Hi everyone!
You can call me Anya (like, sigh, the dog) or Nightrose (my long-time AO3 username I came up with when I was literally twelve years old which is why it sounds like something a twelve year old would have thought was cool and dramatic all the way back in 2006). I use they/them pronouns but don't mind others or gendered language (i.e. "girl," "dude," all fine).
I am hyperfixated on Heated Rivalry like I haven't been on anything in literal decades. I wanna think and talk about it all day every day. (Relatedly, I am autistic, so if I seem weird that's why). I am also a literature and theatre person but this blog is exclusively HR content.
All asks are very welcome. Unless you're mean. Please don't be mean, I've had a really shitty year and Hollanov is the only thing bringing me joy. I want fandom friends and I want to yap about these boys. I am especially greedy to talk about my fic because like all writers I'm a narcissist but also happy to discuss any Hollanov content! I take prompts and will do
My main is @blameitonthepatriarchy, so I will like or follow back from there.
I write a lot of fanfiction, all Hollanov, mostly D/s stuff but some angst and hurt/comfort as well. Masterpost below the jump.
I have two series, both focused on the emotional intimacy and hot hot sex of a Dom/sub relationship:
To Give and Hazard All: During their second summer at the cottage, Shane invents total power exchange out of his own beautiful mind. It isn't easy, playing on different teams and being in a type of relationship other people don't understand. But it's worth it. Can be read in any order. Currently featuring three fics in the main series:
To Give and Hazard All: Their first few days exploring their new dynamic. (total power exchange, kink negotiation, domestic fluff)
From the Four Corners of the Earth: Their first season apart as Master and slave. (long distance relationship, kink negotiation)
The Dearest Friend to Me: Hayden sees, and misunderstands. (misunderstanding trope, friendship)
And some smutty one-shots.
comfortable: Ilya doesn't feel like getting up to pee. Luckily, Shane's mouth is right there. (piss drinking, service submission)
endurance: Ilya wants to whip Shane. Shane wants to be good. (painplay, impact)
surfeit: Ilya lets Shane come. Isn't he nice? (forced orgasm, overstimulation)
worth: Shane is feeling useless. Ilya finds a good use for him. (human furniture, sensation play, hurt/comfort)
desperation: Shane isn't allowed to move. Not even to the bathroom. (omarashi)
undone: I don't have a cute summary for this one. Ilya puts a fleshlight in Shane's ass and fucks it. (humiliation, object insertion, punishment)
discover: Ilya makes Shane break a rule, and then interrogates him to find out which one. (interrogation play, emotional s&m)
service: Shane takes care of a depressed Ilya (service submission, non-sexual submission)
wet: Ilya plays with Shane's mouth (spit kink, face-fucking)
Mean Dom Ilya Week: These were the first things I wrote for this fandom!
day one: Shane asks for what he wants. (kink negotiation)
day two: Shane gets hurt on the ice. Ilya is not pleased that his property is damaged. (punishment, CBT)
day three: Ilya makes Shane be his girl (forced feminization, roleplay)
day four: Ilya doesn't want to like it when Shane says no, but he does. (cnc, rape roleplay)
day 4.5: They find a way to fulfill the fantasy (drugged sex, CNC, rape fantasy)
day five: Ilya uses Shane as an ashtray. (objectification, cigarettes)
day six: Ilya can use Shane whenever he wants, and put him away when he doesn't. (objectification, sexy ignoring)
day seven: Shane and Ilya go to a BDSM club (exhibitionism, safewording, aftercare)
Then I have some standalone pieces:
win a losing game: When a scene goes wrong, Shane finds it easy to forgive Ilya. Itās not so easy for Ilya to forgive himself.
we need to talk: A remix of the Tampa hotel scene, with a lot less growing emotional honesty and a lot more unnegotiated humiliation kink.
gifts ungiven: Now that they're in a relationship, they know they're supposed to have a safeword. Shane hates it.
the world in my arms: Shane experiences subdrop during one of their very first hookups.
made terrible: Ilya is distraught after a phone call from his brother. Shane knows how to comfort him (by submitting sexually, obviously)
just not that into you: Shane helps Ilya cope with the sexual side effects of his SSRIs by roleplaying that he's just not that into Shane.
And a few multi-chapter things:
i've always known who you are: Shane gets an autism diagnosis and explores the fallout with his family, with Ilya's support. (chapters 3/3, complete)
uberrima fides: When Ilya proposes and open relationship during The Long Game, Shane assumes it's because he has no intention of being faithful himself, and decides he's going to be okay with that. (chapters 2/2, complete)
coming home to you (with my own blood in my mouth): Shane is brutally sexually assaulted. This is the long way home. (chapters 14/20-ish, WIP)
a strange door: Ilya's plane crash text to Shane is actually his suicide note. (chapters 2/3, WIP)
good god that's a lot of fan fiction. i think i have a problem.
"There was nothing like playing with Hollander this way, nothing like the shocked innocent look he got when Ilya teased him, when Ilya prodded at the edges of his want."
MORE therapy meta! Have you seen the interpretation floating around tumblr that Ilya might actually have bipolar instead of unipolar depression? What do you think? In the AU where Ilya gets therapist Anya comingatthecottage instead of Galina, is that something you're wondering about before you start looking at a treatment plan?
hello! i have seen this interpretation and i disagree with it. i would definitely ask some questions tho because bipolar (especially in people who are "high functioning" yuck i hate that label) is often missed/misdiagnosed and, particularly if medication is part of treatment, that can make things a loooot worse, and i always want to help people rule it out! i'd been in therapy for over a decade before i was diagnosed as bipolar (and it took multiple years after i had an ssri-induced manci episode too! should've been a giveaway when i took zoloft and immediately almost burned my house down) so here at anya comingatthecottage therapy inc we definitely ask some questions about it
however i don't see my experiences with bipolar really resonate in ilya's character. as far as i can remember the books, and at least in s1 of the show he doesn't have any periods of sleeping little and doing a lot without feeling tired, which is my personal hallmark of "oh i'm hypomanic" (like this is literally how my psychiatrist helped me rule out whether i had a heated-rivalry-induced hypomanic episode when i realized i was writing like 2k words a day--yes, increase in goal-directed activity, but it was making me sleepy af). he's confident but i think that's his personality--he never seems grandiose in his self-assessment, externally or internally. his speech and internal monologue are pretty well-organized, his thoughts don't seem to be racing or tangential? as far as the internal experiences of mania/hypomania, i don't see it
i think some people have this headcanon because ilya does a lot of stuff that's reckless--fast cars, lots of casual sex, drug use, etc. i would say that it doesn't seem to be episodic or impulsive in the way that it is during a manic episode? i'm not expert on this part because i don't tend to have a ton of risky behaviors when manic, mostly i just start a bunch of art projects i abandon, talk really fast, don't sleep, and can't concentrate. but ilya doesn't seem to have discrete periods of time where he seeks out risks or thrills, he seems to always enjoy those things (until he settles down into a more domestic routine with shane), and they don't seem to be driven by a lack of ability to understand the consequences or a sense of invulnerability, but more by the kind of lack of care for himself that is a result of depression and trauma. he's also shown to enjoy thrills in a non-impulsive way: like fucking shane is risky, and he spends years planning for that one
tl;dr: ilya has a lot of traits (confident, impulsive, reckless, outgoing, risk-taking) that are associated with mania, but imo those are traits of his personality that are consistent over time, not symptoms that emerge during discrete, time-limited episodes of mania. not hating on anyone's headcanon, just my own opinion as one bipolar person
yes this is exactly my take on it! basically the risky behaviors seem consistent + reactive to what's happening to him internally, not to internal periods of elevated mood. especially because ilya has to prove to himself and those around him that he's not depressed because he conceives of depression as a fatal disease that he could have inherited from irina
people always talk about how connor and hudson did everything but penetration on camera for the world to see for $5 and the love of the game and that's very funny but also have you ever met an actor
every aspiring actor i know would show hole on television if there was a .02% chance it would make them famous. actors are simply Built Like That.
people get really reactionary when itās suggested that sad awful things can and do happen to people and that this reality can be explored through fiction
Hey, Iām a random internet person youāve never talked to before. Just making sure your fetish is morally aligned with my principles and what I consider virtuous.
heated rivalry sideblog. @comingatthecottage - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
