Eurydice

flowers. I remember fields of flowers, soft beneath my feet. walking in the sun i remember someone someone by my side. ...turned his face to mine... Eurydice || 25 || Immortal || Writer

[un-lostscngbird]

tchellandback​:

“Forever,” he murmurs after her, marveling at the truth in it.  For all the love they shared, time is the one thing they have never had – and now they have an eternity.  “Oh, my love.”  He gives her a soft kiss in return.  “I’m going to hold you forever.  And I will love you even when the world stops turning.”  He remembers her saying those words to him so many years ago, and for a moment, he is back then, when they thought they knew what their future together held, before they knew what it was like to lose each other.

He leans his head against hers, holding her tighter.  “You thought I was dead.  There was no reason to believe I wasn’t – and I didn’t exactly make myself easy for you to find,” he adds.  After he left the Underworld, he couldn’t return to their home, couldn’t bear to face the life they had only just started – but he had not even returned to civilization for a very long time either.  In the years between her death and his own, he had remained alone, wandering and singing.  “Three thousand years is such a long time.  Memories blur, and fade, and get lost – but now we can find them again.  We can make new ones.”

Part of Eurydice didn’t want him to make such promises. She knew the world was unpredictable and that being in his arms forever wasn’t guaranteed. But she wanted to believe it. She knew that the Fates would have a hard time tearing them apart again if they tried, that she would never stop fighting for their love. And nor would he. That, she could trust. 

She let out a small, strangled laugh when he said he didn’t make it easy for her to find him. Oh, she remembered that now too. How empty the house had felt when she returned, though only a few days had passed. How she tried to find him, always arriving in time to hear people speak of his terribly beautiful but mournful song, but too late to find him. She searched far longer than they’d been married. Searched until she thought him dead. Memories so painful she knew why they had faded from her mind; it was the only way to survive alone. “We can,” she agreed. “We can have our life again.”

[un-lostscngbird]

tchellandback​:

Orpheus had not even realized how badly he needed to hear her say that she forgives him until she did, and the relief is so overwhelming that he can hardly catch his breath.  He had been so afraid that she would hate him, if he ever saw her again at all.  The more rational part of him recognized that that could not happen – if the roles were reversed, if he had been the one who died and she had made that awful walk for him, of course he would never blame her for turning around; why, then, would she, when he knew that she loved him every bit as much as he loved her? – but he could not forgive himself, and he could not believe he deserved to be forgiven when she was in the Underworld.

But now, with her arms around him and his around her, breathing in her familiar scent, her voice in his ear, he can at least try to start.  “I know,” he gasps.  “I know you are.”  He takes in a few ragged breaths, calmer now, and without letting go of her, pulls back enough to see her again.  “And what a miracle it is.  What an absolute, unimaginable kindness the universe has done us.”  He laughs again, still a bit tearful, but so happy.  “Eurydice, we have so much time.”

***

 Once she can see the relief finally sinking into Orpheus, once she can see he truly believes what she’s said, she too can feel that relief. When he pulls back, she can’t help smiling when she sees the happiness in expression. She wants to commit every detail to memory--how could she have ever forgotten it? Eurydice keeps to herself that she’s not so sure about the universe’s kindness, instead pressing a light kiss to his lips as he laughs. Two more things she never wanted to forget again. “We have forever,” she says, realising exactly how true that now was with a small laugh of her own. “And I will love you for forever and a day.” As she says the words, they feel familiar. Like she’s said them to him before, so long ago.

Eurydice tries not to let it show on her face, that twinge of guilt she feels. But it almost certainly does, if even for the briefest of moments. She leans against him, her head on his chest. “I should’ve kept looking,” she murmurs quietly. “I can’t believe I forgot.”

[un-lostscngbird]

anyaromanoff​:

   – Ana nodded, understanding how music could be comforting. “It’s almost as if there is a type of music for any mood you’re in.” She returned her gaze back to the painting before them, the one that started the conversation. “What even defines the being a musician anyway? Not like, literally, but who’s to say someone isn’t a musician if they want to be one?”

Looking back at Eurydice, she smile once more before speaking. “I don’t think I caught your name.”

***

Eurydice nodded. “Yeah, exactly. And music... I’ve always found that the right music can make me feel a lot better.” She couldn’t remember the specifics any more, but she knew that that had been true for her entire life. Music was something she just felt in her heart. She chuckled and shrugged. “I guess you’re right. I think of myself as more of a writer, I would say.”

She smiled back, offering her hand. “Eurydice. And you?”

[un-lostscngbird]

tchellandback​:

It had not been the cold.  Or rather, it had been, but it was a different cold; it was a cold that had sunk deep underneath his skin the second he found her body and realized she was not breathing.  He had not known she had tried to talk to him during that walk, though he is not really surprised to hear her say it.  He cannot imagine what that must have been like for her, to try to speak and not be able to be heard, and he holds her tighter for a moment now.  “I didn’t know – it was so silent.  I couldn’t – I couldn’t feel you at all.”  If he closed his eyes right now and moved to the other side of the couch, he would still know she was here.  The air feels different when she is near him, but down there, it had felt as still and silent as if he were completely alone.

When she suggests that she should have been quicker, his heart cracks.  “Eurydice – no, you did nothing wrong.  I should have waited for you.”  When she tells him it is not his fault, even Eurydice cannot quite make him hear it, because he has three thousand years of self-loathing telling him that it is.  He knows that it was his own mistake that ruined everything.  But when she tells him she does not blame him, that she forgives him – his admittedly shaky hold on his composure breaks, his head falling forward, and he finds himself sobbing into her shoulder for the second time that day.  “I love you so much,” he says, which is not enough, but he is feeling so many very strong emotions in this moment, and at the center of all of them is simply that he loves her.

***

Eurydice had known he couldn’t feel her there, could not hear her, so she had not expected it to hurt so much when he said as much. And yet, somehow it does, cold pain hitting her chest. She’d been so helpless then, unable to do anything to aid Orpheus in his task. To hear from him how alone he’d felt only brought all that rushing back, and Eurydice can do nothing but wrap her arms around him a little tighter. Somehow assure both of them that she’s here and he can feel her now. “I’m here,” she murmured.

In her mind, Orpheus had done what he was instructed. He waited until he was in sunlight, until he reached the end. Eurydice was mere steps behind him... But even if they had been only half-way, how could she blame him? How could she not forgive him instantly? When she loved him as she did, and his love for her was clear in every action he took. He had blamed himself for failing her for thousands of years, but Eurydice had forgiven him in that second she’d had to see his face. As he sobbed against her, she held him as tight as she could, her head against his, her fingers curled into his shirt. “I didn’t think I’d ever get to tell you,” she said.

[un-lostscngbird]

tchellandback​:

“Of course it was.”  There is no argument in his voice, only a resigned surety.  He wants so badly to be able to believe her, but he cannot see any way for it not to be his fault.  He broke the one condition that decided whether Eurydice would live or die.  His actions condemned her to the Underworld.  He was not even there when she died in the first place.  He sees nothing exceptional in the fact that he made the journey – the lengths a person will go to for the one they love is exceptional, yes, but who else would not do the same?  And at the moment when it mattered most, he faltered.  He does not deserve to be absolved of that.  

“It wasn’t enough.  All I had to do was walk, without looking at you, and even with your life at stake, I – I couldn’t do it.  I failed you.”  His voice shakes, but he tries very hard to keep himself together.  “If I had not turned around –”  She would have lived, is what he would have said before, except now she is sitting right here with him, very much alive, just as she has been for thousands of years.  He did not even look for her.  Even though there was no way for him to have known, he cannot help but feel that somehow, he should have.  He shakes his head.  “So many centuries I took from us – I should have been able to do it, and I  just – I’m so sorry.”  What else is there for him to say?

***

“No,” Eurydice insisted. If he argued with her it would hurt less, but this resigned certainty was far harder to face. It was unlike him, or unlike the him she’d known, and maybe that was what made it feel so painful to hear. He can’t see what she saw. “Orpheus, I don’t-- It wasn’t your fault. Any of it.”

All he had to do was walk. Strictly speaking, it was true, but Eurydice could recall now that walk. Why she was so fearful of the dark and small spaces. “I remember,” she said softly. “I remember you walking for so long. How endless it felt. How the cold made you shake.” Or had it been the fear? The doubts? “I tried... I tried to tell you I was there. But I couldn’t. My voice--” It had echoed back at her until she could feel it physically pressing upon her, taunting her, but silent to his ears. She had tried to sing to him, and nothing came. Tried to comfort him when he faltered, but she couldn’t. “You waited until you were in sunlight.” She had been so close. Two, maybe three, steps. “If I’d been a bit quicker...” She pressed her lips together. “I don’t blame you. Even then, I couldn’t.” Even as the pain of death had pulled her back into the darkness. “I forgave you a long time ago.”

[un-lostscngbird]

tchellandback​:

Orpheus knew that there were things he had forgotten over the years, no matter how hard he tried to hold onto every tiny detail, but now all of those lost details come rushing back to him as well.  “I never stopped hoping I would,” he whispers back, and as impossible as it may have seemed, now they were here, together, proving that it was not so impossible after all.  Her laugh is the most beautiful sound he has ever heard, and he cannot help but laugh too, drawing her even closer to him on the couch.  He will never stop being in awe of how absolutely breathtaking she is.  “Eurydice.”  He runs a hand down her face, joyful tears springing briefly to his eyes again before he blinks them back.  “I love you too – so much. With all my heart.”  It feels like a miracle to be able to say those words to her, and not only to the empty air in the hopes that somehow she will be able to hear him.

But those are not the only words he has ached to say to her for all these years.  He does not want to ruin this perfect moment, but he cannot lose himself in it completely, as if he deserves to, when he has not even apologized for ruining everything before.  She said she loves him, and he knows that she does, he does not doubt her at all – but that does not change the fact that he failed her so completely that he struggles to see how she still can.  “Eurydice, I – I’m so sorry.”

Eurydice’s heart ached with guilt at that. Orpheus’s hope was never ending, she had always known that. But still, she had forgotten and he had not. He had hoped all this time, and she had been resigned that until she was allowed to die she would be alone. Her strength did not lie in her hope or trusting, unless it was him. And he had been gone. She dropped her eyes, resting her head against his again and leaning into him. “With all your heart,” she repeated, a small smile on her face. There was always so much love in his heart. Enough to make her hope again.

It wasn’t until she heard him apologise however that she looked up again. “Orpheus... No.” She shook her head quickly. “No. It wasn’t your fault. Any of it.” Drawing a shaky breath, she smiled at him. “You came for me. No mortal is ever supposed to go to the Underworld alive. No one but the gods. But you did.”

[un-lostscngbird]

tchellandback​:

It is a good thing they are going to her place and not his, because Orpheus can barely take his eyes off of Eurydice for more than a second.  He hardly sees the way there at all, only her smile as she leads him there.  A very tiny part of him fears that this will be like last time, that she will disappear right in front of his eyes again, that he should not be looking at her – but her smile and her hand in his are real this time, solid, not only faint images in his mind that he can barely hold onto in the darkness of a cold Underworld cavern and the most intense fear he has ever felt in his life.  As long as he keeps his eyes on her, he can remember that they are not back then, he is free to look at her for as long as he likes and she will not disappear.

And then they are in her home, and her lips are on his, and oh, he is so in love with her it leaves him breathless.  One hand tangles in her hair, the other just holding her close, and the kiss is perhaps a little bit salty after all of the crying they have both done, but it is perfect, and he kisses her back with everything in him.  They still have so much to talk about, and he wants to, he wants to hear about everything that has happened to her since they last saw each other, he wants to relearn everything about her – but for once, finally, they have time.  There is no one else in the world who can make him feel like this, and right now, he just wants to bask in the bright glow of Eurydice.

Eurydice held his hand tight, lest one of them disappear before the other’s eyes. But no, that wouldn’t happen again. Couldn’t happen. Eurydice had died so many ways, but Thanatos would not take her. Hades would not let her in. Neither seemed to know why it was to be that way, but it was how it was. She could not stay dead. And Orpheus, it seemed, was the same way. It was the first kindness the world had granted her since that snake had stolen her first life from her. Eurydice could not let him go, lest he slip through her fingers.

Kissing him--like holding him--felt like home. It awoke even more memories in her, of dancing and singing and kissing him. Happy memories of a simple life. When she finally pulled away, she was breathless and she pressed her forehead to his. “I never thought I’d see you again,” she whispered. Pulling him gently, she eased them onto the couch. There was so much she needed to know, but she couldn’t let go of him yet. “I love you.” She laughed as she said it, realising with a start how long it had been since her heart even felt capable of loving someone like this. But with all her heart, she loved him. She had given her love away, she had had none to give since she lost him.

[midsommars-deactivated20201109]

The Society (2019—) Created by Christopher Keyser

[un-lostscngbird]

The Coldest Hour of the Coldest Night

Eurydice didn’t so much open her eyes in the Underworld as much as become aware of her existence there. Just moments before, she had been humming, with wood in her arms as she brought home kindling for their fire. It was not quite winter, but she wanted to be prepared before the true storms came. She had walked with a dance in her step then. Looking to the skies, not to the ground. She didn’t see the snake until it had bitten her already, feeling threatened by a human too close. It was not the snake’s fault, only its nature.

But that didn’t change it.

The pain. Oh, she still remembered the pain. Shooting through her leg and into the rest of her body. The way she couldn’t move too quick. Orpheus! she had shouted. Cried out to him, knowing she was still too far from their home. Still, she had to try. Had to hope he would hear. Orpheus!

He didn’t.

And soon Thanatos had come for her, to release her from the pain.

***

She never knew how long she lingered there. Time passed so differently that at once she could’ve sworn it was both a century and a second. But then he was there. Orpheus. His singing had echoed down to the dead, and Eurydice had felt alive again. Just for a moment, she felt hope. He had come for her. Hades would never allow it, she knew, but her heart wanted to believe in her husband and his song. It was so beautiful, and she ached for him. But she was unable to move, to go to him.

Until she could. Almost.

***

Eurydice was there. Orpheus didn’t see her, but she was there. She had nothing to prepare, she knew what she must do. Follow him, back into the light. Eurydice knew she could do it, there would be nothing easier for her. It was not her trial after all.

She could see it, that poisonous doubt creeping in. She could see the shake in his step, the shiver in his form. Eurydice had never known Orpheus to falter like this, but they had never been tested by the gods like this. Doubt could be a powerful chill.

I’m here! she called to him. Her voice echoes off the stone, bouncing back to her menacingly, like the walls are getting closer. But even to her own ears, it was somehow like she never spoke. Her voice, stolen by death, was not yet restored.

He stopped, grasping for the wall. Eurydice nearly ran to him, but her feet stopped her. She could not, even with his eyes closed, get any closer. She could do nothing, and it hurt her so. Orpheus! she cried. 

It was as thought she wasn’t even there. She could not ease his suffering. But she couldn’t not try. So when he sang, so did she. Just keep singing, she urged him. Just keep going.

I’m here, I’m here, I’m here. She willed him to believe it true.

Finally, she saw it. The sunlight! Eurydice’s steps quickened, she was so close to him now. If her heart still beat, it would’ve been in her throat.

Five, four, three--No!

He turned.

Eurydice was still in shadow.

Her eyes widened, meeting his as she gasped, the first sound she had truly made since she had died. Her hand reached for his, her fingertips only just reaching the light. But it was too late. She could feel it as her soul was pulled backwards.

“Orpheus...”

The last thing she saw -- the last thing she heard -- was his sob as he reached towards her. She wasn’t sure he heard her, but she had no time to speak. To assure him of her forgiveness. She was gone.

***

Eurydice opened her eyes. She was in the woods, where she had died.

She was alive.

But she was alone.

[un-lostscngbird]

anyaromanoff​:

   –“Maybe about a month now,” Ana responded before carrying on. “I had heard this was a good place to settle in. I met people on my travels that recommended this place.” One person she had met referred to it as a place for lost souls to find home. “Music is such a lovely form. It expands so far and people can find comfort in a simple melody. Are you a musician?”

Eurydice laughed softly. “I heard the same,” she mused. Somewhere she could stop wandering for a while and just be. After so long moving from place to place. Her apartment here was bare of most personal effects, so long was she used to keeping her life in a bag. Maybe here would be different. She hummed in agreement. “There’s always been something about music. It’s... comforting.” She shrugged. “I sing, a little. But I wouldn’t call myself a musician.”

[quietvoiced]

[cariflvtcher]

“You love him, you do, and here’s the miracle: he loves you too. You are allowed to lick off the colour from his lips to listen to the hymns in his pulse to bask in the sunlight of his voice You are allowed to have him. You love each other, you do, and here’s the tragedy: it’s not enough. You are allowed to watch the sun swallow him whole and burn him up to stain your fingers to the bone holding him together to count the constellations in his eyes as they blink out You are not allowed to save him.”

— you can love him, but you can’t keep him ( j.p. )

[un-lostscngbird]

anyaromanoff​:

   –She nodded her head in confirmation before speaking. “Is it that obvious?” It was, of course, rhetorical as her enthusiasm was probably give away enough. It was a valid question, of course. What had she meant by asking which was her favourite? It was hard to narrow down the possibilities, but she managed to eventually. “I suppose artist. They don’t necessarily have to be a painter.”  She always found you could tell a lot by a person by knowing their favourite things.

Eurydice chuckled softly. “Have you lived here long?” she asked. She had visited Russia, though it had been a long time ago. So much had changed, in the past century alone. When it was clarified that she didn’t necessarily mean a painter, Eurydice paused, looking around the room. “I’ve always had more of a fondness for music,” she said finally. “But I couldn’t name my favourite artist, I think.”

[un-lostscngbird]

tchellandback​:

It was strange how a person could feel so perfectly at peace while also being almost on the verge of hysteria, but right now, that is how Orpheus feels.  He is overwhelmed with love and with joy, but three thousand years is such a long time, and all of the grief from those years is hitting him again too.  The last time he held her was nothing at all like this, because it had not been her at all, only her body, and the way that now she holds him back keeps him grounded in this moment, even if he cannot quite manage to stop crying yet.  He does not want to let go of her either, but he does not have to, and oh, what a beautiful thought that is.

He squeezes her hands, takes a deep, calming breath, and lets out a slightly wet laugh, the brightest, most purely joyful laugh since she died.  He nods.  “You are.”  The wonder in his voice is clear.  Every time he says it, or she says it, he feels such an overpowering sense of relief.  He wonders how many times it will take before he can truly believe it.  “Your place,” he repeats, which may be a silly thing to be excited about, but he cannot help it.  Even the tiniest reminder of her life feels like a miracle.  She does not need to finish her sentence – he knows exactly what she means.  He feels the same.  “Yes – yes.  Let’s go.”

Orpheus had always been lauded for his beautiful singing, and the story tellers said there was nothing so beautiful. Eurydice knew they were wrong, that they must never have heard him laugh like this. Such a simple, joyful sound. It was a close call, but it beat out even his most beautiful songs. It pulled a laugh from her, one of the most genuine laughs she’d had in over a century.

At first, she worried that it might be weird that she had a place of her own--another reminder that they’d been torn apart--but then she recognised excitement on Orpheus’s face. They had another chance. A chance to build their lives together again. Eurydice smiled wide, pulling Orpheus towards her home. The door was barely closed behind them before she kissed him, taking his face in her hands again as she did.

[un-lostscngbird]

ofunderwcrlds​:

𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐍'𝐓 𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐒 was particularly concerned with the affairs of Eurydice and Orpheus. He was partially glad that the two had found one another after all this time, especially considering how heartbroken Orpheus was when he saw him last. Still, it wasn’t like Hades to solely see the good in everything. He gives a very half hearted shrug. “I have no idea.” he replies, because well, he didn’t. Some things just went above his head and he was fine with that. Less work for him. He was fine leaving some things up to the fates and those on Olympus. “I would just be aware that the universe is fickle sometimes.” Could he get any more cynical? Probably not. It was his default state of being by this point.

***

Eurydice knew he was right. That was why it hurt. Because the darkness would return, in different forms each time, and there was nothing they could do to stop it. She had come to accept this as just fact for years. Everybody came and went, nothing good lasted forever. She called it realistic, others said it was pessimism, but it was neither here nor there. It was the truth. But for once... She just wanted to hold onto her happiness. Onto Orpheus. He was kind and gentle, even now after all this time, and she didn’t want that to change. 

“Do you ever wish you knew?” she asked. Perhaps it was out of turn to ask a god such things, but after this long she no longer was as afraid of the gods.

[un-lostscngbird]

tchellandback​:

Despite the thousands of years since they have seen each other, despite the ways the years must have changed them, they still fit, just as they always have.  Her smell, her touch, her breath – everything about her is so familiar, so much like home, and he has no idea how he managed to survive all these years without her.  He sobs into her shoulder, his fingers woven through her hair, his hold tight but so gentle.  He could live in this moment forever; he never wants to let go.  As long as they hold each other, the world is finally as it should be.

When she pulls back, he rests his forehead against hers, only letting go enough to move one arm to her waist and the other hand to her cheek.  His vision of her is blurred through his tears, but even with her face streaked with tears, he has never seen anyone so beautiful.  “I came back, I –”  He shakes his head, tries to breathe well enough to speak, but he has so many questions and it is so hard to think about anything except the fact that she is here.  “How do you know – how did – you’re here.”  Immortality had felt like a terrible curse for so long, one that he too had found himself unable to escape even when he tried, but for the first time since he discovered it, it feels like a blessing.

***

His arms around her feel like coming home. As he sobbed, she held him tighter, needing him to know she was here. Truly, truly here. The last time she had seen him, she could not touch him, nor speak to him no matter how hard she tried. He had not heard her, and so doubted her presence behind him. It had felt so cruel, being so close and yet so far from him. This, on the other hand, was what she’d longed for.

Eurydice let out a shaky breath when he confessed that he’d come back. How close had she been when he did? Had she been too early or too late? It didn’t matter. She brushed his tears away gently with her fingers. There was too many questions--for both of them--and she didn’t want to let him go. But where they were felt too open, too exposed. Eurydice took his hands in hers, holding them tight. “I’m here,” she confirmed. “Come on, my place is nearby. I need--” A thousand things ran through her head, but really it all came back to the same; you. 

[un-lostscngbird]

anyaromanoff​:

   –At the mention of other works, Ana spun on her heels and pointed out a couple other pieces. “He lived in America,” she paused briefly, looking back at the woman beside her, “but he was Russian and I end to have a certain fondness for works from my homeland.” Despite having not been back for decades, there was still a softness in her heart. “Do you have a favourite?”

***

Eurydice followed the woman’s gestures with interest, examining each piece by the artist as well as she could. “You’re Russian then?” she said, though that seemed obvious from the woman’s words. Eurydice thought of her own homeland, which had changed so many times. She wasn’t even sure exactly what people would call the place she grew up in any more. Maps were not as exact then as they were now. “Artist or painting?”