while chasing his orgasm.
“i ignore women who try to flirt with me.” your moaning quiets down, you’re caught off guard when jaehyun says this out of the blue.
then you remember…the scenario from this morning—the whole scenario that led to this!
“believe me when i say that, y/n.” you wince when jaehyun sucks both hungrily and angrily on your shoulder. “i’m a loyal man, y/n. don’t forget that.” he says, pulling away to see the dark hickey he’s made on your shoulder.
“y-yes, jaehyun.” you nod and scrunch your face when feeling jaehyun begin to make another hickey on you but behind your ear this time.
while this continues on, jaehyun has a thumb rubbing your clit and a hand over your mouth. it’s like you’d forgotten that you guys aren’t young adolescents anymore but instead adults with two children who are sound asleep in a few rooms down.
finally, your orgasm hits you and it has your legs spazzing. jaehyun removes his hand from your clit and slaps it on your hips. he picks up his pace and begins chasing his climax.
as sensitive as you are, it just makes it better for jaehyun to finish quicker. which he does a few seconds after you.
the two of you lay quietly in bed after cumming together.
“do you still think i flirt back with random people?” you giggle at jaehyuns question. “no, baby.” he mumbles a quick, ‘good’ and sighs.
“but i do think you let people flirt with you—“ you can barely finish before jaehyun sits up and flips you on your stomach. “—oookay, and we’re back to square one!” you giggle as jaehyun lifts your hips.
“wha—oh.“ you let out a soft moan when feeling the already hard tip smear against your lips. “ooohhh.” you let out an extend moan when feeling jaehyun push himself in without hesitation.
you had two more orgasms that night and several creampies! in the end, it was a silly argument and you knew jaehyun was a faithful man. you simply just like to test his patience!
AN| heyyyy…hey…how yall doin…🤭 sooo, im just gonna leave this here and go back to hibernation! 😝
warnings: none, but feel free to lmk if you find any
word count: 2.6k words
a/n: happies birthday to the (officially titled!) birthday boyyy!!! wishing him the very very best and hope that he knows we're so proud of him and love him sooo much!!!! I've missed writing sm so this was soo fun to make!! sorry if i've been super inactive, i've still got a lot to do before graduation ♡ i hope you all enjoy!!!
If he was asked, Jeno would say his life is very fulfilling, and that he's completely satisfied with it. How could he say any differently? He's doing really well in University, he's got amazing friends and a steady side job to support himself. He shouldn't be complaining.
But he's lying to himself. He knows he feels empty inside. And he knows what could fill that void.
It's you.
Jeno always felt he was missing something—he figured he would fix it later in life. He never knew it would hurt this much, he never knew it would be this hard to fix it. Frankly, he wishes it was something else that would be the glue to fix everything in his life.
It's not that Jeno hated you, no, he loved you. So dearly—he's never ever felt anything so intense in his life. Every time he looked at you, it was like he was reading his favorite book, unable to peel his eyes off the pages. Every time he heard your voice, it was like listening to the soft chirping of birds in the morning—the breeze in the afternoon—the comforting sounds of the bustling city in the evening. And when you touched him, a hug, or even something as simple as a high-five, it's as if you're a fireplace in winter, keeping him warm, inside and out.
God, he wanted you. Bad. Jeno never know one could yearn so deeply. He was never one good with words, but you make him want to write thousands of poems and sing melodies dedicated just to you.
The echoing questions that all his friends constantly ask him haunt him.
'Why don't you tell her?'
'She doesn't know yet?'
'What's the worst that could happen?'
'Why are you so scared?'
That's what Donghyuck always asks him. Jeno can't begin to tell him, he doesn't know where to start, Donghyuck wouldn't understand the turmoil he feels.
Jeno's scared that he's not what you expect. That you have a completely different vision of him than who he actually is. Jeno thinks you need someone who is able to love you loudly, who isn't afraid to give you everything that you not only need, but want, too. Jeno is sure that he's not your ideal man.
Today's his birthday. 25th. He knows because Jaemin greets him the very first this morning, calling him 'halfway-50 year old'. Jeno only rolls his eyes at his usual strange antics, pushing him out of the way of the fridge to grab his yogurt from the fridge.
When Jeno checks his phone, he realizes that Jaemin isn't the first one to say happy birthday. He finds out with a mouthful of yogurt, and a heart full of love, that it was you. On April 23, military time 00:12, you left a long paragraph wishing him a happy birthday, thanking him for everything and for being a great friend, and wishes of love and luck.
"Friends don't send birthday messages that long."
Jeno barely catches on that Jaemin is shamelessly peeking at his phone, throwing him a pointed look. "Maybe she does."
Jaemin's eyebrows raise—a deadpanned look. "She sent me a sentence on my birthday. At 5pm."
"That's cause you gifted her a giftcard for her birthday."
"That's what friends do!" Jaemin retorts. "You gifted her animal crossing—that shit's expensive!"
Jeno has to admit, he's right. About one thing. Friends don't send an essay's worth of a birthday message.
Okay, yeah, saving up for animal crossing for you took some time, but Jeno would do anything for you. And he means everything.
Like meeting up at your place for a birthday celebration with others. He would much rather spend it with only you, but that doesn't seem to be an option, considering how you love to make a huge deal about his birthday every year.
Now here he stands, at your door, knowing full well that you've planned some 'surprise' party. Despite that, he'll still pretend to be shocked—just to make you happy.
Jeno only needs to wait about 3 seconds right after he knocks, before the door swings open, the music inside finally distinguishable and—oh, it's... you. Just you.
Nobody else is seen behind you in your apartment, the familiar living area he recognizes so easily dimmed with a low, warm light, the walls filled with handing streamers of red and green—his favorite colors.
Jeno's heart has never swelled this much with love, his head has never been so clear and unbelievably messy at the same time, his practiced surprised smile completely fading in an expression of shock, his jaw hanging lightly.
"Hello, birthday boy," You grin. God, Jeno might kiss you.
The way you can't seem to stay still in excitement, the anticipation on your face and the way you wear his sweater, something he's definitely left accidentally somewhere inside there—he adores it all.
He never thought his feelings could get even more eager and heartfelt, and yet here he is, feeling it tenfold right in his heart.
"Come in," You smile, grabbing and tugging at his sleeve gently.
You want to laugh at his surprised expression, your excited smile falling shy. "Surprise! I bet you thought it was like all the surprise parties I hosted, huh?"
Jeno should have seen it coming. The fact that you saw through him almost immediately. A soft huff of a laugh leaves his lips as he nods, growing more comfortable as he ventures deeper into the surprise. His eyes trail over the streamers reflecting the warm light from your lamp, his gratitude growing almost unbearable.
Finally, his eyes land on the cake. Unlike the usual ordered or store-bought cake you make Mark Lee get every year for the party, it's sloppy, and it's clear that you made it yourself. The icing barely covers the full surface of the cake, leaving blank, splotchy spots along the cake.
"I tried my best," You comment, noticing his gaze on your cake. You really did, practicing some nights and watching multiple videos to find the best recipe to use.
Jeno grins even more his gaze shifting to you. If you weren't mistaken... he looks at you differently. Well, he looks at you as he always does, with a twinkle in his eyes and with utmost attentiveness, but tonight... it's different.
You think—and this is a big assumption—that he's looking at you with love. You could only dream that he would admit it.
"I love it," He reassures, slowly approaching you. "thank you, Y/N, I love everything about this."
Your cheeks feel sore from all the smiling, but you can't seem to stop smiling, pulling him into a hug, your arms wrapping around his broad shoulders. "I'm glad. You deserve the best, Jeno."
Jeno holds you tight, his nose burying into the depths of your hair, eyes shutting to savor the moment as long as possible. His hands are warm, you can feel it through his sweater that you wear, one hand on your lower back, the other between your shoulder blades.
It's as if his hands have burnt through the fabric, because you feel every single movement his hands make. The way his thumbs rub gently up and down—the way his palms tensing up as he holds you closer—this feels better than it should.
When you pull away, the warmth finds it's way to your heart, beating faster suddenly and soaring, as if it was searching for his own to entangle in.
When you lead him to the couch to finally blow out the candles (with he candles now about a third of it's original height), Jeno has never felt happier, leaning in close to the cake.
He laughs when you suddenly panic, halting him to search for your camera.
"Why do you even need to film this?" He chuckles softly, it's a rich sound you find yourself enjoying more than you should.
You roll your eyes, finding the camera on your messy study desk, hidden behind a stack of books you never seem to finish reading. "To remember this! I want to look back on this when I'm eighty and reminisce like a stubborn old lady."
When Jeno blows out his candles after an awkward minute of you singing him 'happy birthday' by yourself, he finds himself wishing that you'd be a stubborn old lady with him. He wishes with his whole heart that he'd be there, reminiscing with you, that'd your grandchildren would be gagging at your love story, he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.
Jeno gives you the first slice of the cake, despite your protests, handing it to you with a stern look. His heart melts when you take it from his hands, a small playful scowl on your lips. "I wanted you to taste it first..."
"Fine," He sighs, picking up the two forks you prepared. "we'll eat it together, yeah?"
Jeno dismisses your objections, already stabbing the forks into the cake and scooping it up. He laughs heartily when your words die in your throat, offering the fork to you.
You stare at the piece of cake on your fork with intent. "If it tastes like shit, I'm sorry,"
Even if it did, he'd pretend it was the most delectable delicacy he'd ever eaten. He would believe so, with his whole being. Even if it was bad, your stunning smile would be sweet enough for it to substitute the taste.
You're surprised when Jeno brings his own fork up to your lips, blinking in shock. When you look up at him, he gives you an encouraging look. "I'll feed you, you'll feed me."
You don't think he's aware of how intimate this is. Not when he's looking at you with such innocence and care. But with the dim, warm lighting from the distant lamp, and the music that still plays softly in the background, this feels too romantic—too real.
You go along with it anyway, knowing that you'd do anything and everything for him.
As your lips come in contact with the cake, and your teeth clash just slightly with the metal of the fork, you realize the strawberry jam you used for each layer—it's sour.
Instantly, you gaze up at Jeno, to gauge his reaction and his opinion of your cake, only to see that his mouth is closed, lips stretched into a soft, loving smile as his face his dodged from your fork.
"Jeno, you—how could you!"
In a moment, both forks are on the ground as you lunge forward to grab at his shirt. On your lips is an embarrassed smile, your eyes shut as you shake him back and forth. "You ass! I made this for you..."
"Sorry, sorry!" Jeno laughs, his hands enveloping yours, holding on top of them as you continue to shake him. "You just looked so cute—all anticipated and excited,"
"Yeah! For you to taste it!"
"Fine, fine! I'll taste it! Just stop shaking me!"
When you scowl and release his collar, his hands don't leave yours, instead, he takes your hands in his, his fingers slotting almost perfectly between yours with ease. You don't shy away from this, it's normal for him to do this. It's a typical tactic he uses so you don't start fooling around once more—but this time... it feels different. His touch seems gentler, his thumbs rubbing softly up and down the sides of your palm. You have to admit, it has your heart in a twist.
"How are you going to try it if you keep holding my hands?" You smart him, sticking your tongue out at him.
Jeno's eyes search yours, his gaze deep. It's almost as if he's trying to look into your soul—trying to find the place you keep the thought of him. He should look into your heart, then.
His right hand suddenly leaves yours, and just as you think he's about to grab the fork once more, his hand inches towards your face. You don't dodge it, despite your shock, your lips parting in surprise, and Jeno knows that he's interrupted one of your sassy, smart retorts that he loves so much.
It's like instinct when his palm envelops your cheek, that you lean into his touch, your head tilting into his hold. As his thumbs rub at your cheek, his eyes search your entire face, searching for any signs of discomfort or rejection. He searches, and keeps searching, only to find nothing. You want this. As much as he does.
"...so are you going to try the cake?"
"Give me a minute, you dork,"
You laugh, and he laughs when you laugh. Your laughter entangle in the air and echo, like a resonating song on repeat—the kind that no matter how many times you play over and over, you never get sick of it.
Suddenly, Jeno's nose is brushing against yours. His thumb gently caressing at your bottom lip. He searches your eyes once more, and at this proximity, he can finally tell what you feel. In your eyes, it's him. In his eyes, it's you. In your heart, is his. In his soul, is yours.
The tender exchange of affectionate looks screams only one thing.
I love you.
When Jeno's lips press to yours, you're not surprised. Instead, you welcome it warmly, reciprocating and leaning into it.
His hands travel, one to your neck, the other your waist to tug you closer. Your own find comfort in the hairs of the bottom of his neck, tousling the strands there. You feel his lips curl into a smile, as his neck cranes to find an angle to grow closer to you, if it were possible.
Jeno slowly and gently lowers you to your back, his hand protecting the back of your head as he settles you down on your carpet, hovering over your body. As your arms wrap around his neck, his tongue finds yours, tangling tenderly and lovingly, declaring his care and affection, all his feelings for you.
You smile against his lips as Jeno's laugh vibrates against your own, content and devoted, finding the whole situation unbelievable. Luck truly is in his favor, and he thinks he's one step closer to his birthday wish coming true.
When Jeno pulls away, his breath is warm against your lips, the tip of his nose grazing against yours.
"...tastes sweet," He finally elates, smiling. His eyes find yours, pupils dilated with love.
You laugh out, eyes squeezed shut, and head throwing back against his hand that still holds you protectively. You snort when he gives you a confused, almost lost puppy-like look. "The cake jam was sour, Jeno,"
"Oh," he hums. "must've just been you I was tasting, then..."
You push playfully at his shoulder. "Oh my god, you sappy idiot!"
"No, no," He retorts with a grin. "you taste sweet. I didn't get a single taste of sour,"
"Taste the cake, then!"
"Don't wanna, just want you,"
Despite his words, you make him taste the cake, laughing as his nose scrunches up. "It's—oh god—it's sweet! I swear!" He insists.
Finally, Jeno feels complete. He no longer feels an empty void inside of him, he no longer feels lonely or hurt when he looks at you—though he does feel his heart hurt, swelling with the amount of love he has for you. He can finally say wholeheartedly that he's satisfied with his life, that he feels fulfilled.
He's doing really well in University, he's got amazing friends, the best girlfriend he could ask for, and a steady side job to support himself and his girl, you.
Jeno is dead set on making his birthday wish come true.
4.4k / angst, fluff, basketball player! johnny, classmates to ?
You hadn’t planned to say that.
You had spent weeks repeating to yourself that you would never let it slip, convinced that this feeling needed to stay hidden. After all, you didn’t want to be just another girl with a silly crush on the university’s basketball team captain.
But then one of your classmates jokingly asked who you thought was the most handsome player on the team. And before you could even think, the words simply left your mouth, answering far more than the question required.
“I have a crush on Johnny Suh.”
His name sounded far too loud in that classroom, and regret came almost instantly, twisting your stomach as you noticed the reactions around you: widened eyes, hurried whispers, exchanged looks you couldn’t quite decipher. Your face burned, as if you had been caught red-handed.
And maybe you had been.
You slowly turned toward the classroom door and there was Johnny Suh. He had heard it. Still, there was no shock on his face. No surprise, embarrassment, or curiosity. Johnny simply stayed silent, a strange, unreadable silence.
Then he looked away, as if your confession had been nothing more than a casual comment. He went on with his day, returning to his routine, while you stood there, frozen, trying to understand that silence.
You interpreted that confusion as an opportunity.
Your first move was leaving a simple note in his locker, in the locker room. He found it the next day.
“Hi, Johnny.
Sorry about what happened yesterday. I swear I didn’t mean to confess like that, it just… happened. I hope things don’t get awkward now that you know my little secret.
Good luck in the next game,
__”
Johnny read the note in silence, leaning against his locker. He carefully folded the paper and slipped it into one of his backpack pockets. He didn’t think about replying. He simply took a deep breath.
Later that day, after practice, you ran into each other outside the gym. Nervousness took over immediately, cold hands, a racing heart, the feeling that any word might come out wrong. Part of you expected him to mention the note. But Johnny only offered a neutral, polite “good afternoon.” Still, full of hope, you convinced yourself that silence wasn’t exactly rejection. Maybe he just needed time.
A few days later, you saw him leaving the library alone, without his teammates. It felt like the perfect opportunity to finally clear things up.
“Johnny… can I talk to you for just a minute?”
He stopped almost immediately and gave you a small smile, as if he didn’t want to make you more uncomfortable. “Sure.”
Your heart raced as you tried to organize your thoughts.
“I just wanted you to know that…” you took a deep breath before continuing. “…I don’t expect anything from you. Really. Like I said in the note, it wasn’t my intention to confess or make you aware of how I feel. At least not now. I just thought it might be better to make things clear.” The words spilled out too quickly, giving away your nerves.
Johnny took a breath, choosing his next words carefully.
“I appreciate your honesty,” he said calmly, and for a brief second, hope filled your chest. “But I think it’s best if we keep things like this.”
“Like this?” you asked, almost in a whisper.
“Classmates. Just classmates.” He smiled softly, polite to a fault. “I don’t want to give you false hope.”
It wasn’t what you wanted to hear. Still, you didn’t want to look sad in front of him. “Oh… okay.” You forced a small smile. “But at least can I watch the practices? I promise I won’t get in the way. I really like basketball.”
Johnny hesitated for a second, as if weighing his answer. “Sure.”
Days went by, and you watched practices whenever you could, quietly sitting in the stands, observing from afar. You rarely spoke to him, just a “good luck,” a reminder to be careful and not get hurt. Johnny always replied the same way, careful and distant: “Thank you.”
As the decisive game approached, you decided to try one last time. Maybe it was insistence, maybe hope. But you needed to try. After one practice, you approached him again.
“Johnny… I promise this is the last time I bring this up. I know it’s probably annoying, but—”
He closed his eyes briefly before replying. “You’re an amazing person. I know that, and I hope you know it too.” His voice was sincere. “But I can’t give you the affection you deserve, because I don’t feel anything right now. I’m sorry.” There was no harshness in his words, but they still hurt.
As the decisive game got closer, the pressure on Johnny, as team captain, only increased. Especially because of the growing number of admirers — of the team, and especially of him — showing up at practices. Johnny knew he was popular, but he didn’t like the attention, especially when it affected the team’s performance, something the coach had pointed out more than once.
Ironically, Johnny was calm and reserved, nothing like the stereotypical popular basketball captain. Maybe that was one of the reasons you had fallen for him.
The pressure reached its peak in the last practice before the game that would secure their spot in the finals.
The practice was a complete disaster.
Johnny missed easy plays, got scolded by the coach in front of everyone, and overheard comments about how full and noisy the stands were, indirectly blaming his popularity. When practice finally ended, all he wanted was silence. Five minutes without being the popular captain, without responsibility. He ran a hand over his face, sweat dripping down his temple, his chest too heavy to breathe properly.
That’s when you appeared.
You waited for him to leave the court, as you always did, fidgeting with your fingers as if that might calm you down. At that moment, you rehearsed your words as if you had never said them before.
“Johnny, how are you? Can I talk to you for a second?”
He stopped. Took a deep breath to stay calm. “I don’t think now is a good time.”
You swallowed hard but insisted, your voice low, almost pleading. “I understand, it’s just that… I thought maybe—”
“Don’t you realize?” he said, his voice louder than intended — not angry, but impatient enough to draw the attention of a few teammates passing by. “This practice was already a disaster. I’m really not in the right headspace to talk.”
You looked confused. “I just wanted—”
“No.” He cut you off, running a hand through his hair. “You’re always wanting something, and I can’t deal with that right now.” The air grew heavy. “There’s too much going on: I have a decisive game coming up, the coach is on my back, my grades are a mess, and on top of that, every practice has people getting in the way.” He vaguely gestured toward the stands. “This has gone too far.”
Your throat tightened. “I’m sorry, I swear I never wanted to get in the way,” you said, your voice breaking.
Johnny took another deep breath, but it was too late. “Then stop,” he said harshly, a tone you had never heard from Johnny Suh. “Stop showing up. Stop waiting for me. Stop thinking I can give you any kind of affection, because I’ve already made it clear that I can’t.”
The words hit you harder than you expected, tearing through your chest. For a second, it seemed like you might say something, but you stayed silent. You nodded, forced another smile, sadder than the one you gave him outside the library, and your eyes were shining. You felt the tears coming but you refused to cry in front of him, so you turned and walked away.
Johnny stood there, watching you go. Yes, he noticed the tears in your eyes and felt the weight of what he had just said settle in his chest. For the first time, he felt the uncomfortable sense that he had gone too far, but he convinced himself it was for the best.
In the days that followed, Johnny believed he had done the right thing.
The game went perfectly, and Johnny led his team to the championship finals. The following practices were quieter, allowing him to focus more. No one waited for him outside the gym. No soft “good luck” before games. It was exactly what he had asked for.
So why did something still feel off?
At the next practice, out of habit, Johnny glanced at the stands, and only then did he realize there was no one there. Or rather, you weren’t there. For a second, he frowned, confused, then forced his attention back to the court. You were doing exactly what he had asked.
At the second practice, the absence repeated itself. By the third, he already knew he wouldn’t see you there and for reasons he didn’t fully understand, it began to bother him.
You hadn’t disappeared completely: you had just changed old habits. You sat somewhere else in class, changed your lunch and library schedules, and stopped attending practices and games. You did it more for yourself than because of Johnny’s request.
Johnny still saw you in the university hallways, usually from afar, talking to your friends or rushing somewhere. Sometimes, though, you passed close enough that he couldn’t ignore you. He tried to act as usual, polite, discreet, as if nothing had changed.
“Hi,” he said once, neutral and automatic.
You replied with a simple “hi.” You didn’t stop, didn’t smile, just polite, exactly the way he always had been with you.
Another time, Johnny stood behind you in the cafeteria line. He tried asking how you were and got a short “I’m fine” in return. Nothing more. There was no expectation in your eyes, no visible sadness. You had simply distanced yourself, even while physically close and for a moment, Johnny realized that made him more uncomfortable than any conversation you had ever tried to start.
During one practice, Johnny missed an easy play after glancing at the seat where you used to sit.
“Focus, Suh!” the coach shouted.
Johnny nodded, but his mind was elsewhere, on the folded note at the bottom of his backpack. He remembered the way you fidgeted when nervous, and the last time he had seen your eyes shine, unfortunately, not in a good way. Guilt slowly settled in, growing heavier.
—
After everything that happened with Johnny, you weren’t trying to meet anyone — especially not someone from the basketball team. You focused on yourself, your responsibilities, your well-being, and the people who truly cared about you.
But one day, at the library, Jaehyun appeared.
You knew him — Johnny’s teammate and friend — but you had never exchanged more than a few words. You sat at your usual table, books open, head resting on your hand, staring at the same page for far too long before noticing him.
“Excuse me, are you still using this book?”
You looked up, surprised, and shook your head.
“In theory, I should keep reading it, but this subject completely destroyed my ability to think.”
Jaehyun smiled softly. “Tell me about it. It always feels like I understand everything — until the exam.”
You let out a short laugh. It was that simple.
Your casual encounters with Jaehyun continued over the following days, mostly in the library with short conversations, shared complaints about classes. Everything felt natural. He didn’t push or force intimacy. He simply listened, and you felt comfortable talking to him, even briefly. At some point, you realized you no longer held your breath when speaking to him, no longer fidgeted to calm your nerves.
Jaehyun talked about many things, but never about what happened between you and Johnny — he knew everything. You never asked about Johnny either, even though you sometimes wondered if he was okay. Jaehyun was a good classmate, maybe even becoming a good friend.
Your closeness didn’t go unnoticed, especially by your friends. Until one day, Johnny noticed too.
It was an ordinary day. Johnny had trained, attended classes, and walked through the main building hallway when something, or rather, someone, caught his attention. You sat on one of the benches near the cafeteria, relaxed, leaning forward as you talked to someone Johnny quickly recognized as Jaehyun. He gestured animatedly, saying something Johnny couldn’t hear, something that made you laugh.
It wasn’t a nervous, shy smile. It was real. Carefree. That made Johnny stop for a moment, a tightness forming in his chest, one he didn’t understand. Without realizing it, he was walking toward you.
When you looked up, your eyes met his for a second. Your smile faltered but didn’t disappear completely, it became contained, as if you remembered the boundaries he had set.
“Hi, Johnny,” you said as you stood up slowly.
“Hi, __,” Johnny replied quickly, a little nervous. Jaehyun noticed the tension immediately and, to break it, greeted Johnny enthusiastically with a familiar handshake, but Johnny’s attention returned to you the moment he let go.
“Well, I was just leaving,” you said, more to Jaehyun than Johnny. “See you later.”
“Take care,” Jaehyun replied naturally, showing a certain closeness between you.
You nodded and walked away, passing Johnny without another word, offering him only a polite, shy smile, different from the one you had given Jaehyun moments earlier. Johnny noticed and followed you with his eyes until you disappeared.
“Everything okay?” Jaehyun asked.
“Yeah” Johnny replied — though he knew it wasn’t.
—
The night before the championship final, Johnny struggled to fall asleep — but not because of the game. Because of you. He wondered if he had been too harsh, if telling you to stop showing up had really been necessary, especially after his conversation with Jaehyun earlier that day.
“You’re acting weird today…” Jaehyun said, noticing something was bothering him beyond the game.
“I’m just tired,” Johnny shrugged, trying to sound indifferent and changing the subject. “Practices have been really quiet, huh?”
“What, missing the crowd… or a specific person?” Jaehyun said casually. Johnny looked up immediately. “I noticed you changed after you rejected her…”
“And you got pretty close to her, didn’t you?” Johnny said. Jaehyun smiled knowingly. “But how is she?”
Jaehyun took his time tying his shoes. “She’s good. She seems like a very different person from the girl who used to tremble just talking to you. She’s calmer. Lighter.”
Something twisted in Johnny’s chest. Jaehyun continued calmly, without accusation. “You were always straightforward with her. I’m not saying you were wrong, but you closed a door.”
“I just didn’t want to give her false hope,” Johnny said, running a hand through his hair.
“I know. But maybe she just wanted to take care of you, to win you over slowly. I know you’re afraid a relationship could interfere with your future, but I think we all need someone to share important moments with.” Jaehyun paused, then asked carefully, “Does it bother you that I’m close to her?”
Johnny opened his mouth, ready to say no, but instead whispered, “I don’t know.”
Jaehyun stood up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Then maybe you should think about that.” He smiled lightly. “The final is tomorrow. And it might not be the only important game you’re about to lose.”
That’s when Johnny realized he found it cute the way you got nervous around him, how encouraged he felt when you wished him luck, how careful he was on the court because you told him to be. How he admired you for not giving up on him, even after he had made it clear he couldn’t give you the affection you deserved. But he realized it wasn’t that he couldn’t give you that affection. He was afraid of letting someone in. Afraid of seeming weak for being cared for, for being loved.
It finally hit him.
Johnny was falling in love with you.
And he was determined to do something before losing you, even if only that night: the championship final.
The game hadn’t been easy. The score stayed tight for most of the match. Johnny felt pressured, exhausted, but he found a little more strength to fight for the title whenever he saw you cheering for the team in the stands.
And that was what led him to score the final point of the game, securing the victory for the team. The gym erupted in screams, and Johnny was lifted by his teammates, received pats on the back, and heard his own name echo through the bleachers. In the middle of all that chaos, his eyes searched for you—but couldn’t find you. A soft panic settled in his chest. He couldn’t let you leave without at least trying to talk to you and say everything he felt. Relief only came when he spotted you leaving the gym.
It took a while to break free from all the hugs and congratulations for being the hero of the match, but Johnny managed to leave the gym and go after you, leaving the noise behind. He found you walking toward the bus stop in front of the university building, holding your jacket tightly around your body.
“Hey,” Johnny called out, stopping a few steps away. Surprise washed over you, but you tried not to show it.
“Oh, hi Johnny. Congratulations on the win.”
Johnny nodded. “Thanks.” The team captain avoided your gaze, nervously running his hands over his uniform, trying to calm himself down. Now he could feel exactly how you used to feel when trying to talk to him. “Do you think we could talk for a bit? I promise I won’t take much of your time.”
You thought for a moment, wondering if it wouldn’t be better to walk away and not listen to what he had to say, but you gave in, signaling that he could speak.
“I wanted to apologize for the way I treated you that day. I can’t stop thinking about how harsh and unfair I was.” Johnny took a deep breath, finally managing to look you in the eyes. “I asked you to stop showing up in my life as if you were the problem, when in reality, it was me.”
You pulled your jacket closer, feeling the cold wind against your face. You didn’t respond right away, you just wanted to see how far Johnny would go. Lowering his voice, and realizing you weren’t going to say anything, he continued:
“I was scared. Scared of losing focus on the team, of letting my teammates down, of looking weak. And in the end, I hurt someone who only tried to be by my side, who just wanted to support me when I was about to lose my mind.”
You let out a short, humorless laugh. “You didn’t ask me to stop showing up as if I were the problem, Johnny.” Your voice was firm, just like your gaze. “You made it very clear that I was.”
He swallowed hard. “I know. And I know I was a complete idiot for doing that. I regret it every single day.”
A heavy silence settled between you, broken only by your sincere, steady question, asked without raising your voice.
“Johnny, do you have any idea how much that hurt?”
Johnny only looked at you. No—of course he didn’t.
“I knew you were under pressure, and I never wanted to be a burden. At that moment, I just wanted you to know that I could be someone who rooted for you.” Johnny nodded slowly, not interrupting you.
“I already felt stupid for you knowing about my feelings, but in that moment, I felt small,” you continued. “Like those feelings meant nothing. So I decided to listen to you and stop insisting, stop showing up, stop waiting for something you made clear you couldn’t give me.”
“And since then, my life has been even more of a mess…”
You frowned, surprised.
“When you stopped coming to practice, I thought I’d feel relieved,” Johnny let out a shaky breath. “But instead, I just felt empty. You were part of my days, my routine. I missed seeing you, knowing you were there supporting me. And that scared me.”
You looked away for a moment, feeling his words affect you, but you didn’t want to show that vulnerability.
“I’m not here to pressure you into liking me again. I just… wanted a chance to do things differently.”
You looked back at him. “Why do you want a chance, Johnny?”
He didn’t hesitate. He met your eyes, and this time he wasn’t afraid or nervous. Your gaze gave him courage.
“To get to know you better. To give you the affection you deserve, without fear getting in the way.”
The silence that followed wasn’t very long. For you, it was time to organize your thoughts and be sure he wasn’t lying. For Johnny, it was the longest and most agonizing wait of his life, but he was willing to wait as long as it took. He deserved that.
“Johnny, I’ll be honest. I’m not going to promise you anything, because your words hurt a lot. Now I’m the one who’s scared, scared of letting you get close and hearing once again that I’m holding you back.”
Johnny nodded, serious. He knew he had failed you deeply.
“But…” you continued, catching his attention. “I also don’t want to pretend that none of this matters or that your words aren’t affecting me. But I need to know one thing first…” He lifted his gaze again, attentive.
“What you’re feeling… is it about me,” Johnny frowned slightly, confused, “…or are you just jealous because I got closer to Jaehyun?”
Another silence settled between you. Johnny ran his tongue over his lips, taking a deep breath as if choosing the right words for an honest answer. “At first, I thought it was,” he admitted. “But then I realized I missed you even in moments when he wasn’t around.”
You tried to hold back, but a small smile appeared on your lips. “So if we’re going to try something, even if it’s just friendship, it’ll be on my terms, right?”
It was impossible to hide the relief he felt. Johnny’s shoulders relaxed the moment he heard your words.
“In your terms,” he replied sincerely. “I’ll take it slow, respect your time, but I don’t want to lose you without at least trying.”
You nodded silently. You were about to say goodbye and head toward the bus stop when Johnny called your name, making you stop.
“But… could I ask for something before we end this conversation?”
“What?”
Johnny hesitated for a moment, but he knew he had to take the risk if he didn’t want to regret it again. “I just wanted a hug.”
You watched him for a few seconds. It was almost funny how shy he looked asking that. Something in his eyes caught your attention, there was no pressure there. Just a simple, honest request.
You didn’t say anything. You simply stepped forward and wrapped him in a hug. Even though he had asked for it, Johnny was surprised by your action, but he closed his eyes, letting himself sink into your touch. His hands rested carefully on your back, not holding you too tightly.
You didn’t know why you did it, but when you pulled away, you rested your hand on his arm, rose onto your toes because of the height difference, and, in an almost instinctive gesture, placed a soft kiss on Johnny’s cheek.
“We’ll take it slow,” you said softly, looking away, embarrassed by the brave gesture you had just made. “One step at a time.”
Johnny nodded, feeling the spot where you kissed him tingle, his heart pounding harder than it had at any point during that final game.
Now, he was sure, he would do everything to have you by his side, your way, no matter how long it took.
genre: one-shot, romance, light smut, fluff, angst, strangers to lovers
warnings: swearing, break up, mentions of pregnancy and abortion, open ending
words: 22,3 k
Holiday Special
Wedding day Special
You missed Jaehyun’s presence in your life but you couldn’t blame it on him. You were the one who told him that you didn’t love him anymore, you were the one that ended it even though he died to work everything out with you.
You put on your big girl pants when he came over to pick his stuff a couple of months ago and acted like you didn’t hurt one bit. You chose the path and you tried your best to walk it with your head held up high, not without sudden break downs, though, you hated to admit.
[19:34] from Jung Jaehyun: regardless of what terms we’re on right now, you should still come to the concert.
[19:34] from Jung Jaehyun: hi, by the way
You chewed onto your lower lip, staring at the messages that came through right when you were waiting for the green light to turn on. Your thoughts drifted to Jaehyun and you felt sick in your stomach, holding on to it when the cars behind you signalled and you pushed gas pedal quickly, placing your hands back on the steering wheel, focusing your attention on the road.
[20:40] from TY: Even my older sister is coming, no chance you’re getting yourself out of it.
[20:40] from TY: I’mgoing to get a car for you tomorrow.
[20:41] to TY: I’m not feeling well so I’m not sure if I should come ㅠㅠ
[20:44] from TY: remember you’re the one who told Jaehyun to leave? You can’t run away from him forever, he’ll have to know.
[20:44] to TY: it’s not about this you idiot.
[20:44] to TY: and no, he doesn’t need to know.
[20:47] to Jung Jaehyun: hi! thanks, I was planning to come anyway, it’s not like I’m going to miss out on my best friends show ^^
You almost hit send but pressed delete instead, propping the phone next to you, closing your eyes in tiredness. Nausea you felt made all of your energy go away and you found it only logical to go to bed at such an early hour, but the message you almost sent to Jaehyun replayed in your head not letting your heart beat in normal pace. The message probably would look weird to his eyes, the wording seemed too distracted and you debated for over two hours if you should text him something at all. Leaving him on read is probably as rude as sending that message, you though.
You asked him to not be dramatic over the break up, be grown up about your decision and act like normal people would act if the both of you had to cross paths. And you knew for sure, having to be childhood best friends with his close friend, you’ll get to see each other more than you’d like to.
[22:42] to Jung Jaehyun: I’m not going to miss out on something you worked so hard on, so see you tomorrow ^^
You couldn’t look at your screen any longer, seeing letters flow over the screen in circles. Your eyes were giving up on you and you finally sent the message and tucked yourself into the duvet.
-
“Hey, I’m next to the dome, how do I get in?” you fished your chapstick out of your purse, undoing the lid with one hand and putting minty essence on your lips.
“Oh, already? Wait a second.” you could hear him prop his phone on the table, hearing distant voices of people that surrounded Taeyong. You guessed boys were probably getting their make up and hair done with the distinct chatter of women over the phone. “I’m getting my make up done, Jaehyun will pick you up at the employee entrance at the back of the dome.”
“Not him.” you protested immediately. “Come yourself.”
“Dude, I have one eye done, he’s coming already.”
“Stop him, tell him not to. Ask Doyoung, or Haechan, whoever?” you felt your hand shake while you tried to shove your chapstick back down to it’s designated place, dropping it onto the ground by accident. “I didn’t prepare myself mentally.”
“Love, you‘ve spent four years with him, how come you’re terrified of the idea…” he paused and for a second you felt like the two of you got disconnected. “Wait a sec.”
“Hi, Y/n.” you heard his voice over the phone all of a sudden, squatted with your chapstick in your hand, forgetting to get up. “Tell me what you’re wearing.” his voice was as calm as he could ever make it. You exhaled and collected yourself. Jaehyun was just being normal, you should be too, no matter what, you told yourself.
“Uhm, you know, the pink dress I have.” you kind of sounded unsure, lowering your eyes to look at your own clothes. “Why?”
“Oh, that. Okay, I just need to tell the security guard what you look like so he’ll let you in.”
“I’ll get to the other side of the dome then.”
“See you in a bit.” he said warmly into the phone and hung up.
You hurried around the dome, feeling astonished by the number of people that stood at the back of it. It was still early before the concert and the most of early birds probably tried to fish out the boys from the back. You rushed to the door when you saw the guard walk out of it, scanning the area around. Shortening the distance to the entrance you felt more eyes focusing on you, sensing that familiar feeling of fear all over your body. That familiar feeling of being scared to get exposed. Your best advice you always gave yourself was to just lower your head and not look into anyones eyes and you chose to follow it by heart right this very moment. Regretting wearing something more than just casual clothes, you felt your appearance catch more concerned glimpses than it should’ve.
“Hi, I guess you’re waiting for me.” you came up to the guard who was too tall for you to not raise your head up above. You tried to talk quietly because the area got seemingly quieter since the two of you began your interaction.
“Your birthday?” he asked emotionless.
“Hm…” you gulped and took a glance around quickly. “Can you bend a little?” you wondered if he found your request amusing but he did as you wished, allowing for you to call the date quietly.
“Okay, come with me.” he bobbed his head and walked in direction of the entrance. Just as you got in, a slight turn to the right allowed your eyes to meet with Jaehyun that stood there quietly.
“Hi.” you mumbled slapping yourself internally for sounding so lame.
“Hello.” Jaehyun smiled sincerely, taking a step towards you to give you a quick hug, confusing you endlessly. “I thought Taeyong is going to send to you our driver.”
“He wanted to, but forgot, and you know, normal taxis don’t just get to drive inside of domes.” you forced a smile and expected for him to walk towards the dressing room but he stood there looking at you.
“You should’ve told me, i would’ve reminded him.”
“It’s fine.” you smiled, coming up with something else you could tell him “so many people outside already.” your eyes ran over the corridor to not stare at him. “I guess they’re excited to finally see you again.”
“Yeah…” his hands touched his thighs while his back leaned against the wall. “Are you… okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. It’s no big deal, I have legs.” you chuckled trying to act like you didn’t understand his question.
“No, I meant in general. Are you okay?” he caught your gaze with his and forced you to stay still.
“Yeah, what can be not okay?” you blinked and took a little step back trying to see his face better. Did Taeyong tell him something? You were ready to choke that skinny demon with your bare hands if he did. “Are you… okay?” you asked him back trying to make it seem as if it was a simple gesture of politeness, actually dying to see in his eyes the answer.
“Could’ve been better, but work got me busy so maybe just a little better than bad?” he chuckled through pain and you could feel how he tried to break down the wall you built and come closer. “I..” he stuttered making you nervous and you hated hearing him being this way. You were scared shitless at what he could possibly want to say that made him so anxious.
“Can you take me to Taeyong…?” you asked to cut him off. Standing one on one with him was making your head go dizzy even if there is dead silence between you two.
“Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course, let’s go.” he moved quickly, making it hard for you to match the pace of his long legs.
“You made it!” Taeyong’s voice caught your attention and helped you find him in the room full of men right as you entered it behind Jaehyun. Your eyes met with the hairdresser and you waved at Taeyong shyly deciding on not giving him a hug, hairdresser’s eyes kind of telling you to stay away and not ruin her work.
“I’ll wait for you here.” you pointed with your finger and sat at the stool in the corner of the room. Taeyong simply nodded focusing his eyes back on his phone, playing a game, you assumed.
Jaehyun moved his eyes from you the second you caught him staring, forcing his attention onto laughing Mark. Your eyes set on him while he was distracted, checking out the outfit he wore: his casual sweatpants and a hoodie your mom gave him for his birthday. You bit onto your lip unconsciously, forcing your inner self to move your eyes away before tears began to pour. You couldn’t help but wonder if he wore it regularly or he chose to wear it today to pull onto your strings.
Blinking multiple times to enlighten your vision you finally noticed you sat right next to a rail full of their stage clothes. Your eyes ran from white costumes hanging closest to you to the ones with lots of rhinestones all over them.
“Yuta, you’re next.” a girl with long hair and thick bangs said loudly, appearing next to you. Your eyes silently followed Yuta up until the moment he suddenly pulled his shirt off his body right in front of your face and you made a loud awkward gulp. Unexpected situations like that made you more startled than you wanted them to and the fact you had a mask on actually made you relieved, hiding the rosiness of your cheeks behind it. You wanted to move your gaze away but suddenly got caught up in the tattoos he had on his lower abdomen. When did he get them? Or did he always have them? You couldn’t work it out and couldn’t force yourself to look away either until the moment that white shirt that hung next to you covered his body.
“Oh, Y/n?” you gave him a slight nod “hi!”
“Hi.” you bowed shyly, finally moving your eyes away to the group of people sitting on the couch. Mark still laughed at whatever Haechan was saying, while Doyoung and Johnny discussed something that seemed to bother them terribly from the screen of one of the guys’ phone screen. Jaehyun’s eyes met yours and you couldn’t help but guess if he watched you stare at Yuta, he probably did. You looked over to the other corner of the room where Taeil and Taeyong were having their make up done in hopes of sending a SOS signal to your best friend but his gaze was focused on the phone completely making you distressed, watching his fingers move in distance from the reflection in the mirror.
“Can you hold this?” Jaehyun’s voice forced your head to turn back around. “Actually, it’s cold out there you’ll probably need the hoody at the concert.” you stared blindly at him holding out a hoody with a sly smile on his face. “Or am I crossing something?” his face expression changed quickly into a concerned one when you didn’t react.
“Oh, thank you.” you reacted too vividly belatedly, forcing half of the room look at you both. You could sense them knowing already the two of you broke up since the stares were literally burning a whole in you. “I’ll take it, thank you.” you stretched your lips in a thin line, taking it with both hands. You almost bowed at him reflexively but stopped yourself mid action trying to seem as if you’re just standing up to put it on, visibly reducing the distance between you two.
“Jaehyun, put this on quickly.” you heard the same girl call out for him, constraining his attention to go on her. He moved quickly, still standing closer to you than you’d want him to, pulling the hem of his shirt up in the swiftest motion. Your entire system malfunctioned and him leaning behind you to lay the shirt on the rack didn’t help one bit. He probably implied on you moving to the side but how could you when your heart went in overdrive and your brain decided to go through all the times he took off his clothes in front of you, the freshets memory being not older than three months. Deep breathing was promised to help in stressful situations but the very moment you needed it to work you were getting no result.
“Hey?” he asked concerned and leaned in more to you the moment he heard you take deep breaths in. “What’s up?” you couldn’t reply feeling yourself on the verge of tears. Your hormones suddenly felt like it’s time to regret every decision you made in the past months. Instantly every thought in your head went to taking your words back right there in the dressing room, asking him to forget you made him leave. You felt like breaking down in front of everyone, and while all these thoughts ran through your brain, your lungs began hyperventilating probably making it look like you were dying behind that stupid mask. Jaehyun moved his hands from the buttons of his shirt behind your ear, taking off the mask and helping you breathe. “What’s wrong?” he panicked visibly, forcing for you to sit back down. “Wait.” he flashed before your eyes to the table with food, grabbing a water bottle and shoving it into your arms the next second. “Drink it, did you ever feel anything like that before?” he kneeled before you, watching your throat bob every time you gulped on water.
“No, I didn’t, I’m fine.” you forced a smile and pushed the bottle towards him.
“Don’t act like we’re strangers. Literally three months ago you told me there’s no one else closer for you than me and now you’re almost chocking on air and the next minute I ask you what’s up - you’re fine.” his eyes searched for an answer you didn’t have for him.
“You did that on purpose.” you furrowed your eyebrows.
“Did what?” his eyes made you believe he didn’t know what you meant. You got a strong will to slap him for being too innocent, but more than that you just wanted to caress his rosey cheek. “You mean changing into stage clothes?”
“Oh, shut up.”
“What?” he leaned in closer.
“So you’re changing clothes right in front of me to get whatever reaction you want to get? Or what? If you’re thinking I’ll see your abs and fall in love with you once again, you’re stupid. This only happened because of my health condition.” you tried to talk slower to not seem mad.
“What happened? Are you two fighting again?” Taeyong appeared next to the both of you and squatted next to Jaehyun right before he opened his mouth.
“No. She’s just sick because of her health condition.” Jaehyun tried to make fun of you, it seemed. “Did you tell him? That you’re…” Taeyong looked at the two of you confused, drawing circles directed at his stomach with his pointing finger in the air and you almost raised your hand to punch him.
“That she’s what?” Jaehyun turned around confused.
“Oh, wait, you didn’t?” Taeyong jumped up and looked away. “Shit, I’m sorry. She got food poisoning, thats why she’s kinda Ill.” you closed your eyes and sighed. Did he really think Jaehyun’s going to buy what he said? If you had a food poisoning Taeyong would’ve made fun of you since the second you showed up, involving every single person he’d be able to.
“Is that it?” Jaehyun’s fingers laid atop of your knee and you looked at him.
“Your hand…”
“I’m sorry.” he shook his head disapprovingly of his own action.
“Take this too actually, I’m going to be fine.” you pushed the hoodie back into his arms. “I’ll drink something warm if it’ll be cold.” you smiled politely and stood up, getting into Taeyong’s embrace the next second. He murmured sweetly into your ear calming you down and your heart finally felt fine. He kept you occupied right up to the minute they had to go on stage. You stood quietly in the corner of the corridor, watching all 9 of them say their chants and get in the mood for the show. You waved them good luck as they left to their spots, catching Jaehyun’s body move towards you until he realised he shouldn’t. You wanted him to walk towards you too, you could not stand there and not reminisce on those rare times you kissed him quickly before he went to the stage, dying for the end of their performance to be able to hug him when your touch won’t mess up his stage appearance.
Jaehyun stretched his arm towards you anyway when he walked past you and you shook it quickly with both of yours in support. The contact, the way his fingers hooked around yours and the way he held onto them for the longest time possible just made you realise how hungry you felt for him. How much affection from him meant to you and how badly you were in need of it.
*
“The show’s insane.” you smiled widely at Taeyong when he appeared right next to you.
“Wait, I’ll change, don’t go anywhere, okay?” his reply was quick and you guessed he was still busy.
Time wasn’t flying while you waited, more likely it crawled like a dying snail, minutes barely changing in what felt like forever. You finally heard men walk in distance and your guess was right - someone was leaving the dome. Couple of minutes later, when it felt like everyone probably left by now, you heard quick steps and someone trying to match the walk.
“Jaehyun, seriously, calm down.” you heard Taeyong’s voice the moment you were able to see them two run down the corridor towards you. “You’re not going to do any good for the both of you like that.”
“Why did you not tell me?” Jaehyun shouted when he was not more than two meters away from you. “Why the hell did you hide it from me?” he stood in front of you quicker than you wished, lowering his body above the chair you sat on, keeping his palms on the armrests for support.
“What?” you furrowed your eyebrows at him.
“Why did you hide from me that you’re pregnant?” he shouted out of breath and you felt pain. You knew the day he’d find out somehow would come but this wasn’t meant to be the so called day.
“I-I…” his stare was expectant and furious. “Don’t look at me like that and don’t shout!”
“Why did you not tell me we’re having a baby?” he ignored your words but his presence most definitely got lighter. He lowered the tone of his voice a little, still being as furious as ever.
“There’s no we, Jaehyun. And there’s no baby either.”
“Huh?” Taeyong chimed in from behind. “What you mean?”
“Did you lie to me?” Jaehyun turned to face his friend.
“She…Wait, Y/n, did YOU lie to me?” Taeyong took a step closer to you confused.
“I didn’t, I was… pregnant…” the two men stared at you bewildered.
“Huh? You had a miscarriage or something?” Taeyong took another step to you visibly nervous. “Why you didn’t tell me?”
“No, not that. I went through a termination.”
“You mean like abo…”
“Yes, this.” you didn’t let Jaehyun finish his sentence.
“But why? When?” you knew Taeyong was confused like hell, three days ago the two of you were having a conversation about the month the baby was going to be born in and now you drop the news at him.
“Today. That’s why I felt sick earlier. It’s really no big deal, you two shouldn’t be worried like that.”
“No big deal? No big deal? Are you kidding me?” Jaehyun pushed himself from you, walking in quick circles over the corridor. “What is wrong with you?” he stormed towards you with nothing but insanity in his eyes.
“Hey, dude, calm down.” Taeyong caught him half way. “She’s probably feeling much worse than you do.”
“She hid from me the fact that she’s pregnant, broke up with me and now when I get to know she’s pregnant, she says she got rid of my child? Without even telling me? Even a single message saying ‘hey, I was pregnant with your baby, but I’m getting rid of it tonight’ would’ve been better than finding out this way. And you think she feels worse? Seriously?” he breathed heavily and you couldn’t raise your eyes up from your knees in shame, watching warm droplets leave wet stains on your clothes. It hurt you terribly to hurt Jaehyun but there was no way back now. “Taeyong, let go of me, I’m fine, seriously, I swear.” Taeyong looked up Jaehyun, setting him free in a second. “I… do you not want to tell me anything? Look me in the eyes maybe? Not a single thing? Hm?” his body towered above you and you actually did raise your head to look at him but the contact didn’t last for more than five seconds because of Jaehyun. “You know, actually I don’t want to look at you. I can’t believe you did all of this. I thought you loved me the way I loved you. I… I can’t believe and I don’t want to believe. You’re making me sick.” he turned away on his heels quickly, running away.
*
“I know Doyoung’s your best friend, but he isn’t mine. I’m not going to come, I’m sorry.”
“Pretty please?” Taeyong whined over the phone.
“You know everything is crooked, I’m not going to come to your place when Jaehyun’s totally going to be there.” you sighed, moving your eyes to another book on the shelf.
“He actually wanted to talk to you, maybe you should come. You know, he’s been all upset these two months and told me he doesn’t feel good bout your last conversation, you should totally come.” you could hear the sound of his favourite PC game in the background. “Oh, sh…” he exclaimed randomly and went quiet.
“Are you setting me up with him?”
“I’m not, you’re not a stranger to neither of us and Doyoung would like to see you, plus you do really need to get clean with Jaehyun. I’m not pushing but I know it’s something that could make you feel better…”
“I don…”
“No matter what the outcome is, y’all need to talk.” Taeyong cut you off.
“Okay.”
“You’re coming?”
“No, I’m just agreeing it’ll make me feel much better.”
“Come then, I can come pick you up.”
“Nah, just play your games.”
“I have to go buy cake anyway, you’ll gladly help me, I know it.” you could feel him smile through the phone. “This month is always insane.”
“Yeah.” you sighed into the phone.
“Did you think about Jaehyun’s birthday?”
“What you mean?”
“Don’t know, maybe you were planning on a gift or something…”
“I wasn’t.” you said roughly.
“Okay, okay. I was just thinking what I should get him.” the clicking of his mouse was all that you could hear for a while. “Where are you? I’ll pick you up and we’ll go to Paris Baguette or something.”
*
“Did you tell Jaehyun I’ll come?”
“I did.” Taeyong nodded, resting his arm over your shoulders.
“At least we know why he left, right?” you chuckled not knowing if you were glad or upset about it.
“Maybe he has schedules or something? I can text him.” Taeyong moved his free hand to grab his phone.
“No don’t, I don’t care.” you looked him deep in the eyes and Taeyong bobbed his head in agreement.
“Okay, you don’t.” his eyes ran over the room and you did the same.
“I thought you meant there’s going to be a party or something.” you looked over the take out on the table.
“It is low-key a party, isn’t it?” he chuckled making you question him. Doyoung himself wasn’t even home yet. Mark and Haechan sat on the other side of the room playing something on their phones. Yuta ran over the room once and the rest of the people that lived here were nowhere to be seen.
“Where’s Doyoung?”
“I didn’t ask him, it’ll be too sus to ask.”
“And what if they’re having a party somewhere else?”
“Doyoung will come, I know he knows I’ll buy him cake.”
“And the rest? Do they know?”
“We’ll they might show up, I don’t know. I just asked you to come because I didn’t want you to be alone, not because there was a big ass party planned.”
“Okay…” you sighed at him, picking up your chopsticks to munch on food.
“Hey, Jaehyun texted me he’s with Doyoung.” Mark announced loudly and at the mention of your lovers name you felt like you had digestive problems. “They’re actually in front of the house.”
“Jaehyun’s going to ruin it if he’ll come with him to our floor, text him.” Haechan exclaimed quickly.
“He said he’s coming with him to pick up a hoodie from Taeyong.”
“Me? What hoodie.”
“A fake one, obviously, Taeyong, use your brain.” you shook your head and put the chopsticks away, hearing Haechan’s distant giggles.
“Okay, let’s hide.” he quickly dragged you behind the counter and ran over to the corner, lighting up the candles. The house was pitch black and a moment later you could hear the code being punched in. Doyoung’s giggle filled the room before he probably noticed it being dark.
“Oh, no one’s here?”
“Maybe in their rooms.” Jaehyuns voice made you shiver.
“Yeah.” Doyoung agreed before turning the lights on, forcing the 5 of you to jump out of your hide outs. You sang the happy birthday song together, quietly watching the boys hug for way too long, finally giving Doyoung a quick awkward hug and stepping back. They sat down and the unending blabbering party began.
You blinked often and smiled with all of your strength as if you were engaged in the heated conversation they had to not focus your vision on Jaehyun that weirdly enough sat right across you, munching on the piece of cake for the past 30 minutes. He didn’t speak much but you could vividly hear him every time he laughed loudly at the jokes that were told. Your eyes fixated on his hand that held the fork, not believing the fact he was still torturing the chocolate goodness on the plate. You wondered how long would it take him to finally finish it off, when his head suddenly raised and caught you stare. He smiled at you fondly and you didn’t find anything better than to roll your eyes at him in reply. You felt stupidity of your action but you leaned back onto the couch, turning your head towards Taeyong more.
“Guys, I’ll go.” Jaehyun sighed in what felt like not later than five minutes, placing the fork next to the still unfinished cake and stood up. “Doyoung, happy birthday once again.”
“Why so early, Jaehyunah?” Johnny asked in his whiny tone.
“Suddenly felt like going to bed early tonight.” he smoothed out the jeans on his legs, grabbing the phone from the table to go.
“Yeah, sure.” you chuckled annoyed, but more importantly disappointed. First and foremost disappointed in yourself for acting the way you did. The grown ups agenda seemed to not work out on your side the most and you couldn’t believe you were doing things the way you shouldn’t.
“Are you two somehow learned to fight through telepathy?”
“We never fought, what are you talking about?”
“I’m not going to fight with you over this either.” Taeyong shook his head and turned away.
*
“Hey, you’re bored?” Taeyong touched your shoulder when your hands reached for another piece of cake. “Can you do me a favour?”
“Sure.” you nodded and turned to face your friend properly.
“Take the left overs to the other floor.”
“Why me? Yuta’s going to go back there anyway.”
“By the time he’ll go there will be nothing to take.” Taeyong’s eyes pointed at your plate.
“You’re doing this on purpose?”
“I’m not!” he whined suddenly “Just go and come back quickly. I still have to take you home.”
“Fine.” you sighed and stood up.
“Yo, I’m sorry. Could you get my hoodie? It should be on the couch.” Mark raised a hand at you as if he was talking to a waiter “If it’s not, then it’s totally fine. Someone probably took it to my room, don’t worry.”
“Ugh, yeah, okay.” you said awkwardly and felt Taeyong shove the cake box into your hands.
“Go.” he pointed at the door.
“It’s green, by the way.” Mark shouted suddenly when you were at the door and you smiled at him awkwardly once again.
Knocking on the door just in case, before entering the living room, you found it empty, sighing relieved. Maybe Jaehyun did plan on calling it a night early. This, only seemed like a good thing to you.
Your feet quickly took you to the fridge that was right around the corner from the entrance of the apartment, placing the cake on one of the shelfs. Your plan was quick and simple: put the cake in the fridge and run away as if you never were there. You were half way to succeeding when the killing desire to eat the piece Taeyong took you away from won over and you brought the cake back out from the fridge, placing it on the table. Your fingers quickly got rid of the box, taking the piece and finally savouring the flavour when you heard a familiar melody. Your jaw moved slower and slower, until you stopped chewing completely, perching your ears up to hear the melody better.
Instantly realising what the melody was, you stood up, not even bothering to clean up after yourself. Your feet took you to the source of that sound, knowing the path way too well. You stopped at the door, hoping to not disturb Jaehyun. The door was locked not letting you peek at the boy that was playing his keyboard behind the door.
“Why are you playing this.” you whispered through greeted teeth, leaning against the wall next to the door. You breathed heavily, unconsciously placing your palm over your stomach. Closing your eyes, you tried to calm yourself down, get back to cake and leave to the party. Your brain glitched and you could put your life on it you could hear him sing even though you were damn sure he wasn’t in reality. The lyrics flowed through your head making last cells of sanity leave your brain. You fought with the urgent will to break in and smash the keyboard against the floor for him to stop playing the song. For him to stop messing with your mind like that. Messing with every decision you thought was right.
*
You met Jaehyun years ago through Taeyong, obviously. He wanted you to meet the guy that he was head over heals for to be friends with, the kindest and funniest guy he ever met as he used to tell you all the time. You were thrilled but worried, for the most part.
You wouldn’t name yourself a possessive person, or more accurately - you weren’t mature enough to recognise it within your system. You felt a sting in your heart ever since Taeyong got into that entertainment company. You knew being afraid he’d give you up unintentionally for someone else wasn’t healthy to start with, but you dismissed it as lack of human interactions on your side. You weren’t thinking low of Taeyong, you knew he wouldn’t dump you because you weren’t enough of a supportive and understanding friend or weren’t that good enough in general, but because being best friends with someone else that was able to be around you at most times was easier. You knew that and you knew it was only human nature, but previous encounters with your long forgotten friends made cold sweats run down your back and the talk of meeting the Jaehyun guy brought the stinging feeling back to your chest alongside fear.
You wanted to let him know you knew Taeyong better, you wanted him to know you were better friend to him, than that guy could ever be. You tried your best to even erase his name from your brain, act like you never remembered what Taeyong said, maybe play pretend you didn’t expect a third wheel at your coffee break. Anything, to show that person that this territory is taken by a scary bitch he shouldn’t cross paths with. You planned on your way to meeting them how you’re going to be unaffected and pretentious. The traffic on your way gave even more spare time to spit your inner venom secretly on Taeyong’s new friend, making a very toxic brain cell of yours fixating on the fact he was younger, giving you a feeling you could tap on it.
Everything you planned out began falling apart the moment you entered the cafe. The guy next to Taeyong looked fine and just that made you go in doubt with your own self. Taeyong waved at you enthusiastically right after his eyes fixated on you, motioning with his other hand in your direction for Jaehyun to see. The brown haired guy waved at you slightly too, smiling, making the dimples on his cheeks more visible as you stepped closer. You gasped and moved your eyes from him. He was nice and probably as sweet as Taeyong had described him. Maybe, even more sweet than Taeyong could ever describe him, your eyes ran over his figure, that was hiding behind the table once again.
You watched Jaehyun’s long fingers wrap over the glass of iced coffee, catching the straw with his tongue and looked away disappointed once again. There wasn’t a single visible reason to hate him for, and the more time you spent at that cafe, the more it helped you to get even more convinced than before that he was flawless.
Jaehyun slowly became a part of your life, much like Taeyong has been for the past eternity. He felt like a child that you and Taeyong had to raise, like a step-son you took partial interest in raising. You weren’t much older but the relationship built the maternal way subconsciously on your side and Jaehyun never fought it. The two of you didn’t turn into the bestest of friends, Jaehyun didn’t become your third best friend expanding your circle. You just accepted his existence and played along whenever you had to interact, and that was that. You kind of went with the ‘keep your enemies close’ tactic and it seemed to work, keeping the biggest threat of your friendship with Taeyong under a microscope.
And if it seemed to some around that your obsession with Taeyong was hidden under a crush, the two of you knew it was completely not that way. The first year you got in college you got in a relationship with a guy the name of which you liked to not say out loud anymore. It still felt like you did him dirty, like you betrayed him and quietly left, watched the love you had fall apart in pieces and then silently agree to break up.
Keeping an eye on Jaehyun took so much time you found yourself falling out of love and out of relationship. Your boyfriend felt the switch turn and with that you just parted. Not painfully, you longed for him and felt his absence, but it didn’t last long. Later on you realised that he was one of the things you were used to and when he left you finally understood you were insanely scared to let go of things you were used to. Whether it was a plushy from your childhood, a plate you were given on your 10th birthday all cracked on its sides by now or a boyfriend you found yourself not even loving anymore, just being with him cause you were used to it.
You were scared of Taeyong having other friends because you were used to being his only real friend. Jaehyun scared you because he was a threat that could push you from your warmed metaphorical seat. A constant in Taeyong’s life, you were scared to lose the title but the title didn’t matter at the end of the day. You were yet to understand that, but the road was paved the day you broke up with that guy.
Taeyong’s life was changing drastically and the more time you spent apart, you went through constant fear, but every time he came back as attached to you as ever, you realised the fear was unreasonable. He loved you dearly, Taeyong wasn’t about to give you up just because you didn’t see each other for a week, he wouldn’t give your friendship up even if you didn’t see each other for months. He proved it insane amount of times and this too, helped your heart feel at ease.
Accepting Jaehyun as no threat seemed to change your acceptance of his existence too. Jaehyun’s presence finally didn’t bother you in the way it used to and that alone helped you to understand him better, feel around him freer and maybe, for real this time, treat him like a friend.
It wasn’t until you got your first job after graduating university, when the relationship between you and Jaehyun took a turn.
While all your friends kept on sharing their stories of understanding and helpful bosses at their jobs, lovely first months of adaptation and support at work, you had absolutely nothing to add up to that.
Your boss if not hated the guts of you, was really good at pretending he did so. A month later you snapped, you told him very blatantly that the way he interacted with you wasn’t pleasant in any way you’d look at it, and his constant nagging and pressuring you, even when the papers were utterly flawless, oppresses your mental health drastically. At the end of the day you were a newbie and that’s what’s been told on your resume, that’s what you spoke about at the interview. You were told you’ll be learned everything you might not know of the business, anything you could be struggling with. And, for a fair point, you weren’t even struggling with anything, except for relationship with your boss.
He listened to you carefully, with no visible emotion on his still young face. For a split second you even thought he’ll consider your words for real, but the thought died quickly, when you saw his welcoming hand to follow him into his office. You stood there like a fool, afraid of speaking up. He took off his jacket and placed it on the backrest of his seat, sitting down and finally raising his eyes up to a standing you.
“If I knew you’d do your job right, I wouldn’t have to stay until late to check up on everything you did during the day. You’re no special, if you’re thinking I’m giving you some sort of special treatment, your completely wrong. If you want to grow, earn experience, you should stop crying to your boyfriend every time I point out at the mistakes and flaws of your papers and presentations.”
“Mr. Kang, I don’t have a boyf…”
“I don’t care, I heard just enough of your crying over the phone for the past weeks. If you can’t take the job, you should’ve never come here. If you can’t do what you’re asked to do, then I’ll find you another job, good? If you’re weak brain isn’t used to things like that, it’s fine. There’s a job for everyone, you could switch to a coffee lady here.”
“Mr. Kang, I did nothing wrong.”
“But you seem to struggle, aren’t you?”
“I’m not. I’m doing with my job just fine.”
“Yeah, just fine and you’re supposed to be doing amazing. Maybe you should focus more on you job?”
“I am, focused.” your breath hitched and he probably noticed by now that you were catching tears with your fingers.
“That’s why women like you are so useless.” he sighed disappointed and looked away. You felt like someone threw a bucket of trash over your head, but still feared to move a foot to exit. “You’re free for today. Come back tomorrow either with a resignation paper or will to work. You get me?” you tried to catch your silent cries to finally be able to look at him and talk, but you couldn’t just yet “Jesus, just leave already, I’m not here to watch your ugly crying.”
You turned around on your heels, running. You ran from his office to your table, taking your bag and leaving the office quicker than you thought was possible. Out of all mean things he said about you, the one resonated the most while you were escaping the building was the one about your ugly crying. You tried to hide your face with your palm even though you knew it wasn’t probably doing anything, all the surprised office workers stared while you ran. Taeyong wasn’t picking his phone up no matter how many times you called, making you pissed off. He probably was consumed in his PC once again, not even finding a second to look at the screen of his phone. You hissed through greeted teeth unpleasant words towards Taeyong after another missed call on his side, catching a taxi with your free hand. With a loud click of your tongue you made up your mind to go to the dorms. He couldn’t be anywhere else.
When you were set free for the day, it already was half past four, and by the time you got to the dorms the sun was already setting. First aftershocks and a strong feeling of humiliation had passed and by the time you knocked on the door of the apartment, you were so tired you just wanted to fall asleep on Taeyong’s bed to the sound of clicks of his computer mouse.
“Oh, hi?” a guy you never saw before opened the door. His eyes ran over your body and landed back on your face. “How did you get here?”
“Excuse me?” you asked confused “I’m Taeyong’s friend, Y/n.”
“Y/n?” the guy seemed to remember your name from somewhere.
“Yes. Taeyong doesn’t answer my calls, I came here because I need to see him. Can I come in?”
“Ugh, he’s not home. Are you… are you for real Y/n? Just making sure, because girls come up here sometimes trying to come in under different pretexts.”
“Do they come up here crying and saying they’re Taeyong’s friends?”
“No, I’m sorry. I do believe you but he still isn’t home.” They guy looked apologetic and you had no other option than to believe him.
“The only time I needed him he suddenly fleets from his room.” you mumbled under your breath, turning to run down the stairs without even saying goodbye.
“I think he’ll be back soon, you could wait for him.” the boy shouted but you already were down one flight of stairs to turn back and come in.
Instead, you sat down on the bench a couple of meters away from the entrance. Maybe the guy was right, and Taeyong will be home soon, you could just wait here. Or, at least, if he’s not coming back until you’re freezing on this bench to death, you could at least regain a bit of your energy, to be able to take your drained body home. The weird silence of the street and insanely paced train of thoughts in your brain made your heart feel uneasy. You could feel your palms sweat just at the thought of coming back to work tomorrow. You called Taeyong once again, meeting with silence and even higher panic levels. You could almost feel your phone slip out of your clammy hands, dropping it onto the bench to wipe your palms against the pants you wore.
Being left alone totally, most definitely wasn’t the nicest of things after you were named things you never thought you will be named, after being stomped like that cause of nothing by your boss. You tucked your feet closer to your body, wrapping your arms around, to not let them fall back to the ground. Propping your head on the backrest you looked up to the sky in weak attempts to pass the time. Watch the sky and finally hear Taeyong’s steps getting to the entrance. But he wasn’t anywhere near, and his steps didn’t bother your hearing. It was pretty quiet and the only sound was made by your sobs that suddenly began to increase. You couldn’t sense the moment tears began flooding your ears again, just the feeling of warm trails turn into cold ones as the autumn breeze hit your skin brought you back to your feelings. You just couldn’t understand why people had to be so cruel. You did nothing wrong and injustice of the world only made the tears come out harder.
“Hey, Y/n, is that you?” you shoot your head to look forward, wiping the stains of tears as quickly as possible, as if it was the only trail of your crying.
“Ugh, Jaehyun, hi.” you chuckled awkwardly and sat even more back down onto the bench.
“Are… are you okay?” he asked and his voice kinda broke, still standing far away from you.
“Yeah, I was just waiting for Taeyong, it’s fine.” you gestured with your hand that you were fine and only then Jaehyun took a step closer to you.
“Is he not home?”
“Nuh-uh, went somewhere. It’s fine though, I’ll wait for him here, you can go.” you mastered a smile to reassure him but it seemed to not work. Jaehyun placed his body next to yours, resting his back on the backrest of the bench. You held your breath expectant of what he’ll say to you, what he’ll want to know or what he’ll do, but he just sat quietly. You didn’t dare to turn your head and look at him because you most definitely would feel awkward to look at him with your puffy, red from crying face.
“I know we’re not close, but if you need a shoulder to cry on right now, I won’t hesitate to give you one. You don’t even have to explain to me what’s up. If you don’t want to, we can just quietly wait for Taeyong here.” you took a loud hitched breath as if you were about to speak, but no words came out of your mouth.
“My boss is a bastard.” you could feel Jaehyun’s eyes fix on your back after you spoke, expecting for him to reply back anything, but he was probably allowing for you to say what you found important to share. “He said I should be a coffee lady instead, because I’m useless and not focusing on work enough.” you found yourself crying once again, making all those words come through your body. Jaehyun’s warm palm landed on your back, caressing it in soothing motion. This probably was the first physical contact you have ever had with him, you never even gave hugs to each other when you met, you just waved and it seemed like enough. But this encounter just made you want more of the contact, and not specifically with Jaehyun, but with anyone who would be able to give you a hug and caress your hair until you cry out all the tears that were there.
“Men like that are probably dissatisfied with their own lifes and are trying to build younger people they have power over the same way.” your head snapped to watch Jaehyun’s face expression. It was emotionless, he looked like he didn’t care and this, weirdly enough, made you calmer.
“Did you mean it? That you won’t hesitate to give me your shoulder to cry on?” you scanned his face and he nodded, tapping lightly with his fingers on his shoulder next to yours, as if inviting you to it.
“But why would he say any of that? Out of the blue?” Jaehyun asked carefully, caressing your head, while it rested against his shoulder. Practically your entire body rested against his, with your folded knees falling over his thighs, when you changed your sitting arrangement to get his body under yours. Jaehyun’s other hand held your shoulders, and if someone passed you two by, you looked like two lovers glued to each other.
“He’s always been like that, but today he was extra picky with everything, when I asked him a single question he snapped and shouted, I told him it distresses me and then he began his rant.”
“Did you cry in front of him?” Jaehyun’s hand stopped moving and you raised your head to look him in the eyes and nodded. “Don’t cry, if he says something next time, he shouldn’t see you weak. He probably feeds off of your crying.”
“I wasn’t planning on breaking down in front of him anyway, especially now after he called me an ugly cryer as well.” you moved your head down suddenly feeling self conscious of looking at Jaehyun this close. You wiped your falling tear with your fingers, wrapping your hands around your body.
“Hey…” Jaehyun sighed to catch your attention and raise your head back to look at him, but you ignored his little hail. Jaehyun’s fingers moved from your head onto your cheek, they moved slowly, ever so lightly, your skin almost not being able to feel them, but how could you not, when his motions suddenly became too intimate for your sanity. Jaehyun’s fingers laid atop of your jaw, while his thumb drew tiny circles over your cheek. You couldn’t catch if he was being, actually, affectionate, or if your tired brain took a friendly gesture elsewhere. “Will you not look at me?” he chuckled when you, trying to work out what was going on, took too long. “I will kiss you without your consent if you won’t raise your eyes at me.” your eyes quickly found Jaehyun’s to see if he was joking, and he seemed to be not. “I should’ve said that I like you before I said this thing about the kiss, right?” he chuckled and moved his head as if disapproving of his own self.
“Are you saying this just because I told you my boss called me ugly?”
“No… but kinda yes, I mean…” He rumbled and you found it cute. He seemed nervous and this at least hinted that he was honest. “I kind of wanted to protest and say that you’re insanely beautiful, but this probably would sound weird and I thought I should tell you first that…” Jaehyun’s fingers stopped moving, his brain being too preoccupied with turning words into sentences.
“Maybe you should’ve kissed me without explaining it much.” you interrupted him, trying to hide a smile that shone over your lips with a smirk.
“But can I?” his eyes got wider as if he didn’t expect this kind of reply from you. You raised one of your hands that’s been laying over your stomach for too long now, quietly hooking it over Jaehyun’s neck as a call to action.
“You can.” you whispered in reply, when Jaehyun’s head moved towards yours. You closed your eyes when you could feel Jaehyun press his lips against yours, and you kissed him back - deeply and slowly. Your other hand was gripping onto Jaehyun’s cheek to pull his mouth closer to yours, pin his body against yours more. His tongue found yours and suddenly you found yourself craving for way much more than what he asked for. Asking him to sleep with you would probably scare him away, if you were him, you’d think that you wanted to put the stress and frustration away with sex, and you didn’t want him to think that. You didn’t want him to do anything that would make him dislike you, suddenly the fleeting feeling of finding him attractive ran through your stomach. You pulled back first and wiped the lipstick stains off his lips. Jaehyun watched you silently, catching your fingers with his, when you wanted to drop your hand back onto your lap, and hooked it over his neck once again.
“And can I kiss you once more?” his whisper landed on your lips, not asking for any answer, as his lips covered yours.
*
This, was a terribly bad idea. When the guy at the dorm said Taeyong wasn’t home, you should’ve caught a taxi and get back home. This, didn’t seem like a good thing, more, like a start of something wrong, you thought to yourself, when you sat at the office next week, still in doubt if you should tell Taeyong what happened or not.
“My dear miss Y/n.” you heard a familiar voice from above of your cubicle, raising your head to see Mr. Kang. “Not enough tasks to keep you occupied for the whole day? I’d rather you check up on those papers you give to your seniors, than stare blankly into the screen of your computer. You know, it’s not that much I’m asking of your little brain.”
“Mr. Kang, of course, I’ll check my papers carefully before giving them to you.” you bowed in your seat and put on a smile, wishing for him to go. As if he read your thoughts, your boss turned around noiselessly and began walking away.
“You better are, bitch.” you swore to god you heard him mumble, gasping and standing up in your seat. The loud noise of the wheels moving probably made it sound as if you fell off your stool and he turned around. “Y/n? What’s wrong?” he looked at you expressionless for a split second making you believe you were hallucinating.
“Did you…” you wanted to ask directly if he called you a bitch, but this probably would attract even more attention of your co-workers. “Did you say, anything, sir? I think I might’ve not heard you correctly.”
“Oh, miss Y/n, I didn’t, you might be starting hearing things. I guess, the stress is really getting the best of you.” he pursed his lips, and turned on heels, raising eyebrows and left.
*
Your eyes were running between windows on the building you stood in front of. You doubted and shifted from one foot to other, looking at the screen of your phone and then hiding it back in your pocket.
You were distressed. Distressed because you were sure your boss called you a bitch but you had nothing on you to prove it. Distressed, because there wasn’t a single evening since the day Jaehyun kissed you, that you haven’t thought of him. You haven’t talked to him, either, but this, wasn’t that much of a surprise to you. You’d feel more pressured if he suddenly began texting you non-stop, pressing and invading your inner peace. You two probably needed to talk everything out somehow, but the nature of your relationship didn’t really give you a chance to do so.
You said ‘fuck it’ and brought your phone back out. Your fingers quickly found Jaehyun’s name in the phone book, running your eyes through the dead chat for the 100th time for the past 10 minutes. The last message there was from two months ago. You asked Jaehyun, if Taeyong was at home, and his simple ‘idk’ was the very end of your conversation.
to:Jaehyun
“are you home?”
You hit send and regretted it immediately. He probably won’t see the message now and will text you hours later when you’ll be already home. It’ll only make things more awkward in the future, when you’ll have to tell him something, anything. You should’ve called and asked him over the call, but now calling and texting would make you look desperate for his attention, and you hated to seem desperate. You swore under your breath and turned to walk away, when your phone vibrated.
from:Jaehyun
“yeah”
to: Jaehyun
“d’you think you could come outside?”
from: Jaehyun
“give me a minute”
You read the notification, locking your phone and focusing your vision on the entrance. You felt your heart beat in your ears and you hoped it’ll stop before Jaehyun shows up in front of you or you might pass out. Soon enough, a figure was visible through a glass door, not even guessing, you knew it was Jaehyun. When his eyes were able to spot you and his hand reached out for the door, you walked in his direction. More likely you stormed in his direction, stopping on your tracks, when he was a couple of steps away.
“Did something happen?” he looked at you confused.
“Yeah.” you nodded and raised your arms to wrap over his shoulders, forcing Jaehyun to bend his back to get his face closer to you. “And only you can make me feel better.” his eyes watched your lips move and when you stopped talking, he let you move his face even closer and lock your lips. Jaehyun’s fingers gripped your waist, keeping you in place, and you weren’t really sure now who was taking over the kiss. You found your hands over Jaehyun’s cheeks, when he pushed you away slightly, pecking your lips to let you breathe.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” his grip on your waist loosened, making you wish he gave you a hug. You nodded and Jaehyun let you go, initiating a walk near their dorm.
*
to: Jaehyun
“do you think, we could see each other?”
You texted Jaehyun nonchalantly. Your messaging history with him seemed to get more active than before, since the last time you asked him to come out wasn’t more than a week ago.
You stared at your phone, biting onto your lip. It was midday, he probably was asleep, at least, that’s when Taeyong usually was barely awake and you guessed that’s what everyone at their dorm did.
You might’ve cried through the whole night after leaving work around midnight last night, after one more ugly rant of your boss, but you were not planning to admit that to anyone. You took a sick leave and didn’t want to give any fucks about what would he think of your sudden sickness. You wanted to see Jaehyun and get his help on releasing your stress, and maybe, most likely, you wanted him to do more than just kiss you, and lack of reply on his side made you more frustrated than you would like it to.
from: Jaehyun
“it’s alarming, you know that?” he texted you back later on.
to: Jaehyun
“wdym”
from: Jaehyun
“stress levels at your work are alarming.” you chuckled at his reply, biting onto your lower lip to think of reply.
“we can, though.”
“I’m out of the dorm, so just tell me where you’d like to meet.”
to: Jaehyun
“think you could come up to mine like now?”
from: Jaehyun
“I thought you’re at the office”
to: Jaehyun
“I took a sick leave”
“I got sick and tired thinking of you and not being able to have you by my side.” you re-wrote the message 10 times, making your insides do a flip. This, kinda took you somewhere else, somewhere where you weren’t just asking Jaehyun for kisses to release stress.
from: Jaehyun
“okay”
“your address?” his response seemed too dry for your own liking and you hated yourself internally for letting him know you were thinking of him like that.
You sent the address and dropped the phone onto the couch. He should’ve replied differently, and the thought sat in your brain until you heard another notification.
“by the way, I got sick and tired thinking of you and not being able to have you by my side months ago.” he sent and you froze. You kind of erased his sudden confession out of your brain, not because you didn’t take it into account, but because Taeyong still had no clue about all this, and because kissing for a couple of times in a grown up world wasn’t meant to mean much, right?
It didn’t mean to mean much, but it did for Jaehyun already, and maybe, probably did for you too.
You felt heaviness in your chest while you waited for him to come. You knew that it was there because you wanted to feel his lips on yours, run your fingers through his hair, feel his fingers on your cheek. Your breath hitched when he pressed on the door bell and you ran, but then paused before the door to not seem like you were desperate, once again. You gave yourself a promise to keep yourself collected and pushed the door open. Jaehyun stood there in a black jean jacket, with his fringe tucked behind a black cap. His hands were in his pockets, scanning your figure that was still wearing pyjamas.
“Hi.” You smiled and walked to the side, inviting him to come. “We don’t really greet each other, do we?” you chuckled and watched him undo his converse.
“Yeah.” he nodded and stood back up, looking around. “Hi.” Jaehyun took off his jacket, revealing to you that he’s wearing a black t-shirt, and held it in his hands, before you reached out and hung it by the door. Jaehyun stood quietly and watched your every motion. Suddenly you realised that maybe kissing was your own very special way of killing the awkwardness of being one on one and you should’ve not held back and just kissed him. “Something happened, right?” you looked at the floor, being ashamed of the whole idea of calling him over in the first place. “I mean, we don’t really talk to each other if it’s not you willing to release stress through kissing.” your body felt heat at the hint in Jaehyun’s voice that you were using him. You knew it more than he did, he didn’t need to hint it to you. You used him because you were afraid to admit you liked your best friends friend, and you used him because he was the one who allowed all of it. He was the one who kissed you first.
You slowly walked towards him, still not being able to look Jaehyun in the eyes. Stretching your arms towards his, you forced him to hug your waist and he locked his arms around you tightly, closing the space left between your bodies in a second. Your fingers slowly crawled up his chest and he let you kiss him, deeply as ever. He bit your lip and a moan escaped your throat, when Jaehyun’s fingers dug into your side.
“I want to lie down, let’s go to my bedroom.” you whispered in his mouth and he agreed quickly, allowing for you to take the lead. You sat down with your back to your headboard and Jaehyun sat facing you. Your fingers strolled up his thighs until they got way too close to his centre and you moved them back onto his shoulders, so you could support yourself getting your body on top of one of his thighs. Jaehyun’s hand held your faces close to each other, and when you tried to reach out for him first, his lips caught you midway and crashed against yours. He roughly pressed your body against your headboard by your shoulder and you whimpered. Did he plan on taking this somewhere else too? You guessed he did, if what he said about wanting you was true. You slid fingers down his stomach and there’s a small clashing of tongues because he’s startled. His body stiffened and whatever he focused on, helped you to take full reign of the kiss. You stuck your tongue out, letting a trail of saliva still connect you as he moved his head back. Your fingers moved past the band of his jeans and you squeezed his member through thin material of the skinny’s. He gasped and you moved your lips to the column of his neck, squeezing his member rhythmically.
Jaehyun seemed to recollect himself, grabbing onto your hand and pushing it away. “So this, is how things are going to go?” you thought if he meant to ask if you really were implying on sex or not and chuckled.
“If you have any preferences I’ll gladly take them into account.” you chuckled and tried to move his face closer to yours.
“I didn’t mean this. I’m asking, if this is how we’re going to be, me and you. If the only connection we’re going to have is when you need me to release your stress. Starting with kisses, now sex. I kissed you because I was dying to. We kissed once more and I thought this will change you towards me but now I just cant shake the feeling off that I’m being used.”
“Speak to Taeyong.” you simply stated.
“About us?” he asked after thinking of what you said.
“Yes. Tell him.”
“And if he’s fine with us, what’s then?”
“Then, just love me.” you chuckled at him and leaned in to peck his lips. “I’m already thinking of you all the time, so you don’t have to worry I won’t love you back.” Jaehyun watched your face expressions change. “I hate confessions, why are you keeping quite for so long.” you chuckled and hid your face on his chest, feeling Jaehyun’s hands wrap around your body and making the two of you fall down on the bed. “Can you stay? For a while, or will you go back to talk to Taeyong?” you raised your head and looked him in the eyes, running your thumb over Jaehyun’s lower lip.
“I’ll tell him later, okay?” you smiled happily and kissed his lips. “You’re obliged to go on a date with me now, by the way.”
*
“What’s up?” Jaehyun picked up quickly your call “Oh, baby.” he gasped immediately after hearing your sob through the phone.
“I’m fine.” you said as you wiped tears off your cheeks “I just called to say I won’t be able to see you before you leave. I’m probably staying at work till midnight.”
“Please.” he sighed into the phone and you couldn’t pick up if he was mad because you couldn’t say goodbye properly. “I’ll come to your office.”
“What? No, no. They could recognise you, Jaehyun.”
“I’ll wait for you outside the building. I’ll be there in 40 minutes, okay? Will you be able to come down?”
“I will no matter what.”
“Good.” he smiled as he spoke and you could hear it through the phone. “I can’t wait to see you.”
“I, too.” you breathed into the phone loudly trying to calm down when Jaehyun hung up. Being at the office was shitty either way you looked at it and you walked outside way before the meeting time, sitting on the bench with no backrest, and hating every person who thought placing such benches was a good thing to do.
You spotted Jaehyun’s figure out of the car immediately, his long legs, highlighted with skinny black jeans he used to wear all the time back then, ran towards the building. A cap was sitting deep on his head, running so no one could see his face. He raised it only when he reached you and you almost gasped at how teenagely innocent he looked for his age. Months later, introducing Jaehyun to your parents, your mom asked awkwardly if Jaehyun was of age and you would never forget how hardly you laughed at that question.
“My ugly crier.” he cooed whispering, for you only to hear and squatted before your sitting figure, cupping your cheek as he sat down. You smiled but felt like crying again. Not because of the nickname, but because Jaehyun was about to leave the city for a little while, because even though the nickname ‘ugly crier’ was filled on his side with affection and humour, you knew he called you that, because no matter how many times he begged you to quit the job that made you cry, you protested. He put his own frustration in that nickname and you understood that and never held it back against him. “Why is he keeping you hostage?” Jaehyun’s hand laid on your neck and you almost slid from the bench to your knees on the ground to be on the same level as he.
“Because I asked if I could leave 30 minutes early.”
“Fucking ba-“
“Jaehyun-ah.” you placed your palm over his lips.
“I can’t ask you to quit this shitty place anymore” he sighed even more distressed than you are. You knew this gave him so much stress too that he couldn’t deal with atop of dealing with his own work problems. “Baby, I beg you. For me, for us, if you don’t want to do this for your own peace of mind, do it for mine. If you’ll quit, I’ll do everything in my power to take you with us on tour. We’ll get to travel the US, together. Please? I don’t want you to stay here, crying on your own when neither i or Taeyong can be around. Please, Y/n. I can’t leave you in this state.”
“And how are you imagine this? Where am I going to get money, if I’m going to mindlessly travel the US for a couple of months? Who’s going to pay my rent?”
“I’ll work this all out, I promise. You’ll find a better job once we’ll be back. God knows what will happen next year. Maybe we’ll have even less time together than now. I would never ask you to drop your career for me but this place is ruining your nervous system. We’ll take this as a break, okay?” you nodded without even resisting him for a second. “You agree?” Jaehyun asked confused. “After all those months of asking you just agree with me in a minute?” he chuckled amazed.
“You should’ve just begged earlier.” you smirked at him and Jaehyun gasped, pulling your head closer for a kiss. Your head collided with his cap, forcing for it to fall back onto the ground. You chuckled through the kiss and let go of him so he could put it back on. “And what if they’ll not allow for me to tag along?”
“I’ll pay for your stay.” he said immediately, making you chuckle at his little, or not so little, flex.
You felt like that year was indeed the best year of your life. You knew that quitting that job would be a pleasure, but quitting the job and getting a chance to travel with your boyfriend and best friend at the same time felt ecstatic. You felt happy and free, free of any duties and responsibilities, enjoyed your life and hadn’t had a single thought about what awaited for you back home.
Taeyong beat into your head that being financially dependent on your boyfriend is not a crime and you are allowed to do it, especially when the boyfriend wanted to do it for you and when he did it willingly for you. At the end of the day you knew, that once you’re back home you’re looking for a job no matter what.
But pandemic hit little before you could finally find it, and the company put hiring on pause, and you found yourself locked up in one room with Jaehyun for way too many days in a row.
Pandemic hit and you found yourself cling onto Jaehyun way more than you wanted yourself to, and it wasn’t even about finance. This was an emotional cling, to an extent where you called him crying, when he had to leave you completely alone for two weeks cause of quarantine.
“Jaehyun-ah.”
“You’re breaking my heart every time you cry.” his eyes visibly saddened at the picture he saw on his screen.
“I love you.”
“Baby, I do love you too. When I’m allowed to, I’m running back to you.”
“But I need you now. Can’t I sneak in? I’ll spends those two weeks with you, I have nothing to do if you’re not around.”
“I love you and I love how attached you are to me, but I think we should be able to go through a quarantine without tears, okay?” you nodded and blinked at him.
“You attached me to yourself completely and now you’re saying that I should be able to go through this without tears. How am I going to do that?”
“What are my options? I have to calm you down.” he smiled lovingly and you looked away for your own good.
“I hate you.” you sighed into the phone and dropped your head on the pillow. “Maybe I should’ve stayed on that job.”
“Don’t overthink this. It’s already been over a year.”
“Yeah, a year.” you showed your face back on the phone. “My happiest year.”
“Mine, too. It’s not like I’m not attached to you, too, it’s not like I’m not dying to be right next to you too, you know that.”
“Maybe we’re too codependent?” you asked and Jaehyun shook his head a no.
“We’re just deeply in love. If the feeling goes away I guess we’re going to get into routine.”
“But I can’t breathe if you’re not around.”
“Then this will be a great opportunity for the both of us to lay back a little.”
You agreed on laying back, agreed that maybe personal space was still a thing even when you were in a relationship.
*
“Have you two considered moving together? Since you know, Jungwoo is at the dorm all the time and stuff.” Taeyong sat across you and Jaehyun, looking more like an investigator than a friend.
“Have we?“ Jaehyun’s eyes scanned your face expression with a little smile.
“No, and we won’t.” you shook your head and dropped your back against the seat.
“No, my little angels are in a fight?” Taeyong widened his already big eyes.
“Not in one that I’m aware of…?” Jaehyun ran his eyes around confused and moved his hand onto your thigh, that you gladly covered with your palm. Taeyong’s phone rang and he jumped up.
“Oh, Baekhyun hyung is waiting for me on the server, I’m sorry.” you could only see the back of his head disappear before you could reply.
“Did I upset you somehow?” Jaehyun flexed his fingers under your hold.
“I wonder how you could do that.” you smiled at him and scrunched your nose, smooching his cheek with a loud sound.
“Then it’s just a matter of principles?”
“You never said before you wanted to live with me.”
“I thought it’s an obvious next step in our relationship. We kind of been together for a while.” Jaehyun watched how you bent his fingers one by one back and forth.
“You might need a reality check, baby.” you chuckled and finally looked back at him, biting your lower lip.
“Huh?”
“Did you by any chance forget what you’re doing for a living?”
“I didn’t-“
“Then why are we even talking about this?” you smiled with the smile you knew he hated so much. Getting on his nerves wasn’t something you wanted to do.
“Should we talk about this?”
“I maybe should go home.” Jaehyun’s gaze changed and you knew you hurt him. You stood up and walked over his stool, hugging his shoulders from the back. “I know you have a schedule tomorrow.” you pecked his cheek once again.
“I don’t fucking care about the schedule when you’re acting like you’re my mom and I’m a clueless child.” Jaehyun grabbed your wrist and pushed you softly off his back, holding on to the stool with his other hand and turning around to face you ”Well, yeah, I am clueless why you said that we won’t consider moving in, but I’m not a child and you can talk to me if there’s something in between us that I didn’t notice.”
“I don’t want to be like this.” you pouted and ran your finger over his shoulder.
“Like what?” he caught your finger and held onto your palm.
“I don’t want to live like I stand a chance…” you looked at Jaehyun’s face for a split second, catching his focused gaze on you, chewing onto his lower lip nervously. “Like I stand a chance against your job.” Jaehyun gasped loudly when you finished your sentence.
“You know that I won’t put you-“
“I know, Jaehyun, I know, but I don’t want you to be like this. Once everything gets back to normal, you’re going to start travelling again, be even more busy. I’m not going to follow every one of your steps, it’s wrong. It’s like I don’t have a personality and once you’ll feel like it too we’ll fall apart. It’s inevitable, it’ll happen sooner or later anyway. If we’re moving in together I’m going to come into that place and cry, cry every time I’ll come back home and will realise that you’re not coming back too, because you’re in Tokyo or in Los Angeles, or somewhere else, I don’t know where else you could be going. It’ll be painful and I don’t want to be in any more pain than this. I already am in enough pain every time I realise we are not forever.” your fingers subconsciously squeezed Jaehyun’s.
“No.”
“I never said this because I knew you won’t like this reality, I don’t like it too.”
“No.” he stood up, towering in front of you. His hand let go of yours, taking your face into his arms instead. He stood closer, not giving you a chance to look away, letting you sink in the pained look on his face.
You swore on your own self for replying that way to Taeyong, it wasn’t really the time to have a reality check. You couldn’t remember the time you fought with Jaehyun last, usually you’d be on Cloud 9 in his presence and only get the saddening thoughts while being left alone and by the time Jaehyun was around you again, you’d get so overwhelmed there wasn’t a chance for you to feel anything except for flapping of butterflies inside of your stomach. “You’re not right and I am sure of it.” he began talking fiercely, quickly changing the manner by the end of the sentence. “Why you never told me you were hurting?” his thumb made soothing motions over your cheek.
“Because when you’re here it’s all good, Jaehyun.” you crawled your hands onto his waist and pulled yourself closer to his warm body. “Now it’s going to be all good too.” You whispered almost into his lips, allowing for him to do that last move of his neck to lay his lips atop of yours.
“I want a family with you.” he didn’t even kiss you properly before the words left his mouth. “Not now, in the future. We could work it all out, I know it’s not something I can do - being with you all the time right now, but at least I could try. I want to try being with you even if it seems like I can’t.”
“Not now because you know deep down you can’t drop everything?” you smirked, not in a cruel way, just as a statement of a fact.
“Maybe that too…” he sighed.
“I love you.” you blabbered when his words died. “That’s why I would never want you to drop the job that’s making you happy. That’s why being a family is not an option now or five years later. Maybe I’m weak or maybe I’m selfish? Or maybe you are selfish for asking me to suffer.”
“Don’t call being with me suffering, I love you.”
“I know you do, but… I guess I never realised in what fucked up thing I got myself, and I couldn’t realise for a very long time. And now I’m left with hating you and loving you at the same time.”
“So you do for real hate me?” Jaehyun looked concerned. You couldn’t work out if he took your words seriously or not.
“Only a little, when you’re purposefully taking too long on making me cum.” you said loudly to put an end to that ongoing conversation.
“What are you saying.” Jaehyun’s shy smile brought his dimples out and your heart finally began beating again, making that bad aftertaste of the previous conversation hide away.
“Are your ears turning pink?” you chuckled and raised your arm to touch them. “They’re totally pink and warm.” you chuckled at him, feeling him drag you to his room. “I didn’t know you were shy of me.”
“Yuta is behind that door.” he hissed and pointed at the door that was a meter away from you two. You widened your eyes and now full on laughed. “Are you possessed or something?” he kept on hissing, dragging you to his room.
“I’m sure he heard me moan your name before.” Jaehyun’s hands finally opened the door, and he quickly locked it behind him, pushing you onto his chest. You gladly hugged his neck, when his lips suddenly began hungrily kissing yours. “He might as well hear me moan now.” you mumbled as Jaehyun’s hand traveled down your back, squeezing your butt.
“Shut up.” his lips moved onto your jaw, leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses down to the column of your neck.
“Usually you ask for moans instead.”
“Oh god.” he gasped annoyed, making his tongue lick through your collarbone afterwards. You whimpered and Jaehyun’s head raised up to look at you.
“What?” you chuckled and pulled him in by his hair.
“I can’t promise that I’ll drop my job for you. I know you wouldn’t believe me, I wouldn’t believe myself either, because it is most likely a lie. And I do realise you wouldn’t ask for that in the first place.” you nodded, caressing his cheeks. “But I’m going to ask you to give me time. Because I know with time everything I want with you is going to be more possible.”
“Why are you so sure of it?” you shook your head in disbelief and chuckled.
“I know my seniors and I know their secrets.” he said too seriously.
“I trust you.” you smiled and tried your best to really trust him. Trust him that all the love you poured out won’t just go to waste one day.
*
“Fuck. Fuck. Taeyong I’m FUCKED.” you cried into the phone.
“What?” he was confused but didn’t pay too much attention to your cries. Once in a while you called him with something similar regarding your newly found job, but you usually didn’t act that dramatic for him to get too used to it.
“I can’t talk over the phone.”
“You committed a crime and want me to help you cover it?” he joked lamely.
“Get up and come to the cafe we were at last week.”
“The one where you threw up in the bathroom?” he giggled into the phone but heard no laugh in reply. “Okay, it’s not that funny, I’m sorry.”
“Will you come or not?” you sighed tiredly, hearing Taeyong pause his game.
“Of course I will. When?”
“Now. I’m going to leave now.”
“Okay, but everything’s fine, right? Nothing too serious I should worry about?” he suddenly spoke quieter and slower.
“I don’t know but nothing to be worried about for you for sure.” you hung up before he could say something back and left your place. The cafe was actually quiet far to walk to, but knowing that it’ll take a while for Taeyong to get there you just kept on walking.
“What happened? I literally ran out in my pyjamas.” Taeyong plopped on the couch and breathed heavily.
“Don’t shout at me, okay?”
“You cheated on Jaehyun?”
“What?” you cackled shocked but then suddenly thought that maybe it could’ve been a better problem.
“Thank god it’s not this.” he sighed relieved and dropped back onto the backrest.
“So you think I’m a cheating type of person?” You raised your eyebrows at Taeyong.
“No, I don’t think that. I just thought it because you wanted to tell me and not him. Go on, tell me what happened?”
You paused for a minute or, actually, maybe two, watching him take your glass of water to drink. You didn’t actually want him to choke, but he was being slow and you couldn’t keep your hand behind the table anymore so you just dropped it in front of him. “What? What are you trying to show me? That’s a proposal ring?” he pointed at your finger, even though it was a different hand. He gulped again, and you just moved your hand away and then he spat and attracted everyone’s attention to your table. Excusing himself multiple times at everyone who stared, he shifted his eyes blankly from you to the table in turns. “Does he know?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“I just found out.”
“Then it probably most likely is wrong?” Taeyong asked hopefully and lit up. “Take another one?” he watched you reach for your bag and hide your hand in it, roughly dropping a ridiculous amount of pregnancy tests onto the table. To be exact, 13. He mouthed an O.
“Is that enough to be sure?”
“Why did you take so many?”
“Because I ordered one, but then two more because this one could’ve been wrong, and then I thought that if these two are the same I need a third one for reassurance. Then I thought that this brand sucked and I ordered a different one, but then this one was also positive so I went to the grocery store around the corner and bought everything they had.”
“Oh my god.” Taeyong simply stated.
“E-fucking-xactly.” you were ready to hit your head on the table, but this would probably attract curious eyes you didn’t need.
“You know, all of these could still be wrong… like, something’s in your urine or something.”
“I booked an appointment for tomorrow. Will you come with me?” you reached out your hand to hold onto Taeyong’s wrist.
“Isn’t it better for Jaehyun to…?”
“I won’t tell him.” you shook your head vigorously and held onto Taeyong tighter.
“Ugh… why?”
“He’s going to do stupid things.”
“Things like what?”
“Things like preparing himself to being a dad.”
“And what’s stupid about it?”
“Hey, look. You’re my best friend.”
“Yeah?”
“And you’re Jaehyun’s friend too.”
“I don’t catch it.”
“Besides that, you two kinda work together. Think of it as a leader, not our friend.” he finally seemed to understand.
“You know that these two things are not really related.”
“He’s not dumb but he is at the same time capable of dumb things.”
“Elaborate.” Taeyong shifted in his seat.
“I’m just afraid he’ll quit or do some dumb shit that will ruin his life.”
“He could really do that.” Taeyong shook his head probably imagining. “But he’ll have to know at one point? I mean, he’ll notice.”
“Not if I’m not carrying on the pregnancy.”
“No.”
“Taeyong-“
“If you’re doing that, I’m telling him.”
“What would be the point if it’s done?”
“Wait, what? I’m confused. Did you do it already?”
“No, I won’t tell you now, even if I will.” you gathered the test and threw them into your bag “If Jaehyun never finds out about this, you’ll be the one thankful.”
“I’m not sure my job is winning over the fact my best friend wants to kill her baby.”
“If I’ll do it I’ll do it only for him.” you stated and Taeyong sat deeper in his seat, thinking.
“How did that even happen?” he asked suddenly meeting your annoyed gaze. “No, I didn’t mean physically, I mean how did that happen, like you two don’t use protection or what.”
“I hate this conversation.”
“We’ll you gotta tell me since it’s already started.”
“I think it’s because of that time I forgot to take the pill in the morning and only took it before bed. I heard this can lower the levels of protection, but I didn’t think it’ll literally happen like that.” you dropped your forehead on your arms that were laying over the table.
“At least now we know why you threw up.” Taeyong stated and ruffled your hair. “Note taken though, never do it raw.” he cackled loving his own joke.
“First, find yourself someone who’d do it with you at all.” you bit making Taeyong even more amused.
“Too offensive with the person that will go to the doctor with you AND keep his mouth shut before you tell him.”
“I should’ve just kept it all to myself.” you cried into your arms.
*
“So… I guess now we can totally say that you are, in fact, pregnant?” Taeyong watched you put the papers away.
“Yeah, except for the fact we’re not saying this to anyone.” you tried to not seem too burdened or upset. “And I mean it, Taeyong.” you threatened him with a finger.
“Since I’m the one you granted this secret to, I feel like we need to talk everything through.”
“Can you drive?” you tried your best to ignore him. Ignoring Taeyong was always your favourite option.
“Yeah, sure.” you walked over your car to plop your body on the passenger seat. “You’re not feeling well?” he asked, sitting his body next to yours.”
“I’m feeling like shit.” you snapped and dropped your hands in front of you, hiding your face in them.
“Fuck, Y/n.” Taeyong gasped and undid the seatbelt he just put on. “It’s fine.” you felt his hand get onto your back, caressing it. “People get pregnant all the time.”
“Yeah, they get that when they want it.”
“It’s not true. People get pregnant when they don’t have money, and they don’t want it in general. Or when they think it’s going to ruin their life. It’s the shock, you should tell Jaehyun. He’ll give you emotional support I can’t.”
“He’ll be shocked too and then what?” you raised your head to see Taeyong.
“Okay. Let’s go from the other way around. Do you want this baby ? Do you not want it because you don’t want to mess Jaehyun’s life or because you don’t want babies in general?”
“Because of Jaehyun.”
“Okay, then you have to tell him and see what he has to say? What if he’s like ‘yeah, get rid of that, it’s not the time’?” you widened your eyes at Taeyong. “Well in a nicer form, obviously.”
“It’s like you don’t know that he wont say anything like that in million years.”
“If he ever finds out you had an abortion he’s going to go mad and if you’ll come to him and say that you’re pregnant but now is not the time, he’ll understand you because he loves you.” Taeyong watched your eyes expectantly but you just couldn’t form words into something reasonable.
“Please drive me home.” you dropped your back onto the seat.
“Okay but please think this through.”
“Yeah.” you nodded your head and extended an arm towards Taeyong. He quickly caught it with his and squeezed it.
“I won’t tell him, I promise.” his hand pulled yours to his chest and then let go.
*
to: Taeyong
“I think I know what I’ll do.”
“please, don’t judge.” you quickly sent the other message.
You have thought things through, you wanted for Taeyong to know everything first.
from: Taeyong
“you’ll text or want to meet?”
“I actually want to see you.“
“come over”
“I’m home.”
to: Taeyong
“k”
When you got to Taeyong’s room, you found him play his beloved computer rolling your eyes unamused.
“When you said you wanted to see me I thought you’d at least get your butt up to open the door.”
“You know the c-. Oh, right. It changed, I’m sorry.” he pouted, standing up to get closer to you. “Who opened the door?”
“Ugh…Hae…?”
“…chan?”
“Yeah, probably, the tall one.”
“That’s Johnny.”
“I’m sorry.” you looked around awkwardly and sat down.
“How many years has it been?” he shook his head disapprovingly. “I’m giving you an excursion to meet everyone after you tell me when we’re telling Jaehyun about the baby.”
“Yeah, that’s the thing.”
“What?”
“I’m not telling him and you’re not allowed to fight with me about it.” you added the second part seeing Taeyong open his mouth.
“Okay? Then just tell me the reason.”
“I saw him yesterday, we were hanging out and then we kinda… and I said that I forgot to take the pill, and that we can’t…” You paused awkwardly. “I said that if we’re going to do anything, I might get pregnant and he said that it’s not a problem. I was like ‘stop joking’, because I most definitely felt amusement in his voice and said that yeah we can do it but then we’ll have to do something about it, you know, if something happens.” you shivered remembering his face expression afterwards. “He then suddenly turned serious and said that if I’m somehow some day getting pregnant we’ll adjust to that and that’s that and then he just went quiet after he said ‘imagine, if you’d kill our baby?’”
“Yeah…” Taeyong nodded, somewhere in his thoughts.
“I just can’t tell him, It’ll hurt him too much.”
“So you’re just going to do it quietly?” his loud sigh filled the room. “I’ll support you, of course. But I kind of got used to the thought we’re having a baby.”
“I can’t do that either…”
“Huh?” Taeyong’s head lifted quickly to look at you.
“I’m keeping the baby.”
“Oh my god, deep down I knew you would never do that to your relationship but when you took too long to decide I kind of started doubting.”
“I really can’t, I just imagined and I can’t. It’s not the time to have the baby, but it’s definitely not something I can do. At the end of the day, it is a child from someone I love. It’s Jaehyun’s baby.”
“Exactly.” He nodded vigorously.
“It’ll be difficult at first, especially if the baby’s going to resemble him so much, but I’ll get used to that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m going to break up with Jaehyun.” Taeyong’s eye twitched, grimacing on his face a smile that turned in confusion.
“What the-“
“I can’t ruin his life.”
“And what will you tell him when he’ll see you walking around with a child that’s probably gonna be his copy.”
“If that ever happens, it’s going to be none of his business by the time the baby walks.”
“So you’re just going to come up to him today and go ‘let’s break up’?” Taeyong seemed sceptical about every word that left your mouth. “You are willingly making yourself a single parent?”
“I haven’t thought about how I’m going to break up with him or when, but I’ll do it.”
“Just so you know, you’re fucking crazy.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re going to break a perfectly fine relationship because you don’t want to ‘ruin’” Taeyong drew brackets in the air “his career and life? Too much self sacrifice over nothing. I could tell him, you know? As if you’re scared to upset him, I’ll tell him because I worry? He’ll come up with something and then you’ll figure it out together. I’ll be the one to blame over a problem.”
“No, it’s not needed. I’ll tell him, I can do that.”
*
You tossed and turned in your bed through the night, felt your leg shake under the table in rhythm with some melody in your head every day you went to work. Your teeth always bit onto your lip and the way your eye twitched from time to time made it too obvious you were a ball of nerves. You had your obvious reason, but the more you postponed fulfilling what you had planned, the more it felt wrong. And no, it wasn’t the decision that felt wrong, it was the fact you let your casual relationship with Jaehyun while keeping in your mind that you had to break up with him. The thought made you sick, even so more it made you sick because this technically was all a lie.
“I wish we could’ve went out somewhere to eat.” he sighed as his body dropped onto the floor next to you. You helped him free food boxes he brought out of the bags.
“It’s fine, I’m tired anyway after the walk.” you took a quick glance at his focused gazed to hopefully stay unnoticed, but his eyes met yours anyway, leaning in quickly for a peck on the corner of your lips. “Good thing Jungwoo’s not home.” you noted awkwardly and thought how breaking up in front of Jungwoo would be awkward indeed.
“He’s staying over at his parents for two nights.”
“Did you make him leave?” you chuckled.
“No, he wanted to go back home before the comeback.”
“Oh, when is that?”
“On Friday.”
“This very Friday?”
“Yeah, I told you, remember?”
“Yeah, I’m just surprised the time passed quickly.” you could already feel Taeyong’s hands choke you if you’ll ruin Jaehyun’s mood for the comeback season.
“It saddens me that we won’t see each other as much.” his palm landed on your thigh and you suddenly realised that the two of you forgot about the food.
“It’s only couple of weeks.” you stretched out a smile and leaned over to pull out chopsticks from the bag. “Here.” you sighed and implied on you two eating, feeling on the verge of tears when Jaehyun’s hand began drawing small circles up your thigh. It’s the tingling feeling in your stomach that made your eyes water. Just a little more, just a couple strokes up and he’d touch your stomach, where the baby that was his began to grow. You wondered if he could get it somehow if he’d touch you, if the baby somehow gave him inner signals but you knew you were probably going crazy, so you pulled his hand off your leg and simply said. “Im hungry, let’s eat.”
“Couple of weeks now, and then couple of weeks a bit later on and then year-end shows. You know how it is, when it starts it’s like it never finishes.” he pursed his lips apologetically and you thought that maybe it’s a good thing. Work will keep him busy and you’ll just cope with it somehow on your own. “Remember I told you about the concert?”
“Mmh.” you nodded but refused to look at him. Looking at him made your insides turn and it wasn’t the best feeling.
“We’re going to have solo stages this time, I thought I’ll do the song I wrote for you.”
“No.” you spoke as soon as the last sound left his mouth.
“I knew you’d say that.” he chuckled and put the chopsticks away, leaning more onto his bed.
“You said it’s the song for my ears only, now you’re thinking of showing it to all of your fans… I want it to still be special.” you couldn’t keep your eyes on the wall anymore and turned to face him. Your heart screeched as your gaze ran over his warm smile.
“Okay, I won’t.” he smiled knowingly, stretching out his hand towards you. You were thinking you should move away, but your body weren’t used to dodging Jaehyun’s touch, so you just froze, feeling his fingers snake over your nape, pulling your face in front of his. “But now I have zero ideas of what should I do.” he whispered before kissing you softly. He didn’t try to move away and you kissed him back - slowly and softly.
“Didn’t you write things before that?” you pulled him back when you could feel his mood change to the one you were hoping to avoid.
“I did but they’re not good.”
“Maybe you’ll get inspired to write something new?
“I need it by the end of next week. And I don’t feel like anything inspiring could happen to me.” you looked him in the eyes, wondering if you should tell him what you wanted to right now. A broken heart was a great inspiration to write songs, you thought.
“And I thought I’ll forever be your muse.” you raised your eyebrows playfully and looked away. Joking would probably be better, for at least now. A little more time in peace won’t hurt anybody.
“Now I feel bad.” he stated and dropped his head to look at the ceiling.
“I was kidding.”
“I know, but still.” Jaehyun outstretched his hand to pull you to his side. You crawled over to him, moving the food out of the way. Your hands hugged his waist automatically, loosing your face in the crook of his neck. Jaehyun hugged your shoulders and you trembled a little in his hands. You wanted to tell him that you loved him, that he can actually take the song because you’d die to hear him sing it on stage. You wanted to tell him that you don’t want to leave, you wanted to ask him to stay together before the day of the comeback comes, but alol that left your lips was a gasp. You gasped and moved your hands from his waist onto his neck, hugging him so tightly, that if you were a little bit stronger you’d probably break his bones. I love you, I love you, you cried in your brain but couldn’t say it loud. Maybe Taeyong was right, maybe you were sacrificing too much over nothing.
“Baby.” he cooed and it took so much in you to not cry. “I know you’re against it so much, but I talked about this with Taeyong and he says it’s okay if we’ll live together.” his hand caressed your back, he wanted to look you in the eyes, but his words only made you breathless, you didn’t want to see his face. You didn’t want him to see your face. “I’m not forcing you, but even if it’ll be the ghost of me in that apartment it’s better than not seeing you at all.” you thought how could you make him stop talking, you scrunched your nose and rubbed it against his neck. “Baby, are you glued to me?” he chuckled and forcefully pushed you off him to look at you. “Or you’re hiding from what I said?” you looked at his ears to not look at him. “At least consider it, okay?”
“Okay.” you nodded, feeling Jaehyun get his lips on your jaw.
“I really want you.” Jaehyun whispered into your ear, moving his body closer to yours. His hand forced you onto his lap before you could come up with something to refuse him. You couldn’t think of a thing to say even when his lips trailed a line from your jaw behind your ear. You couldn’t remember the time when you refused him at all, couldn’t remember what people could say when they didn’t want their partner back. Probably, because you wanted him back so much you couldn’t think at all since the moment his palms landed on your thighs. Jaehyun’s fingers tugged the turtle neck you wore higher and you caught his hands mid action. His eyes opened and you looked at him too.
“Leave it on.” you mumbled quickly, hoping Jaehyun wouldn’t put too much attention to it and he didn’t, locking his lips with yours once again. He was moving his hands over your body swiftly, forcing a gasp from you as his
hand undid your bra under your turtle neck, moving to the front, cupping your breasts. His tongue slid into your mouth as you gasped, and all the courage you built to tell him no flew out of the window. Your fingers gripped onto his nape, fidgeting your body on his lap when his fingers caressed your stomach. It made you feel like he knew and you cried into his mouth. Jaehyun took it as a cry of want, moving his hand lower, undoing the button on your jeans, slipping his fingers to caress you through your underwear.
“Jaehyun-ah.” your lips left his in a moan. You already could feel a bubble of pleasure in your lower stomach and you couldn’t understand if this was the effect of pregnancy or you realising it’s the last time you’ll ever feel his fingers on you. His fingers moved past your underwear allowing for him to feel the swell and wetness of your heat.
“Do you love me this much? It makes me happy to know you’re still into me as much as you were back in the day.” he chuckled satisfied, slipping a finger inside of you. Your hips began their paced moves to meet Jaehyun’s hand half way. You felt him get hard under you and the feeling made you even more drunk on him than before.
“I want to go home. I’m going to cum.” you cried, squeezing your eyes tightly. “Jaehyun, please. Don’t let go, please.” you moaned on the verge of tears, mixing your words with whispering profanities. Jaehyun watched you with his eyes wide open. He couldn’t believe how vulnerable you’ve suddenly gotten, how easily you were a crying and moaning mess in his arms tonight. He wanted to pull back and feel you cum over him, extracting his hand, but you didn’t open your eyes to watch him, you just began rubbing yourself against his now hard length. Jaehyun panted as he felt the pleasure too. You slipped your tongue into his mouth and he sucked onto it, kissing you deeply. The kiss made your core throb, making you get closer to your release. Your fingers blindly found Jaehyun’s hand that now was helping you rub your thighs against his, forcing it to go back inside your underwear, to rub your clit in shaking circles instead. And he did so, sending you over the edge in minutes. Your hips stopped moving, feeling his fingers caress you through your high. You hated the feeling on your overstimulated heat, forcing his hand away from you. You dropped your body against Jaehyun’s to catch your breath. “I want to go home.” you mumbled the only thing that came to your mind.
“Right now?” he asked confused, forcing you to raise your head at him. “What happened?” he asked softly, trailing the tears off your cheeks. “You don’t usually cry.”
“Yeah, I want to go home right now.” your words confused Jaehyun to the extent you felt him get turned off. It was for the best, you thought to yourself.
“That’s… you can stay, Jungwoo’s not coming back.”
“I know, but I still want to go.”
“I thought we could…ugh… I just…” he seemed to glitch for a minute and you felt more awkward with every passing second that you didn’t tell him you wanted to go before it got sexual. “You just came off my hand a second ago and want to go home immediately? I thought we could have actual sex and then see what’s up? It’s not even about sex, I just feel wrong now.”
“I messed up the pill schedule, I’m sorry.” you slid off his legs and quickly buttoned up your jeans.
“What are you sorry for?”
“For not having sex with you.” you mumbled thoughtless, only realising how stupid it sounded when you closed your mouth.
“Are you… are you insane?” he tried to shout at you, probably, but the sound that came out of him was weak and hurt. You closed your eyes in pain. Things you said pained both you and him and you wanted to hit your head on the wall right then and there. ‘Let’s break up.’ three simple words couldn’t leave your mouth and you couldn’t lift your body up from the floor too. “Let’s not fight. I probably misunderstood you. No, I did misunderstand you for sure.” Jaehyun’s fingers reached out for your palm that you moved away.
“I’ll go home, okay?”
“Y/n, come on.” he sighed breathlessly. “What are we fighting about.”
“We’re not, I said I wanted to go home even when you were touching me.”
“Can you tell me why?”
“Because I remembered suddenly I have to get up earlier tomorrow.”
“Okay, I’ll walk you back home.”
“I’m going to take a taxi.”
“Okay, I’ll walk you down to the taxi.”
“You don’t need to.” you got your lips in a thin line. “I need to see Taeyong on my way.”
“I can’t get the feeling off my chest that something’s wrong.”
“Thank you. Thank you for everything, I’m serious.” you suddenly said, squeezing his palm that was resting over his knee.
“What exactly are you thanking me for?” he furrowed his eyebrows again.
“You fool, not for what you just did for sure.” you chuckled and pecked his cheek carefully.
“I love you.” he simply said back and you hated how attentive he got at times. If he was the normal boyfriend he would’ve not noticed how weird you felt inside. Jaehyun’s hand moved under yours to hold it. “I trust you and I trust that you would tell me if anything was wrong.” he whispered and kissed your knuckles. You nodded your head not being able to lie to him verbally. He leaned in and kissed you goodbye.
“Bye-bye.” your fingers let go of him. You stood up slowly and walked to the door. You felt your lungs starting to hyperventilate. You wanted to look back at him and send him a flying kiss but warm tears streamed silently down your face without your contest. You walked out quickly, closing the door behind you, dragging your feet to exit as quickly as you could, just in case Jaehyun would want to come out and say something else.
“Taeyong, I couldn’t.” You cried into your phone as soon as he picked up the phone. “Are you home?” you got the unsatisfactory answer of a no. “I can’t tell him I don’t love him anymore in his face. I can’t hurt him at all. How do I do it?”
“I can’t think right now, I’m kind of busy, I’m sorry, but if you decided on doing it, just do it. Maybe it’s better to do it now, while he’s going to be busy.” you felt warm breeze of early autumn hit your wet face as you got outside. You thought how Jaehyun talked about being busy for upcoming months. Maybe it was indeed the best timing to do it now.
“Okay, you’re right.” you just sighed into the phone.
“I’m here with you.” Taeyong said warmly, even though by the tone of his voice you could tell he was completely distracted. “I have to go though, text me if anything happens.”
“Yeah, yeah. Go.” you nodded and swallowed the tears you held back to be able to talk.
You quickly found Jaehyun’s number in your phone. You didn’t realise until you dialled it that your heart was beating in your ears. You didn’t realise until you called him that your hands turned into sweaty mess, making your phone slip out of your hands.
“Yeah?” he asked worriedly. “Did you forget something?”
“No…” You gulped so loudly it probably was heard on the other side of Seoul. “Let’s break up.” the world began spinning around you but you still tried your best to walk forward.
“What?” he asked and it made you feel like he couldn’t hear you the first time and you almost backed down. “Break up?” so he did hear you, you thought. “You’re still here? I’ll come down.”
“No, I’m far.” you couldn’t pretend you weren’t crying anymore, so you just let him know about it.
“If you want to break up, why are you crying?”
“I worry about your heart.” you whispered into the phone.
“I want to see you. If you’re far, then I’ll just come to your place.”
“No, Jaehyun. Do you hear me? I’m breaking up with you. I don’t want to see you, hear you. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
“I’m going to hang up and you’ll call me tomorrow, when you’re feeling better. Let’s pretend this conversation never happened, okay?” he pleaded, you could feel the tone of his voice turn into a worried one.
“No, there’s no need. Nothing’s going to change tomorrow.”
“Why?” he sighed painfully for your ears and you squatted in the middle of the street.
“Nothing’s there anymore.”
“Nothing’s there anymore? Are you kidding?” you could hear him getting worked up and it actually made you feel better. You wanted him to be mad, it was a good thing he didn’t hide his feelings. You wanted him to hate you, it would be easier if he won’t reach out to you himself. “You were kissing me ten minutes ago. You were next to me, you were holding onto me so tightly because nothings there? Come back. I’m coming outside.”
“Jaehyun.” you cried tiredly. “I don’t want to fight. I’m sorry I couldn’t say this into your face. I felt bad, but breaking up over the phone is probably even worse. I’m so sorry.”
“How can I not fight with you when you’re saying insane things? I know you love me, I love you. I don’t have any other options than to fight with you for us.”
“I…” you wanted to fall on the asphalt and lie there dead. “I don’t love you anymore and that’s the problem. I have nothing else in me to give you.” you lied with closed eyes, pushing your fist onto the ground, making it hurt with the way asphalt bits got into your skin.
“I don’t believe you. There’s no way.”
“Jaehyun, don’t be a child. I don’t love you and that’s it. I couldn’t tell you in the face because I knew you’ll throw a scene. Let’s be grown up about it and let each other live. People break up, its normal.”
“I… I…” his breathes were so heavy in your phone, they weighed you down closer to the asphalt. You could hear doors slamming and other movement. “Don’t fucking move, I’m going outside.” he said quickly and you realised what all those sounds were. You could hear the lock of their door and you hung up on him, running away like a stupid child. You were in fact a stupid idiot, at the end of the day. You walked inside a Seven Eleven around the corner, keeping your eyes on the door. The shop was pretty close and you could see Jaehyun run out of the building, looking around. He walked forward, moving his head around unstoppably, hiding from your view as he walked, making the shiver run down your spine. You were scared because you feared he’d pop out of somewhere behind you and will force you to talk with him. You didn’t realise you were holding your breath, barely breathing when your phone vibrated.
from: Jaehyun
“I’ll come to your place”
“we need a conversation”
to: Jaehyun
“No.”
You almost hid your phone in your pocket, when you realised you could text him to calm him down.
“I’ll text you later on and we’ll talk, okay?”
“I feel like we need time to process everything and chill out.”
from: Jaehyun
“okay”
You didn’t want to admit this was a lie. You didn’t want to admit this to him or you, but you knew you wouldn’t want to meet him ever again. You knew it’ll be too painful to even feel his existence somewhere not far from you.
You saw his figure walk back to the house and sighed relieved. He squatted suddenly in front of the house, hiding his face in his arms for a minute. You suddenly remembered how you pushed your hand into the ground, laying your eyes on your hurt knuckles.
*
You knew it would be too perfect if you’d just listen to him play, leave the cake and go back into embrace of your best friend. That’s why, when your phone vibrated and made the loud noise spread through the wall you didn’t feel too surprised. You knew something was meant to happen. You still gasped, quickly moving your feet to run away, but the sound of Jaehyun opening his door was too vivid to ignore.
“Y/n.” he said softly and you stopped on your tracks. “I can see you, just in case you think you’re invisible.” he sighed when you just froze.
“Yeah, I know.” you suddenly spoke back, turning around.
Yeah, that’s exactly watch you feared. Seeing Jaehyun with his hair band, a sleeping t-shirt that was too big and too stretched out, making his skinny shoulders and collarbone visible to your tired eyes. His plaid baggy pants hiding from you his legs, thankfully.
“I brought the cake for guys to eat later.” you pointed to break the silence and stop staring, when your eyes landed on the cake still being on the table, remembering how you wanted just to eat it and leave. You should’ve definitely opted for that decision, you sighed. “I’m sorry I bothered you… I’ll go.”
“Yeah.” he nodded and you hated it and was thankful at the same time he let you go so easily. Now, and five months ago, too. You turned your back at him, walking to the exit in peace. “You still owe me a conversation. We never spoke…” he paused and you turned around at him once again. You should’ve not jinxed it. “About us… and how we broke up and things.”
“I… I remember.” you smiled awkwardly.
“When will you be ready to talk to me?” he asked too politely and you almost burned on the spot.
”I am.” you suddenly said and his eyes got wider.
“Like, now…?”
“Yeah, let’s talk now if that’s what you want.”
“Okay.” he nodded but didn’t move. You stood there in front of him not moving too. “In my room? For people not to bother us?”
“Okay.” you nodded and he turned to walk back, waiting for you to catch up with him.
He lead you in. The room, you have actually never been to it yet. Moving to a new place, you heard from Taeyong that they finally all got personal rooms, but it was the only information you got on their new living arrangement. “Fancy.” you smiled to yourself as you walked in. The room was more spacious and was his, which already was enough for it to be perfect in your eyes.
“Thanks.” he replied making you realise you said it out loud.
He sat on his bed and you sat next to him awkwardly, fixing your clothes on your stomach nonchalantly.
“I’m sorry I eavesdropped. I heard you play that song and to be honest… I got a little angry… and walked to the door to tell you to stop.” you spoke as the room felt too quiet in a stupid way.
“Why?”
“Because you shouldn’t think about me in any way.” you admitted.
“That’s not something you could decide for me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s nothing.”
“No, I’m sorry for everything. For the mess I caused and spread all over your live.”
“At least you were honest, right?” he chuckled painfully.
“Yeah… at least a great song came out of it, right…?” you raised your eyes to look at him and he caught your stare confused. “The solo stage at the concert? Isn’t it…? I’m sorry if it’s not and I put too much on my shoulders.”
“No… you’re right.” you shivered realising that all the references you made up in your head were actually completely correct.
“It really is beautiful. Regardless, who it’s about.”
“It’s cheesy.”
“But you let the world see it anyway.”
“Because I had no other option.”
“No, because it’s good.” you smiled at him, making your lips go in a thin line. You hated how your conversation was turning into a weird battle of compliments towards Jaehyun.
“This song doesn’t even matter.” he said and looked away from you once again. “I don’t even know what to start with.”
“I owe you so much explanation, I know.”
“So, you found out you’re pregnant, realised there wasn’t anything for me in you and broke up with me, got rid of the baby and that’s it for the history of us?”
“I don’t think I’m ready to speak about it like that.” your entire chest felt caged.
“I can’t let you leave me for another five months. I’m in pain too. I still love you, I still think everyday about the fact you were pregnant with my baby. It wasn’t someone’s, I could’ve been a dad.” you hid your hand in the pocket of your hoodie. It helped you hold onto your stomach without Jaehyun noticing. “I need to hear you and I want to hear you. Four years, Y/n, four.” you closed your eyes hearing him speak, crying silently. I still love you too, you wanted to cry into his mouth. “I want to know what you knew about our baby, even if it’s not with us anymore, too.”
“I’m not a monster.” you whispered through tears.
“I know, I know.” he quickly said, focusing his vision on your dropping tears. He didn’t dare to touch you and you were thankful. You couldn’t bare if he held you in his arms again.
“I only did this for you. For you to still be here, not ruining your life because of me.”
“How could being with you ruin my life? We were together for so long, yet you… Why did you decide this for me?” he kept his voice low, not getting worked up even if you wanted him to.
“I… when I found out I was pregnant, I knew immediately that we can’t be parents. You’re an idol and I’m not strong enough to bare with being a mom when you’re not around.” his breathing got so heavy it almost was louder than your speaking.
“I knew the moment I found out about the baby it all happened because of me.”
“What?”
“I didn’t give you enough reassurance. I didn’t give you enough in general, to make you sure that I’ll take care of you and our baby. You ran away because I didn’t make you feel secure and I didn’t seem like a reliable guy for a dad, I know that.”
“That is so not true.”
“Please… just…” he spoke slowly but couldn’t seem to form a sentence.
“I was weak and scared. It’s no one’s fault, not yours, I mean. I know you’re caring and attentive and always give your all.”
“I was just always wondering if you broke up with me because you really didn’t love me, or because you found out you were pregnant and didn’t feel like I was right.”
“It’s not that you weren’t right, Jaehyun, please. I didn’t want you to do something stupid for me, that’s it.”
“But why did you get rid of the baby and me?”
“I decided on abortion, but Taeyong said that you’ll hate me forever if you’ll find out I got rid of the baby without even telling you. I agreed, and later I realised I can’t do that at all. I’m not cruel to kill the baby in general, especially when the baby is yours. I wouldn’t be able to kill the baby of the man I loved. So I thought I’ll break up with you and that way you’ll get a chance to get over me and live your life how you should.” you suddenly spoke all the truth, instead of what you were rehearsing for the past months.
“But then realised the baby was putting too much weight on you and decided against it?” he looked you in the eyes but you just stared back. You weren’t strong enough to talk with him about it. “When did you find out about the baby? When did it conceive?”
“I found out in the end of August. It’s due in late April or May. I mean, it was due… I think I got pregnant when we went to Yangyang-gun. We were sleeping through the day and I didn’t take the pill and then… and then everything happened.”
“Yanyang is my favourite memory with you.” Jaehyun suddenly said and you couldn’t help but smile through tears. Yours was every single moment you spent right by his side. “I’ve never been to Yangyang before… and I guess I won’t ever go there to keep things that way.”
“I said everything…” you concluded suddenly wishing to leave. You were slowly sinking into Jaehyun’s presence and it feared you to death. “I should probably go. I’m sorry.” you added another excuse quickly. You wanted to reminisce with him, but reminiscing would lead to even more pain. He didn’t speak back and you stood up, walking to the door.
“Remember how everything started?” of course you did. “You were working at that shitty job. You’d ask me to come over every time you felt too pressured and stressed. I ran to you because I was so hopelessly in love with my friends best friends and I couldn’t tell anyone.” you could hear him get up and soundlessly walk towards you. His fingers landed on your shoulders and held softly. “Can I ask for a favour?” he whispered into your hair, leaning closer. You were frozen but realised you needed to give him an answer, so you gave him a nod. “Can you turn around?” his body moved a step back. You could feel it with the way his body heat left your back. Jaehyun’s fingers let go of your shoulders and you guessed he was expecting to see your face. You didn’t really want to see his face. And you didn’t want to really miss a chance to look at him up close, no matter what he’ll ask of you. You gulped and turned around, meeting his teary eyes with yours. You wondered who looked sadder out of you two: the one who was left or the one that left. “Now… are you, happy?” you squeezed your eyes to not cry out loud in his face. No, you weren’t happy, and he didn’t need to ask it out loud, because it was too obvious for your own good. You didn’t notice how his hands suddenly got onto your cheeks, being too preoccupied to not choke on your tears. You didn’t need a second to guess what he wanted to do, but you still hoped he wouldn’t.
He leaned in, quickly killing the space between you two and locked your lips with his. You wanted not to kiss him back, to be careful about it and not sink back in, placing your hand on his waist. You wanted to push him back but somewhere between your gasps and silent cries of his name into his mouth, your hand pushed his body closer to yours. It’s when one of his hands left your cheek and crawled down your side, under your hoodie and onto your stomach to touch your body once again, when he felt it.
“You’re pregnant.” he gasped shocked. His hand froze onto the bump and you wondered when did you lose all of your senses. “You’re pregnant.” he said once again, as if finally realising what he had said.
“I’m not.” you said and pushed his hand off you.
“You are. Take your hoodie off.”
“Jaehyun.” you raised your brows at him.
“Take it off, you’re pregnant.”
“You’re a maniac, calm down.” you chuckled nonchalantly.
“You didn’t kill my baby.” his brain seemed to lose all of the connection it had with reality. “It’s there, it’s in you.” he dropped onto his knees making you squeeze into the wall. His hands pulled your clothes up without your consent and before you could tell him to collect himself he wrapped his hands over your very small bump. “Is it… okay? Why is it so small?”
“This can happen.” you gulped when his lips touched the skin of your stomach. You felt like you could slide down the wall this very moment. “It’s completely fine and healthy.”
“Hi, baby.” he whispered and peppered kisses over your belly button. “She tried to hide away the fact you were existing.”
“Jaehyun.” you mumbled feeling yourself crying once again. He raised his eyes at you expecting of what you’d say. “It’s a girl.” your heart stopped beating and instead you could hear his heart beat so loudly and quickly. She kicked your stomach and Jaehyun’s face expressed something between death and ecstasy.
“She feels that it’s her dad.” he smiled so purely you wanted to disappear. You couldn’t believe these were the things you took from him, the memories you took from the both of you were weighing heavily on your back.
“Maybe just because she feels I’m not well.” you tried to put him down on earth cruelly.
“No, it’s because she wanted to see her dad.”
“Jaehyun… I need to go.” you said when your phone vibrated once again.
“You’re not going anywhere.” he got back up onto his feet.
“I am… this… that you know now, it’s not meaning anything. We’re not back together all of a sudden.”
“It means everything to me. Let me do everything the way we should’ve in the first place.” his hand slid onto your palm, holding onto you tightly.
“Let’s think this through, we both need time to think things through.”
“I love you, you’re carrying my baby, what else is there to think through?”
“I need to think things through.”
“You’re just running away from me, again.”
“No, I’m not, Jaehyun-ah, I’m not.” you whispered and squeezed his hand back.
“Promise we’ll be together again. Promise to her, that her parents will be together when it’s time for her to be born?”
“Don’t manipulate me.” you bit onto your lower lip, running your eyes over Jaehyun’s face. You could tell by a single look that he wasn’t thinking at all. Euphoria was the only thing he probably felt right now. “Didn’t you hate me? At least a little, when you found out about the baby?”
“No, I couldn’t.”
“Don’t lie.”
“I’m not lying. How could I hate you, when I’m the reason behind all those decisions?”
“I’ll go.” you sighed disappointed with his answers. You hated yourself even more now that it turned out he was hating on himself for your leaving. “I’m going to text you next week.. we’ll see, what we can do about all of this, okay?”
“Yeah.” he nodded and found a place on your stomach for his hand. “I’m going to really wait for this text, just so you know.”
“I know.” you nodded, reassuring him and you that you were very aware of his feelings.
You let him plant a kiss on your temple and forced him to separate from you, to allow you to exit his room and he stepped back, watching you go.
Your eyes suddenly noticed Marks green hoodie and you picked it up, to take back downstairs.
“jisung, truth or dare?” mark’s slightly slurred voice turns everyone’s attention towards the youngest boy as he scoffs at the sudden attention.
his hand brushes through his brown locks before answering quite smugly, “dare.”
“i dare you to kiss the prettiest girl in the room.”
this swipes the smugness on jisung’s face clean off. his eyes almost immediately connects with yours. you see the nervousness in them as he clears his throat, slowly shifting closer towards where you’re seated.
“just tell me if this is okay.” his soft whisper reaches your ears as he timidly reaches to cup your cheek in his hand.
you smile, momentarily forgetting about the rest of your friends sitting around you, “it’s perfectly fine.”
this causes jisung’s lips to curl up into a slight smirk. softly, his lips press onto yours. your world spins even more as his thumb moves to brush against your skin.
“dude, look at his ears!”
mark giggles and it breaks you both apart, jisung can’t seem to meet your eyes as he shifts back to his seat.
Hi ash! How are you? Hope you're doing great. Can we have the office wife part 2 pretty please? 🥺🥺
The Office Wife || jeong.j || pt.2
GENRE: fluff, angst and smut!
WARNINGS: crying, jealousy, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of kids, mentions of miscarriage, kissing, possessiveness, oral sex (m receiving), unprotected sex, nipple play, slight degrading and praising.
read THIS to understand what happened!
“hey babe? can you get—?” your husband comes from behind you and grabs the jar of olives. “thank you,” you sigh and turn around, grabbing your husband and pulling him down so your lips press against his.
“you’re welcome, baby. did you need anything else? i have to find lucinda, she let go of my hand earlier.” the store was small and the town was small so everyone knew everyone.
“uh, no. i just have to find some tomato sauce because luci said she wants to eat spaghetti for dinner.” your husband nods before going off to find your daughter.
as you go to turn away to find the tomato sauce, little footsteps run towards you. “mommy! mommy!” you turn to see your little girl running with a bag of candies in her hands.
“hi, sweetie. what do you have there?” you lean down and she holds up her bag of rainbow marshmallows. “it’s a rainbow!” the packaging was labeled, unicorn poop swirls. interesting.
“this man helped me get it, it was very high for me and i couldn’t find daddy to help me.” you tilt your head. “didnt mommy say to never talk to strangers?” her eyebrows knit as she frowns. “i know, i’m sorry.”
you pick up your daughter who fumbles with the candy bag. “let’s go find daddy, he has the basket.” you start to exit the isle when lucinda drops her bag of candy. “oh, darling.” you go to pick it up but someone grabs it.
“i believe you dropped this.” you’re stunned to see your ex husband standing in front of you. “y/n,” jaehyun says in shock while holding out the candy bag. “jae.. jaehyun.”
it had been five years since the divorce and jaehyun was lost without you.
“hi, how’ve you been? you look,” he looks you up and down and his eyes widen. “pregnant..” he brings his eyes back up at yours. “uh.. yeah.. yeah, five months.” he licks his lips that had gone dry.
“so, who’s—?” you look back to see your now, husband standing behind you, holding your waist as he throws a glare at jaehyun. “hi, i’m johnny. and, you are?” your husband had his hand out, waiting for jaehyuns hand.
jaehyun sticks out his hand and shakes johnnys. “jaehyun. jeong jaehyun.” johnny raises his eyebrows. “hm, i’ve heard a lot about you.“ jaehyun looks at you and then back at johnny.
“so, uh, babe? you ready to checkout?” johnny asks you and you look up at him. “yeah and, luci wants this.” luci hands him the bag of candy. “unicorn poop swirls, huh.” he tosses it in the basket.
“well, we better get going. johnnys making spaghetti tonight.” jaehyun gulps and nods. “h—hey, can i get your number? maybe.. we could get together and have dinner?” oh, dinner? we?
“i don’t.. i’m not sure it’s a good idea—?” you shake your head but he hands you a card. “it’s alexs number, she’s a realtor. give us a call and we can discuss and catch up over dinner.” you exhale before nodding. “sure, have a great night.” jaehyun nods before you walk off with johnny and luci.
it had been weeks since the incident of bumping into jaehyun at the grocery store.
instead of you calling them, jaehyun had found your number and texted you for dinner.
“god damn,” you turn when hearing your husband wince. “what? what? what happened?” your fingers still fiddling with your pearl earrings.
johnny walks towards you with his hands in his pockets and his lips puckers and his eyes squinted. he shook his head side by side before biting his lip. “fuck, baby. you look so.. so.. god, im speechless.” he runs his hand down your ass.
“johnny,” you chuckle while pushing him away. “you’re such a liar.” you whine and johnny rushes behind you. “look at you,” he grabs your jaw and forces you to look at yourself in the mirror. “such a young, hot mommy. look at your cute baby bump.” he turns you and rubs your belly.
you laugh and turn back to him. “i love you.” you sigh and bring him down to your lips. “and, i love you more.” he says in the kiss.
you squeal and push johnny away as he squeezes your ass. “alright, let’s go before we’re late.” you walk out the bathroom to grab your bag. “uch, i can’t believe you even agreed to go out to dinner with them.” johnny sucks his teeth. “it’s just one dinner, baby.“ he hugs you from behind and kisses behind your ear.
“—mr jeong, correct?” the waiter say and you and johnny nods. “right— follow me.” johnny pats your side as he guides you behind the waiter.
there was a table with four chairs and breadsticks in the middle of the table. “take a seat and i will take your order for drinks.” johnny pulls out your chair and lets you sit. “i’ll just have a water, please.” you say as johnny sits in his seat. “as will i, please.” the waiter nods and walks to the back.
“that’s weird, we’re early? they said to come at eight, did they not?” you ask while looking around. “i’ll give them a call to see where they’re at.” he fishes out his phone before humming. “he just texted and said that something came up with him and alex. and, that they won’t make it.”
you frown and look to the side when seeing the waiter come with a tray of two glasses of water. “thank you.” you mutter while he hands the two glasses to you. “are you two ready to order?” you look at johnny who looks at you. “uh, no. we’ll need a bit more time, please.” he nods and walks away.
“don’t be jealous, baby.” you say, unlocking the door and pushing it open. “jealous? you must’ve forgotten that i never get jealous, huh?” you yelp as he spanks you while shutting the door.
you tsk, “please, the whole car ride you were complaining about how he kept staring at my breasts every time he took our order or asked if we were doing fine. sure, johnny. that doesn’t sound like jealousy at all.” you say with full sarcasm in your tone.
johnny chuckles and leans his head back. “oohh, baby. don’t tempt me.” you turn and smirk. “i love being a little tease so, why shouldn’t i tempt you?” you shimmy your shoulders a bit and johnny shakes his head with his bottom lip caught between his teeth.
“does me shaking my butt do anything to tempt you?” you shake your ass side to side and you could hear johnny wince. “does me pushing my dress up tempt you?” you scrunch your dress up to where it slides above your knees and right below your ass.
“as much as it does, i’ll have to say no.” you pause and turn to him. “what about me saying that the whole night, i’ve been bare this whole time.” you see his eyes flicker and his jaw clench.
johnny clears his throat and his gaze turns dark. “i’ll give you a head start.” this time, you tilt your head. “a head start? for what?” what else. “to run.” your eyes widen. “but, i—i’m pregnant?!” your hands fly to your bump. “one.. two..” johnny started to walk towards you before you jolt up the stairs.
johnny looks side to side when he makes his way up the stairs. “hm, i wonder where she is?” he hums and turns right, to the bathroom where you always hid when playing hide n’ seek with lucinda.
“hmm.. is she in here? maybe, she isn’t. let’s go look in the basement.” johnny stays put and quiet before you pull the curtains to the side and climb out of the bathtub. “dang it!” you pout as johnny laughs while lifting you up and carrying you to the room.
“you know that isn’t fair, right?” johnny scoffs and sits you on the bed. “and, how isn’t it fair.” he’s leaned down in front of you. “because, you always find me in the bathroom.” you sounded like a kid who didn’t get a toy from the toy shop. “well, find a better hiding spot then, baby. you always hide there.” he cups your face.
“now, spread your legs for me.” his tone didn’t even change, it was still gentle. “go on, baby. spread em’ for me.” his hand slithers down your thigh and his fingers push your legs apart.
you whimper a bit as johnny slips his fingers in your cunt. “j—johnny..” you grab his wrist and he uses his free hand to tilt your chin up. “what, baby? you don’t want this?” he brushes his thumb against your bottom lip. “no, i want this.” your feet brush against his bulge.
“oh, baby.” johnny softly chuckles. “we’ll get there, don’t worry. but, what’s the rush? we have all night to ourselves.” he’s right, his parents had lucinda for the night.
johnny reaches behind you and grabs the pillows, fluffing them behind you and laying you back on them making you sit up right.
johnny thrusts his fingers and uses his thumb to rub your clit. “j—johnny!” you whine, clamping your legs shut and squirming around as he picks up his pace.
it felt like pure torture with his pace and with his fingers curling inside you.
“wa—wait! j—john—?!” you squeal and toss your head back as you squeeze your legs together. “ooohh, baby.” johnny chuckles in a cooingly tone as he pulls his hand out between your legs and shakes his hand. “what a mess.” he tuts and slips off the bed.
your eyes follow as he grabs a towel and walks towards the bed while wiping off his hand.
you’d squirted.
“i—im sorry, should i wash the sheets?” it wasn’t a huge wet spot, it was just a few sprinkles. “don’t worry about it, baby. once we’re done, i’ll wash them.”
johnny undoes his belt and his pant. “touch yourself for me, baby. want you to stretch yourself out for me. can you do that?” you nod, too focused on his hands fiddling with his belt and button.
johnny grins and brings down your hand to your pussy that dripped after johnny fingered you for several minutes.
you bite your lip and start circling your clit. “that’s it, baby.” johnny says quietly and watches with lust and love. you whimper when slipping in your ring and middle finger.
“add another finger for me, baby.” his chin jerks towards you. you whine a bit with angry eyebrows and add your pointer finger. “‘s too much.” you pout and look up at johnny. “if it’s too much then don’t you think my cock wont fit?” you squirm at his slight threat.
“should we find out?” you quickly nod and pull out your fingers in a hurry. “my good girl always has her legs open for me, doesn’t she? such a good girl.” johnny softly jerks himself before grabbing your hips and yanking you more down.
johnnys tip nudges your entrance before he pushes in with a groan. “b—baby,” you mewl and squeeze his wrists. “ahh,” johnny sighs with a crooked smile. “look at that,” you lean your head forward to see his cock buried in your cunt. “fits just perfectly.”
your knees connect as he rubs your clit with his thumb, again. “s—stop being a tease.” he spreads your legs. “keep em’ open. and, if i were a tease.. would a tease be doing this?” he leans forward and starts plowing into you. you gasp and push at his chest but, his strength held him in place with a smirk.
“say, ah.” he commands and you open your mouth with your tongue slightly out. “mmm,” johnny hums while sticking his finger into your mouth.
you moan around johnnys finger, swirling your tongue and sucking. all while johnny watches with his bottom lip caught between his teeth.
johnny pulls his finger out of your mouth and watches as a string of saliva follows your lips and his finger. johnny turns you on your side and proceeds to pound into you as you moan into your pillow.
johnny looks to the side and grabs your coconut oil, clicking the cap open and squirting some onto your thigh and ass. “wha—? johnny?!” he brings his palm and spreads the oil everywhere.
he spanks you before you cum with a cry and your hand squeezing his wrist. “look at you being such a cutie and cumming all over my dick.” he squeezes your ass before chasing his own orgasm.
johnny let’s out a long and exaggerated groan as he dumps his cum into you. painting your walls with his white cum.
you and johnny both heave after finishing. “can we shower?” you ask and johnny laughs. “you thought we were done?”
oh, boy.
after two more rounds, johnny washed you up and got some ice cream for you before heading to bed.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
the knocking and doorbell ringing wakes you up with a jolt and a gasp. you check the ring to see jaehyun crying in front of your door.
what the hell was he doing standing in front of your house at four in the morning?
“i’ll get it.” you tell johnny before giving him a quick peck and leaving the room.
you swing the door open and jaehyun nearly falls in. “y—y/n,” his nose sounded stuffed. “i really.. i really miss you.” what nonsense was he saying?!
“jaehyun, stop. go home. do i need to call taeyong and doyoung?” jaehyun sniffles and drops onto his knees, his pleading red eyes looking up at yours. “y/n, please don’t. please l—listen to me.” he grabs your hands gently and leans his head against your belly.
“jaehyun, please don’t do this. not right now, not ever. you need to leave.” you could feel his tears seep through your shirt. “y/n, i love you. i r—really love you.” he sobs and you shake your head. “no, jaehyun. i’m married to a wonderful man who loves and takes care of me and my kids. i—i mean, w—what about alex?” you gently push him off you.
he sniffles and looks up at you, again. “i broke up with her just earlier. after i saw you a—at the market, i realized that.. i’ve missed you and that i truly do still love you. please, you have to believe me.” he voice cracks at his pleads.
you help him up on his feet. “you need to leave. you cannot be here.” you push him and push the door in front of you. “i spent weeks being at my worst while thinking about my miscarriage and thinking about you but, you.. you were too busy getting your fucking cock sucked and fucked by some work bitch!” the tears in your eyes shook as well as your voice.
“so, you can’t just come to my front porch in the middle of the night just to beg for me to come back after what you put me through. you made me look like a fool.” jaehyun starts to sob hysterically. “y/n, please—?” his eyes slightly move up as a figure appears behind you.
“she said for you to leave.” the door cracks open as johnny slightly pulls it to the side.
jaehyun brings his eyes to you. they were pleading and full of guilt.
“goodnight, jaehyun.” you whisper and jaehyuns eyes twitch as a tear drops. “see you around.” johnny slams the door and turns you around. “let’s go to bed, now.” johnny leads you to the bedroom and tucks the two of you in with a goodnight nights kiss to your forehead and lips.
➷ in which the Gods give your boyfriend a shitty past few weeks, and you attempt to make up for it.
pairing: son of poseidon!jeno x daughter of apollo!reader
genre: reverse hurt comfort, fluff, angst, established relationship!AU
warnings: mentions of injuries (i think???)
word count: 2k words
a/n: jumpscare guys omg what the fuck i havent written since christmas 2 years ago LOOOOL um anyways........ comeback ? everyone say thank you jeno bc he is always and will always be my inspiration <3
btw this is basically . pt.2 of late night company so if you wanna go read that for just a little bit of context go crazy!! (you can read it without it tho)
The last few weeks in the infirmary have been busy, buzzing with clumsy teens and kids who carelessly run around in a sparring with someone clearly much stronger than them. You guess they get it from their god parent. As much as you love the infirmary and taking care of people, you're tired. Really tired. However, your (finally official) boyfriend for 2 months has always been there to help you through it.
Jeno Lee is someone you never expected to be so loving, but really, you should have known when he gave up his own team's flag just to go help you fight off Clairise during a capture the flag match. Despite his very busy schedule, Jeno loves to hang out around you, cracking jokes when you tend to crying, injured kids, getting you water when you don't realize you need it, and always attentively listening to you, whether it be a rant of frustration, or just a chat. Your favorite part is when he kisses you and tells you of how good of a job you've done.
As mentioned, Jeno has a very busy schedule. As expected, from a child of one of the big three gods. However, recently it's been… really packed. When Jeno does have the mercy of free time, he's always sleeping. You haven't seen him in two whole weeks. He's never talking to his friends, you never seen him swimming anymore,a nd worst of all? He's not eating. He loves to eat─and he's not eating. This calls for an emergency visit.
If only you had the ability to. You're in charge of the infirmary, however, and can never seem to find a replacement since your siblings always avoid the job and run away. You contemplate running away from your duties. For Jeno. You could send Jaemin to check up on him… no, he'd end up flirting with any girl (or guy!) he sees on the way. Damn Aphrodite kids. Finally, you decide to act on the former thought.
You don't even make it to the door, before you notice a very familiar presence by the door.
Your breath hitches as your eyes meet Jeno's. They look… tired. Nonetheless, you can still sense the love behind them, and it stirs something in you. You feel a small flame light in your heart, as if he's the one that set it on fire. The fire spreads to your feet as you make your way to him, to your fingertips as they reach out for him, and it's as if that fire has radiated on him, because he instantly melts into your touch, his nose bumping into your palm as he sighs out in what you can only make out to be satisfaction.
Despite his happy demeanor, you still can shake off the feeling of worry that stirs within you, noticing how his shoulders are tense─how he limps as you escort him towards a bed, how exhausted he looks. You wonder if this is how he felt when he saw you that night, on his dock, crying. If so, you'd never want him to feel this way ever again.
"I was just about to come to you, you know," You laugh softly, as you take a seat next to him and grab his hand in yours. It's warm, you've missed how warm it was.
Jeno's fingers instinctively curl between yours, and you feel the callouses of his fingertips on your skin, and it's oddly comforting. His head leans against yours, and he's strangely touchy, as if you were his battery source─like sunlight to a sunflower. "Oh? You were going to sneak out for me?"
You roll your eyes fondly. "I'd do anything for you."
"I know,"
And when his lips press against your temple, its you who melts this time, transforming into a giggly, grinning mess.
"I've missed you, you know,"
Jeno knows. He hopes you know that he's missed you even more. He's missed you every time he sees a band aid, he missed you every time someone made a lame joke, he saw you in every sunrise and sunset, he missed you when he gazed into water─which happens a lot, as a child of Poseidon. If he could, he'd abandon all these missions─what the hell are camp counselors thinking anyway, sending a kid off to beat the largest, most hazardous of creatures? He guesses that's the price of having power.
Jeno doesn't want power, however. He wants you. If power is in the way of him seeing you, he'd rather give it all away to the first person who asked, he'd give everything away for you.
"I've missed you too, baby,"
Your eyes tear away from your connected hands, trailing up to meet his own. They're longing and earnest. You smile, in hopes to comfort him.
It works, it always works. Jeno grins back, his other hand reaching up to brush your hair from your eyes, tucking it behind your ear. He notices a small chunk of your hair is shorter than others, and thinks back to the letter you sent him, the one where you ranted out of frustration when your siblings pranked you during your sleep and cut your hair. He smiles.
"Tell me about your missions," You mumble, encouraging him to fill you in on everything you missed out.
"Well… I kicked ass. Got my ass kicked. End of story?"
Jeno yelps and laughs when you punch at his shoulder. "Fine, fine, it was… fun,"
"Really? But isn't it scary to be doing that all alone?"
In an instant, Jeno's face changes. Alone. He's been feeling that lately.
"uh… yeah, you could say that."
You notice the way his lips curl down, how his brows just furrow slightly. It tugs on your heart.
You squeeze his hand gently, head dipping down to chase his gaze. "Hey, what's wrong?"
Jeno's lips curl back into a smile, and though its weaker than before, it's still there. "Nothing, just a little tired." You nod at his words, processing and attempting to dissect his intentions. "…okay, do you wanna rest here? I can watch over you,"
At your pure intentions and even purer heart, Jeno melts, pulling you closer with a shake of his head. "No need, just want to be here, with you. No longer alone…"
"Hey," You give him a look. He knows that look. You've caught him red-handed. "I'm here for you, you know that. Tell me what's wrong…"
Jeno cracks almost instantly. He could never be dishonest when it comes to you─he could never hurt you. "I just… I was so lonely on those missions. Yeah, I was out at sea, and sure I did talk to my dad a few times but it's… it's not the same as camp, you know? Where you could spar endlessly just for fun, where every meal was full of laughter and not some cold, prepacked plate of literal shit. Where fighting never had me thinking that this could be my last fight."
He pauses for a moment, breathing in deep breaths, but you wait for him. You know when to talk, and now is not the time. Instead, you rub up and down comfortingly at his back, something he's always loved. You feel his breathing slow, and his muscles relax. Then, he continues.
"Nobody understands me. I'm the only Big Three child here, and I hate it. I hate that I'm the only one who doesn't get to join bonfire nights, I hate that I'm the only one that has to constantly live in fear of constant death, I hate that I can't love you the loudest─just to keep you safe! God, I hate that I can't give you everything… to tell you the truth… I hated it out there. I hated every second in solitude, I hated how my thoughts raced for no reason, and how I could hear my heartbeat in my ears, and how empty I felt. I know I'm an introvert, and I love my personal time, but out there… I wasn't alone. I felt like death was creeping up on me, keeping me company. I didn't want death's company─I wanted your company. I missed you, Y/N… so much… and it killed me to know that you missed me too."
Your heart shatters at his words, and the glassy look in his eye, indicating his tears. Your palms envelop his cheeks, despite his tight grip, and you gently direct him to look down at you. "You're here now, aren't you? I'm here, with you," You start with a shaky breath. "and don't you dare say you don't give me everything. You give me everything and more. You'd give me the whole universe and still think it's too little, Jeno," You laugh airily, squeezing his cheeks fondly. "and even though you were away, I always felt loved. You don't need to be here physically for me to know, you know, that how much I trust you. So trust in me too, please. Trust that I'm satisfied, trust that I can take care of myself and that I want you to love me without any fears because we shouldn't have to have fears. Let go, you uptight man, and live! There might not be a lot of people out there who get exactly what you're going through, but people will relate on some level. People are just like that, empathizing and loving. Don't hate who you are, please, because you'd be hating something that I love, something I know is always worth my time and attention and something I will never give up on. Okay?"
Jeno stares at you, his eyes glossy with a tint of red on the outer corners of his eyes. He still looks handsome. He's always handsome. His hand are on your waist, his thumbs rubbing gently over the material of your t-shirt, gently tugging you towards him.
"…shit, did I ramble? Was I too fast? Do I need to say it all again? Gods─um, you give me everything, and more, and I trust you, and I─"
Jeno shuts you up effectively, nudging away your hands holding at his face to dip his head down and connect his lips with yours. They're salty with tears, and so soft, moving gently against yours as you reciprocate the kiss, your hands finding comfort in his hair. He kisses you with yearning, and he thinks that if you came just a millimeter closer, you'd feel the ache of his heart and his craving for you. Your comfort, your hugs, kisses, your smile and your gentle touches, your appreciative glances, your love. He craves your love, and now that he has it, he won't ever let go.
He makes it clear as he chases your lips when you pull away in what is, in his opinion, way too fast, gently maneuvering you closer to him, your chests pressed together and arms wrapped around one another. You wouldn't be surprised if your heart reached out and merged with his.
When Jeno does pull way, it's only to shower your face with kisses and hug you even tighter.
"I'm always here for you, Jen,"
"I know, baby."
You grin, taking his hand in yours as you gaze into his eyes. "Stay the night? I've missed your cuddles."
Jeno's nose bumps against yours as he nods, his smile mirroring yours. "Never wanted anything more."
As you lay in an infirmary bed, wrapped in Jeno's arms, you realize that Jeno has already given you the universe. The warmth you identified as a flame of adoration in your heart has grown into a sun, and Jeno's orbiting around that sun, keeping you loved and cared for. Much like how he is your moon, and you are the tide, constantly gravitating towards him. You like this universe he's gifted you.
