styofa doing anything
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

★
i don't do bad sauce passes
Claire Keane
DEAR READER
NASA

titsay
Show & Tell
Today's Document
todays bird
Jules of Nature
One Nice Bug Per Day
$LAYYYTER
Cosimo Galluzzi
cherry valley forever
Sweet Seals For You, Always
KIROKAZE
occasionally subtle
Three Goblin Art
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@ughwaitwhat
hudson & connor ; vanity fair oscars afterparty
i do love and respect the idea of the world at large being stunned at finding out how long ilya and shane have been together, but i truly think that under NO circumstances would shane ever choose to offer ANY personal details about himself or their relationship willingly.
which combined with ilya loving just making things up and saying them (as seen in the "yes, the rumors are true-" scene) offers the very funny idea that ilya actively tries to offer as much privacy as possible by just throwing out stories about them at random so there IS no central story for people to hound shane about.
assorted backstories a la "ilya just started talking and found out with everyone else where he was going with this":
they got snowed in at all stars one year (b-but wasn't that year in florida?) and decided there was nothing better to do
it started as a bit and neither is willing to give up first
they paired off to combine forces like nato
they paired off to limit how many kids they could have in the future to make sure hockey stayed fair
ilya lost a bet six years ago
shane lost a bet three years ago
ilya got tired of remembering phone numbers for his hookups and shane's is easy
ilya got tired of having to look things up in english and french when talking to other people and decide to marry someone who speaks two languages to save time
shane is gifted enough (wink wink wink) that other people are cowards and only ilya was brave enough to rise to the challenge (this one gets him in trouble on the phone later but it also gets him laid that night at home and also confuses the online speculation about who tops and bottoms, so net positive tbh)
yuna hollander is the best manager in the business and a political marriage was the best way to secure her services longterm
with the end result that all shane has to do is shrug and "my husband has already told our story a thousand times by this point. no point in repeating it and boring people." in interviews to get out of people trying to dig into things he doesn't want to tell them.
I'd be willing and able
If you're willing, I'm able
Season 3 ending, hopefully.
Steve kisses Eddie.
He's a freshman in high school and this nice drug dealer guy is showing him how to smoke a joint so he doesn't beef it in front of all his friends, and...he's kinda cute.
And then Steve kisses him.
And Eddie kisses back.
And they're making out at a random table in the woods until - "Whoa."
"You okay?"
"Sorry," Steve says. "Sorry, man. I'm actually going to do the whole gay thing - bi thing? I think I still like girls - in a couple of years. I want to be popular first."
"...We can still do this if you're in the closet. I can keep a secret."
"I’m not in the closet. I’m just going to be - whatever I am later."
Eddie is just, "... You're scheduling being gay?"
Steve thinks about it and, "...Yes."
"You can't do that."
"Um, yeah I can. Free country."
"What," Eddie starts and stops. He takes a breath and asks, "Do you have 'be a homosexual' penciled in your calendar four years from now?"
"I don't think they make multi-year calendars like that."
Because that's the only issue with this conversation, not pushing your gay awakening down the road. Eddie can't even point out that all of this is absurd because Steve is just like, fingerguns, "Anyways, if you're free in a couple years, hit me up."
"For what, a meeting on the gay agenda?"
"Or to make out," Steve shrugs as he packs up his stuff. "You're a good kisser. See ya, Munson."
Eddie doesn't hit Steve up.
And then Steve shows up after the Upside Down tries to eat them with an old planner like, "Hey, man. I think we have a meeting."
the morning routine ☀️
I gotta stop having my best analyst moments at 12 AM watching arcane edits
I love an AU where Ilya seduces Shane away from an asshole boyfriend and I really want one where the boyfriend suggests opening the relationship and that's how Shane and Ilya first start fucking.
If they are still hockey players then the boyfriend is someone unaffiliated with hockey and Shane has been dating him probably since before he met Ilya.
Boyfriend is out and Shane is not (for obvious reasons) and while this doesn't necessarily make for an unhealthy relationship Boyfriend is, as established, an asshole. He's not shy about reminding Shane of how lucky he is that he puts up with the secrecy and how impossible it would be for Shane to find someone else in his situation.
They've also been together since they were teenagers so Boyfriend is the only guy Shane has ever been with and the only one who knows Shane is gay, which also means that Shane has no one to talk to about any misgivings he might have about the relationship.
The story is the same as in canon from Ilya's perspective until the CCM commercial when he hits on Shane in the shower and Shane, visibly into Ilya and fighting with himself internally, tells him he can't because he has a boyfriend. Then he panics about what he just told Ilya but Ilya promises not to tell anyone - they have the same secret, after all. Sure he's disappointed but he can always find other people to fuck (that hollow feeling in his chest feels like a lot more than just disappointment but Ilya ignores that).
Every time Shane and Ilya catch a moment alone over the next couple of years, Ilya asks Shane if he's still with the boyfriend and the answer is always yes. Around the third time, Shane is feeling vulnerable because they just had a fight the week before and Boyfriend has been ignoring him and he doesn't have anyone to talk to about how awful he feels, and he just kind of. Starts telling Ilya about it.
And Ilya listens and then tells Shane, "He sounds like an asshole."
Shane feels conflicted about this comment because on the one hand, it kind of confirms what he's been thinking, but on the other Ilya doesn't actually know Boyfriend and all he has is information from a very biased source.
"He's not," Shane finally says. "We just got into an argument. Couples fight."
Ilya wants very much to disagree, because Hollander sounds fucking miserable talking about this guy, but he wisely concludes that this would just make Shane dig his heels in further and refrains.
Despite Shane's protests, every time Ilya asks him about his boyfriend after that he looks more tired. This guy also clearly makes him insecure as hell and Ilya hates seeing the effect he has, making Shane fucking Hollander carry himself like he's two inches tall and trying to disappear.
Ilya is itching to tell Shane to dump Boyfriend, to find someone who'll treat him like he deserves. Whenever he indirectly broaches the topic though, Shane gets defensive, and Ilya doesn't want to push it because as much as he'd like to get Shane away from this guy (and into his own bed) he also doesn't want Shane to shut him out and isolate himself even further.
Then comes the day when Shane actually approaches Ilya first. He looks nervous but determined and at first, Ilya thinks this is it. He finally remembered that he's Shane fucking Hollander and kicked that guy to the curb.
What Shane tells him isn't quite that. Ilya still perks up, because he cannot believe that Boyfriend, this absolute piece of shit moron, suggested opening the relationship and delivered Shane to Ilya on a silver platter.
Because Shane's first instinct, upon getting permission to fuck other people, was to seek Ilya out. He looks cautious but hopeful when he asks if Ilya's still interested in hooking up, like the answer isn't obviously yes.
Yes, Ilya's still interested. But not just in hooking up. Not in being the side piece.
He's gonna seduce Shane right from underneath Boyfriend's stupid, ugly nose and treat him with the reverence and care he actually deserves.
awww the like button turns into a rainbow when you press it! that's so cute...hey staff what's with all the trans women you keep nuking?
i think we should be ridiculing them more for this. you don't get to try and go all "queer website" when your staff likes to go on nuking sprees targeting the trans fem users
would be remiss not to mention that the rainbow notably straight up just removed the trans flag colors from it. like they’re gone. it’s the progress flag minus the trans flag colors.
that’s not the whole flag, now is it
hey staff what the fuck
hey staff don't you think you're being too on-the-nose
HEY STAFF DONT YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING TOO ON-THE-NOSE
anyone surprised that markiplier knows about the bloodymary ship doesn't remember this is a man who has seen himself ass blasted by springtrap you must assume that whatever the most obscure, insane content you've involved him in he not only knows about it but already knows more than you'll ever fathom. it's too late. he knew before you even knew you knew he knew you knew
Happy pride to markiplier who’s finally safe and curled up in Ryan Goslings arms
Simon design + Bloodymary doodle!
I LOVE THEM SOOO BAADDDD, I haven't fixated on a ship or fandom space so hard since I was like 12. I hope ya'll like my VERY detailed rocky drawing.
I love how the biggest space guys on tumblr right now, Dr. Captain Ryland Grace and Simon the Convict, are played by Mark “send me to space I don’t care if I don’t come back” Iplier, and Ryan “oh my god please don’t send me to space. Why are you sending me to space?!?” Gosling.
I just think that’s hilarious
doodle mainly bc i wanted to draw Simon's body hair, but then i had no energy to draw
This ship is ridiculous, 10/10 no notes
Idk what the story here would be, but I have a half imagined idea of Grace going exploring for life after everything’s calmed down and they find a water planet to check out. Maybe Grace falls in or gets dragged under by a current or some such!