Let the flames begin

Somewhere weakness is our strength And I'll die searching for it

[umcvden]

collegecr0wd​:

Maren heard the words the doctor had told her, being told on multiple occasions that there was a good chance that Angie would never wake up, that the damage done was going to have lasting effects if she ever did, but she couldn’t believe them. Angie had to wake up, and she had to be completely fine. This wasn’t real. She was sitting where she had been since Angie had been here, in the chair next to her bed, knees bent up to her chest, arms wrapped around them, just staring at the girl who looked like she was sleeping. She had barely cried since this happened, instead just feeling numb, scared, alone. She couldn’t believe this was happening. Maren’s gaze lifted when she heard the knock on the door, and seeing her best friend should have made her happy, should have lifted her spirits, but as he handed her the flowers and sat down next to her, she finally felt the tears well up in her eyes. She remembered when Seb was in here, what he had been going through, and how terrifying it had all been. Seb had ended up okay, better than before even, but what were the odds that the same was going to be true for Angie? Maren set the flowers down gently on the table beside Angie’s bed, before turning around and wrapping her arms around Caden’s neck. “Thank you for being here,” she mumbled against his shoulder, feeling overwhelmed. She felt a couple of tears fall down her cheeks, and she sniffled quietly. “I don’t know what to do.”

He hugged her back immediately. Caden rubbed her back when he started hearing the pain in her voice, knowing that this feeling was one of the worst feelings imaginable. “You’re going to be okay, Mare,” he whispered as he held on tighter to her. After a moment, he pulled away from her and looked over at Angie sleeping in her bed. He heard that the same chances that Seb had were nothing close to Angie’s. Caden couldn’t help but feel some guilt surrounding that thought. Nothing has been fair. “If you don’t know what to do, I’ll sit here with you until whenever you need.” He paused a moment and looked back at Maren. “It’s okay to be mad,” he said quietly, as if saying it out loud was taboo. He didn’t know if Maren was feeling that at all, but he wanted to let her know that it was okay. 

[umcvden]

After hanging around Maren, all Caden wanted to do was talk to Seb. He hadn’t gotten ahold of him, but Caden called Isaiah to see if Seb was home and if it would be okay to come by and visit, hearing that Seb had just been in his room the entire time, possibly sleeping. When he got the okay, he went to the house and was let inside, hugging Sara who seemed to have a bit of a worried look on her face that he couldn’t put to figure out why. Caden walked to the back hallway and knocked on his best friend’s door and slowly opened it to see the other in his bed. Despite the distance that has been put between them recently, he couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him and he quickly walked over to the boy to sit down on the edge of it next to him. “This where you been hiding out at?” he asked quietly, gently bumping his knee with his elbow. “Maren says she misses you.” Caden couldn’t help but notice how awkward he was feeling in this moment, noticing that something was off, but then again, when something happens like it had, there was bound to be residual feelings that couldn’t be shaken. 

[umcvden]

Caden walked up the familiar halls of the hospital to the room where he knew Angie was staying in, flowers in hand, and wishing that he had Seb with him. He’d tried asking, but the boy had barely talked to him since all of this happened with Angie’s overdose. He was worried, but there was one more person he was just as worried for. His best friend, Maren. He had a feeling that she might be here in the hospital, knowing that that was exactly what Caden had done, staying and waiting for the other to hopefully wake up soon. He’d heard through others though that there was a high chance that Angie might never wake up. Knocking lightly, just in case, Caden then opened the door and saw the girl in the bed, looking asleep, looking like she could wake up any moment and knowing she wouldn’t, he had instantly remembered Seb being in that bed and a wave of emotions hit him like a brick. His eyes flooded, but he did his best to hold the tears back as they scanned the room and saw his friend in the chair next to Angie. “Hey, Maren,” he said softly, walking over towards her to lean down and kiss her cheek. He held out the flowers to her before he sat down on the windowsill next to her. Caden knew that this must be hard for Maren, knowing exactly how she must be feeling. She was there for him when he was feeling so, so alone and afraid of losing Seb not that long ago. He wanted to make sure that she knew he had him to return the favor. 

[umcvden]

oksebastians​:

This was maybe the most uncomfortable dinner that Seb had ever been to. He was ignored the entire time by Caden’s family, aside from his cousins and their partners, and it was made very clear that the older adults did not want him here at all. And honestly - the was fair. Seb did punch Caden’s dad. And he didn’t really want to be here either, but he would follow Caden to the ends of the earth if he wanted him to. He looked up from his plate finally when he heard Caden’s mom ask a question about marriage, looking over at both Maren and Caden. He could see the look on Maren’s face, how she looked like she wanted to be sick, but she didn’t get a chance to say anything before Caden spoke. Caden’s words surprised Seb - not what he was saying, but the fact that he was saying it to his family right now. He just looked at Caden like a deer caught in headlights, not sure what to say or do with himself right now. When he said that they were going, Seb opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. He took Caden’s hand and stood up next to him, his eyes locking with Maren’s who face he was sure was mirroring his own - shock, but also pride in Caden for standing up to his family in this way. When Caden started walking toward the door, Seb followed, but paused just outside the room. “Caden, are you sure? Is this what you want?” He asked him, knowing that this was going to change everything for Caden. Seb didn’t want to be the reason that Caden was cut off from his family. He could hear an angry conversation still going on in the other room, and the sounds of chairs scraping as if people were coming to follow them. He wanted to make sure Caden was sure about all of this before things really went to shit tonight, and by the sounds of it, nothing was going to get better from here. 

Caden knew that they were going to be followed as soon as they walked out of the room, but who, he didn’t know and he wasn’t up for finding out. He looked back at the boy who stopped them, seeing the look on his face, the concern. All he could do was give him a soft smile with a nod. What he had said and done wasn’t for Sebastian, but for himself. It was like the first time he was able to make a decision for himself and it felt right. Allowing this to go any further was also hurting more people than himself. Maren had been roped into this thing, he was glad to have her back in his life, but it wasn’t what either of them wanted. And this was the last time he wanted any disrespect towards Seb from the parents. It wasn’t right and he didn’t want to have to have him deal with that when he was finally figuring himself out. “This is what I want,” he told him, squeezing his hand softly. Caden reached out with his free hand and opened the door, leading him outside. “Let’s go home.”  

[umcvden]

oksebastians​:

Seb let out a shaky breath as Caden’s mouth closed around his thumb, the sight of the other boy beneath him so erotic. He just watched his face for a few moments before he finally removed his thumb so that he could put both of his hands to better use. He leaned forward to kiss Caden, passionately, full of love, before sliding himself down further. His mouth reached its target quickly, not wanting to waste any more time - he had waited long enough for this moment. He pressed his lips right above the waist band of Caden’s underwear, before he finally pulled all of the fabric out of the way. He slowly licked up Caden’s length, his gaze flickering up to meet the other boy’s. “Tell me how badly you want me,” he mumbled against the tip, not taking him further into his mouth yet. 

Caden kept his eyes on Seb as he moved down his body, watching him intently as if he needed to memorize this moment for the rest of his life. He let out a breathe when he felt Seb’s lips on his skin, his head falling back, already feeling so overwhelmed with excitement and need. When the cold air hit him where the fabric was removed, his length immediately grew with anticipation, but Seb’s teasing was not enough for him, making him whimper quietly under his tongue. “Seb, please,” he breathed out while his hips moved up to be able to press into the boy’s lips as he spoke, not being able to make full coherent sentences right now. 

[umcvden]

oksebastians​:

Seb watched Caden’s expression anxiously after he asked for his reassurance. They had never spoken like this before, but the feelings and emotions had been there for as long as he could remember. He just needed to be sober enough to recognize and appreciate them. When Caden finally spoke, Seb’s lips curved up into a small smile. He pressed a soft, lingering kiss to Caden’s cheek, and when he pulled back again, he was smirking. His thumb was still on Caden’s bottom lip, and slowly he slipped it in between the other boy’s lips, pressing it into his mouth. “I’m going to fuck you now,” he told him with his smirk widening, his other hand undoing the button on Caden’s jeans. He could stay in this home with Caden forever, in this bed, doing nothing except this. 

When Seb pulled back, Caden looked at the boy above him and saw the expression on his face. Hearing the words he said, his entire body was screaming to get more from him. His lips closed around Seb’s thumb, lightly sucking on his finger, letting his tongue move around it as he looked at him. He was practically begging him at this point for Seb to do what he said, his lower half starting to move up against his hand as his pants unbuttoned, allowing a small moan escape around his thumb. It had been so long for Caden to be without him, to be like this with Seb, and if allowed, he was going to show him just how much he was missed and how much he needed Seb again.  

[umcvden]

oksebastians​:

Seb shivered at the feeling of Caden’s nails on his back, feeling like he couldn’t get enough of the other boy. They couldn’t get close enough - he needed more. He pressed himself closer as he felt Caden’s hand slip beneath his pants, a small sigh escaping his lips, against Caden’s mouth. When they broke apart, Seb’s eyes opened to look down into Caden’s, and his words made his throat feel tight. He slowed his actions, lifting one hand to Caden’s cheek, his thumb tracing against his cheek. “I want this - us - forever,” he mumbled, before running his thumb along Caden’s bottom lip. “Promise me,” he whispered, his voice a little bit shaky. He had never in his life asked for commitment from anyone, from anything, had never given his own commitment to anyone, but when it came to Caden, the thought of him not having this one day was too much to handle. He was so in love, all encompassed by this boy, and he needed to know that this was forever. 

Caden looked up at Seb when they broke, looking into his eyes as he felt his hand on his face. His words made his heart thump in his chest. Of course, Caden would be his forever, there wasn’t a question or doubt in his heart and in his mind that it would be anything else. But hearing Seb asking him out loud, to agree out loud was something close to the feeling of them expressing their love to one another out loud. After a moment, Caden gave him a soft smile, his hand roaming up the other’s back before it reached to Seb’s hand on his face, gently holding onto his wrist. “This is forever,” he promised. At one point in their lives, not too long ago, it would’ve been hard to say that out loud. Caden didn’t know if forever would be a long time for a long time, but with Seb saying those words, something that he’s never even come close to speaking or acted on, Caden believed that it was the most truth the boy has ever said to him. “I don’t want anything else.” 

[umcvden]

oksebastians​:

Seb was mesmerized by Caden’s smile - every single time he got it, it was such a gift. He couldn’t believe that he used to take things like this for granted. He couldn’t believe that he used to take Caden for granted. He helped to pull his shirt over his head, and then was quick to search for Caden’s lips again. He was greedy with the other boy’s attention, desperate for his touch and everything he had to offer him. His hands were sliding in between them, thumbs tucking into the waist band of Caden’s jeans, hands gripping his hips. He was already pressing every inch of his body down into the other boy’s, and he couldn’t help but grind their lower halves together. He was desperate for more, but also knew that they had all the time in the world, and was having a hard time tearing his lips away from Caden’s right now. His fingers dug into the other boy’s hips as he kissed him deeply, bringing his teeth together on the Caden’s bottom lip, wanting more, but also wanting to do just this forever.

Caden could feel the want coming from Seb, the need and love in his touch. He kissed him back with as much of the same feelings and he didn’t think if he could get enough of it. It felt nice having his own place now, more than anything because he could sit here and do whatever he pleased. They could take as much time as they wanted, not having the impending action of something interrupting them. He wished he’d gotten his own place sooner. Caden’s hands ran up Seb’s back, his nails slightly digging into the grooves he found, they seemed to have different motives than his brain wanting to take his time as they moved to the front of the boys pants to unbutton them. One hand moved back to his back, slipping it inside his jeans, grabbing ahold of him to hold him closer if it were possible while his other hand moved to the boy’s curls as they kissed deeply. Caden broke their lips for a moment, catching a breathe as he said in a hoarse whisper, “you’re everything I need, Seb.” 

[umcvden]

oksebastians​:

“I better be,” Seb mumbled in response right before Caden kissed him.He pressed down into Caden, his hands snaking up underneath the other boy’s shirt. The physical closeness that he experienced with Caden was unlike anything he did before. There was so much emotion behind everything between them, and Seb couldn’t keep his hands off the other boy. Even if it was just holding his hand, he felt like touching him grounded him in a way nothing else did. Seb moved his lips down to Caden’s neck, before he sat up to pull off Caden’s shirt. He paused to just gaze down at the brunette’s face, hand moving to his face, thumb running slowly over his bottom lip. “God, you’re beautiful,” he told him, the words bubbling out before he could stop them. 

Everywhere that Seb had touched, Caden’s body responded to. He moved into his touch without thought and with so much certainty that it was right. When Seb had pulled away to remove his shirt, he looked up at him just as he spoke. Caden smiled at the compliment, always hearing it from the other, never believing it completely unless it came from Seb. Caden kissed his thumb that was touching his mouth before he sat up slightly to get better purchase of removing the other boy’s shirt for him. The revealed skin made Caden blush, despite all the times he’s seen it in the past. Every time was like something new, and sometimes the first time they’ve spent the night together would be lingering in the back of his mind, reminding them of how far they’ve come and how different it was. His hands roamed over Seb’s torso, feeling every inch and curve before he couldn’t take the separation any longer as he cupped the back of the boy’s neck to bring him in for a deep kiss.

[umcvden]

oksebastians​:

Seb smiled as he heard Caden say the words back, still not believing that after everything, after all of this time, Caden loved him. He was more than lucky, and there was no more taking that for granted. He was so lucky to have this boy in his corner. He bent down into the kiss when their lips touched, and it was only a moment later that Seb deepened the kiss. He kissed the shorter boy with so much love and emotion, but also a sense of urgency. There was a lot that he wanted to say that he felt he still didn’t have the words for. A lot that he wanted to tell him, to share with Caden, but he wasn’t quite there yet. What he could do though, was show his appreciation, show how much he loved him, in other ways. He took a couple of steps forward until the back of Caden’s legs hit the edge of the bed. He pushed him gently down onto the bed, their lips breaking momentarily as Seb straddled him, grinning down at the other boy. “I don’t think your bed’s been broken in yet,” he said with a shit-eating grin, holding back his laugh. 

Caden grinned up at Seb when he was pushed down onto his bed, his heart still racing from their confessionals they just shared, still surprised that he got the privilege from hearing those words come from the other. His hands fell to his thighs that were on either side of him before they pushed up to his hips, feeling his body on top of him. “Looks like you’re the one to fix that,” he said with laughter when one of his hands grabbed his shirt to pull him down, their lips meeting in the middle. Everything felt both different and the same at the same time, but it wasn’t something that Caden was afraid of. He didn’t like change much, but for the first time, he was excited to see where life was going to take the two of them now. 

[umcvden]

oksebastians​:

Seb had been settling in to living with Sara and Isaiah - as much as he could, anyway. It still felt so weird to him to have a home base, to have someone who had dinner ready for him regardless of how late he got home, to hear voices of family in the house that were gentle and kind, and weren’t fighting or yelling all of the time. It was a lot to get used to - for the first little while, he couldn’t sleep, afraid that this was all too good to be true. But he was getting more accustomed to it at this point. That definitely didn’t mean that he didn’t miss the nights crawling into Caden’s window, falling asleep in his bed with him, waking up to the sounds of him getting ready to go to class. He was happy for Caden when he heard that he moved out of the dorms, got himself a new place, but a part of him was worried about the space that Seb was going to have in this new life and new place. He was afraid of any kind of change, it was hard for him, especially after so many changes had happened in his life lately. But he was proud of the other boy, and was looking forward to seeing it once he had invited him over. He knocked on the door gently when he found the address, and smiled when Caden opened the door. “Yeah? You should probably close that. You don’t want strange guys climbing in in the middle of the night,” he teased, before reaching out to grab hold of the other boy’s t shirt, pulling him closer so he could press a kiss against his lips. When he broke away a moment later, the smile was immediately back on his lips. “You gonna give me the grand tour?”

Caden could only get a laugh out at Seb’s joke before he felt the boy pull him close and into a kiss. He kissed him back with such ease, his hands falling down do take hold of his hands. “It’s not very grand, but,” he grinned. dropping one hand, but still held onto the other as he turned himself around. “Living room, kitchen,” he pointed to each, one right next to the other. Caden then gently pulled him down the small hallway, kicking a box full of his books out of the way until he reached a door to another room. He opened the door and inside were some canvases and his set up with spray paints and acrylics, it was still a mess, but he didn’t think he was going to do much more with it. He looked at Seb and smiled before he turned them around to the room adjacent and opened the door to his bedroom. It was close to his dorm and his room at his parents place mixed it one. Caden looked around it before looking back at Seb. “That’s really it,” he said with a shrug, one hand going to the base of his neck. 

[umcvden]

With Seb’s time spent away, Caden had decided that it was time for him to make his own moves and changes in his life. He got himself his own place. It wasn’t big and crazy, definitely on the more cheap side knowing that he didn’t want to use his families money, but from something that he had saved up for himself. It was his own. He had decided on waiting to have Seb come over after he came back, thinking that it would’ve been better for the other boy to acclimate back in his life, but today he didn’t think he wanted to wait any longer, he missed him and wanted to share with Seb his new home. After giving him the address, he paced around the living room area, one hand in his pocket that held onto the spare key, while the other was picking things up and ‘cleaning’. There were still some boxes everywhere, showing just how new the move was and wished that he allowed himself more time to unpack. He didn’t know why he was nervous about it, knowing that Seb wasn’t going to be unhappy with the way this place looked, but all he wanted from him still was his acceptance. It was then that he heard a knock on the door and he smiled at the thought of who was on the other side and quickly walked to the front door. “Kept the window open just in case,” he said once he saw the tall blonde. 

[umcvden]

oksebastians​:

Seb tried to give Caden a small smile in return, but he was worrying about the future and what was to come. What was going to happen when he got out of here. “I dunno, I don’t exactly have a good track record,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. He had let Caden down so many times he couldn’t believe that the other boy was still constantly by his side. He was so appreciative, though. He looked down at their hands, and then bumped his shoulder against Caden’s. “I don’t get why you’ve stuck by me for so long. I’m pretty fucking grateful, though.” Seb brought the blunt to his lips again and took a long drag, before reaching over and putting the end of it between Caden’s lips. 

Caden just looked at Seb when he questioned him about how he’s stayed by his side for so long. He let the blunt rest between his lips, not looking away from the blonde before he took a drag and removed it from his mouth. As he exhaled the smoke, he was hesitant in what he wanted to say next, but it was his only answer to it. When their eyes met, he looked down at the ground shyly. “I think you do know why,” he said quietly. The two of them had confessed their feelings once, but it hasn’t been said again. The feeling that Caden had was still there and still apparent. Going through the things he had with Seb didn’t change his mind of how much he’s been in love with him. And maybe that was ignorance, but he’s had so much faith in the boy because of his love and he knew that it was returned. 

[umcvden]

oksebastians​:

Seb opened his eyes to look at Caden as he spoke, and let out a breath. He was doing it, he did so much and he couldn’t deny that he had come a long way since he had come in here. It still felt like a struggle every day, though. “Shit, don’t give me so much credit yet,” he said with a small, dry laugh. He took the blunt back from Caden and brought it to his lips again, looking away. After he took a long drag, he leaned back on his hand, inching it over toward where Caden’s was beside it. “I don’t want to let you down,” he said quietly, voicing his fear. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do after I get out of here. What if I fuck it all up?” He looked back at the other boy now, feeling vulnerable, wanting reassurance. He was so anxious about messing up once he was back home, letting down all the people who were rooting for him. He was feeling the pressure of it all, and although he did want to put in the work for himself, there was no denying that going back to his old life was the easy route to take. He just wanted to be the best version of himself, but it felt impossible to get and to stay there. 

Caden looked at him, feeling the warmth of his hand moving closer to his. Seb’s words were quiet, but the feelings and insecurities were loud and apparent in them. Their eyes met and Caden moved his hand so that they were touching. “You’re not, and I won’t let you,” he said simply. He moved his hand so that his finger wrapped softly over Seb’s. Caden held so much truth in those words. Anything that Seb has done has never really made Caden falter from being by his side and seeing how much the other boy was putting work into this, he firmly believed that he’ll be able to do it. “You have to give yourself a little more credit,” he said with a small smile. 

[umcvden]

oksebastians​:

Seb smiled at Caden, keeping his eyes on his for another couple of long moments, before reaching out and taking the blunt and lighter out of his hand. He brought it to his lips and lit the end, before deeply inhaling. After he exhaled, he let his head fall back, eyes closed. “Fuck,” he breathed, before handing the blunt out to Caden. “You have no idea how much I needed this.” He laughed lightly, bumping Caden’s shoulder with his own again. “All this getting better shit is hard without even a little weed to get my through,” he gave a small half smile, before looking back up at the sky. “Honestly, it’s really fucking hard.” He had a lot of fears surrounding this, mostly that he was going to fail and let Caden down, let everyone down, and every day was difficult to get through. He had to keep the big picture in mind when it came to his recovery, how much better it was going to be for everyone, but sometimes it felt nearly impossible. 

Watching Seb take the hit, he smiled in response to his laughter just as he took the blunt between his fingers to take his own. Caden nodded as he breathed out the smoke. “I’m sure it is.” He paused a moment. “But you’re fucking doing it, man.” His smiled widened with each word he said. He couldn’t imagine how hard it was for Seb to go through all of this, but each day they talked, each day he noticed the difference in Seb and how he was becoming his old self again. Or even a new self, one that was bigger and better. Caden had his own fears surrounding everything. That once Seb got out, he’d go back to how he was just before, that he’d lose him for real the next time. He’s never mentioned just how much he’s sat alone, or with Maren and cried about the night he thought Seb was gone forever and he didn’t ever want to have to go through that again. Caden leaned against the palm of his hand as he passed back the blunt and smiled at Seb, not wanting to ruin this moment with those thoughts that some nights plagued him. “You’re amazing, Sullivan.” 

[umcvden]

oksebastians​:

Sebastian’s grin widened when Caden held up the blunt between them, and he looped an arm around Caden’s neck to pull him in for a playful side hug. “You’re officially my favourite person on this planet,” he teased, as if the other boy wasn’t already. There’s no one else that Seb felt he could be one hundred percent himself with. He dropped his arm from around Caden’s neck to take hold of his hand, pulling him out of the room. With so many visitors here today the place was crowded and the staff was busy, so it wasn’t that hard to sneak into the back stairwell and up to the roof this time. Usually he had a much more difficult time getting a second to himself. Out on the roof, in the fresh air, Seb took a deep breath before he sat himself on the edge, the tall building overlooking a beautiful view. He was struck by a thought that was making him feel emotional again, something that he’s been a lot lately with all of these old feelings resurfacing. This was the first time, as he sat on the edge of this building, high above the ground, as he did something that could be dangerous, that he realized he no urge to let himself fall. He cared what happened to him now. He didn’t have any desire for darkness any longer. He didn’t know how to voice these thoughts, talking about shit still hard for him, but he just looked over at Caden, studying his face for a long few moments. “Thank you, Caden. For everything.” 

He couldn’t help the roll of his eyes at the other’s teasing, falling into his side easily as Seb pulled him closer, but as his hand fell down to Caden’s and held it, he folded their fingers together exactly like it was a missing piece of him. Caden followed behind Seb up to the roof, his thumb rubbing over his skin until they sat down with his legs crossing under him as he looked out at the sky. He took the blunt and a lighter out of his pocket, ready to hand it over as he looked at Seb who he realized was looking at Caden. He blushed, but then he heard his words and he smiled. He stayed quiet a moment then bumped his shoulder gently against the boy’s. “I know.” Smiling a little playfully at him, Caden knew he didn’t need to say thank you. Being here and getting healthy and happy again was all on Seb and his own hard work. And he was going to support him no matter what. 

[umcvden]

oksebastians​:

Seb grinned down at Caden, and when he leaned up to steal a kiss, Seb pressed down to lengthen the kiss. God, he missed this boy so much. He didn’t know how he was supposed to finish his time here without him. He grinned at Caden’s suggestion, before getting up off of him and holding out his hand to pull the other boy up with him. “You know I already found the way,” he told him, grinning. The first thing Seb had done when he got here was find all of the secluded spots he could, because even in his room he didn’t have much privacy. There was always someone checking in. “I’ll marry you right this second if you tell me you snuck in something for me to smoke,” he teased, a playfully hopeful expression on his face. 

“Of course you did.” Caden mirrored his grin, feeling the usual butterflies in his stomach as he was pulled up. Hearing his next set of words, he couldn’t help his face flush red, but he tried his best to brush those feelings off, to calm himself down from the love he felt towards this boy. Putting his free hand in his pocket, he looked down at the ground to give himself a moment to hide his face as he pulled out a rolled up blunt and held it out between them. “I thought it was going to be a lot harder to bring this in,” he said with laughter, finally looking back up at him, his smile never changing. “Show me your secret,” he said with a small grin, excited to be able to be with him like they’ve always been, their normal.