welcum frends @unicorndildos - Tumblr Blog

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

kingcriccket

you CANNOT read too much old timey fiction because I was playing Raft with the lads this morning and without a THOUGHT said we could sail over to another island "if the wind would consent to blow" & let me tell you. This did not pass by unremarked.

rainyydoves

slimeouppy

this clip is fucking frying me. Assad adjusting the way he's sitting before speaking. the way he looks around. everyone snickering. the dramatic ass music. the way he says it with such passion. its so good

#Mazzy

thevampirecrow

fellatio sounds like a supporting shakespeare character rather than oral sex on a penis to be honest

hcnnibal

saw a scary stick™️ on my run and yelped and leapt and held on to my husband

guy running towards us laughed at me and then also yelped and leapt

guy further behind him didn’t understand the commotion until he got there and also yelped and leapt

four grown men like:

hcnnibal

can you tell when it happened

wifegideonnav

“bits to use in everyday conversations”

#bits

minotaurfemme

y'all ever think about how insane the sauropods were

minotaurfemme

this is a leg off of Argentinosaurus and its already the size of a two story house like LOOK at the size of these fuckers

the fact that any land animal ever got to be as large as this is insane. this shit is only beat by fucking whales, creatures that dont have to support their weight on legs

#my favo dinosaurs (:

horrorlesbians

movies need to start using lower quality cameras. everything feels too real which makes it feel fake which stops it from feeling real

sailermoon

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

buildanaltarwhereitswells

replicated

i'm not really into blondes but this is an objectively absurd connection to make

not100bees

In order to be properly non-pedophilic you have to want to fuck somebody old but not with gray or white hair because that's too close to blonde which as we've established is the hair color of children. So ideally somebody old as fuck but bald. And obviously wanting to have sex with a man is misogynistic so it has to be a woman. And it can't be a white woman because that would be racist and it can't be a woman of color because that would be fetishistic, so ideally a woman with some unnatural skin color, oh let's say, purple. But it can't be an alien, because we don't know anything about alien life cycles so it could be an alien child or an alien that looks like a child. So it has to be an animal from Earth, but obviously one of human level intelligence that can communicate is otherwise that would be bestiality. So an old purple female animal that can speak English. I think the only creature you can be hot for is the Ant Queen from A Bug's Life.

kholdseid

sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog

My signature is worth negative 2 dollars and 82 cents.

captaindibbzy

not100bees

The thing about Miss Piggy is that she kind of has a Roger Rabbit comedy superpower where she wins nearly any conceivable fight she's in. But unlike other characters of which that's true, like say, Bugs Bunny, who tend to win because they make the opponent play the game with their rules, Miss Piggy wins because the joke is that she can beat the shit out of literally anybody.

hayleywilliamsfan84

i keep laughing at the way that eridian culture in the movie and eridian culture in the book are not contradictory at all, if you accept that movie rocky is just a total FREAK

grace: boy i sure can't wait to meet other eridians haha! rocky, putting on a shirt for the first time in four years: rocky has something to tell grace but does grace promise not to be mad, question?

hydrangea-pop

I can't leave this in the tags lmaooo

twirlingfreckles

The thing about being a tumblrina is that you provide such valuable contributions to the broader internet ecosystem and you get zero compensation for that. They should be giving us airline miles