Floating Under

Live for pleasure. Nothing more. Absolutely nothing less.

[underfloat]

[underfloat]

Not bad

[underfloat]

[underfloat]

You know, honestly, if the situation were reversed, I’d be so gone. 

Out of there. Done. Dusted. Completely shattered, broken and fucked.

Everything is so many layers of grey overlapping grey.

If I were to have an autopsy anytime soon and my brain sliced open, it really would be a whole ugly jumble of grey matter. 

Smiling when I think I should be; when it benefits others, getting angry at things that don’t warrant anger, telling people lies to keep them content etc. 

It’s always the same. 

And always come back to the same circling, swirling question.

What the hell even is right or wrong and who said and who decided, and why?

[underfloat]

The winds will change

And our wings will change

[underfloat]

A torch at the wrong time of light- it did seem.

Glistening, diamond droplets of rain over an already watered garden.

A flowing, fur scarf when you're already just warm enough.

A beautiful sentiment nonetheless,

That still lingers

[underfloat]

I love you with all my heart,

Nothing makes me happier than the fact you were brought into this world 89 years ago today.

Although you no longer reside here,

I am forever grateful that you did.

Miss you always.

[underfloat]

I was wrong.

So many beautiful things still happen, and yeah, they can still happen to dickbags like me. 

I jjust remember,

 Love is the most socially acceptable form of insanity. 

[underfloat]

This week has been full of moments I will never get back; Never get to relive. Then again, every week is the same isn’t it? Moments are what makes life I suppose. I wish I could bottle them and keep them on a shelf to uncork and have a little swig whenever I felt like it. But then they wouldn’t be what they were, would they? Savour the moment, let it linger on your tongue a little longer if you must, but eventually you must swallow, open your eyes and take in the next one. Breath after breath.

[underfloat]

Think in colour, 

Write cryptically, 

Taste with sounds, 

And,  Love with uncertainty 

[underfloat]

I loved you again today.  And everyday. 

[underfloat]

I don’t know why I am the way I am.

But who does, really?

I walked into my parole office 2 days ago. Gave my name, stated who I was to see, and sat down.  Then I get questioned on why I’m even there when I look like such a “good girl”. And I said, “Baby I used to be, but things happen; and I guess these ‘things’ change you”

[underfloat]

Circa, 2012

Yet, still makes me smile foolishly

[underfloat]

There’s so many smells and sounds everyday that take me back to other days, 

other places, other people. 

Maybe there is no such thing as the present.

[underfloat]

The smoke from my nose dances in circles

as it floats up towards the light.

A frail voice shatters such mystery;

and I’m sent spiraling back to earth.

With a flame in one hand

and wetness in the other;

we could blow this place,

we could blow it all away

as chilling as smoke.

[underfloat]

Sometimes it’s the only way to start the day.

Others may frown;

But my spreading smile makes up for it.

[underfloat]

You have no idea what we get up to inside the walls of my mind.