welcum frends

im christy! i love tom sawyer, the ocean, aliens, and a fuckton of other stuff. hit me up if u wanna chat!! :-) (she/he/they/idk)

[plentyblush]

They churned me, Jerry

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[naamahdarling]

Also messed up in that they should have been called quackarons.

[wardenmcpherson]

She was so busy keeping an eye on the Maillard Reaction that she lost track of the Mallard Direction.

[slightly-awkward-sunshine]

My stepdad is so fucking funny sometimes

[meanbuddhist]

identifying a maladaptive coping mechanism is so bitter sweet like that’s great now i know what i need to stop doing. but that’s literally my something

[depsidase]

[filmnoirsbian]

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

[filmnoirsbian]

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

[filmnoirsbian]

I'm literally a flight attendant, offering snacks and drinks is my job

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

gshsjb

[4chansbest]

[riseofthecommonwoodpile]

you make one fucking post where the point is “women are encouraged to develop disordered eating from a very young age and that impacts how we view the ‘natural’ size and shape of women” and too many reblogs later i am being accused of saying short people wouldn’t exist if they ate better growing up. i’m sorry but if you genuinely think i was saying that you are just a buffoon. i cannot and will not sanction your buffoonery.

[punkitt-is-here]

watching an old disney movie

inspired by the comments in this video making me aware of the siamese cat scene in aristocats

[konekoling]

[houndmother]

many of you just. genuinely don’t believe that people can grow and change.

[houndmother]

this is about the death penalty and its also about call out posts about people who have already apologized for things they did a long time ago and it’s also about using ‘toxic’ or ‘abuser’ as if its an immutable class of person, and its also about any other circumstance with permanent consequences or wherein you assume someone is still the same person they were.

[phantomrose96]

Boss tries to fire me for poor performance but I punch the ground and spit out blood and say "No... this isn't how this ends" while my leitmotif plays

[phantomrose96]

Boss fires me for my poorly-composed leitmotif

[parkchanwoohoo]

[whyenn-reader]

"ingredients you can pronounce" i can pronounce anything

[hungwy]

letting family members sit in for dead senators is just monarchy logic im appalled that this has even happened before

[sugoiney-weaver]

Each state gets to decide how their state is represented in Congress

This has been a common method for a long time in some states

The idea is that a Senator's sibling/spouse/parent/child knows their intentions and policies better than a political rival or a random person would. It's a pretty good way to prevent political assassinations tbh

[prizedpesto]

An unelected individual getting grandfathered into a real political position due to their blood or legal relationship with a deceased elected official is not pretty good actually

[thehumantrampoline]

I kept forgetting my nighttime antidepressant so I set an alarm where the sound was a recording of me saying "HEY. TAKE YOUR FUCKING PILL" because I thought it would be funny. It was funny about three times, and then it started making me mad and I'd dismiss it right away to make it stop. So I handed my phone to my partner, who made another recording sweetly saying "Okay Shira, it's time to take your medication" and now I don't get mad anymore and I take my pill. The "compassion over punishment" camp has gotta get something wrong one of these days

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

I know this sounds like the deranged ramblings of a senile old man but I swear it used to be possible to look up information on the internet

[throo]

Wh-what do you mean it’s from a birthday cake

[throo]

We could have been eating him