Everybody Lies

[ofwraithsandwords]

I think it’s hilarious that Chris Pratt was cast as “star power” because somebody thought that Charles Martinet, the man who’s been the voice behind Mario for 30 years, wasn’t going to be enough.

And as soon as the trailer drops and everyone hears Chris Pratt as Mario, everyone is talking about Martinet. He has literally gotten more publicity in one night after the trailer dropped than most of his career.

[hollowboobtheory]

i don’t understand how inflation isn’t an easily solvable issue like just stop raising the prices??? that’s you. you’re doing that. just stop.

[hollowboobtheory]

“no but EVERYONE is raising prices” stop giving into peer pressure. if all the other businesses jumped off a bridge would you do it? stop it.

[serotoninsuggestion]

a freshly cooked meal is best but fast food or a plain cracker is better than nothing. a full skincare routine is great but a splash of water and moisturiser is better than nothing. 8 hours sleep is ideal but 4 or 2 is better than nothing. cleaning the entire room is fantastic but just wiping the mirror or throwing clothes in a basket is better than nothing. a shower is great but a face and arm wash or a wipe is better than nothing. changing your bedding once a week is best but swapping just the pillows or washing only once a month is better than nothing. a 5k run is fabulous but a walk around the block or touching your toes in bed is better than nothing. being your "best self" and thriving is amazing but if you are trying and conserving the energy you have and taking baby steps every day and surviving then that is wonderful too.

[there-is-still-some-liquor-left]

a body count not as in homicide nor as in sexuality but as in the trail of people from my childhood and adolescence i should’ve been a better friend to and taken better care of but i was too busy being caught up in my own heartache to recognize their own and therefore our relationship tapered off in an extremely unsatisfying way that continuously manifests itself as a thrumming sense of grief in my chest. anyway which restaurant chains have the best free pre-meal bread?

[toastbutteregg]

[ugh-n0o]

Getting messages so good you gotta stop and savor the moment

[iamnotlanuk]

I think every year past the age of 25 something new should be made legal to you. like welcome to 36 now you don't have to worry about zoning laws to build a fence

[rafawriter]

[sronti]

Do this tomorrow.

[schwarz-gerat]

The best time to destroy a golf course was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

[katadesmoi]

its so stupid how you’ll have a dream that’s just like this horrible precision-crafted weapon of psychological terror and then you just have to get up and go to work like u didn’t just experience the apocalypse in real time or whatever

[evaughn]

[theglasschild]

“THE WORLD IS increasingly designed to depress us. Happiness isn’t very good for the economy. If we were happy with what we had, why would we need more? How do you sell an anti-ageing moisturiser? You make someone worry about ageing. How do you get people to vote for a political party? You make them worry about immigration. How do you get them to buy insurance? By making them worry about everything. How do you get them to have plastic surgery? By highlighting their physical flaws. How do you get them to watch a TV show? By making them worry about missing out. How do you get them to buy a new smartphone? By making them feel like they are being left behind. To be calm becomes a kind of revolutionary act. To be happy with your own non-upgraded existence. To be comfortable with our messy, human selves, would not be good for business.”

— Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive

[gwenfrankenstien]

'i have to take medication because my immune system decided kinkshaming the trees is more important than breathing' is objectively an insane concept. thumbs down to seasonal allergies.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

“I just want my body to stop telling shrubbery it is problematic”

[ghost-cassette]

Sex pollen is real and my body is violently rejecting it

[sleepy-bebby]

[anthonysperkins]

Tom Hardy via TikTok

[bogleech]

If you still call tumblr the hellsite you haven’t seen twitter’s recent discourse over whether short women can be loved for anything other than a fetish

[dumbunnii]

[wonderbitchin]

What kind of tall ass children

5'4/165cm is literally the average height for women what

[infinitebutthurt]

There is nothing funnier to me than the fact that DJ Khaled announced that he wouldn't eat pussy then less than a week later did THIS at an owl performance

[raptorific]

I want you to know that I was in the live audience for this and not only was it very obvious that nobody told him what he was performing at (which is why he kept saying shit like "WHEN I WAS ASKED TO PERFORM AT... THIS EVENT. I KNEW I HAD TO BE PART OF IT!") but this man does not know how to work a crowd of people who are not already fans of his. It was absolutely dead silence from the crowd. At one point he yelled "WHEN I SAY DJ, YOU SAY KHALED! DJ!" and awaited a response that did not come from absolutely anyone, and then, by some desperate hope, once again yelled "DJ!" and someone yelled back "WHY DON'T YOU EAT PUSSY" and it was so quiet otherwise that it would've been impossible for him to not hear it. However uncomfortable the broadcast of this was, the live performance was a thousand times worse. If I were a famous musician and ever gotten an audience reception that bad, I would retire from the public eye completely and forever

[raptorific]

@miah-but-horny

Sorry you somehow find it unbelievable that someone online went to a sporting event and heard someone yell something funny at the stage, but this one's real. Here's a photograph I took from the audience:

Here's a photograph of me, in the audience, with a cosplayer working the event:

Here's a timestamped screenshot of me describing this terrible performance to my girlfriend, live from the audience:

Here's my ticket to the event with sensitive information about my friend who bought it redacted out:

So if you have some doubt that in a stadium full of 20,000 nerds, almost all of whom knew DJ Khaled ONLY from the Eating Pussy discourse that had literally just happened, one of them loudly referenced it during his performance, that's a YOU problem.

[citrineghost]

Absolutely SLAMMED with those receipts

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]