Unhelpful Tips

I give out life tips to people. They tend to have effects.

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Tip # 1

Whatever you do, don’t!

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Tip #17

Work = Force * Distance

So…

When you get called into work on your day off, go the distance to the office, and force your fist into your boss’ face.

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Tip #16

Try finger

But hole!

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Tip #15

If you ever eat so much and get so full that you feel horrible, just don’t do that next time. Sure you can eat, but you gotta think “is this amount of food going to make me suicidal later?”

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Tip #14

A well timed dodge roll might have enough I-frames to avoid taking emotional damage after failing a test.

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Tip #13

If you ever have an issue in life that seems almost impossible to overcome, think of it like an Elden Ring or Dark Souls boss. Sure it will kick your ass, but if you keep throwing yourself at it and getting better each time you do, eventually you’ll overcome it.

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Tip #12

Ok this one is actually going to be helpful cause I need to tell myself this.

If you haven’t eaten in a while due to being a lazy piece of shit, a large pack of spicy ramen and 9 links of longanisa is NOT AT ALL A GOOD IDEA FOR A MEAL!

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Tip #11

Don’t ask anyone out anymore, just propse immediately instead. Full send that shit!

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Tip #10

If you’re having trouble coming up with good blog posts for a blog you started as a joke but are now trying to maintain, say random shit such as “I believe that [character], is [attribute]”.

Go on, try it yourself.

I think that Joker is a bottom.

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Tip #9

Always include personal achievements on your resume to show how good you are. such as that one time you fit 30 jumbo marshmallows in your mouth. Any future employer will be immediately impressed and hire you.

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Tip #8

If you ever find yourself in a dark area such as a dark alley, a murderer’s basement, or a cave, simply turn the light switch on to be able to see.

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Tip #7

Hand out Uno Reverse cards, they work in almost ever scenario! A ticket? Uno reverse, cop gets the ticket. Getting fired? Uno Reverse, you just fired your boss. Got rejected? Uno Reverse, you just rejected them instead now!

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Tip #6

Try not to eat too many bananas at once. Eating 40,000 bananas in 15 minutes can cause you to die of radiation poisoning (and nothing else).

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Tip #5

Gain social standing in school by slide canceling into the classroom on the first day. You’ll get asked out by the hottest girl in school and the cool kids will think you’re awesome.

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Tip #4

You can use a laptop charger to heat up your food.

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Tip #3

Don’t tell your best friend you’re in love with them. It’ll feel like a fanfiction

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Tip # 2

If you need to fart, plug your ears. That way you won’t actually know you farted.