tips on dating because i never really ever know what to say
a lot of this might sound cliche but whatever
don’t hide anything about yourself. you are a fine and valid person, and your habits, living space, mannerisms, attitude and your hobbies and behaviours will attract the person you want to be with. be open, don’t hide who you are. think about the things you want for yourself, the things you would value in a partner, and make it happen in your life first. not everyone is going to love you, not everyone is going to find you interesting, not everyone will listen to what you have to say. believe that you are worthy of love, but know that it will never arrive when you are ready for it.
i spent a long time dating someone who thought that my hobbies and passions, my work and my time were mostly worthless. i don’t ever remember her earnestly telling me that i had her respect, and i don’t think i ever did. there’s nothing wrong with her, but her values were different than mine and i spent a long time in a lot of pain trying to make that work because the thought of someone liking who i am was not something i could reconcile, and because i thought that i needed a lot of improvement, i gave myself to a relationship that would validate my feelings of not being worthy of love- when that person actually got to know me, i felt completely alienated because i didn’t want to be who i was, and when i was on my own, i had this almost separate set of behaviours that reflected the things in my life that i actually liked.
i don’t want to sound insensitive, and these aren’t my words, but there was a night that we were out, where she knew that i had brought some home brewed beer to a party (i don’t drink, it’s just a hobby for me to create and experiment with little projects like that) and that i had my own kombucha brewing, made my own pickles, and that i was working on designing my apartment in a cute little way, and on the way home she asked me if i was even attracted to her, and all this stuff about my life was belittled and for awhile i stopped and just went to work. it was later on that i met someone who found out that i did all that stuff and told me that they really liked it and really respected it. this person was a stranger to me but i felt appreciated for the first time for just being who i was. i think it was a little serendipitous that when they asked what my girlfriend thought of it, my only response was “oh she hates it. she doesn’t know about this” and i stood in my kitchen away from everyone for a minute just sort of processing how much i had allowed my self hatred to manifest in someone else.
do not ever do this to yourself. recognize what you like about someone. acknowledge that sometimes you can feel something for someone and that its coming from a place of burying yourself behind something that seems cooler. honestly, i’d rather have the pain of being left behind for the things that i am than being kept around for things that i’m not. i’m seeing somebody right now and i know i still feel the apprehension to telling them anything about myself in fear of being unattractive, i feel that internal pressure to posture as something that i’m not, but i know the more i let them know who i am, the closer i will be to making a real connection, and even if who i am isn’t for them, at least i gave myself the respect of putting myself out there in a genuine way, and we’ll be able to acknowledge that we aren’t right for each other and it will hurt a lot less.
believe me that you will attract the person that’s right for you. love the life you have, work on what you want to see in yourself, and it will happen. if you’ve managed to attract someone already, just be careful with where they’re at in their life, don’t put your feelings onto them to heavily, care for them, respect them, and always listen to what they’re telling you.
tl;dr give them your attention and your time. its not about what you say, it’s about how you listen. respect who you are and stay true to what you want.
turnnoffyourmind
stormborns
gummygunk
izzy806
kaledo-art
tangentwithtanner
andulkaphoto
theartofmadeline
jbbartram-illu
