Misplaced Lens Cap
Xuebing Du
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taylor price
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todays bird
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$LAYYYTER
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Product Placement
ellievsbear
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
pixel skylines
JBB: An Artblog!
NASA
Love Begins
oozey mess
cherry valley forever
we're not kids anymore.
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@understreck
The Palestine Children's Relief Fund was established in 1992 by concerned humanitarians in the USA to bring injured and sick children for fr
Find vetted fundraisers for Gaza here
GENEVA - Israel has increasingly employed sexual, reproductive and other forms of gender-based violence against Palestinians as part of a br
We provide assistance and protection for some 5 million registered Palestine refugees to help them achieve their full potential in human dev
seriously it’s 2013 where is this??
2013 and we can’t even electronically synthesize big macs out of nothing. We’re basically living in a dystopia.
2022 and we cant even electronically synthesize big macs out of nothing. were basically living in a dystopia.
2023 and we cant even electronically synthesize big macs out of nothing. were basically living in a dystopia.
2024 and we cant even electronically synthesise big macs out of nothing. we’re basically living in a dystopia.
2025 and we can’t even electronically synthesise big macs out of nothing. We’re basically living in a dystopia.
2026 and we can’t even electronically synthesise big macs out of nothing. We’re basically living in a dystopia.
The Sun’s Final Dance
Burnscar is just Lapis Lazuli if a more ruthless member of Steven’s posse went “fuck it” and crushed her head. Is this anything
And, you know, to attach some more serious analysis to a mid-day “hey their outfits are kinda similar” teir shitpost-
Something that’s easy to overlook/forget because of SU’s saccharine branding is that the non-steven Crystal Gems are genuinely kinda ruthless bastards in the face of genuine threats; they live in an entirely different genre from Steven at the start of the series, and they react to Lapis Lazuli with basically the same vitriol and violence that SU’s detractors often ask for. They would have probably “crushed her head” in the heat of battle if she hadn’t so massively outclassed them, and there’s no question they’d pulverize Burnscar with a similar lack of hesitation if she were to attack Beach City. The show is idealistic; the characters aren’t. You could drop the non-Steven Gems into Earth Bet and they’d attune to the two-faced dirty-deeds-done-in-alleys cape culture without missing a beat.
But! Steven Universe is a fantasy show, and one of the elements of the fantasy is that everyone who suffers and does terrible things as a result gets to have a second chance. To enable that you need secondary fantasy elements, like, say, absolutely nobody dying when a leviathan-level hydroshaker abducts the ocean, or the thousands of people who were killed and experimented on being starfish aliens who can be painstakingly reassembled, reanimated, and given an eternity to heal mentally and physically, and no humans being permanently killed in the (contemporary) crossfire, and all the doomsday weapons deployed with intent to kill are disarmed in time, and so on and so forth. It’s a kids show so casuality is allowed to contort like that.
But worm, with the Slaughterhouse 9 and honestly with most out-and-out villainous characters, does have a very similar “what a waste of human life” factor going on. Everyone there is coming from some kind of massive pain, most of them are, like, arrested in their emotional development as children or teens- they’re agentic in their evil and their current terrible circumstances- just like Lapis and Jasper!- but the book is clear that they’re not unpitiable figures. Now, Worm also has a much stronger grasp of the kind of bodycounts in play and also the actual willingness of the layman to forgive and forget such things, and so when things finally do line up for a member of the nine to have a redemption arc it’s only after a set of convoluted circumstances, she’s one of the only ones to make it out despite the nine having many equally-pitiable figures, and she’s still hated and feared, and rather than magically flipping the switch from “maladjusted” to “okay” it’s very clear that Bonesaw is good now literally only because it’s the right thing to do, god knows she didn’t make any friends by flipping and she’s not enjoying herself very much.
But I look at the nine, and I see- you know, they’ve got these simplistic trauma-response motivations, they aren’t really materially benefiting from anything they’re doing, being in the 9 is in many ways its own continuous punishment, and god help me. Sand down their on-screen presentation a little and they’d work pretty well as Steven Universe villains.
They roll into town. Jack is very obviously pulling all their strings and egging on their worst impulses. Some of them are visibly afraid of him the second he turns his back to address someone else. They cause a lot of property damage and take a hostage or two but things play out so that nobody actually dies, despite everyone’s best efforts. Gradually Steven and company start serendipitously hitting upon chinks in the emotional armor of outlying members like Hatchet Face and Burnscar, who kinda got pressganged to begin with. Cracks form in the group. Crawler eventually semi-defects on the condition that the gems just systematically lay into him with every piece of esoteric weaponry they have, and eventually someone correctly diagnoses him as seeking power through violence and self-harm so that he’ll never be emotionally vulnerable again. Greg crashes his van into Manton’s and the two of them bond over lost loved ones. Someone (maybe Jasper) gives Shatterbird a dressing down about how she’ll never truly be free until she recognizes that her hopeless devotion to Jack is an exercise in futility, and then Jack himself says or does something boneheaded that puts the final nail in the coffin. Bonesaw gets the Spinel treatment. Mannequin is treated like a corrupted gem, a product of pain and rage that can nonetheless be subdued and healed. Jack sheds allies until he stands alone, pathetic but incorrigable, and he flees town nonetheless claiming the upper hand, bluebird style. Crucially they still killed thousands of people in this hypothetical. Just, you know, not on screen. And not anymore! Also there’s a musical number when the arrive (when shatterbird glassbombs everyone) and then a reprise at the end (everyone sucks air in through their teeth when Shatterbird is about to do her solo but nothing bad happens this time)
Can you please draw surgolin (Surge X Lanolin)? It's my favorite ship!
They call her the insulator
Two identical infants lay in the cradle. “One you bore, the other is a Changeling. Choose wisely,” the Fae’s voice echoed from the shadows. “I’m taking both my children,” the mother said defiantly.
Once upon a time there was a peasant woman who was unhappy because she had no children. She was happy in all other things – her husband was kind and loving, and they owned their farm and had food and money enough. But she longed for children.
She went to church and prayed for a child every Sunday, but no child came. She went to every midwife and wise woman for miles around, and followed all their advice, but no child came.
So at last, though she knew of the dangers, she drew her brown woolen shawl over her head and on Midsummer’s Eve she went out to the forest, to a certain clearing, and dropped a copper penny and a lock of her hair into the old well there, and she wished for a child.
“You know,” a voice said behind her, a low and cunning voice, a voice that had a coax and a wheedle and a sly laugh all mixed up in it together, “that there will be a price to pay later.”
She did not turn to look at the creature. She knew better. “I know it,” she said, still staring into the well. “And I also know that I may set conditions.”
“That is true,” the creature said, after a moment, and there was less laugh in its voice now. It wasn’t pleased that she knew that. “What condition do you set? A boy child? A lucky one?”
“That the child will come to no harm,” she said, lifting her head to stare into the woods. “Whether I succeed in paying your price, or passing your test, or not, the child will not suffer. It will not die, or be hurt, or cursed with ill luck or any other thing. No harm of any kind.”
“Ahhhhh.” The sound was long and low, between a sigh and a hum. “Yes. That is a fair condition. Whatever price there is, whatever test there is, it will be for you and you alone.” A long, slender hand extended into her sight, almost human save for the skin, as pale a green as a new leaf. The hand held a pear, ripe and sweet, though the pears were nowhere ripe yet. “Eat this,” the voice said, and she trembled with the effort of keeping her eyes straight ahead. “All of it, on your way home. Before you enter your own gate, plant the core of it beside the gate, where the ground is soft and rich. You will have what you ask for.”
Keep reading
POV: You are contessa.
You know the exact time Slaughterhouse Nine is going to attack NYC. You know it will lead to the death of many capes, many civilians, and possibly a triumvirate member. You’re still reeling from the death of Hero, and they’re emboldened by their gain of The Siberian
You run the paths again. Direct interference would lead to excess damage and death. While less heroes would die, far more civilians would get caught in the crossfire. A lack of trust in capes… increased hostility.
You keep looking. You don’t want to do this. You don’t want to be involved in this. You don’t want to facilitate this. You abhor this. You abhor Him on principle.
He’s walking towards and past you in the hallways of Cauldron. You steel your resolve, tapping the Number Man on the shoulder.
Step 23.
“Kurt. You should call your ex.”
It is done. You walk away before he can respond.
A few hours later, you become aware of some unsanctioned doormaker portal use.
Half an hour after that you cover your ears to avoid hearing the noises from Kurt’s office.
A few more hours pass, and it is done. The window for the nine to attack New York is closed. They’re going to go for a smaller target. The Number Man looks in slightly higher spirits. You do not like this fact.
For the greater good, you think. For the greater good.
the angel on my left shoulder: don't do it please no don't do it
the contessa on my right shoulder: Kurt. You should call your ex.
[TRAJECTORY]
[AGREEMENT]
[DESTINATION]
[DISAGREEMENT]
[CONFUSION]
[SUGGESTION: DETOUR]
[INQUIRY: DESTINATION]
[MCDONALDS: HUNGER]
[DISAGREEMENT: PREFERENCE: PIZZA]
[DISAGREEMENT: MCDONALDS]
[COMPLAINT: DOMINEERING]
[AGREEMENT: ATTRACTIVE]
[DESTINATION: MCDONALDS]
[AGREEMENT]
[TRAJECTORY]
[AGREEMENT]
princess: [after just having read a bunch of lurid erotic fiction] maid, come here
maid: yes princess?
princess: maid, i need you to jerk me off
maid: .....
princess: right now, maid
maid: no, your highness. i am not doing that
princess: wh- im the princess! you cant say no to me
maid: yes i can, your highness. i am not doing that
princess: awwww man.. but all the fiction i was reading said i could do that
maid: i am afraid fiction is just that, your highness, fiction
princess: can you at least get naked so i can jerk off
maid: no. get some rest, princess, you have to dine with your 5 male suitors tomorrow
princess: no beautiful ladies???
maid: afraid not your highness
princess: oh my god i am never getting laid am i. fuck i hate my life can i abdicate the throne or something
maid: no,
princess: fuuuucckkkkkkkkk
princess: maid. come here please
maid: again?
princess: no no.. im sorry.. i'm just. lonely
maid: but your dinner, with the suitors. how did it go?
princess: pretty awfully. i made them all uncomfortable and they decided to look for brides elsewhere. the king is pissed
maid: princess... you must learn how to be well behaved eventually.. this is no way for a lady to conduct herself
princess: yeah yeah i know that its just..i really want another girl to hold me. is that so much to ask
maid: [blushing slightly] well it is quite unbecoming,
princess: maid?
maid: yes, your highness?
princess: can you hold me
maid: is that an order?
princess: no.. i just need it
maid: very well. but just this once, okay? i don't want you getting any ideas..
princess: [sighing wistfully] i understand...
maid: [wraps arms around and holds the princess oh so delicately]
princess: if this was a yuri manga we would be making out right now
maid: [still holding her] this is why the suitors hate you, your highness
maid: (stepping into the princess's chambers in the wee hours of the night to clean and tidy)
princess: maid
maid: e-eep!! princess.. what are you still doing awake?!
princess: can't sleep. lonely. and sad. can you joim me in bed, please?
maid: it would be grossly unprofessional of me to do so. no, your highness
princess: please? just for a second, it'd help me sleep
maid: ...alright. but just for tonight. [climbs in bed next ro the princess but maintains a comfortable distance]
princess: [immediately cuddling up closer to her] maid?
maid: yes, princess
princess: do you think a girl like me is worthy of love?
maid: of course, your highness
princess: then why does this keep happening to me? all i want is another girl to love me
maid: it is quite unfortunate, your highness
princess: [wrapping her arm around the maid and holding her close] do you know you're the only person whos nice to me. everyone else thinks im crazy or like. a bitch
maid: i must admit, you do say things that concern
princess: yeah. do you love anyone, maid?
maid: um. yes. of course
princess: are you with her?
maid: no. i can never be. it wouldn't be right
princess: that's really fucked up. tragic yuri is so sad. i wish somebody would write those girls a happy ending. im sick of being sad and lonely all the time
maid: [nuzzling closer.. blushing a tad] as do i, princess. we all deserve happy endings
princess: maid?
maid: yes, dear
princess: do you wanna get married?
maid: [offering a weary smile] that's not how it works, your highness
maid 2: so the princess, huh? she sure is something, isn't she
maid: well, i like her
maid 3: well of course You do. you're her maid, it's your job to like her. that doesn't make her any less of a weirdo
maid 2: i heard she only likes girls. apparently she was hitting on one of the wives of a duke. can you believe it?! a duke! it's truly unbecoming
maid: she's just young. she's still learning. be gentle with her.
maid 3: oh please. as if she isn't harassing you every day with her weird sexual fetishes. i'm loyal to the king but i don't know how he puts up with that brat
maid: you should watch your words more carefully, my friend
maid 2: you don't have to be so stuck up all the time, yknow. im sure she gets on your nerves too. c'mon. vent a little. it's good for you
maid: she's a sweet girl, and i think she is just lonely, deep down
princess: [clearly drunk on some royal wine] -hic- heyyyyy maidsss you guys wanna have a *uARp* foursome...? eheheheheheheh
maid 2: see what i mean?
maid: let me escort you back to your quarters, your highness
princess: nooooo hahahahaha wait omggg we should like *urp* go to my quarters and fuck naasstyyyyy
maid 3: i'll go get the king.
maid: no it's alright. i can handle her.
princess: can i grab your boobs? i'm gonna grab your boobs
oh yeah also for reference. the princess is tall, with a long face and broad shoulders, kinda clocky, and with long straight blonde hair, and the maid is short, with thick black hair kept in a short bob, she has a softer rounder face and is on the chubby side, whereas the princess is very skinny. the maid is also older than the princess by a few years, both girls are in their 20s. hope this helps (characters they most resemble pictured below)
princess: [laying on the bed and kicking her feet] and in this one, a girl gets transported to another realm where her sister she has a crush on is the demon lord. and in this one, a girl gives her spirit to a giant wolf mommy, and in this one-
maid: that's nice princess, but you really must be getting ready, your father meets with foreign dignitaries today. he wants you by his side
princess: but whyyyyyy i don't even like foreogn dignitariesssss
maid: well, mayhaps one of them is a cute girl
princess: [jolting upright] maid. dress me.
—AT THE BANQUET—
king: [some boring political shit that doesn't matter]
princess: [sitting next to the princess from the other kingdom] so like what do you do for fun aha
other princess: well, i fancy riding horses myself, my father has quite a large stable im my name. you?
princess: what the fuck you get to ride horses??? thats so bullshit come on. dad. hey dad.
king: [gruffly] what.
princess: can my maid sit with me
king: excuse me? no. make conversation with the other girl
princess: uggghhhhhh this banquet suuuuuucks do you wanna get outta here like maybe go to my chambers
other princess: well, i am curious to see your castle's accomodations
princess: yeahhh haha and we can like get weird maybe
other princess: Excuse me?????
princess: okay my bad jeez. chill out girl
—PRINCESS'S CHAMBERS—
princess: [braiding the other princess's hair] so whats your maid like
other princess: my.. maid??
princess: yea like is she chill or
other princess: Well i haven't the slightest clue. I've spoken nary a sentence to her in all my years that wasn't strictly professional. Does your maid.. speak to you, on a familiar level?
princess: [barely comprehending] uuuuhhhh no lol haha yeah i dont know shit about my maid shes just some lady lol
other princess: I must say, you are quite strange. Do you really spend all your time in your chambers reading this.. erotic fiction? Don't you have hobbies?
princess: why is it hot. am i a hot neet babe. like a sexy neet himejoshi girl
other princess: I- what? No it's just sad, mainly. I feel quite bad for you.
princess: so you'll let me hit?
other princess: I think my father needs me downstairs
—LATER—
princess: maid, am i unlikeable
maid: what? of course not, your highness. there are many things in you i am fond of. why do you ask?
princess: i totally fumbled that other princess. i kinda get the feeling people don't like me
maid: you can have an.. abraisive personality, at times, but that doesn't make you unlikeable. maybe she just wasn't your type
princess: yeah.. probably.. i just really want something, y'know. im so lonely all the time
maid: i'm sure you'll find someone, princess. i believe in you
princess: hey maid?
maid: yes?
princess: thank you. i appreciate you
maid: ...? that's it? no strange sexual remark?
princess: why are you interested
maid: [smiling softly] get some rest, your highness. i'll see you in the morning
maid: [stepping into the princess's chambers] hello princess, i am here with your di- why is your knight here?
princess: uggggghhh. the queen sent her. she's here to make sure i don't sexually harass anyone
knight: SEXUAL HARASSMENT IS [taps the floor with her spear] WRONG
maid: my goodness.. what happened..?
princess: i scared another noblewoman
maid: again?!
princess: okay. in my defense. she had a huuuuuuuge-
knight: PRINCESS. you know better! watch your tongue, my princess!
maid: gosh.. that must be.. annoying
princess: dude she won't even let me jerk off
maid: what?!
knight: JERKING OFF IS OBJECTIFYING!! TO WOMEN!!
maid: does she have to shout like that?
princess: no she just does that
maid: my goodness.. where do they find these knights
princess: i wish i knew. she's so weird. i don't even think she's got up to use the bathroom at any point during this
maid: have.. you..
princess: YES. and she FOLLOWS ME in there. to make sure i don't jerk off
maid: my goodness princess.. i offer my sincerest condolensces
princess: forget condolensces get her OUT of here!!! she's fucking weiiiirdddd
maid: well.. i'm sure she'll leave soon
princess: i don't even think she's wearing anything under that armor
maid: really?!
princess: yeah. she's probably jerking off under there too
maid: m-my goodness
princess: what a fucking pervert right. like i thought i was weird. i fucking hate this girl
maid: well, let's not be too judgemental
knight: [on the verge of tears] ii can hear everything you're saying, b-by the way. [sniffle]
maid: is.. is she crying?
princess: huh. that's new. she's never done that before
maid: i almost feel bad for her...
princess: don't. she took an "oath" to "serve me", remember
knight: [in between sobbing] you d-didn't have to [whimper] mmock the [sniffle] oath,,
maid: [stepping in to do her nightly cleaning] ah, princess.. i see you're still awake. where is your knight?
princess: [whispering] shhhh.. [pointing to the corner] she's sleeping
maid: a-ah.. why is she.. n- in the- nu-
princess: naked? yeah. she stripped out of her armor and started crying like crazy. it was pretty rough
maid: my goodness.. you apologized, didn't you?
princess: yeah i tried. she's got a lot of repressed trauma. lotta problems. i really do feel bad for her. did you know her whole family got eaten by a dragon?
maid: w-what?!
princess: yeah. its super fucked. she took it really personally when i said i didn't like her. apparently serving me is the only thing that gives her meaning
maid: awh.. poor thing
princess: yeah. i think she also had some lowkey unrequited feelings going on. like. at me
maid: what did you do?
princess: i put a collar on her. made her my puppy. she's my dog now
maid: you what?!
princess: you shoulda seen her face. she was so estatic. i think thats genuinely the happiest that girl has ever been
maid: p.. princess...
princess: it's not as cool as it sounds though. she doesn't really let me touch her and she cries if i try to have sex. so mostly i just pet her and give her like scraps of food and shit. its kinda lame.
maid: well, at least you have someone to keep you company..
princess: i guess so. she is kinda cute like this
maid: [blushing] a b-bit.. maybe.. does this mean you'll stop making untoward advances at me and the rest of the staff?
princess: are you kidding. i still wanna get laid. dogs don't count. don't they teach you maids anything
maid: well.. i guess not...
princess: alright now speak girl
knight: ARF!!!!!!
princess: [clearly bored] very good girl, have a crumpet
maid 2: princess. i am here with your dinner. cassandra? is that you?
knight: whiiiiiiine...
princess: wtf where's my usual maid
maid 2: she's busy. what did- what the fuck did you do to her???
princess: i didnt *do* anything*
knight: whiine whiiine
maid 2: cassandra. its me. its okay. resist her magic. im here now
princess: its not magic dude i just let her do what she wanted. why do you keep calling her that. do you two know each other
maid 2: well i'd like to think so. she's my ex girlfriend.
princess: [looking over at the dog and back at the maid] ooooooohhhhhhhh that explains so much. yeah you should probably get out of here
maid 2: excuse me?
princess: yeah you're like kind of an awful person you should get out of here
knight: [hiding behind the princess] please make her go away mommy,,
maid 2: ugh. its not even any of your business but whatever. i will be taking my leave now. [stomping out] bitch..
maid: [running into her on the way out] a-ah! lilia! what are you doing in the princess's tower?
maid 2: your job, idiot. that's the last time i do anything for that inconsiderate brat.
maid: a-ah... did she hit on you..? try to grope you?
maid 2: not this time. but same difference. i don't want anything to do with her. whatever. [stomps off angrily]
—INSIDE THE PRINCESS'S CHAMBERS—
maid: princess, what in the world did you to poor lilia?!
princess: huh? oh you mean maid 2. i didnt do anything to her. all i did was kick her out
maid: kicked.. her out? why?
princess: [motioning over to the knight chewing on a stuffed rabbit toy]
maid: a-aaaahhhhh.. that explains it.. i try not to get involved in such affairs.. why did you do that? it seems unlike you to trouble yourself with such trifles
princess: she was making the puppy uncomfortable. i didnt like it so i told her to go
maid: that's it? you didn't try to touch her or anything right?
princess: why would i do that. i don't even know her. i just didn't want my dog to be sad
maid: wow.. i must say, i'm quite impressed princess. it was very kind of you to stand up for your partner
princess: dude you don't need to make it like that. she's just a dog. i'm still very single
maid: [daydreaming and muttering to herself] a-ah.. i see.. wwow.. maybe we could.. no, that would be improper
princess: huh. did you say something
maid: [flustered] n-no!! i said no such thing
princess: okay.. can you like step out of the room i wanna jerk off
maid: and you aren't even going to ask me to watch?!
princess: [shrug] not really. i mean if you wanna
maid: [shedding a single tear] i'm so proud of you, your highness
princess: [idly flipping through a doujinshi titled MY BIG SISTER IS A SEXY MAID WHO HAS A CRUSH ON ME?!] maid, do you remember what i was like growing up
maid: [dusting] why of course. you were quite the precocious thing. do you remember what i was like?
princess: no, why would i remember that
maid: my mother was your original maid, princess. we spent quite some time together in youth.
princess: no we didn't. my only friend growing up was this tall girl with glasses. she was really pretty. i think she's why i'm a lesbian now tbh
maid: princess..
princess: i remember one time when i was like 11 we went out to the courtyard and we laid on the grass and we looked at the stars and we counted them and i kept making up stories about what theyre doing on all of the different stars in the sky
maid: y-your highness
princess: and she kept giggling at all my jokea and it stuck in my head cus she had the cutest laugh and she turned her head to look at me and she said i was really fun to be around and she wished we could hang out more
maid: princess, really-
princess: [flipping the page] and i remember it so vividly because when she turned to look at me with this. adorable smile. i wanted to kiss her so bad and i didnt even know why. cus id never wanted to kiss someone before in my life. but i was too shy to do it so i just laid there until mommy called me back inside
maid: [blushing profusely] y-you wanted to kiss her, then?
princess: yeah. she was the most beautiful person i've ever met. i think about her constantly. i think she moved away or something cus after a while she stopped hanging out with me and i never saw her again
maid: yeah...
princess: anyways [flipping the page] what did you wanna say earlier
maid: um. it is of little importance
princess: oh okay. whatever [closing the book] you really gotta read this one. its so hot
maid: m-maybe some other time.. did you need anything else, princess?
princess: nah you can go. oh actually. bring some crumpets for the dog
maid: very well, princess.. i will return later with treats [stepping out and walking down to the kitchen]
— KITCHEN —
maid: hey rudy, i need some crumpets for the princess
head chef: oh hey yeah i can do that, crumpets coming right up
maid: [sighing] can i talk to you about something? girl to girl?
head chef: of course, what's up girl
maid: i just. i can't get this girl out of my head.
head chef: oh god not her again. you gotta move on. you know she's not right for you
maid: yeah i know it's just. ugh. she can be so sweet sometimes. like maybe if she had someone looking out her she could finally get her life on track
head chef: [putting a tray in the oven] it doesn't have to be you, though. you don't have to fix everyone, yknow
maid: yeah.. i know.. i just.. [sighing] i can't stop thinking about her..
head chef: you really gotta let her go. you'll find the right person for you eventually.
maid: i know... i know.. i just. urgghh
head chef: yeah. i feel you. oh yeah also, you left your glasses here earlier
maid: oh thank goodness. i was worried i loat those
head chef: yeah don't worry i held onto them. you should wear em more, you look cute in them
maid: yeah, maybe.. thanks for the talk rudy. i have a lot to think about
head chef: no worries, always happy to help. good luck with the princess
maid: h-huh?! i didn't say–
head chef: i mean with the crumpets, silly. you can be very funny at times
maid: a-ah.. yeah.. haha.. i guess so
just gonna be up front and say the maid has been in love with the princess pretty much since reblog 2 like its never been an excuse thats always been the intended reading. its been yuri from the start ive just been making it more explicit
princess: so this one is called Sweetie Magical Awesome Baby Haruko and so basically she has special powers that basically come from this like little ass cat thing right,
jester: that is SO awesome omgz
princess: yeah. its cool. but anyways. it turns out the little ass cat guy, right, this motherfucker is actually secretly evil the whole nime
jester: no frickin way
princess: right?! like holy shit
jester: ur really kewl princess :3
princess: yeah thanks, so anyways. this one is aboit a peasant girl who gets transported to another realm. and becomes the demon lord. but like, sexy demon lord
jester: [nuzzling up close to her] heheh these books r awesome its so kewl that u like dis stuff
princess: yeah so anyways. shes accompanied by her best friend whos like this ditzy airheaded girl whos always like unintentionally foiling her plans
jester: [burying her head in her chest] uh huh
princess: but over the course of their misadventures they get like super close right. and like. they realize they kinda have feelings for each other
jester: i like where dis is going x3
princess: yeah and like at the peak they kiss and its really cute and like totally fixes the demon lord and its really cu-
jester: [leaning in and kissing her]
maid: [walking in without announcing heraelf and noticing them kissing, immediately going red ans turning back around]
princess: [not noticing] they uh. i like you and all but i dunno if this is a good idea
jester: awh c'mon :3 just once ?
princess: well. I guess i am pretty lonely
jester: YAYYYYYY [immediately starts getting naked]
— LATER —
maid: [walking in, the princess is naked and nursing a bottle of wine] dinner. i brought crumpets for the dog.
princess: heyyyy i was wondering where you were girl. i had sex today
maid: [clearly a little upset] i can tell. how was it, your highness?
princess: hmm
princess: i actually don't think i liked it very much
maid: h-huh?!
princess: it was kinda unpleasant actually. yknow i realized something
maid: what's that..?
princess: i think this whole time ive been thinking what is to get laid, but i think really i just want to be loved. like that did not fix me at all
maid: really..? you want that?
princess: [taking a big glug of her bottle] or maybe i just wanted her to sit on my face. that probly wouldve made it a little better
maid: [dismayed] a.. ah.. yes.. probably, your highness..
princess: alright. sit girl, sit.
knight: awrrrf!! arf!! [sits down with a huge smile on her face
princess: hmhm.. i see.. [picking up a random stuffie] go fetch
knight: [runs over and picks the stuffie up and brings it back with a really big smile]
princess: hmm. hey howd you like to sleep in bed with me tonight
knight: awrrf?
princess: you can speak if you want to
knight: wrrf.. u-um.. well.. if it's allowed..
princess: i dunno. must get pretty lonely on the floor there
knight: [nodding really fast]
princess: alright. yeah. you can sleep with me tonight.
knight: WRF!!! wff wrff wrf!!!
princess: alright that's nice girl. do you uh. hey. do you wanna like. have sex with each other
knight: [turning her head] a-are you sure..? i mean.. is that allowed? i don't w-wrf.. wwanna get between you and your maid..
princess: we aren't like. a couple or anything. and i wanna see something
knight: [climbing into bed and nuzzling her. she's much bigger than the princess so she takes up most of the bed] well.. as long as its okay..
princess: yeah. and youll like do what i want, right?
knight: wrrrf.. i t-took an oath.. remember
princess: yeah but like. consensually. like if you dont wanna you can say no
knight: just don't hurt me and we'll be okay mmommy
princess: haha you don't have to call me that. and don't worry. i'm not into that. just. a couple things i want to explore
knight: okay ❤️ yay ❤️
— LATER THAT NIGHT —
princess: huh.
knight: [still panting] w-wow, yyour highness,, wrrrff,,
princess: weird. weeiirrdd. i don't know what to do with that.
knight: [perking up suddenly] i-is everything okay?!
princess: yeah everythings okay just. hmm. i didn't enjoy that as much as i thought i would
knight: you d-didn't like that?!
princess: no, no i did, just.. idk like. i thought id be feeling really good after but i kinda just don't feel that much at all. like last time.
knight: y-you had fun though, rright?!
princess: yeah of course. you were great. i had lots of fun. thanks for sitting on my face.
knight: pphew.. okay.. well.. as long as you have fun its okay.. [nuzzling close to her and rubbing her head against the princess]
princess: yeah. you're probably right. [shutting her eyes]
knight: [yawning] mrrrhhhf.. get ssome rest your highness.. you've earned it..
princess: i will. just..
[waiting for the knight to sleep]
princess: what if i want more than that?
king: alright dear. i want you to meet this handsome young boy. he is the prince of one of our neighboring kingdom, and he wishes to court you, my daughter.
princess: ughhhh come on not this shit again
prince: ah.. my beautiful dashing princess.. as charming as ever.. your sight is like that of a warm summers da-
princess: yeah you don't have to do that shit. i'm not interested.
prince: eheheh.. you remain quite the prickly pear, i see. no matter, i happen to "like" those.. truly, a fruit with a hard exterior tends to be soft and sweet beneath~
princess: that doesn't even make sense. pumpkins are hard as shit and they taste awful inside and they arent even soft theyre puply and full of seeds and shit.
king: hrrgh. i can't hear any more of this. i am leaving. you will respect the boy, you two are to be wed one day. [stomps off to his throne room]
prince: allow me passage to your room, young maiden?
princess: we are not fucking. i don't even like you. i don't even know your name
prince: my name? why, my name happens to Michael
princess: are-
princess: are you fucking kidding me
prince: what..?
princess: is your name actually Michael
prince: yes this is- this is the fourth time i've told you that
princess: no fucking way. that's so fucking funny. are you telling me you are Prince Mike
prince: soon to be king michael, for your information. my father is aging and soon to pass on the throne.. you could be.. [blowing a kiss] my queen..
princess: dude can you seriously take the hint. i don't even like dudes. i'm a lesbian
prince: is the fruit of a rotted tree still not worthy of bearing new life?
princess: what the fuck does that MEAN. why are you like this!!
prince: i am nothing short of what a beautiful beast like you deserves.. love, everlasting
princess: do not fucking start with that love everlasting shit michael i will actually kill you
prince: AHA! so you DO remember my name!
princess: what fucking ever dude. go jerk off to me in your shower or something. i am never going to let you hit
prince: that is.. most unfortunate.. perhaps one day i may persuade you to change your mind, young delicate thing..
princess: dude i'm older than you
prince: well... whatever....
— AT THE OTHER CASTLE —
prince: come close my man.. i think i have more to discuss
manservant: yes, my liege?
prince: i believe i totally fumbled that princess. i haven't the slighest clue how to talk to women.
manservant: women have never been your forte, sir.
prince: [cracking open a volume of Beautiful Boy's Club at Youuseki High] no, they have not, my good man. do you think there is a boy out there for me, my man?
manservant: i believe the right person exists for all, and i see no reason for you to be the exception
prince: well.. perhaps.. i do not want to marry that princess, however
manservant: and why would that be, your highness
prince: well. number one, i'm gay. quite gay. gay as shit. and number two, she suuuuuuuuuuuucks. she sucks sooooooo fucking hardddddddd she fucking suuuuuuuucks
manservant: perhaps a sucking is what you need, sire
prince: haha! you never fail to make me laugh. come, take your pants off, let us commence
— IN THE HIGHEST TOWER FAR FROM THE REST OF THE CASTLE —
princess: so you're kinda like my sister, right.
bastard daughter: well, literally speaking, yeah. half, at least. are you even supposed to be up here. i thought i was supposed to be like a great shameful secret
princess: i mean i come up here all the time don't i
illegitimate princess: like once a month maybe
princess: that's more than anyone else
illegitimate princess: Well I Fucking Guess
princess: so like. agh. fuck i have so much shit bothering me and like. i have nobody to talk to about it. like normally i would talk to my maid but she's never around lately. plus i think she doesn't like it when i talk about this stuff
illegitimate princess: well that's not surprising. you're probably trying to hit on her again, right
princess: actually no. i haven't been doing that much lately
illegitimate princess: wow. nice going sis. character growth wasnt something i expected from you
princess: i dont know. like. i spend so much time like pining, right. i read all these stories but like. like i had sex twice in the last week and i felt nothing
illegitimate princess: i do not need to know about my little sister's sexual habits. oh yeah did you bring any of those yuri manga. i really need new ones. pretty much the only thing i do up here is jerk off
princess: [dropping off a stack of books] see that's how i know we're sisters
illegitimate princess: okay well. i'm not like you. i do it out of necessity. if i could, i'd probably be like. doing diplomacy and shit. like be out there in the world. making paintings. talking to merchants. traveling the kingdom
princess: yeah anyways so like. like what if i dont just want sex? like what if i want to be loved?
illegitimate princess: well duh. everybody wants to be loved
princess: huh. i guess it sounds kinda obvious when you put it like that
illegitimate princess: im surprised you didn't know that already. i guess you don't go out much
princess: neither do you!
illegitimate princess: well okay. that's a recent development. before the king tracked me down and locked me in here i was doing like a ton of shit. i was a big player in the criminal underworld
princess: you were?!
illegitimate princess: yeah. i had crazy sex parties. we would go wild. like totally fucked up and like some downright morally questionable shit. you know this is one of the first times youve asked anything about me
princess: oh.. sorry.. um.. wow.. do you think you could show me..?
illegitimate princess: we're sisters, that would be weird
princess: i didn't even know you existed until like 4 years ago
illegitimate princess: well. okay, good point.
princess: so you'll teach me?!
illegitimate princess: don't get ahead of yourself, tiger. if you ask me, i think you should tell this maid of yours how you really feel. be honest with her. the girl clearly cares about you, so make it known you do too
princess: but that's the thing, i HAVE been making it known. i tell her how much i appreciate her all the time, i even compliment her massive boobage and everything. like she's one of the only people in this whole castle thats real with me. other than you of course
illegitimate princess: gee, thanks
princess: i dunno. i just want to be loved. and i know my doggy loves me, i mean that much was clear when we had sex the other night, but
illegitimate princess: pause. did you just say you had sex with your dog
princess: oh sorry, that's just what i call my knight. its a whole thing
illegitimate princess: oh okay yeah i get that. i used to do a lot of that back in the day. continue
princess: i dunno. i feel like the kind of the love i need is different. like i feel like i need it from. from like.
illegitimate princess: yeah yeah you need it from your maid. just tell her how much she means to you and hope she feels the same
princess: well. maybe. i dunno. i'm still sorting out how i feel
illegitimate princess: okay well. let me know when you get there. i'm glad i could help at least
princess: yeah thank you. i appreciate your input so much. for someone i barely know who grew up in completely different circumstances than me, we really are remarkably like sisters
illegitimate princess: maybe we have like some kinda fucked up lesbian gene
princess: i guess i havent spoken to mom much. maybe shes like this too
illegitimate princess: [shrug]
illegitimate princess: hey so can you help me get out of here
princess: i'll see you soon sis thanks for the chat
illegitimate princess: [sighing] yeah, sure. no problem kid.
princess: [stomps down the spire back to her room]
illegitimate princess: i'm never getting out of here am i
— MEANWHILE, PRINCESS'S CHAMBERS —
maid: [stepping in to do her nightly cleaning. noticing the princess is gone] princess..? where are you? oh, hello cass- ahem, puppy, do you know where the princess is?
knight: [shaking her head]
maid: strange. it's not like her to leave her tower at all, especially not so late
knight: [nodding her head]
maid: [setting down her cleaning supplies and taking a seat on the foot of the princess's bed] say.. u-um, doggy.. you know i've never spoken to you very much 1 on 1 like this..
knight: wrrf.. [shakes her head[
maid: well, i suppose you can't speak much currently.. but.. i don't know.. you and the princess have um, relations, right?
knight: [nodding her head]
maid: a-ah.. so.. you two are partners then, right?
knight: [pausing.. looks up for a second.. shakes her head]
maid: i see.. can i tell you something? will you promise not to tell?
knight: [shaking her head really fast]
maid: [sigh] alright. well. i believe i may have feelings for the princess.
knight: [gasp]
maid: i know, i know. i've been wrestling with it for quite some time. but. i don't think she likes me very much, is the issue.
knight: wrrf..?
maid: huh?
knight: ugh- i mean. ddoesn't she flirt with you all the time?
maid: well that's different. she does that to everyone with a pulse..
knight: hmm.. can i tell you something..?
maid: yes?
knight: well, you know how i've been staying with the princess in her quarters, right?
maid: yes..
knight: well, the reason i mention that is, every night right before you come to bring her dinner, she gets up and fixes her hair and arranges herself on the bed to look as beautiful as possible
maid: what?!
knight: i know.. i thought it was weird at ffirst too, but.. i think, i think she really wants you to like her
maid: she does..? hmm.. well i guess.. she does ask me to hold her quite often...
knight: yes, she does. i think she really likes you, honestly. maybe mmore than she likes me.. but that's okay. i don't mind being her pet
maid: hmm.. i see.. but even if we both feel that way, there's no gaurantee we would even be a particularly good match..
knight: can i be h-honest?
maid: speak freely, canine
knight: wrrf.. i don't know if you ttwo would be a good match. i wish i did, but i don't. what i do know is, that girl really loves you. a lot. maybe more than anybody else, even if she.. hasn't realized it fully, yet.. but. she listens to you.. she wants to be good for you.. i'm not ggoing to tell you what to do, but.. just keep that in mind, okay?
maid: hm.. well.. this is a lot to think about, definitely. i appreciate your words. you are a very good girl, cassie. thank you.. [scratching behind her ears]
knight: wrrrfff,,, hhehehe,, ddont mention it,, wrrf,,
maid: [stepping in with dinner] a-ah.. princess.. ive been meaning to speak with you..
princess: come in. lets talk
maid: y-yes please.. shall i go first
princess: sure, why not
maid: um. can i sit on the bed or....?
princess: uh
princess: wherever's fine
[they both blush at each other during a prolonged moment of awkward silence]
maid: uh-
princess: so-
maid: you go first,,
princess: naw its okay you go first
maid: well- i've been thinking a lot. um. so, ive been your maid for a few years now, yes..?
princess: yes you have
maid: well. in that time.. a lot of things have happened.. you could say
princess: yuuup
maid: and.. um.. theres no easy way to say this
princess: its okay. im not mad
maid: well. um
maid: i'minlovewithyou
princess: i understand, you have to stop caring for m- wait what?!
maid: .....
princess: WHAT?!
maid: SSORRY
princess: HOLY SHIT
maid: W-WHAT??
princess: ME TOO!!!!
princess: IM IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!
maid: O-OH
princess: THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME
maid: UM. WOW. TThis is quite surprising your highness,,
princess: you know what we gotta do
maid: wwhat?
princess: we gotta consumate our love biiiiiiiitch
maid: eeheheheh,, eheheh,,
knight: [in full armor, dashing up the stairs, busting open the door, breathless] PRINCESS
princess: whats up pup
knight: THE KINGDOM IS UNDER SIEGE BY A DRAGON
princess: oh COME THE FUCK ON!!!! COME ON!!!!!!!!!
Guys i accidenely drinked from the elf puddle
this is like the 16th time you've "accidenely" drank from the elf puddle, dog. every time you do your features grow a little more elf-like and you surprisingly dont get any more or less whiny or obnoxious. why is this any of our business?
im a broken person
the sound cheese makes when thawing is
annoying
pleasant
fades into the background/dont pay attention to it/neutral
more people need to actually pick a side
yall need to pay attention to your surroundings more
When are you freezing cheese?!
???I'm not???
Thawed cheese? As opposed to???
ok maybe there's some more common word for it, but I've only ever heard it as thawing
you mean MELT??? as in MELTED CHEESE????? because it MELTS???????????
No! Melting is completely different!
You just thaw it! And it makes this sound occasionally while it does!
okay I'm gonna need you to explain what "thawing" a cheese means to you. is it bringing a cheese out lf the fridge and wait for it to be room temperature? is it heating it up so it's gooey and soft? i need to understand
No the cheese isn't frozen or cold. I don't know what other way to describe it as other than thawing? It makes a noise occasionally and when it stops it's usually done thawing
What actual change happens to the cheese after it “thaws”
it changes from an un-thawed to a thawed state
it's ready
good to go
What process are you doing to thaw cheese. where do you keep the cheese such that it's not thawed. Which physical properties of the cheese change between thawed and unthawed
ok I cant be the crazy one here. Nobody else thaws their cheese???
I thaw my cheese, but only if I get a block of the stuff, the sliced stuff is better for melting.
THANK YOU!
also ill temporarily forgive you for the sliced cheese comment. but pre-sliced is a sin
no no no i refuse to let this rest until i fully understand
so you. FREEZE the cheese? and then when you want to use it you. THAW it. that's what I'm getting from this conversation. is this correct??
also this might be important: what type of cheese are we talking about. cottage cheese? hard cheese? fake cheese (cheddar)? because i think i might be picturing the wrong type of cheese
no like I said before you don't freeze the cheese! That just dries it out! And the type of cheese doesn't matter. You. Still. Thaw. It.
What I don't understand is the PROCESS. like what is the ORIGINAL STATE OF THE CHEESE. is it just the state it is in when you buy it in the store. or is it cold. or is it room temperature. or is it warm.
and what is the exact process?? microwaving?? warm water??? just leaving it outside in room temp?????
please I seriously need to understand the PROCESS the cheese undergoes. if step-by-step instructions need to be spelt out then so be it but i really REALLY wanna know what's going on
Can you like take a video of the cheese thawing from start to finish to demonstrate the sound it makes and the process of thawing cheese
Unfortunately I can't. I'm at work right now, and I'm heading out on a trip in 2 days so I already cleared out my fridge so nothing'll spoil while I'm gone. But trust me I'd absolutely do that if I could. This is really frustrating and I GUARANTEE if you all saw it you'd immediately recognize what thawing cheese is. I seriously think I'm just unintentionally using a niche regional name for it which is causing all this confusion
OK IM FUCKING BACK!
ill have you all know that the entire time I was gone i couldnt stop thinking about this so im DETERMINED to show you all not only WHAT thawing cheese is, but also what the SOUND is so i can FINALLY have an answer to my ORIGINAL GOD DAMN POLL
i have nothing in my fridge and im tired rn from driving 6 hours so instead of going to the store i'm just gonna swing by my aunt's place and see if she has any cheese that needs thawing
gimme a few minutes
ok looks like im just going to the store. video of thawing cheese when i come back
now the question is will tumblr let me put a poll in the same reblog as a video?
the sound cheese makes when thawing is
Annoying
Pleasant
no third option. you have no excuse this time
yay
First lore YouTubers in the Lands
It's okay to have blatant double standards that favor women
woke up and it’s another day
