Chapter 11 of under pressure, 'Rainy days, together'
They went on like that, the only sounds being the birds outside, their breathing and the soft suckling, until the peace was broken. The doorbell trilled a piercing ring, heralding the arrival of Emily.
It felt like the tears would never truly cease, only retreating for short, blissful periods. Atleast this time, Spencer knew what was upsetting the baby, and he knew that he couldn't really do anything but let the boy 'cry it out'. He hated it, but dave eas far too little to understand where the big noise came from, regardless of how many times Spencer told him.
The carer scooped his baby up, pressing the infant to his chest as he stood, mumbling sweet comforting praise into the boys ear. "It's okay, brave boy. It's Emily, emmys here bug. She's gunna' keep an eye on you while dada does some chores" he informed the baby, swaying him as he reached for the chain of the sliding lock, pulling it and opening the door.
Emily, who had been listening to the wailing shrieks of dave from the otherside of the door, had a face drawn already into quizzical concern. Once that she could see that dave was in no way injured or suffering under the hand of any noticeable thing, she relaxed, shooting a knowing glance to Spencer. "Do you want me to take him?" She mouthed, as to not alert the little to their conniving schemes flying over his head. Spencer nodded greatfully, stepping back a few paces as to let her enter the home.
"Oh, povera anima!" (Oh poor lamb) Emily cooed, closing and locking the foor behind her softly as she moved to smoothing the boys tousled greying hair, dabbing softly at his eyes with the cuff of her navy blue knit cardigan. "Oh, povero piccolo! Vieni qui !!" (Oh poor boy! Come here!!) She cajoled, pulling the baby from spencers arms to her own, laying the distraught shivering baby to lay his head on her shoulder as she rubbed circles into his back.
Spencer joined in her, pressing kisses to davids forehead and whispering loving praise, knowing g that it would fall on deaf ears. Eventually, his breathing came down from haggard gasps to a slightly calmer shuddering rhythm of deep breaths, occasionally disrupted by incremental hiccups.
"I reckon we'll be all good spence, you go enjoy, take as long as you want, I've got the day off and JJ is with will and Penelope." She told the dishevelled caregiver beside her, punctuating the statement with a kiss to the baby's cheek.
Spencer let out a relieved sigh, "Yeah, okay, um, there's a bottle if he wants it, changing stuff is in the playroom back there and I've got the tv on with bear in the big blue house, so he shouldn't be too much trouble." Spencer rattled off quietly, as if talking too loud might alert dave to his upcoming departure. Spencer paused a moment more, shifting from one foot to another, before giving dave a quick kiss on the forehead, whispering a quick goodbye as he headed for the stairs.
David, who, at this point was far too exhausted to start crying again, simply looking in the direction that dada had gone in and whining nervously.
"Yeah baby boy, dada will be back soon. Its okay, brave boy." Emily cooed, swaying him gently as she moved through the kitchen to the back door, sliding on spencers oversized rain boots and stepping outside.
Daves whines halted, stopping as the crisp autumn air hit his face and the damp smell of the earth became more distinct. He cooed, looking around at the expansive colour pallet that the colder seasons provided. She smiled at dave, remembering how, when she had been in a case with him, before the dallas incident, he had taken her for a walk to go grab lunch.
He spoke of autumnal pleasures, the fashion, the food. He talked about new York, how he had loved autumn in that city, falling asleep the the pattering rain against the window of his high rise apartment. He always spoke so fondly of it all, but mostly of the fresh air, how it felt more refreshing that time of year. She missed their chats, his endless stream of stories, his arm wrapped around her shoulders as they sat in the park, drinking their early morning coffees, watching the world pass by.
It was different now, not a bad different. It was still dave after all, just, smaller. He could appreciate the season for all new reasons. She noted the way he reached up to brush his fingers against the drooping leaves of the lowerd branches above. How he shifted to look at the pond, listening as the rain drops broke the surface with a satisfying rhythmic splash. The way his owlish curious eyes scanned the branches of the willow overhead, trilling to Emily when he saw the various decorations hidden between its withies.
She settled the two of the on the rickety old swinging bench below, sheltering under the recently installed stained glass canopy. It cast beautiful rainbow light down into them, shifting its beams as tye rain fell and pooled in places.
Dave babbled softly, pointing at various sections of the garden, then looking back to Emily to get her commentary. She would smile at him, agreeing with whatever it was he'd say, playing with his hair as she hummed the parts of Umka's Lullaby that she could remember, singing it in the same sweet softened cadence that her mother had once sung to her in.
By the time Spencer reappeared, her face ached under the beaming smile that she seemingly could never get rid off when she had a little in her arms. "Hey davey, who's that?" Emily whispered, sitting the baby up to face his dada as he sat next to them.
"Hi baby boy, oh come here bug" Spencer crooned, pulling the, once again, crying infant into his arms. "He's young enough to not have object permanence yet." Spencer explained to Emily with a smile, "he kind of forgets I exist if I'm not right there, y'know?" He chuckled, pressing big exaggerated kisses to daves face, immediately stopping the baby's tears as he giggle at his dadas silly antics.
Once the two had calmed to their usual demeanours, Emily started up some idle talk, laying her head down on spencers shoulder, "you were quick." She noted indifferently, reaching across spencers lap to pull the babys legs across her lap, allowing him to lay down.
"Yeah, I just." He sighed, looking down at his ward, "I couldn't relax, not without him. I guess I've gotten used to him always being next to me, so, it was kind of weird not having him, y'know?" He mumbled, a red tint slowly spreading from his ears to across his cheeks and down his neck.
"Yeah, I get it spence. Ive never had a little this young, but when I first got JJ I couldn't let her leave my sight, even for a moment, I was just imagining all the worst case scenarios and it drove me nuts." She assured him, grasping his hand and giving it a squeeze. "You're doing great Spencer. I mean, compared to when you first got him, he actually looks kind of like himself again, you're doing well." She affirmed,rubbing small circles into the side of his hand as they both looked out to the garden as she spoke.
It was a touching moment, breaking Spencer from his island mentality, and, for the first time, he could see the searching light of ships in the night, coming to his aid when he needed it most."Thank you, really em, thanks, I needed to hear that" he told her, voice cracking a little at the end. He looked down at his baby with a watery smile, gazing at his sweet loving boy with all the love he had in his heart.
"Spence" she called sweetly, squeezing his hand firmly with a grounding pressure, "how about we head inside,hm? Watch a movie, give davey a bottle and eat a disgusting amount of chocolate?" She chirped quietly, looking up at him, eyes alight with her usual mischievous twinkle. He laughed, a genuine, slightly tired laugh, "alright, you're on" he chuckled, standing and pulling david up to sit upon his hip. Emily grinned, keeping her hold on spencers hand as they walked back up to the house.
He smiled at the two, and luke smiled back, "see, we're all good back here! Now, let's go to the park, I'm starving!" He said with a grin. Spencer revved the car in agreement, pulling out of the parking bay, starting their drive to the park outside of their hotel.
The drive to the park was relatively quiet, the only sounds in car being the soft crackling of the radio and the rustling of david playing in his car seat, occasionally babbling softly to himself as he shook the sensory book, causing it to crinkle. Spencer looked back at every red light, watching hing his baby and luke, smiling as he saw the big dopey grin on his partners face that he hadn't been able to wipe off since he met David.
Luke absolutely adored dave, even though dave could be a bit of a 'hard arse' about everything regarding the other members of his team and his headspace. Despite daves sour attitude, luke still looked upon him lovingly. He bought dave toys, sent regular check in texts to dave whenever they were apart on missions and regularly came over to spencer&daves house to play with dave, big or little.
It was comforting to see, a reasuring sight for the protective carer. Helping put his mind at ease knowing that his baby would be well taken care of when he left the bau. Luke would occasionally coo at the baby, making faces and asking questions about the toys he had. David wasn't super responsive and was still hiccuping from his earlier bout of upset; despite all this, luke didn't give up on him, even getting the odd giggle from dave.
As they pulled onto the bumpy crackling gravel that lined the hotels parking lot, Spencer spotted Emily's black SUV parked out front in the bay next to them. Luke must have given her a heads up that they were taking a break, and, judging off of how much food luke had gotten, the whole team would be getting involved.
Spencer climbed out of the drivers seat, stretching to the sounds of his popping joints. Once he had sufficiently reconnected his limbs to his pressure numbing nervous system, he moved on to extracting dave from his car seat, shouting something about 'sending the troops' to luke in regards to the mountain of food filled bags.
It wasn't a long walk, the park being mostly visible from the parking lot. When spencer got to the rainbow painted fences gate, he could finally see the portion of the playground that the team had enveloped, each of them was stretched out to varying degrees of relaxed on the picnic blanket.
Tyler was laying across his daddy's lap, flapping his hands excitedly as he spoke; most likely ranting about some old military brutalitarian regime. It was a blossoming interest that he had become very invested in after david mentioned some of the old tactics that an unsub had been using during a case 6 months ago.
Then there was Emily and JJ, leaning against one another with JJ curled up, half mindedly waving her GI Joe doll around. The pair were chatting to Tara, bursting into fit's of raucous laughter every few minutes.
Spencer beamed. This was the perfect opportunity for dave to be little around the whole team for the first time since Aaron left. He was drawn out of his hopeful thoughts by dave. The baby's eyes stared owlishly at the group, reprouchful quivering lip as his breaths shuddered with upset.
"Hey buddy, hey, its all good. We're going to go sit down and you can stay with dada and luke" Spencer murmured lovingly into the boys hair, bouncing him as he opened the gate and walked toward the group, "Brave boy, good job, nice and calm" Spencer cajoled softly as he closed the distance between them and their friends.
"SPENCER !!!" Tyler whooped as he jumped up to meet them, "And baby. Baby play? Baby play spencer? Play with me davey?" Tyler babbled, peering over spencers shoulder to try and catch David's eye. Dave however, was not quite as excited, burying his face deeper into his dadas neck.
Spencer chuckled, stoking the hair at the nape of David's neck, "I think davey is still feeling a bit shy buddy, let's hive him some time. Maybe he'll warm up!" Spencer placated the energetic toddler, placing a guiding hand on Tyler's shoulder as he led him back to his daddy.
"Matt, could you give luke a hand bringing over all the food?" Spencer asked breathlessly as he flopped down onto the picnic blanket. Dave wasn't heavy by any means, but he wriggled around enough to make carrying him a lot more strenuous the it had to be. The two if them settled into the warm atmosphere.
Spencer was chatting with Emily, pausing every now and then to pose a question to the patiently waiting toddler next to him, smiling as the boy jabbered on in barely coherent babbles. JJ, who seemingly was the only person who could understand Tyler, left the safety of her Mama's hold to hold play with the little boy. The two of them getting immersed in a game of tactical warfare, barbies VS wooden animals.
Soon enough, matt and luke had returned, vision obscured and arms overflowing by the mountain of paper bags, patterned with various locally owned restaurants logos. With them, they brought the wonderful smells of coffes, curry and confectioneries, each scent more tempting than the last. The moment the bags hit the ground, the team burst into a flurry of movement, swarming the food and plating it up, making sure all the littles were served before they could get restless.
"Hey bug, you hungry?" Spencer cajoled to the littke voy whos head was still burried into the crook of his neck, as he took the plate luke was offering. It bore a small portion of each food for David to try aling with a warm bottle that luke must have had waiting in the hotel room.
He smiled at the man, thanking him as he took them. It had been so much easier at mealtimes with luke, the two of the conjuring up ideas on how to get dave to eat. It had been a struggle and, with the recently added stress of Linda Barnes,had resulted in dave being diagnosed with anorexia by his food therapist. It hadn't been a shock, but it was still concerning, casuing all the caregivers on the team to now subtuly try and feed dave whenever they saw the opportunity.
Despite how wonderful the food was, dave wasn't interested, even going as far as to pull at his hair after a few minutes of gentle bargaining from his dada and luke. After that, they gave in, letting dave have his bottle and giving the food a rest for the time being. 'He's having a bad day, they'd try again tomorrow ' Spencer thought as he pet the babys silver hair, rocking him gently as he fed.
They spent the rest of the afternoon there, only retiring once the sun had start to set and the littles had started to yawn more frequently. Dave was laying on the picnic blanket, rubbing the soft fur of his teddy across his nose, staring off into the distant sky. Spencer sat with him, rubbing circles into his tummy as he hummed brahm's lullaby, watching the boys eyelids flutter as he slowly fell asleep.
Spencer watched as the rest of the team gathered up their belongings, herding their littles back to the safe confines of their hotel rooms. Spencer watched, but he stayed, unwilling to rouse the baby from his sleep by moving him. Spencer watched as luke split from the herd, moving quietly to sit beside Spencer, leaning his head on the taller man's shoulder as they both watched over their baby.
GERMAN SHEPHERD REGRESSOR! DEREK MORGAN + CG! AARON HOTCHNER (moodboard and headcanons)
headcanons under the break
🐾...dereks love for music translates to his little space, so hotch sings lullabys and plays guitar for him all the time
🐾...derek is a very active regressor, and wants to go to the park all the time, but he gets embarrassed to be regressed in public so hotch plays with him in the backyard
🐾...derek is a very quiet little, so any little fussy noise automatically tips hotch off that something is wrong
🐾...physical touch is either the best thing in the world or the worst, depending on how far derek regressed (if he's older, physical touch is a no go)
🐾...penelope was dereks caregiver for a long time, until hotch found out, and they discovered hotch was a better fit. (penny still babysits)
Summary: This takes place during criminal minds evolution first season when dave was still very grumpy and not very friendly with the rest of the team. This work will be about the transition of Spencer being daves full tike caregiver to luke being daves 'proxy caregiver' or field caregiver and Spencer retiring to become a full time professor. Also, a little bit of spencer/luke shipping but it'll be very minimal !!
Another day, another mission, and yet another hotel room. It had been grueling and the team was 10 miles beyond exhausted and more then ready for this case to be done. The crime scene photos were nothing less than nightmare fuel. An abhorrent display of human depravity, captured on film for all to see.
This unsub had been laying dormant since they had arrived 5 days ago, after a 2 week spree with 7 confirmed victims. He was toying with them, sending letters taunting the FBI about his illogical plans and self fulfilling prophecies of grandeur. He bragged about his status as a 'higher power', claiming that it allowed him to see the 'bigger picture'.
It was infuriating, and the team hadn't made any progress in the last 48hour stretch, simply milling about the conference room and spouting out any and all ideas that came to them. Ofcourse, almost everything they said was a wild reach, or recycled and rephrased information that they already knew.
Spencer watched dave as he paced the room. It had been a week since dave had last dropped, and it was evident that his body was desperate for the break. But, dave was a grown man, atleast, he was right now. He was an adult at his adult job and Spencer had promised to keep his classification specific treatment to private spaces only, like the hotel or the SUV.
"Dave, lets take a break, go have some lunch, yeah? We're not getting anywhere like this." Spencer reasoned with the older man as he stood up. "C'mon, I already texted Luke, he's taking us to go get lunch, let's go wait in the lobby." Spencer told him, already one foot out the door as he spoke.
Dave sighed. Spencer was right, he knew that and, yeah, they really weren't getting anywhere, but the rebellious little in him just wanted to break down and cry in frustration. He didn't want to go get stupid lunch, he didn't want to go to the stupid lobby and he didn't want to to stop working the stupid case. But, those were childish thoughts, and he wasn't a child. He pushed the immature notions away, focusing on his new task, lunch.
He followed Spencer to the lobby, pausing for a moment when he saw Spencer sit right next to the 'littles catered' area, surround by brightly coloured murals and clunky, rattling, jingling toys seated on rainbow acrylic shelves. It was tempting, and that was probably spencers intention, pushing his little closer to the inevitable infancy that he would soon drop into.
He ignored it, sitting down in the chair next to Spencer, but further away from the toys. Spencer smiled slightly at the action despite himself, 'this kid' he thought fondly as he wrapped an arm around daves shoulders, pulling him to lean against spencers shoulder while rubbing circles into the littles back lovingly.
"They've got some good toys here" he murmured, as he kissed the crown of David's head, "a bit dusty though, they haven't been played with in a while." He continued as dave pointedly ignored him, refusing to give his dada any sort of engagement.
"They must be sad, huh? Not having been played with in so long. It must get lonely for them" dada cajoled, brushing feathery grey hairs out of daves face. 'Oh' dave thought, now that was a curve ball, 'Dada was right, they must be so so so lonely'.
"Like in toy story?" Dave asked in a shakey voice, locking eyes with one of the plush dogs in the reading nook, gazing into the saddened deep brown glassy eyes.
"Yeah bug, like in toy story. Maybe you should go give them some hugs, maybe read them all a story, that'll cheer them up, hm?" Dada suggested to him, nudging the little toward the hoard of toys.
With that, dave dove into the pile of plush toys and pillows of the reading nook, babbling softly to each teddy as he hugged them, placing the in a semi-circle around himself. Then, he picked up a book and began to show the toys the pictures, indecernably describing the happenings on the pages. Dave was far too little to be abke to read, but had a wonderful imagination; Spencer was sure that, if dave was coherent, he would be telling a wonderful story. 'Or maybe that's just my caregiving brain talking there' he thought with a chuckle as he watched over his baby boy.
It was long after, when Luke joined them, flopping down on the seat next to Spencer.
"He's finally down." Luke noted, nodding in daves direction.
"Yeah, he was getting angsty again, you know how he is" Spencer sighed, leaning to lay his head on lukes shoulder. The two of them sat, watching dave play for a little longer until Spencer decided that it was time to get a move on.
"Davey, bug. Look who's here!" Spencer called softly.
David spun around, abandoning his toys in favour of his dadas calling. "Dada, 'unch now? We go in car?" Dave asked as he ran over, crawling into dadas lap and burying his face into his carers shoulder. He liked Luke, he was nice to him but, he still wasn't sure of him, even when big. Dada said he should try make friends with luke, cause him and Emily are the only other caregivers on the team and dada doesn't want to stay on the team for much longer.
He was coming on all their field missions, but not as an agent anymore, mostly just to care for dave. When dada officially leaves, luke will be his proxy carer. Its a scary thought, and he's been fighting it since he found out the plan, but, dada said it was going to happen eventually, just not until dave felt safe with Luke.
"Yeah baby, we're going for lunch now, Uncle Luke already got it, so we get to go have a picnic at the park!" Dada cooed at him, giving his arm a gentle shake in an attempt to get the boy excited. Dave was a little excited, yes, but, Luke was coming. He didn't want Luke to come to the park, he just wanted dada, no Luke. He wanted to tell dada that, but he was so little, and tye words weren't coming because he was all upset, so he just cried.
"Oh honey, its okay, c'mon, you can take a nap in the car." Dada cooed as he stood up and swayed the distraught baby back and forth. He knew it wasn't because dave was tired, though, it probably didn't help. No, it was what his play therapist, Linda, had warned both dave and Spencer of over and over again. Littles with such sever CPTSD as David often had severe abatement trauma and separation anxiety. It didn't help that dave, and I quote, had 'everyone I ever loved either left me or died' end quote.
It was heartbreaking to hear dave in such distress, but, it was a necessary evil, preformed in the kindest way possible. Dave needed to get used to luke while Spencer was still around, otherwise the transition would be too harsh, and dave would have to be pulled from active duty until it was resolved. They had written up the transition schedule with dave, and he had agreed to it, even adding steps in that woukd help his little self adapt easier.
But, that was big dave. Little dave was absolutely NOT on board with any sort of changes. So, he continued to cry, wailing as he was strapped into his car seat, clinging onto his dada with all the strength he had left.
"Davey, its okay" dada whispered, rubbing his tummy soothingly, "you need to take a big breath, yeah?" He said as he took deep belly breaths, urging david to copy him.
It took a few minutes, but eventually daves terrified cries turned to trembling sniffles, suckling on a few of his fingers as his breaths slowed down to what Spencer deemed a reasonable rhythm.
"There we go, brave boy. Dadas so proud, good boy" Spencer praised, fishing a pacifier and some sensory toys out from the diaper bag in the footwell behind David's rear facing car seat. He placed the plain clear blue pacifier in David's mouth, then, hading the baby a farmyard animal fabric sensory book, followed by his teddy and a minky dotted purple blanket. Then, he gave the baby a final kiss before hopping into the drivers seat, looking back to look at dave and luke behind him.
He smiled at the two, and luke smiled back, "see, we're all good back here! Now, let's go to the park, I'm starving!" He said with a grin. Spencer revved the car in agreement, pulling out of the parking bay, starting their drive to the park outside of their hotel.
Mama's little blackbird, chapter three, 'Tofu scramble (???)'
Authors note: Two chapters in one day?? Oh my !! Enjoy
.Before hopping into the car, she sent a quick text to Jessica, letting her know that aaron wouldn't be home tonight and that she was taking care of him. Then, buckling in, and starting the short drive home, wherw she would have to figure out how to care for a little without knowing what his headspace was.
Getting an overtired discombobulated 6'2 toddler up 3 flights of stairs was quite a feat. Personally, penelope thought that she deserved an onslaught of awards for the intensively fragile game of limb tertris she had to play while moving Aaron from his car seat to her bed, cooing and praising the disgruntled baby for every step he took, despite his grumpy babbling.
"Good job muffin, you wanna go lay down, yeah? Aaron and penny have some sleepy cuddles." She cooed, smoothing down his black tousled hair as he curled into the plush hold of the extra soft foam mattress. He lay there quietly for a moment, then he whined pitifully as he wriggled in discomfort. "Pen" he whimpered, shifting again, " 'jamas?" He requested softly, roughly tugging at the collar of his shirt.
"Yes, yes ofcourse sugar, penny will grab you something to wear. Can you go potty while pen gets you you're jammies?" She cajoled as she pulled the baby up to sit. He blushed slightly, still teetering on the edge of fully being in headspace. He was just big enough to somewhat understand what penny was really asking. She was trying to gage Aaron's headspace, he knew that, the problem was, he really didn't want her to know just how little he was.
He couldn't go potty by himself because he didn't know when he needed to go and the flushing sound was scary, and he couldn't get himself changed into his jammies because he couldn't do all the buttons, buckles and laces on his work uniform, but it was so scary to ask for help. Asking for help was bad, and anyway dad said that was for babies, and aaron wasn't a baby, he was a grown man and he shouldn't need help for tasks so simple a, and I quote, 'a quadriplegic hamster could do it blindfolded'.
Dad was right, he was stupid and he couldn't do anything and he was bad bad bad-
"Hey, ronnie, lovebug, its okay, you're okay, penny will help you, yeah? Its okay to need some help, you're only little huh bud? C'mon, penny help you, it's okay" she soothed, pressing chaste kisses to the little boys hair line as she whispered some more sweet nothings into his ears until the stream of tears slowed. "There you go, brave boy, well done. Good boy" she praised, leading him to the bright pink 80s themed disco bathroom.
After that hurdle, the rest of the night went pretty smoothly. Penny helped aaron wash his hands then got him changed into some of dereks paw patrol themed pyjamas and one of his sea creature themed diapers too, topping the ensemble off witha blue pacifier that she had bought derek but he had never used. Aaron looked so little like this, all wrapped up in toddler clothing, his big brown doe eyes still a little wet from his earlier bout if tears, pacifier in his mouth and hand twisted in the soft blanket he had nestled into.
He was so little, so delicate and soft. She had never thought of him that way, the tall broad stoic man that stood watch above them from his vantage point on the balcony, his contemplative calm eyes gazing down upon them, watching their backs from all threats, physical, mental, emotional or otherwise, he would defend his team to his last breath. But now, he lay in penny's bed, snuggled into her side, sleepily snuffling around his paci as he slept. She almost couldn't believe it, and she wouldn't have, if she weren't looking right at him, carding her hands through his thick black hair. 'Poor baby' she thought, as she too drifted off to sleep.
She woke up to the smell of coffee and the sizzling of what she imagined to be eggs and/or tofu (as those were the only friable options in her fridge at the moment). She stretched out, already missing the warmth beside her of the little boy last night. She shuffled out of bed, toward the kitchen to see a very frazzled, half put together aaron.
His hair was wet, though he definitely didn't have a shower, he was wearing the top half of his pyjama set but also the chinos of his suit. His eyes darted around the room, bouncing from the tasks he was trying to complete, to the vague direction of penelope then back again.
"Morning honey, you doing alright?" Penny asked tentatively, trying not to overstep and patronise her boss. But alas, aaron was too string out for such attempts. The moment the words hit him, he froze, breath quickening as he sunk down onto the kitchen floor.
She rushed into the kitchen, hopping over the lanky mans legs to quickly turn off the stove, then, moved to aaron, pulling his head to lay on her chest as she exaggerated her breathing, rubbing circles into his back in an attempt to bring him back from his panic. "Hey boss man, it's alright, I promise, you're safe here, I'm not mad at all, come on, big breaths, like this, see." She murmured as she took another deep breath in, held it, then exhaled and holding it again.
Soon, Aaron was copying her, taking large steadying breaths as he scrubbed his shirt sleeve across his streaky face, trying to remove any evidence of him expressing an emotion that was not 'very proper for a proper southern boy' to be having. His breaths shuddered every bow and then, accompanied by a sorrowful hiccup.
"M' sorry pen, I shouldn't have done that" he mumbled haltingly, pulling at the skin around his fingers harshly.
"Done what my love?" She asked, genuinely perplexed at what he could possibly have done that he had deemed worthy of an apology.
"Bein' little" he stuttered out, eyes darting to the door as I'd some monster were about to come punish him for simply uttering the forbade word.
"No,no. You can't be sorry for that. You NEED to be little once in a while honey pie. And you're such a sweet baby, I can't imagine anyone not wanting to care for such a good boy" she praised, pressing a kiss to the top of the man's head.
Aaron didn't bother arguing with her, he was tired and hungry and his throat hurt from all the crying recently, so, he snuggled into her, popping his thumb back into his mouth, signalling that he was done with the conversation.
"Alright baby, you don't wanna talk? That's okay, but please listen. I loves looking after you sweet boy. And me caring for you won't change how I treat you at work or when your big, you'll still be the big boss man to me. But, I'd love to be you're caregiver. Really, I'd be honoured, you have such a big heart, and you're such a lovebug and I can't even imagine how much more personality you've got hidden away behind that wall you've mentally built. Please, ronnie, think about it. I'd be honored to be your mama." She rattled off, pressing incremental kisses to the boys face when his expression would contort to that of disbelief or disagreement.
Hr didn't respond, not verbally anyway, but he curled into her further, pressing his teary face into the crook where her shoulder and neck met, cluching at the bathrobe she wore and pulling g her in closer.
Mama's little blackbird, chapter two, 'bed time blues'
"It's okay, but you should really tell someone, like a caregiver I mean. But in your own time. You could come over to play though, my daddy wouldn't tell anyone, he's really nice." Derek told him with a soft encouraging voice as he clumsily pet the other mans hair.
"Maybe, one day" Aaron muttered in what derek deemed to be ro no-one but himself.
"I'm gunna ask spencer, I'll see you later man!" Derek announced, giving aaron one last hug before he trotted out of the office, shutting the door a tiny bit too hard behind him.
It had been two weeks since Aaron's whispered confession had graced dereks life. A realisation that was both awkward and very enlightening to recieve. The talk had seemingly moved some of dereks preconceived notions about the other man into a new light.
So many of Aaron's odd little quirks, that the team had always written off as 'a stressed man subconsciously coping' made much more sense now. The way he'd sway in his chair for hours at a time, his habit of subtuly looking over to gage a reaction from jason, seeking reassurance after every decision he'd make as team leader, they way he chewed on his pens so much that he had single handedly raised the overall budget for office supplies. He hid it well, but, there's only so much you can hide.
Derek had ended up asking spencer to be his proxy caregiver while they were out in the field. The younger man had practically lit up, beaming as he agreed with an immediate 'yes' , even asking to come home with derek to meet his caregiver, jesse so that he could get an idea of what derek would be like when little.
When spencer had come round, it had gone well. The three of them had had an in depth chat with derek getting bored half way through, wandering off to go play with his cars while waiting the 'boring grown up meeting' to finish. It ended up being another 45ninutes until both of them came out of the carers office with folders, notebooks and ink smudges along the tips of their fingers.
In Derek's opinion it was a bit excessive, but, it made his daddy feel a bit better knowing that their was someone on the team who was watching over him with such an attentive eye, so, derek didn't mind too much. After that, David Rossi had joined the team, accompanying them on the next mission which had been, well, rough. Really rough, especially on aaron, who was currently curled up at the back of the plane, pretending to read his report over as his eyes drooped incrementally.
Derek looked on with sympathy. It couldn't be easy, pretending to be big when you were so stressed and sleepy, if it were him, he would be deeply regressed and throwing an absolute fit, screaming and crying for his daddy. But ofcourse not, Aaron, even when faced with horror, exhaustion and headspace, was still trying to do paperwork. Typical.
It wasn't long till the plane landed, jostling the tired group as it touched down. Then, it was a scramble of grabbing bags and for some, putting shoes back on, then piling into the two SUVs that waited for them on the tarmac. A few of them fell asleep on the short drive back to Quantico, lolling heads rearing back to consciousness whenever the car would stop.
As the overtired group ascended to the 6th floor in the elevator, derek began putting together a plan. A way for Aaron to finally be little, and for him to have a caregiver that woukd truly love him through and through.
Penelope was waiting for them as usual, anxiously vibrating in place as she waited for the elevator doors to open. The moment she heard the soft heralding 'Ding', she swept towards them, placing sweet, cupcake scented kisses on each of their cheeks, enveloping each team member a soul warming hug. She continued to fuss over each of them, cooing at derek and jj once she realised the were both actively regressed.
Aaron, rushed ahead of the group, hastening his steps when the pitched trills of penelopes voice move from its usual warming kind cadence to a bubbly babbling baby talk as she crooned at the two littles that were bracketing her. He rushed to his office, adamantly avoiding the enevitable drop that he knew he couldn't out run as easily. His headspace was already at its breaking point, causing a soft cloud of hazy emotions to cloud his vision and his judgment.
Aaron stumbled up the stairs, barricading himself in his office in hopes that he would be able to collect himself in time to say goodnight to each member of his team. He fumbled with his tie, bringing the knot away from his neck to try and even out his shakey ragged heaving breaths. His eyes darted around his darkening office, watching as the dim orange glow of dusk turned to the black and silvers of night.
He let silent tears fall down onto his shirt collar, little shuddering breaths bubbling up every now and then as he stared into the darkness ahead of him. He was very definitively little, deeply regressed into the gentle hold of headspace. He was so so little, and alone, and scared, he just wanted someone their with him, not even a caregiver. He just didn't want to be alone in the darkness anymore.
On the other side of Aaron's office door and down the stairs, penelope and derek spoke to one another in hushed worried voices.
"Pen, you gotta go check on him, Ronnie's really sad, he needs a hug" Derek muttered, staring holes into Aaron's still closed office door.
"Yeah sugarplum, I'll talk to him, make sure he's okay, yeah?" Penny whispered back to him, pulling the little boy into a quick hug, before sending him off to the elevator with his daddy for a well deserved sleep.
That left penny alone in the bullpen, looking up to the innocuous-looking stillness of their leaders office. She hoped he was simply sleeping off the mission, but, she knew that was likely to be wishful thinking. She ascended the steps, knocking softly on the door, "Sir, its penelope. I just wanted to come check on you before I went home." She called, listening for any sounds of life.
For a moment their was silence, then, rustling and shuffling against the door. 'Oh, definitely not good.' Penelope thought with bated breath. The door unlocked, then unlatched, revealing a blotchy eyed sniffling little, who had been, by her calculations, sitting by the door and crying in complete darkness for 3 hours. "Oh you poor little bird, come here, let penny give you a big hug." She cooed softly as she stretched out her arms in invitation.
The poor little boy hiccuped, chewing on his thumb while looking around at the bullpen, seemingly looking for someone who may discover his unprecedented situation. "It's okay honey, it's just us, just penny and aaron. Everyone else has gone home now, you're okay baby." She murmured soothingly, lowering her arms as to reach out and take one of his hands, rubbing circles into it with her thumb.
"Go home now?" Aaron asked in a distant voice, slightly distorted by the thumb that still lay in his mouth. Penelopes eyes widened, 'wow, he sounds really little' she thought as she pulled the boys hand gently. "Yeah little bird, let's go home, time for bed, huh?" She crooned, totting the sleepy frightened baby behind her. He hummed in agreement, removing his thumb from his mouth to scrub at his eyes with his shirt cuff.
The elevator ride down to the parking lot was quick and quiet, only broken by the occasional hiccup or shuddering breath. She continued to soothingly rub circles into the man's hand. When they arrived in the lot, she once again guided the little to her car, strapping him into the jurassic park themed car sear the had bought for derek. Aaron seemed to be younger in headspace then Derek was, potentially young enough to need a rear facing car seat, 'poor lamb' she mused, pressing a chaste kiss to the little things temple.
Before hopping into the car, she sent a quick text to Jessica, letting her know that aaron wouldn't be home tonight and that she was taking care of him. Then, buckling in, and starting the short drive home, wherw she would have to figure out how to care for a little without knowing what his headspace was.
Summery: Aaron had spent his whole life hiding parts of himself that his father had deemed 'not proper' for a proper southern boy. Because if that, he had missed out on so much, but, thanks to Derek, that would soon change.
An agere fanfiction for how penelope garcia became Aaron hotchners caregiver in my AU !! (This fic comes before under pressure by about 2 years in universe)
It had been two weeks since Gideon had made his abrupt departure from the BAU. Derek couldn't say he was shocked to see him go, nor that he was sorry. The man had become increasingly more unstable, and really, in his opinion, should never had returned to work after the bombing. He was still evidently haunted, and grew more so with each grueling day.
He hoped the other man found solace in whatever paradise was set forth for him in yonder, but to be realistic, Jason Gideon would never stop working these cases. It simply wasn't in his dna to quit, even when you really wish he would. Really, the man would continue to work these miserable cases in less obvious ways, keeping below the radar of the FBI as to investigate with his own, often outlandish methods. Often literally leaving no stone unturned in the pursuit of justice.
Spencer had been in shambles, unable to accept his mentors absence. The young man had taken to sitting in jasons office, staring blankly at the half played chess match that the two had been working on before Jason had left. Spencer woukd spend most of the day in there, surrounded by the memories of gideons carer, of his successes and his failures, of his loving warmth and the glaringly cold empty void that his absence had created.
Ofcourse, Jason leaving had all sorts of ramifications. Not just the emotional distress or his scattered 'personal touches' throught the BAU, but the paperwork.
Jason had been the proxy caregiver for all of the teams littles, and, with him gone, all of the littles would be receiving a 'change of proxy caregiver' form to be filed before their next field work assignment came through.
That was what derek had been reading over as all of these thoughts passed through his mind. It was no small feat, being someone's caregiver took a huge amount of trust and respect on both sides, not only for the caregiver to treat their little well, but knowing when to put their foot down and put rules in place that, though the little may not like it, will protect them and keep them safe.
His first thought was spencer. He was a caregiver after all, and he wouldn't be a bad choice necessarily, but, the kid really didn't carry the safe authority that derek knew he needed. That left him with inly one other viable option. Hotch.
The two of them frequently butted heads, as they were both very similar with their hard headedness and self confidence. But, derek also knew that hotch always had his best interests at heart, that he always did everything within his power to keep his team safe, and that he woukd do what was necessary to keep him safe.
After a moment more of thought, he left up from his desk, emboldened by his certainty in his decision, he rounded on hotchs office door, knocking firmly before entering the room.
Derek scanned the room, bouncing from the empty seat behind the desk to the sofa, where the niorette sat, clutching some papers in his hands.
"Hey hotch, is this a good time?" Derek asked sheepishly, his confidence wavering unexpectedly.
"Yeah, yeah, it's good, what's going on?" Aaron asked, shifting slightly from his curled up comfy position to a more professional proper posture.
"I got my proxy form, and was wandering. Um, would you sign it" derek mumbled, looking at a particularly fascinating patch of 11-0601 TPX bight white of Wall, or perhaps, it was a more beige tone of 11-4201 TCX cloud dancer. Maybe if he stared long enough, he might be able to colour match it, as it would look wonderful in his knew property and oh my goodness why won't hotch say something.
Derek tentatively looked down at hotch, readying all of his profiling skills to read hotch in a breif glance. But, when he looked, he found that no such skills were necessary, the man was quite red in the face and fidgeting with the hem of his untucked dress shirt. 'Oh' derek thought 'that is NOT very hotch like behavior'
"Sir, are you okay?" Derek inquired, eyeing his boss warily.
Aaron didn't respond for a shirt while, clearly gathering the courage to say whatever it was that was on his mind. "I, um, I can't derek" hotch mumbled with barely contained embarrassment as he shifted anxiously under the other mans gaze. "You can't sir?" Derek repeated with a confused head tilt.
"I can't ,no. I'm, um, I'm not qualified to fill that position" he stuttered out, still vehemently avoiding dereks searching scrutiny.
"You... oh, you can't can't? Like your a-"
"Yes,yes, that, I'm that, please don't tell anyone, please derek, I don't want them to treat me like I'm-" he begged, eyes darting as his voice became a little more shakey.
"A little." Derek stated as his eyes widened.
"Yeah, like a little" he practically whispered, as if afraid that his confession would carry through the walls and into the bullpen. As if just uttering the words would bring something horrible down upon him. He looked, scared, terrified, as if some monster were about to come and punish him just for saying the word 'little'. It was a stark contrast to the man he knew, or, now that he thought about it, the face that aaron put on when interacting with him.
He felt sorry for the other man as he looked over their strong stoic leader as tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. "I won't tell on you, I promise" derek mumbled as he crossed the room and wrapped the taller man in a loving bear hug. "Thank you" Aaron choked out with a wet smile, scrubbing the tears off his face with with blazer cuff.
"It's okay, but you should really tell someone, like a caregiver I mean. But in your own time. You could come over to play though, my daddy wouldn't tell anyone, he's really nice." Derek told him with a soft encouraging voice as he clumsily pet the other mans hair.
"Maybe, one day" Aaron muttered in what derek deemed to be ro no-one but himself.
"I'm gunna ask spencer, I'll see you later man!" Derek announced, giving aaron one last hug before he trotted out of the office, shutting the door a tiny bit too hard behind him.
It was concerning, but, without treatment, they couldn't stop him from retreating into the dark recesses of his mind, they simply had to watch him fall into the spiraling void.
The clock sounds once again, another hour of brewing worry that festered in the pit of spencers stomach. Dave hadn't want to come down for lunch, choosing instead to lay motionless on his bed, then, the same for dinner, another refusal, another few long hours of watching dave through the monitor.
He would be asleep soon, most likely, littles as young as dave often needed a good 10hours a night. Spencer knew that this was normal, an adjustment period of numbness, then, likely an explosion of emotions. Spencer was prepared for the second one, having 'meltdown proofed' his house and buying books on handling 'big feelings' for toddlers. That was the easy part, because dave would be interactive and Spencer would have opportunities to help dave through it. But this, this was difficult. Dave needed his space, and he was a full grown man, not spencers baby right now. It was just as important to give dave and respect his personal space, as it was to be there and be patient during the meltdowns.
It was essential but my goodness was it painful, watching the man and little that he loved so much, laying there, hurting, and spencer couldn't (more so shouldn't) go comfort him.
Spencer headed up to bed, knocking gently on daves door,
"david? I'm just letting you know I'm off to bed. There are some snacks out here if your hungry, and my door will be ajar if you need me, okay? Love you bud" Spencer called through the door, it wasn't locked, but he didn't want to disturb dave and make him feel that a closed door wouldn't be respected.
With that done, Spencer brushed his teeth, put on his pyjamas and settled into the plush comfort of his bed. Before rolling over to sleep, he grasped his hands together in prayer
"Our Father, who art in Heaven, please guide me through these following days. Give me the strength to do what is right, the knowledge to help david and the wisdom to know when to, um, for lack of better words 'butt out' and leave him alone. Please God, help david through these troubling times, may your light shine down on him and help remind him off your love. In the name of The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit, Amen."
He mumbled genuflecting himself with the sign of the cross before falling into a deep restful sleep.
The night went peacefully and spencer slept through it uninterrupted. The warm rays of sun breached through the curtains, accompanied by a gentle breeze. Spencer hummed contently, basking in the sweet summer-y atmosphere. He started to stretch out when something caught his eye. At some point in the night, David must have snuck in, climbing into spencers bed and curling up against the other mans warmth. Judging by daves attire and the lack of comfort items transfered from the crib to the bed, dave was likely to have been big.
Spencers' face gave in to a dopey smile as he mentally took a snapshot of the moment to remember. He gave himself a few more moments to enjoy the peaceful stillness that the quiet room lay in, before he set om rousing the man from his sleep. The carer rubbed circles into daves' back, increasing the intensity every few minute whilst calling his name. Eventually dave awoke, rolling over to sleepily curl into spencers lap, whining as he rubbed at his eyes.
While dave had been mostly big when he had come to spencers bed, he was most definitely little when he awoke. The sleepy thing began to whine more vigorously, trying to communicate all the discomforts that waking up little brought. He was hungry and thirsty and confused and upset, he needed a change and he wanted his bear and a million other feelings he couldn't even identify. The main point though, dave was upset and dada could fix it, so, he continued, looking up at the carer with his large brown doe eyes, brimming tears already visible.
"Oh bug, I know, it's confusing huh? It's alright, I doubt you'll be little for as long as last time, your system is mostly back to normal. Okay, c'mon now, let's get you changed and fed, hm?" Dada cooed, scooping the distraught baby up into his arms, and scooting off the bed. Spencer walked them back into the nursery, grabbing daves teddy, blanket and pacifier in preparation for the change.
He the picked out a new outfit, a plain white long sleeve polo onsie and a pair of black elasticated chinos along with a pair of 'lucky socks' one with brown plaid, the other, a maroon number, sporting small embroidered American flags around the hem. He distracted the baby with the blanket, playing a impromptu game of peek-a-boo with the baby by throwing the blanket over his face every time he started to fuss.
Finally, the baby was clean and dressed, Spencer however, was far from it, having been so wrapped up in caring for David, that he had neglected his own hygiene. Thankfully, Emily would be coming over after breakfast to keep an eye on David while Spencer sorted himself and the house out.
Spencer checked the clock that hung on the nursery's wall. 10 past 9, Emily would be here in 20 minutes, just enough time to give the baby a bottle.
With that thought in mind, he picked dave back up, bouncing him lightly and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before carting the two of then down to the kitchen. Even after yesterday's impromptu cleaning opportunity, the kitchen was still a right old state, the only things really getting washed were bottles and coffe mugs, everything else was left to sit out on any and all avaliable counter space. Spencer winced, hoping he would be able to get through all of it during Emily's visit.
He nabbed the bottle from the warmer, spinning around and to the playroom to collapse on the sofa. All the exhaustion from the past few weeks seemed to be coming down heavy on his mind. He knew he desperately needed some alone time, and maybe, if he had time and Emily was willing, he could go to mass, take confession and communion while her and the baby played in the park attached to the church.
He settled on the sofa, bringing his racing thoughts down from a rolling boil to a meek simmer, focusing on the putyle boy in his arms as he began feeding him. David snuggled up closer, looking up at his dada as he drank, letting his eyes fall shut as he relaxed into the safety of dadas arms.
They went on like that, the only sounds being the birds outside, their breathing and the soft suckling, until the peace was broken. The doorbell trilled a piercing ring, heralding the arrival of Emily.
Dave looked down at the items, giving the pacifier a tentative suck, 'it's not bad, I'm not sure yet' he thought, keeping the paci in his mouth as he looked over the rest of the toys. He eventually fell asleep like that, one hand curled around his pacifier, the other still gripping a wooden lion, the soft soothing tenure of Mr rogers telling him
" you've made this day special by just being you. "
Daves eyes fluttered open, a soft breeze was pushing his dark feathery flyaway hairs to tickle his face. He giggled softly, batting the dark mop of hair away from his eyes as he sat up. He could smell the soft buttery eggs and the overpowering greasy meaty (slightly burnt) bacon cooking in what he thought could be maple syrup. He could hear the popping fizzle of the oil and Jason humming some piyyutim as he minded the food.
The soft awakening had become so familiar, a comfortng reminder of the gentle simple love amidst all the barbaric vicious hate they were surrounded by at work.
With that thought, dave was up, scooting off the matress, pacifier still in his mouth, teddy bear dangling from where their hands (well, hand and paw) interlocked. He stumbled over to the kitchen, rounding the kitchen island to flop down and lay at gideons feet.
"Hi davey" Jason trilled, bright eyes giving away how he was still very definitely regressed.
It wasn't unusual, the two of then typically tried to stay regressed until they were about to leave, clinging on to the small feeling of saftey that came with their headspaces.
"Hi jayjay" david mumbled from behind his paci as he sleepily rubbed his eyes.
"We have breakfast now, c'mon, get your plate" Jason urged as he slid the bacon onto each of the awaiting plates. If Jason was letting dave handle something hot, even just freshly cooked food, then it meant they woukd be leaving sooner then originally planned. With that curveball having been subtley thrown at him, dave relinquished his pacifier, standing up and placing it on the kitchen counter. He used his free hand to grab his plate, his other still maintaining a fierce grip on his teddy. He wasn't quite big enough to give up teddy just yet, settling teddy to sit on his lap as he dug into the wonderfully greasy breakfast.
It was the sort of food that Carolyn was always telling him to stay away from, something about arteries or whatever. She had stopped cooking anything with oil needed when it came to breakfast, instead, preparing a selection of exotic fruits, accompanied by butterless eggs and cured meats. It was just as lovely as bacon, if not better, but on occasion, he still craved the stomach churning nonsense of a greasy motel breakfast, marinated in enough oil to run a car for a few miles.
The two men ate in comfortable silence, each of them trying to force their way out of headspace over the course of the meal, ending the affair with whatever new, probably illegal strain of blockers that they were taking. With that they each took turns in the bathroom, showering, shaving and dressing themselves, before leaving the motel, slamming the door shut behind them.
After another long trek to the police station, they settled back into the buzzing environment, writing out theories and going over lab findings. Jason had been right, another body had shown up during the night, just as terribly mutilated as the other two, however, this time the body had been moved. The minced remains had been scooped off of the crime scene and placed into 4 identical blur diaper bags infront of the west yellowstone city littles agency.
Whatever these littles had in common, it had to be from there, so now, here they were, running backround checks on all littles, carers, staff and volunteers that had been through the centre in the past 3 months. "There's so much rage in these attacks, so much energy used to dismember these victims that the unsub must be freshly triggered, so, even 3 months is a stretch, really, we should be looking at the month before the first attack, and go back from there to see if there is a recurring name that pops up that came to a head more recently." Jason had explained to the room as he passed out the lists of names and assigning each person to a computer to run checks.
It had been hours of work, but eventually one of the officers hands had shot up, "Mr Gideon, Mr Rossi, look here, this guy had been removed from the premises 14 times, then, a week before the first attack, he got permanently barred from adopting a little in the sate of Montana because it had been found that he was abusing the little he had." The officer read off, pulling up the investigations reports and the courts verdict, "the little he abused was being held at that little agency, he was going to be adopted out immediately by the family of the first little, but then they pulled out when their little was murdered, same forth other families!" The officer continued as he scrolled through the testimonies of the three families.
"Whats his name mackenzie?" Cheif Maddock asked sharply, already pulling his radio out of its holster, "Mr Charles Cordoway 17 Tilehurst Lane, West Yellowstone Montana" the officer barked back, jumping up and moving toward the front entrance of the station. Cheif Maddock was equally as enthralled in the sudden burst of movement, waving the officers toward the car park, "This is Cheif Maddock of the WYPD, we need back up at a 17 Tilehurst lane immediately to apprehend a suspect. DO NOT approach until Cheif Maddock is on the scene" The man shouted authoritively into the radio, then, switching channels he started up again,
"Tech, We need a bolo out on a Mr Charles Cordoway this man is extremely dangerous. Please tell all dispatched officers to be on a look out" The man continued as he strode over to his patrol truck, climbing in and peeling out of the parking bay.
"Well then" dave muttered with a slightly windswept airy-ness to his voice, "I guess we've done our part"
"Yeah, guess so" Jason commented eyes still wide, heart still thrumming from the burst of adrenaline that he had gotten in the rushing exodus of the officers.
The two profilers filed back inside, reclaiming their seats in the tech lab, sipping their coffees contemplatively as they waited foe the officers to return. There was nothing more that they could do, all there was now was the swelling apprehension and the whiring buzz of the computers around them.
They waited like that for 3 hours, silently praying for some sort of communication to come through and tell them that they had caught the guy responsible, and that they had a full hand written confession extraxted from the perpetrator. But, so far, nothing yet. On occasion one of them would sally forth to the break room to retrieve more coffee and the odd biscuit.
As the clock struck its bell for the third hour passed, their was an explosion of excited chatter and cheering from the main lobby down the hall. Their heads swiveled round, glancing at the door, then, back at one another to check that they were both hearing it, the sound of sucsess.
The two ran out of the computer lab,down the hall and into the reception area to get confirmation for what they hoped to be true. The first thing they saw was Cheif Maddock, surround by officers as they all patted him on the back, shouting their praises to him. After a long while, the craze of noise puttered out slightly, officers moving away and spreading out into the hallway connecting the reception to the bullpen. The tight knit circle that had formed around the cheif had dispersed, allowing the profilers to approach.
"Cheif Maddock, did you get him, how did it go?" Jason stuttered out, hopeful worry etched into his face.
"We got him, we got the bastard, and, he had a little stashed away in his basement which we reckon was the last crime scene. There's no lawyer in the world that could get him out of this boys!!" He exclaimed, clapping Gideon on the back and shaking both mens hands "The two of you did great work, thank you, really, thank you both of you" he praised with what dave could imagine was by now a aching grin.
With that, the case was done, they gathered up their paper work, called a cab to meet them back at the motel and practically skipped their way back, shoving all their belongings back in the bags, moving furniture back to where it had originally been, then falling into the plush leather seats of the cab, more then ready to be back home.
Summary: Its the early days of the BAU. Both Jason and David are littles, though, neither of them really accept it. They get called down to help with a case in Montana, relating to three brutal murders that have taken place in the Montana stretch of Yellowstone national park. The two of them grow closer then ever, letting themselves regress, knowing that their partner will always have their back.
Authors note:I've never read a Little! Jason Gideon fic so I just had to write one!! I added a story line in here about David's Bell's palsy because the actor who plays him (Joe mantegna) has the condition and I thought it fitting to add in! Hope you enjoy the fic !!
It certainly wasn't a unique case. They never were, these 'people' often operated in similar ways. This unsub followed a common theology, they were a typical vile inhuman creature that preyed on the vulnerable, ravaging them for some sick sense of demented pleasure. So, when fhe file passed over David Rossis desk, he didnt think much of it, it was a typical case, so he sent the corresponding typical profile.
It was the type of preliminary profile that they sent out multiple times a day, so common that neither Dave nor Jason gave mild to it, adding it to the growing pile of depraved, dangerous and deviant. There had only been one victim at that point, and from the way the victim had been left, it was most likely personal, perhaps a one off. It was violent and cruel and sickeningly barbaric, but not enough for them to go out there, not yet.
Four days later, the case came back with another victims photo attached to the file.
"Their serial now" Jason commented, reading the file from where he lay, arms around the other man, chin resting on David's shoulder.
"Serial? Not yet, it's two victims so far" Dave corrected him, raising an eyebrow in confusion,
"That we know of, but it's been two days since that body was found, if this unsub is keeping up to his budding pattern, a new body will be found today, and someone else taken" Jason stated in a strained inflection, staring holes through the file below them, letting the printed eyes of the victim stare right back at him.
"Okay, okay, I'll tell the Montana rangers our profile, ask if they'll invite us in, you start looking up yellowstone trails in the area, highlight one's that ate difficult to reach, out of the way and when we get there well look for the 'locals only' type of trails, yeah?" David rambled off half mindedly, already picking up the the phone and beginning to pull the rotary dial up to enter in the yellowstone chief rangers number as Jason slicked over to his armchair in the far darkened corner of the basement.
The reports were abhorrent, but nothing could have prepared them for the forensic pictures. The reports had been right, there weren't words to describe the state this beast had left his victims in. He had completely minced the littles, grinding their bodies down to piles of unrecognisable meat, similar to what you would find as the end result of a butcher who fed meat through a mincer.
Gideon sat in the corner of their dingy basement office, suffocating under the horror, its grip slowly crushing his ribs and forcing all the air our of his lungs. It wasn't just the horror of the case, he knew that, its because they were littles. Littles in their late 20s, just like him and just like david. Being akin to the victim pool always made one uneasy, knowing that not only is that danger out their, not even that you are going toward the danger but you are exactly what the deranged serial killer wants.
'It's transference, you are not the victim, you are not in danger, no-one knows what you are' gideon chided himself, steering his attention back to where it was needed, the case; Focusing in on dave, listening to him as he spoke the the chief on the other end of the line.
Everything was arranged. Their flight left in 2 hours, then it would be a 4 hour flight, then a 2 hour drive to the station.
"I didn't even have to charm him, he was more than happy to have more hands on board " Dave haltingly, trying to lighten the mood slightly without pissing Jason off. All he recieved was a mild glare; A warning, dave noted, choosing to instead start on collecting the needed files, grabbing his go bag then, gesturing for his partner to do the same.
It was warmer in Montana, a more humid heat then they were used to back home in Virginia. The midday sun beat down on them, extenuating the suffocating tightness in gideons chest, though, you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at his face. He had spent years practising his 'poker face' as dave so nicely put it, schooling his expressions into the same blank unreadable mask of contemplative calm.
"Agent Gideon! Agent Rossi! Over here" a deep authoritive tenure called to them from the far left of the pick up bay.
"Cheif Maddock! Good to see you, Jason, this is Phillip Maddock, chief of the yellowstone rangers, the liaison to the Montana police department coordination Committee and to the Idaho side of yellowstones rangers" David rattled off, grabbing jasons go bag from his hand and surging toward the boot of the car to secure their luggage.
"Hello sir, its an honour to meet you, thank you so much for inviting us onto the case, and for giving us a ride, I'm afraid out department is not quite as well funded as we need it to be." Jason stated, extending his hand to shake that if the other mans, giving him a friendly smile.
"You are very welcome, I've heard great things about you two from my friends down in Nebraska, hopefully your hard work is soon to pay off, maybe you could even get your own private jet" the man chortled, wiggling his eyebrows to punctuate the ridiculous statement.
With introductions done and over with, the three of them piled into the car, preparing for the lengthy drive ahead of them. They drove quietly, listening to the static-y sounds of what dave guessed was 40's blues. He looked back to check on his partner, only to find him asleep, slumped over in his seat.
Dave let him sleep, making idle chatter with Maddock every now and then for the remaining hour and a half of their drive. However, once the gates of yellowstone entered his vision, he decided it was time to talk shop, waking Jason up to start discussing the case details before they would arrive at the crime scene.
It would be dusk soon, they had maybe two hours or so of sunlight left, but the greying sky above was telling. The perpetual downpour of rain that was soon to come would ruin the crime scene, so, they needed to look at it immediately, exhaustion be damned. They stumbled out of the low riding vehicle, joints popping and slightly nauseated from the journey. 'A long car ride after a long plane ride is not kind on the body' david thought, wincing as the vertigo washed over him and just as quickly faded away.
The scene was, well, for lack of better words bad. They had scraped and hoovered up as much of the body as they could,and were mostly successful with the larger piles of mush, however, some of the smaller piles were ground into the dirt, semi-preserving what could be the attackers shoe print. The two of them split up, each walking around the perimeter, notebooks at the ready as they took in the scene.
They came up with a few good clues, managing to capture the shoe print and sending it back to the forensics unit in Montana, copying in the Idaho and Wyoming inter state police committees'. They then spent an hour or so researching the area, the victim and the local nutters that could relate to the profile, aswell as looking into the tread they had recovered, discovering that it tracked back to a vintage antiques shop that had sold the pair of 1971 suade red laced kinney shoes to a man in a blue high visibility workers jacket.
There was nothing more to do, no more trails to follow, atleast, not for tonight. With the two of them resigned to that fact, they grabbed their overflowing briefcases and trudged their way to the motel. The chief had scrawled them a vague map on the back of a napkin along with chicken scratch instructions of where to go.
They ended up in a derelict barely habitable motel, the symphony of stuttering generators and buzzing cockroaches welcomed them to their new temporary home. They sidled up to the door, david fumbling for the keys that lay in on of his many pockets. His tired brain and exhausted body seemed to both be uncooperative, as he uselessly tried to shove his hand into the same pocket for a third time in a row.
A chuckle brought him back from the haze of tiredness, spinning around clumsily to look a Jason, "Bullet holes, everywhere" he announced with a sleepy amused grin. "Great" dave responded as he finally managed to get his hand in the first of many pockets, but alas, the keys weren't there. 'Only seven more pockets to go' he thought mournfully.
The two collapsed into their beds, more than ready to sleep in full suits and shoes, when Jason shot back up, "Davey, go take your meds" he called, shaking David's shoulder, trying to rouse him from the sleep he was so desperately trying to slip down to. "Okay, okay, where are they" dave asked him in his sleep hazened mellisonant drawl, still not moving from the comfy soft he had curled up into on the bed.
"Here, here, take 'em davey, c'mon, take 'em now!!" Jason commanded, shaking the bottle infront of the other mans face. Dave had been diagnosed with bells palsy after his first mission with the BAU went unsolved, the guilt piled on with each file that passed over his desk, eventually coming to a head when Carolyn had miscarried and then filed for a divorce. Dave had taken the first round of meds, but was now on a 2 month course of 'just in case' pills to help him manage his stress and symptoms. Jason had been told it was very very, very very very important for dave to take his pills, so take his pills he shall.
"You feeling little jay?" Dave asked in a what he hoped was a casual tone, looking over to the man who was now practically bouncing on the bed beside him. The question made him pause, causing the little to draw his shoulders up defensively, "and so what if I am" he asked defiantly, looking away from David. "Nothing, just asking, cause if you are, then we can watch cartoons?" Daved cajoled servaying the other man carefully, "but if you're too big for that then we can just go to bed then" dave shrugged with an innocuous expression, turing away and swallowing down two pills.
"I'm not!! I'm not too big!! C'mon dave, please" Gideon cried out, wrapping his arms around the other man, giving him a gentle squeeze in apology. "Oh alright then, you make the bed extra comfy and I'll get us some pj's" david instructed the now younger man as he walked toward the front door where the go bags had been unceremoniously dumped.
Dave grabbed Jason's South American wilderness themed pyjamas and a pull up, then a pair of plaid brown cotton pajamas and a diaper for himself. Even though he was big, the suppressors couldn't remove all classification traits, especially such big indicators as that one. Dave had been classified as a level two out of three on frequency of drops with a headspace age of six to twelve months which meant he was very very little and needed to regress at minimum once a week. Jason however was a level one and had a headspace of eight to eleven years, which meant he needed to regress (once again) a minimum of once a month and was somewhat able to care for himself.
David sometimes found himself envious of Gideon, wishing that he too was capable of doing something other than crying pathetically whilst in headspace. He would always swiftly nip those thoughts in the bud, but they always came back at moments like this, he was fully big, and still, he had the needs of a little younger than the actual little. 'Nevermind' dave thought with barely subdued emotions bubbling within the recesses of his mind.
He walked back to Jason, handing him his pyjamas as he began to undress himself. "Davey?" the little asked hesitation prevalent in both his voice and his posture, "Yeah bud, what's up?" Dave asked gently, pausing midway through buttoning up his shirt to look over to his friend. "You be little tonight too?" Jason requested softly, fiddling with the hem of his night shirt nervously. He knew dave hated regressing, but it had been ages, and the stress induced medical emergency was still fresh in the littles mind, "please?" He added hopefully.
Dave paused, assessing whether or not it would be safe to, he looked at the furniture around them, making a mental map of how he could barricade the two of them in. "Yeah bud, okay, but you gotta help me make it safe first, yeah?" He told the boy as he finished putting on his pyjamas and walked over to the large dresser between the beds,"here, help me move this infront of the window" he instructed the boy.
The two of them blocked off the outside world, covering the window with the dresser and the door with one of the beds (that thankfully had wheels along the bottom of the frame), keeping them completely safe for what was to come. They worked together to move the matress off the bed that was not being used as a barricade, onto the floor, piling all the blankets and pillows onto it, creating a soft nest of comfort for the two.
Jason situated dave right in the middle, attempting to swaddle the baby in a duvet and only half succeeding. Once he was sure dave was comfy, he slipped off the mattress, turning on the TV and grabbing his go bag. He flicked through the channels, eventually finding a stream that was playing a Mr rogers neighbourHood marathon.
Jason shifted as to sink into the pillows more comfortably, reaching over to smooth the baby's hair out of his face, "it's okay davey, I'm here, I'm gunna' look after you" Jason cooed pulling a small bag from within his go bag, dumping it out on the sheets infront of him. Two pacifiers, a fabric sensory book, a Teddy bear and a few wooden animals all clunked together as they departed from the bag, clattering pleasantly as they landed on the duvet. Jason grabbed one of the plain black pacifiers, removing the sanitary cap and popping it in the infants mouth. Then, pressing the teddy bear into daves hands,
"yours now, so, when you get worried, you can tell someone who can never ever tell anyone else. Ever." Jason explained, pushing the rest of the bags contents into daves lap, "all yours now" he exclaimed happily, turning back to the go bag. Gideon then pulled out his notebook and a library book, setting to copying every word as to have his own version (annotated and fact checked) to keep for himself. "You play now, then bedtime." Gideon instructed, engrossing himself in the new task before him with as much intensity and focous as he would if he were working a case.
Dave looked down at the items, giving the pacifier a tentative suck, 'it's not bad, I'm not sure yet' he thought, keeping the paci in his mouth as he looked over the rest of the toys. He eventually fell asleep like that, one hand curled around his pacifier, the other still gripping a wooden lion, the soft soothing tenure of Mr rogers telling him
" you've made this day special by just being you. "
Chapter 9 of under pressure, ' C'mon space cadet!'
"Im going to go do some house chores, shout if you need anything, okay?" Spencer instructed the other man with a fond smile. "Kay" dave responded, still refusing to look at the other man, watching the blur of the other in his peripheral left the kitchen.
Spencer milled about, moving through the house and completing all the mundane chores that had been neglected in favour of caring for dave. The carer kept his distance from the other man, letting him have a chance to breath without Spencer being their to bare witness to every benine movement. Though, he still snuck a peek every now and again, checking on dave as he passed the doorway to the living room every half an hour or so.
Eventually, after 4 hours, the chores ran out, it was time to talkz to actually talk about the situation they were going to be living in for the foreseeable future. Spencer took a steadying breath, then, joined dave in the living room, settling himself on the sofa.
"Hey dave, you read all of it?" Spencer asked in a casual tone, indicating vaguely to the table of papers spread out infront of the other man.
"Um, yeah yeah, I have" Dave practically whispered, glazed over eyes looking a little more distraught than it had before Spencer had entered the room.
"Hey," Spencer said, eyes softening as he stood up and rounded the coffee table, "Its okay dave, really, it's all going to be okay" he continued to comfort the man, sitting beside him and laying a gentle hand on the others shoulder."NO, I um, no, no it won't Spencer, it won't be okay, It's private and now everyone knows. No-one was supposed to know, its, its not fair" he exclaimed, eyes growing wilder as he threw his hands out to make his point, anger and betrayl written clear as day in every line of worry in his face.
"None of you should know, it was supposed to be private for a reason, and now look, i was right, it's only ever brought me misery" he voice cracked, setting forth a cascade of frustrated tears, bringing colour back into his haunted ashen face. "I know dave, it isn't fair, I wish we could have found out on better terms. I wish we could have been there to help you, but we weren't. I'm so sorry dave, you have every right to be angry, im so so sorry" Spencer affirmed, rubbing small circles into the man's shoulder, trying to not overstep from comforting to babying the other man.
The two sat there, dave crying silently with distant unseeing eyes as Spencer continued to speak softly to him, cooing a stream of gentle 'im sorry' s' and 'I've got you' s'. It took some time for daves tears to pitter out, tears drying into his reddened skin, previous darkening tear burns being exsentuated by the new flow of tears.
Dave quietened, breaths evening out to its usual deep slow rhythm. Dispite this, daves gaze remained distant, staring endlessly into the white walls infront of him. Spencer sighed internally, this had unfortunately become the new normal for them. So, as usual, Spencer got up and grabbed an ice pack from the freezer, bringing it back to david and placing it in the mans' hands. The effect was instant, daves hands spasming at the cool touch, curling his fingers around it. After a few minutes of incremental tightening and loosening his grip, daves eyes moved down to look at the ice pack.
His eyes slowly became more focoused, dancing around from the ice pack to the floor, then, to Spencer. He wearily eyed the other man, still rhythmically squeezing the ice pack, "why-" he started looking a little lost, but was swiftly interrupted by the carer, "it's been happening pretty frequently, ice packs or water seem to do the trick" Spencer informed him smoothly, "it says on the diagnostic form, you've been experiencing disassociative episodes since the centre, it's not permanent, but it's going to keep happening for a while." Spencer told him, moving his hand to return to it's comforting hold on David's shoulder. "Oh" dave murmured, looking a bit put out in the wake of that discovery.
There's a beat of silence, heavy static silence that could send them either way, either dave would loose his shit or he would check out again.
"Can I go lay down" dave asks in a hollow distant voice, eyes beginning to take on their glassy finish once again. 'Oh great, number 2 it is then' Spencer thought. He wasn't upset with dave, he knew it wasn't his fault, he was just trying to cope with a lifetime of trauma, he just wished that dave would tell him what's going on in that head of his.
"Yeah man, you rest, todays been alot huh?" Spencer cooed sympathetically, helping the other man stand up and shepherding him to his bedroom.
Spencer lead him to the nursery, letting out a quick apology when he saw david wince at the sight of the crib, "I won't put the bars up all the way, just a quater, enough to keep you safe but not so much that you can't climb over, yeah?"Spencer assured the little, picking back up the rhythmic circular soothing motions he made on the niorettes arm. "'Kay" dave mumbled non-committally, carelessly throwing himself down into the crib.
The carer paused at the action, trying to weigh out the potential backlash he'd get from david if he asked him about the slightly disarticulated motion. Eventually he decided against it, tucking the man in and raisng the crib side a quarter of the way as promised. He gazed down lovingly, placing a chaste kiss of the man's temple then exiting the room, closing the door gently behind him.
Spencer spent the rest of the day preparing for his upcoming work week, calling the on site care centre and requesting some pieces be sent up to davids office, such as a changing mat, some toys and a playpen. Then, calling the team, letting them each know that david was doing well and that he would be joining them next week, just not in a working capacity.
After the straight hour of talking, Spencer sat with himself, allowing the silent ambiance of the kitchen wash over him in small calming waves. He gave himself a few moments more before starting on lunch, he knew david was asleep for tge time being, but, when he woke, he'd come back and hopefully he'd bring his appetite too.
So he cooked, he plated the food, put daves portion in the oven to stay warm, he ate then he cleaned. It was a mindless stream of tasks, letting hus restless mind takr time to sort through his seemingly endless stream of thought. The quiet brought forth a fond memory, one of words he had heard many times before 'busy hands and yet an idle mind' he recalled, remembering the quote from the last mass he had attended before adopting david.
That was next on his list to discuss with the man, the matter if church and that while Spencer was in mass, david woukd either need to be there too or join the little lambs playgroup whilst Spencer was at worship. 'Oh well, those were words for a conversation that will not happen for a while, there a far more important priorities, like their plan for work tomorrow, and, more pressingly, davids mental wellbeing' Spencer mulled the thought over, letting the seed of worry branch out into actionable solutions.
He played them through, mindlessly drying the last of the lunchtime dishes. Once finished, he checked the monitor, dave was still awake, staring blankly at the wall, unmoving, unseeing, clearly not registering the world around him. David's doctor had discussed this thoroughly with spencer over the phone this morning. Since david didn't have alcohol or work to distance himself from his emotions, his brain was finding a new way to do so.
It was concerning, but, without treatment, they couldn't stop him from retreating into the dark recesses of his mind, they simply had to watch him fall into the spiraling void.
