Unexpected Bioluminescence

S - 30s - he/him - ACAB

[thepromiscuousfinger]

[tatzelwurming]

listen i consider myself an empathic person but after a certain point i get sick of other people’s problems. my friend is always talking about how the jewel-eyed skull on their mantlepiece is tormenting them w its sinister beauty and im over it. like dude i don’t want to talk about this anymore. get rid of the fucking skull

[e-102]

you’ are biased against my skull

[tatzelwurming]

i’m not having this argument again man

[devilmuse]

Adding charms and keychains to random things definitely improves the living experience

[skarchomp]

the pure of heart can dry swallow any pill

[c3rvida3]

Named the new stray cat outside Footwater because he likes to stand in the birdbath and drink his own foot water.

[c3rvida3]

Footwater hiding his wet little feets in shame.

[64mpg]

i can’t wait to be saved miraculously and get out of all of my predicaments

[fhauly]

repeat after me: i am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014

[heirtocragflame]

I am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014

[henstomper]

i think the whole Having A Job thing would be less bad if people in management positions were capable of planning and abstract thought

[bird-gifs-collection-agency]

While its eyes are not as big as its mummy's, this baby tawny frogmouth is still using its beady peepers to see the best it can

[raylangivins]

(three decades into my life) sorry I wasn’t paying attention, can we start again?

[polari]

just got a call from the american psychiatric association. you old dogs, i said, picking up on the first ring. how many times i gotta tell you to lose this number. i don’t want you coming around here anymore. “listen, toots, we’ve been doing some thinking,” they says, and i says, guess there’s a first time for everything. “you’re a real funny dame, sugardoll. reviewing criticism, we’ve determined that the biggest issue with our previous diagnostic and statistic manuals of mental disorders is the anonymity of it all. we’ve been circling around a vague figure of the mentally well without defining the traits of a mentally well person. there’s no personality. what we need is a cute broad with a couple opinions to model the psychological norm.” so i’m saying back up and give it to me straight: i’m the new standard of sanity? can i get that in writing? and they say, “as the american psychiatric association we hereby state that you are the baseline and any deviations from your personality are deviations from the very concept of sanity, at least in the united states psychiatric system.” they’re making it public tomorrow. it’s a nice gig, if you really want to know. never thought they’d let a woman do it.

[shamster]

Me reading another Agatha Christie novel: I wonder what will happen in THIS one 👀

Agatha Christie: A murder

Me: Ooooh 👀👀👀

[threedollarsdotcom]

remember to completely fumble every single beautiful woman you meet

[ryebreadgf]

my dad is very intensely involved a battle with his city’s public administration over a playground they have tried to forcibly remove like five times in the past 20 years and DID remove once in like 2005 but then had to rebuild because my dad was such a pain in their asses and came through with undeniable receipts of the zoning plan from the 60s/the historic/cultural value of the urban planning…. like there’s a woman in the city office who is his arch nemesis. he is literally the daredevil of urban planning

[ryebreadgf]

everyone in the tags needs to stop saying they want to fuck my dad.

[nongunktional]

i really hate the way the "boobs vs butt" thing got broken down into this implicit idea that butt is the nobler stance. it's really stupid. personally im a woman guy. [realizes how that sounds] [purses my lips in thought] [nods confidently] im a woman guy

[junglejim4322]

Haven’t seen the vampire lestat yet and I don’t need to because I know it’ll just be this

[supermariomamafucker]

scientist discovers a little animal awww