[undergroundauthor]

would you like to hear a story? let me tell you about the Big Bang about how she stepped into my life and all my atoms sprang from nothing and somehow learned to form stars how everything is absolutely nothing until someone makes that not so but what happens when she leaves? do the lights of the stars go out? do galaxies crumble to dust like the ruins of civilizations? will there be a second Big Bang? what happens when the clock strikes 12 and everything turns back into nothing

[undergroundauthor]

wrath boils inside me, in my blood it tears at my skin from inside I look at you and shake with rage I could kill with a single fucking glance I am a basilisk waiting in the shadows a creature hiding in your cellar I creep up the stairs while you sleep and rattle the shelves of your spine settle in the seconds between your breaths I will infect each of your dreams I will haunt you like a proper ghost

[undergroundauthor]

she was the seconds before a car crash the moment you look into raging headlights when you pray for stillness when you pray to Chronos to halt time like the calm before the storm like the eye of a hurricane you want to breathe her in but your lungs are already beginning to collapse inside themselves she leaves and the cars collide she leaves and you feel the world begin to end you want to breathe her in but instead there is only shrapnel lodged between your teeth lodged throughout your throat she leaves and your body breaks she leaves and you may never stand again

[undergroundauthor]

be careful, your new skin is cracking run quickly -  people will soon come after you they will plant themselves between the earthquakes of your skin they will tear apart your tectonic plates with nothing but their bare hands with nothing but their splintered teeth they will slash until each of the Great Lakes flood brace yourself -  they are almost on your heels don’t even turn your neck horrible creatures will make their homes in you skin be careful, there are flowers that grow underground they will use your blood as water they will devour each of your resources they will swallow your entire planet until you are left with nothing but yourself

[undergroundauthor]

I want to become the type of person who people name hurricanes after but here I am being blown over by even the smallest gust of wind what is my structure built from? hay? the Big Bad Wolf could tear me down in seconds why was I not made of concrete? of stone? why does my structure always shake? do you tremble like I tremble? I shake like Electric Shock Therapy I am a city with collapsing buildings who or what will be left of me when all this dust clears?

[undergroundauthor]

I float on the surface of the waves and let raindrops lick my skin I keep my eyes open and let them -  Is this cold sting soothing? I close my eyes and try not to think of her Try not to wonder if she is thinking of me I try and I fail I try and I fail I try and I -  I think of her lips crashing against mine we were thunder and lightning and no less I miss those sweet collisions of skin and I hope this rain never ends

[undergroundauthor]

your heart beats and you hear it in your ears it claps like the Thunderbird’s wings it collapses buildings like broken teeth your heart beats so loudly it echoes throughout the caverns of your body your heart beats and the world trembles the whole damn thing starts to shake your heart beats and the world knows you’re alive

[undergroundauthor]

have you felt a love like this? do you know a love that burns like this? love that boils like lave and spills over a volcano’s ledges love that burns anything in its path like a scorched-earth policy love that shakes you like an earthquake love that shakes you like a fucking bomb like Little Boy and Fat Man combined love that destroys and creates do you know of love like this?

[undergroundauthor]

Reasons Not to Kill Yourself

At some point, you will hug someone so hard that you cry and the two of you will feel as if you are becoming one person. Hold on a little longer.

There are so many books left to read and books left to write and, no matter what you may believe, your story is worth writing down.

The sun doesn’t shine some days but, when it does, everybody’s day is brighter because of it. Think of yourself as the sun and ask yourself where the earth would be without you.

Fireworks don’t display their colors immediately after they are launched. It takes time before their true beauty is revealed. Some things take time.

Some time in your life, you will hold someone’s hand and they will tell you that they love you or that they need you or both. You will begin to feel as if you were never broken.

Music.

Think of all the lazy Sundays or Wednesdays or any days where you decide to sleep in and stay in your pajama pants and fluffy socks all day.

For movie marathons with your best friend where you forget to watch the movies because you’re too busy catching up and listening to stories and bitching about all the people who the two of you can’t stand.

Sometimes creatures outgrow their shells and need to find a new one. Take a deep breath and find a new person or place to call home. This time, try considering your own body your home. 

Snakes shed layers of their skin Maybe you need to do the same.

Some lizards and starfish can regenerate lost limbs. What many people don’t know is that humans can do the same. No matter how much life hurts you, you will always grow back. 

Trees drop their leaves every single year but they always wait around for spring to come so that they can bloom again. Every year they come back stronger than before.

There are beautiful things in this world that you can’t even imagine. Mountains, rivers, canyons, auroras, oceans, landmarks, cities, people, etc. Do not end your own life until you have seen them all.

[undergroundauthor]

Your reasons not to kill yourself post means so much. Even though I don't know you and you don't know me, thank you for that post. It's something I really needed to hear. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

thank you so much for saying this! I wrote it with the intention of helping even one person, so I’m glad it helps you! Thank you again for your kind words. 

[undergroundauthor]

I used to look up to the stars and imagine universes but now I see nothing I began by burning bridges but now I burn buildings and people and anything in my path I am entirely lost and I’ve been searching for answers in emptied bottles of vodka and gin and I need a hand to hold because I will no longer hold my own

[undergroundauthor]

after you kissed me i washed my mouth out with gin and vodka i taste like apologies just to make up for the ones you never said i hope you lay down to sleep but can only toss and turn because i haven’t slept in almost two years and not even the moon will be my friend

[undergroundauthor]

I still have skin cells lodged beneath my nails I can't seem to rid myself of you most days my heart does't beat properly my brittle body should not be standing I should collapse into the ground but for some reason I am on two feet now all I have to do is move forward

[undergroundauthor]

winter is still lodged between my teeth I grow weary from this cold, the way it sits on my jaw and freezes my words before they even leave my mouth I know that spring is nearing but this ice is not melting

[undergroundauthor]

I have heard too many people say that they are broken so this is your reminder, even when everything hurts and your skin is burning when the world seems so empty that you are not sure it still turns there will always be something do not think that you are broken just because you have fallen over

[undergroundauthor]

I know how often you have days when every breath is a struggle as if you have journeyed far away, across the borders of our planet, and you are beginning to realize that this air is not compatible  with the fibers of your pink lungs but still you breathe in and out and I am so proud of you for that

[undergroundauthor]

I used to save my tears for three in the morning I would whisper my sorrow to the moon and to the stars and to absolutely no one else but now I have breakdowns  in public restroom stalls and I sit sobbing on the floor and I cannot stop myself from feeling so strongly that I am no longer myself