probablycool

yeah just me and some things i share i guess i what i did i stroke

[umirbutwrong]

I dreamed of you

the hard thing is, even if its a beautiful dream, it‘s a nightmare after I wake up.

[umirbutwrong]

crazy how the first handshake with you changed my complete lifeline.

[umirbutwrong]

I am jealous of my parallel me because it gets to spend time with you while I sit in this universe and have to miss you.

[umirbutwrong]

Yeah sure its hard for everyone but why do we guys have to have the *first love* poison in us? Why am I craving understanding for something I will never ever understand in my life?

[umirbutwrong]

yesterday was your birthday

Or is it todaY? I can't even remember it anymore the years have passed by.

I really hope you had a great day, you deserve it. I was thinking if you had a new guy what gift would he make you since it was so hard for me to gift you things. You always seemed so happy and grateful about anything.

I wish you the best, I really hope he made you laugh on your birthday. That annoying fucking laugh you had. I really hope someone heard that.

Now to the selfic part of me, I hope you thought of me. I hope you thought of the birthdaynights we had. The nights we had ourselves when everyone outside in the world was asleep but we stayed up late because it was your birthday. Even if we had to work the next day.

I know I can't wish you the best and hope for you to think about me since it wouldn't be the best, but I really can't help myself. Stop thinking about me when I stop thinkin about you, which could be never.

[umirbutwrong]

I knew I lost you when we looked each other into the eyes, I saw your inside, you watched through me.

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[umirbutwrong]

I think even the devil himself would have fallen in love with Her.

[umirbutwrong]

And one day your mother met your father, they felt in love.

One day your mother gave birth to you.

Your dad left your family, you were just a little girl who had to deal with a man leaving her.

You got hurt but you tried to never hurt the people around you.

And I know you were tired.

One day after getting your grades you decided to do the job you did.

And so did I with my job.

And one day, God decided the two of us meet.

One night, sitting on grass, it was a summer night, the sky was clear, I felt in love with you.

And I could feel that you did too.

We both knew.

One night, our lips touched. The night I truly learned what missing means.

One night our bodies touched, the night I learned what true warmth means.

And one day we talked about our future, and all the troubles and problems we'll face.

But we still loved each other eternally, you know.

But one day, you left, and you never turned back. The day I started to realize I will miss you longer than I was allowed to love you.

Take time back to the time your parents felt in love.

[umirbutwrong]

I really pray to God he sees you the way I did.

[umirbutwrong]

Where is the place to scream out my soul if its not you anymore? Where do I scream, because of you?

[umirbutwrong]

SOMEBODY GET THE PHONE - we don't hear that at our homes anymore

no more cool spoons from cereal boxes as a kid

turning on the tv, watching cartoons

the easy times

[umirbutwrong]

Now that we parted, I'm really afraid to see you one day with a new guy somewhere. Maybe at a gas station or something. But if I see you from afar, I really hope to see you smile or something.

I really hope he appreciates the dumb funny things you say while sitting in the passenger seat.

Or that I'll catch him at the cash register looking in your direction observing you without you noticing because you were the most beautiful while being you not interacting with anyone.

I really hope you'll receive the love you deserve, the love I would've gave you. Cause in the end you were and still are a beautiful human being.

[umirbutwrong]

And what if we are both scrolling through this app? Reading and writing poems about each other? What if I liked a poem that reminded me so much of you and it has been posted by you? I know its not the case, but I'm an "what if" chaser.

[umirbutwrong]

You and I we know exactly when we had our first kiss. We know the time, the day, the date, the location and probably the feeling. The beating of our heart was probably exactly the same for a couple of seconds who knows. We talked a lot about that moment, for years.

And since you left, once a year on exactly that time of that specific day, i close my eyes, breath deeply and for a second I'm in that moment when I first kissed you.

Once a year, I experience it without you. I had this moment once with you, and will have it know a lifetime without you.

[umirbutwrong]

Love, sex, thoughts, its all so strong to deal with. Like last time I saw a movie where the woman was sucking a finger, it gave me such a strong throwback to our times, where the world was crazy loud and we were crazy in love in your bed. Looking each other deep in the eyes, not knowing what tomorrow brings.

[umirbutwrong]

Since my Grandpa died back in 2011 unexpectedly at the age of 59, not a single day has passed without thinking about him.

Since you left me back in 2021, no day has passed without thinking about you.

I'm thankful but also afraid of all the people I have to think about till the end of life.

[umirbutwrong]

the male broken heart

If you a boy out there and you got your heart broken, please stay strong. If you can, talk to someone. But it will get better trust me.

I remember when we broke up, her friends writing me, telling me about her mental state, I had to stay strong. But that's when I was the loneliest.

Of course your friends are your friends and you can and should talk to them, but sometimes it's not easy. Especially if you're a feeler. You'll feel like no one will get what your saying, somehow not feeling manly while talking about such things. But they will listen, trust me, I did it after I already healed with so many things.

They told me "why didn't you tell us earlier?" - I can't even blame them, I played fine all the time when I wasn't, I'm pretty good at it.

It will get better. If it was your first love, it will always haunt you a little bit since I'm convinced that women somehow teach us men how to love. Thats what she taught me. I never wanna see her again, but I will always think of her in a way.

stay strong - and if you have no one, please hit me up.