One complex mind

Assalamualaikum.

[unafrasebipolar]

I am back.

I am going to try and spend more time here. I think it will help me.

[unafrasebipolar]

I can not sleep anymore. I can not sleep without looking at my body and seeing all my scars. Some of them covered by tattoos, some of them still very visible.

I can not sleep without blaming myself for all the things that I could have done different.

I can not sleep without fearing for my life or for the lives of the people I love the most.

I can not sleep, I can not rest. 

[dogs99999]

I literally love being at home! In my own space! Comfortable! Not surrounded by people!

[unafrasebipolar]

me: was it abuse?

friends: yes

my therapist: yes

unknown people on the internet: yes

everyone when i talk about what happened: yes

me:...

me: but was it really????????????

[systemes]

me: having my day interrupted by hallucinations and intrusions, splitting eight times a day while heavily dissociating, constantly on the verge of a panic attack and finally being set off into absolute fear by the most inconvenient, small thing

them: ur so lazy lmaoo

me:

[unafrasebipolar]

Me he puesto como meta ser un poco mas optimista. Me he puesto como meta aceptar las cosas buenas que la vida a puesto en mi camino. Disfrutarlas, amarlas y tambien dejarles amarme. Me he puesto como meta conservar cada recuerdo, bueno o malo y hacer de ellos un cuento maravilloso de superacion y de amor a mi misma. Me he puesto como meta confiar en los demas, pero mas importante, confiar en mi y en mi capacidad para tomar buenas decisiones... Y malas tambien. Me he puesto como meta amarme, apreciarme y hacerme entender a mi misma que soy unica y hermosa a mi manera. Me he puesto como meta perdonarme, perdonarme a mi misma por todas esas veces, incontables veces en las que me falle y me lastime, perdonar los errores que he cometido y entender que los necesitaba para crecer. Quiero proponerme tantas cosas, quiero amar tanto de mi y perdonar tanto de mi, pero me es dificil. Casi imposible, pero se que si puedo.

[unafrasebipolar]

Pain might shape us, but it will never define us. We are more than the pain we feel and the times we cry.

[aliensupport]

[saso12]

[escapingeclipse-blog]

Allâh ﷻ says; “Whosoever shows enmity to someone devoted to Me, I shall be at war with him. My servant draws not near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it. I do not hesitate about anything as much as I hesitate about [seizing] the soul of My faithful servant: he hates death and I hate hurting him.” Ḥadīth Qudsī

[wordsnquotes]

Even when you have doubts, take that step. Take chances. Mistakes are never a failure - they can be turned into wisdom.

Cat Cora (via wordsnquotes)

[unafrasebipolar]

Y me he imaginado viviendo sin ti, y es que, cariño, eso seria perderme, seria no reconocerme.

[unafrasebipolar]

Distante, pero no ausente… Algún día te tendré en mis brazos, lo se. -Fe indeleble.

(via unafrasebipolar)

Hace años escribí esto. Hace dos meses que estamos casados.

[unafrasebipolar]

Me abrí a ti, me desnude para ti… No en el sentido físico sino en sentido literal, estar desnuda para mi no es tan solo quitarme la ropa, sino dejarte entrar en mi vida, presentarte mis miedos, esperanzas y sueños; Dejar que sepas cada uno de mis secretos y aun así confiar, confiar en que tenias la oportunidad de lastimarme y que no lo harías o al menos una parte de mi quería creer eso… Lo hice así, me desnude ante ti… Juzgaste, desconfiaste y heriste y veme aquí… sentada, como esperando que aun vuelvas y comprendas mis miedos del pasado. Algo que en el fondo se que no pasara.

Y me quede vacía…

[unafrasebipolar]

PTSD made me feel like I don't longer recognize myself anymore. Life left me as a shell

[jar-jar-aka-daddy-binks-deactiv]

You don't have to go to war to have PTSD.

[arterialblues]

when you think you’re about to see or hear something that might be triggering