@undercookedturkey-blog - Tumblr Blog

officialwhitegirls

me trying to figure out where all my money went: maybe if i hadnt bought that 89 cent dipping sauce in 2007..

wexler

that one time on Hotel Hell when Gordon Ramsay fed the owner’s dog some shitty bread and then was afraid he killed her

unregistered-hypercam2-deactiva

eue

when you got banned from all social media for harassing women so you got no place to vent except Microsoft Word and a printer

sexyleftistsantaclause

sherlock-holmeless

When you come back from an exam and everyone asks you how you did:

shortvideosandstuff

no-chill-at-all

whatsliferotfl

Best of the Mr. Krabs memes

bando--grand-scamyon

😂😂😂😂😂

emilyisobsessed

my dog took a bullet for me

hejji

[video: a cat and a dog are on the video maker’s bed. The cat is seen shifting their rump, ready to pounce. Just as the cat jumps, the dog pounces them and begins bathing the cat. The person holding the camera laughs at the cat’s resigned expression.]

gifsboom

pettyrevenge

At my shore house parking is always tight on weekends. I’m fortunate enough to have a driveway. It is my driveway and it’s not a common driveway. Next door a bunch of college students are renting it, and they think they can park in my driveway.

The first 2 or 3 weekends we are forgiving, tell them to move their car, and remind them that they cannot park here.

One weekend I came down separately. My parents were already down there and took a street spot. (It gets annoying to shuffle 3-4 cars around). I saw the neighbors car in our driveway again, but I had a plan this time. I parked behind them and said nothing. I usually don’t need to drive anywhere as I bike most places. About an hour and a half later we hear a knock on the door. I answer it, and guess who it is, the neighbor. He wants to move his car and he is sorry that he parked there. I get in my car and flip the kill switch. I park in a bad neighborhood so I have a kill switch that will cut power to my fuel pump, basically my car will crank but won’t start since no fuel is getting to the engine. After 30 seconds of trying to start a car that won’t start, I tell him my car’s computer needs to reset (BS story) and that takes half an hour. My family and I went out to dinner.

We come back and he was seething. He gave us a death stare for trapping his car on our property. He runs up to us and demands that I move my car. I told him that I’ll move it after I go to the bathroom (this wasn’t a joke I really had to take a shit). It completely slipped my mind. About half an hour later we get a knock on the door. Its the police, hilarity will ensue. The cop said that I need to move my car out of my neighbor’s driveway. I asked him to repeat himself. My neighbor told the cop that I parked in HIS driveway. I asked the officer to look at where the property line is as I assured him that it was my driveway. I went on telling the officer that this is not the first time he has parked here and we have asked him to stop. I moved my car so he could pull out. It was totally worth it seeing the cop write up a trespassing ticket for my neighbor. Have fun with that fine buddy.

chrispineofficial

it’s completely ridiculous to me that any time i want to have a conversation with a man about misogyny or sexism i literally have to hold their little hands and tell them specifically when i say “men” i’m not actually referring to them personally which is ironic because just having to do that basically means i am referring personally to them and it’s honestly so exhausting i am exhausted