how many nonbinary people have come out publicly only to then semi re-closet themselves because people are so incapable of not being extremely exorsexist towards them immediately... ive seen this happen to nonbinary people across agab we cannot catch a damn break
also the way people tend to see misgendering nonbinary as like. "softer" or easier or more understandable than misgendering a binary trans person. like it doesn't even really matter, because it's basically just an aesthetic choice, and not anything to be taken that seriously
#i remember when mr beard came out and immidiately had to go back in the closet#because people were giving him shit for not changing his presentation or pronouns#its really sad
forgot about mr. beard but yeah that made so upset on his behalf!!!!!
and what's annoying is how often binary trans people just don't seem to react? like this is what i mean by people treat misgendering nonbinary people as "softer." a trans man or a trans woman getting harassed back into the closet is a tragedy, a nonbinary person getting harassed back into the closet is just another wednesday for a lot of binary trans people.
#yeah.#and then when we stand up for ourselves we’re ‘difficult’ and no longer ‘one of the fun chill ones’#i can be chill#but im entitled to the same god damn respect and i will insist upon it#get yourselves right i’m fucking tired
no this too. i do feel there's this. expectation. that all nonbinary people will be rather apathetic about their genders, that the "good" nonbinary people (who isn't "crazy" and "dramatic" and "trying so hard to be woke") don't really care about what pronouns or nouns you use, will be binarize themselves in whatever way is easiest for the binary people & system around them, will be largely unobtrusive about their gender unless it can be a funny joke for binary people (even "inclusive" ones).
& then this feeds into what i described above, binary trans people & cis allies treating nonbinary people being misgendered or going back in the closet as less serious and less tragic and less disruptive than binary people. the assumption that nonbinary people somehow have less stake in being trans, that we never physically transition, that we never have dysphoria, etc. instead of being horrified that recloseting or never coming out ever is so common that so many nonbinary people are so used to repressing their own wants and needs preemptively. using pronouns they don't really connect with just to not be seen as "unreasonable" but it doesn't hurt as bad if its not technically misgendering. there's a lot of pain in the nonbinary community that i think we have never been allowed to fully voice.
#exorsexism#i know this is usually about misgendering enbies as their assigned genders#but. i keep distancing myself from transfemininity bc people keep using it as an excuse to misgender me as a Girl#i dont want to be called she or girl or sister but people act like The Default Transfem has to be a girl when talking about her problems#im not a girl or a woman! or a puppy creature robot notperson thing! im not any online transfem stereotype! im an enby person!#and it's honestly really upsetting to be put into another stereotyped gendered box by other trans people#my gender doesnt mean i hate transfem girls or creatures or things! im just not one of them! people online dont get this
this post is ABSOLUTELY including misgendering enbies as the "opposite" gender btw. it is no less fucked up & i'm really sorry you have to deal with
personally i've started thinking maybe we could use a neologism, similar to malgendering for misgendering, to describe the kind of forced detransitioning/conversion therapy that nonbinary/genderqueer people are subjected to, where the goal is not to make them cis but to make them binary and thus palatable to cisness through forced binary transitioning.
also here's a hot take. we talk way less about this ^ kind of misgendering because its something that unites nonbinary people regardless of gender we were raised as. when you just focus on misgendering-as-perceived-sex you group trans men&mascs with nonbinary people raised female and trans women&fems with nonbinary people raised male. but what is described above is exactly what i have heard from nonbinary people who are transmasculinized.
a lot of people don't understand that just because you say you accept nonbinary people doesn't mean you don't subconsciously see our genders as less real! like trans people should not have to be begging OTHER trans people to understand that they aren't the gender they aren't. nonbinary people can feel dysphoria in "both directions" and it really sucks that only one direction seems to matter to many other trans people!!!
