Your not so ordinary advice blog

"Turn your face toward the sun and the shadows will fall behind you." Morai Proverb We're just two friends trying to help. We don't judge. DISCLAIMER: We are not professionals. We do not claim to have all the answers or that our advice will give you the results you had hoped for. We're just people who want to help.

[iloveyoursoul]

[iloveyoursoul]

[universal-care]

(5) change her mind again). She keeps making bad excuses: there's a groundhog problem, the bathroom is too many steps from the bed, the sun porch gets humid, etc. These are valid complaints, but they don't compare to the problems of their current home: stairs, huge yard, all that. She even denies that they need one of those stair chair things that drives you up the wall. Basically, she's in massive denial. I'm really scared that they're going to die in this house. Recently, my grandpa snapped a

Hi there, my friend! I saw that your message was incomplete, so I’m not too sure what to help with

BUT 

I read all your other asks and I completely understand where you’re coming from. I admire your concern for your grandparents and can see how you’d be worried about them staying in their old home. I’ve read every word! And if you’d like to talk more about it, if it’s still relevant, you’re absolutely more than welcome to.I hope everything turned out alright! & we’re both so sorry for the long wait for a response!My best wishes,

-V

[universal-care]

Hey guys, so lately I've been thinking about this guy I kinda know, he seems like a really nice guy and he's cute too, but I'm afraid to talk to him since he plays on my brothers' soccer team and I only officially met him the other day and he added me on fb, but I've seen him nearly every week because of soccer and I'm pretty sure he likes someone else but I'm not 100% sure. I don't have the courage to message him for so many reasons and I don't know what to do! Help please! 4/8/15

MESSAGE HIM! I know it’s never that simple and there are a lot more factors to consider when you’re actually in the situation rather than on the outside looking in, but don’t be afraid!!! The world belongs to those brave enough to seize it! 

I know that this is 6 months old, which i’m so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so SOOOOO sorry about! But I really hope you did take that step and message him!Let us know! & again, we both truly apologize for answering this so late! We hope you can forgive us!

-V

[universal-care]

So lately I feel like I'm not good enough to be here and there's so much stuff I've got to do and i feel like I can't do it all. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about stuff like this because they think I'm doing fine. And half the time most of them say the same things over and over which doesn't help :( 2/5/15

So this seems pretty general, but I think understand where you’re coming from. The feeling of not being good enough, of feeling like you’re wasting your time or that you don’t have enough of it, and thinking that you don’t really have anyone to talk to you about it. The last thing I want to do is recycle the same cliches again to you. You’ll be fineYou’re doing greatyou have nothing to worry aboutAll of which are probably true, but when they’re said so much, they often lose their meaning.It’s important to remember that there’s nothing wrong with feeling this way– this sort of dread of being lost in a way. Of not really having things in order (internally and externally) when on the outside, you seem to other people like you’re not in any danger of falling off the edge.I mean, I hope I’m not shooting into the dark since there are a number of worries you could be talking about. It’s like on the inside you’re totally disorganized even if you may not look it on the inside. And trying to organize those parts of yourself is harder than you’d think. Am I getting you right?

I’m sorry. I keep looking at the dateGod I just feel so horrible that your question is literally months old. I’m not even sure if my answer is still relevant to your current status. I really hope you can forgive us for taking such a long time to respond, but if you’re still in this state of mind, don’t be afraid to send me another message and we can get deep with it. Or stay in the shallow– whichever you prefer. 

I’m so sorry! But I hope you’re doing a lot better now. Let us know, my friend

-V

[universal-care]

I don't feel good about myself and find it very hard to study for uni and everything. I don't want to go to work half the time and I'm always feeling down and I don't know what to do

YOURSELF: You’re obviously a blessing. You’re put on this earth and you matter. And no matter who cares about you, you should care about yourself more than anything. Not in a selfish or conceited way, but in a confident, self purposing way. No human being is perfect, Zac Efron has phobias, Mila Kunis has weird marks on parts of her body, me….I’m like the furthest from perfect, but it’s what makes us different that makes us amazing, and same goes for you (:

STUDYING/WORK: With self purpose, comes time for yourself. Before you start to stress with school or work or whatever it may be, have time to really hang out with yourself and get to know yourself more. School and work are the two things that stress people out the most, and if you go into anything stressed out or uomotivated, you’re never going to enjoy it. I know you can’t take off from school and work whenever you want to, but it’s a good thing to try getting yourself together before doing so. Find out the reason why you don’t want to go to work, what is it that’s affecting you from studying, dig deep into the root of the problem and when you do, pull the weeds out (so to say). Hang out with good company because good vibes always guarantees a good time.

I would suggest to do activities to get your mind off of things, try it for 2 weeks or a month, then after, come back and talk to us, tell us how you’re feeling and if it persists, go seek help, preferably from a professional, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. We have faith in you.

-J

[universal-care]

I'm very sad today ): I thought my depression and anxiety was gone, so I left my counsellor. I am still taking my pills but I'm about to have. nervous breakdown. The last 4 days or so I could feel something big was about to happen and today my brother and dad got in a huge fight with me and I lost it. I cut again (been 4 months) and cried for an hour. I had a shower and I'm in my bed now but I still have this weird heavy feeling in my gut. Is it normal to breakdown like that?

I feel like personally, old habits may never die, but it’s not the habit that you should justify yourself on but what you do about the habit. I would say if someone had a history of depression and breaking down, and overcame it, down the road if it was to happen again I would assume it to be normal. But I’m not saying it’s a good thing, I’mSaying you should look at your situation, everything you accomplished and all the time you’ve been doing good, and try not to break it. You obviously don’t want depression, don’t want to cut yourself, don’t want to deal with anxiety and I know this because you went to seek help, and that’s a great step, maybe instead of cutting off the counselor completely you can see still see them, even if it’s as little as once a month yaknow. Just sit back, breath and think everything over and do things to make you happy. I want you to talk to a person that no matter what, always seems to put a smile on your face (bf/gf, cousin, teacher) whoever and have a conversation about a good time in each other’s life, and find the reason to avoid being depressed. Me and Via care for you, and if you still want to talk, we’re here 😁

-J

[universal-care]

My best friend of 4 years, and basically my only friend, is changing so much. I have severe anxiety and it's so hard to make friends. I found one 4 years ago and I love her so much. Ever since we got into grade 10 she's started drinking and stealing and hanging out with 27 year olds and idk what to do. I'm so uncomfortable about it but too scared to say anything. Sometimes she pressures me or makes me feel bad about not partying even though I will have a panic attack. How do I deal with it?

Wow. I really wish I had professional advice for you.I’m not too familiar with anxiety, so I highly suggest you seek someone who really knows what they’re talking about.

However, I don’t want to leave you without anything!This is what I think. As hard as it may be– if she’s pressuring you and if it makes you uncomfortable, it’s not a good realtionship. One of my favorite quotes read, “Sometimes you choose whom you want to be with when you’re too young, and you change, and they don’t change with you.”In the context of the book I took this book from, the speaker talks about his marriage. But in so many ways, this can be applied to friendships as well. A lot of the time when we stay friends with someone for so long, we feel obligated to stay with them even when the relationship becomes more toxic than healing. More negative than it is positive. More painful than relieving. We choose these friendships when we’re still so young and decide to commit to them even when the other person changes in the opposite direction from us.But it’s important to remember that you shouldn’t compromise yourself. 

If you truly want to keep your friend and the relationship you have, let her know. If you can’t say it, write it down in a letter and give it to her. Just let her know how it’s affecting you and if she doesn’t want to change, maybe it’s time to distance yourself from her. You don’t have to let go completely, but hang out with others who have the same interests as you. Of course you’ll always love your best friend and always cherish the good memories you had together, but if you don’t want to party or participate in some of the things she does, don’t feel obligated to. You are your own person. I really hope something in this message has helped. If none of this sounds like good advice to you, taking into consideration your anxiety, maybe a counselor may be able to offer you better advice!I apologize for my ignorance, but good luck my dear friend!You can do this! I honestly believe in you. 

-V 

[universal-care]

I am 16 and I've only been asked out once. It was a few months ago and a guy was texting me really sweet things about how he thought I was beautiful. I replied in my awkward "thank you :)" way. Then he asked me to our school dance and I freaked and stopped talking to him. All my friends have had loads of relationships. I feel so out of place. Is it normal?

YES! it is extremely normal! Don’t feel the need to rush into any relationships. If it’s not for you right now, then that’s fine. You’ll have TONS of opportunities to find people and get into relationships when you’re older. You might feel out of place right now because most people surrounding you have had tons of relationships, but you’re in a tiny aquarium of fish who eat the same foods and swim the same route. Once you get into the vast sea, you’ll see that there are other fish who can relate to this exactly and you’ll find that it doesn’t matter when or if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. 

Don’t feel the need to force anything. Your “thank you :)” was a perfectly valid response. Goodluck, my friend!Stay awesome!-V 

[universal-care]

I have a huge problem with changing for other people the latest example is a guy pointing out my pants I'm 16 and only 5'0 so all the pants I buy are super long on me I pull them up high and cover with a shirt one pair i like to have over my shirt they end just over my belly button it was my favourite outfit I thought I looked cute! But this guy asked why I wear my pants so high and it killed me how do I find courage to wear it ever again? :(

Hi! Before we get into anything, I just want to apologize for the wait!! Okay– now to the good stuff. Fuck that guy. 

“I have a huge problem with changing for other people”Good! Don’t change for other people. Change for yourself– change because you want to, because it will make you feel good, because it will make you a better person– but don’t change to get acceptance from other people. It can be toxic to your self esteem.As for the courage part, this is all you! Here’s something I do. Whenever I wear an outfit that I find a bit risqué for the first time, I wear it often. For example, I never wore crop tops before because I thought I’d look awkward in them, that my lack of confidence would show because I was so unfamiliar with wearing them. But the more I wore those kinds of outfits, the more confident I became in them. Is this making sense? After a while I no longer cared if anyone thought I looked off because I liked how I looked and began to realize that’s all that matters. My mom always tells me, it doesn’t matter what you wear– as long you wear the outfit and it doesn’t wear you. Like think of Tyra Banks. She could wear a rice sack, but still look fierce because she exudes it from the inside. I know you can’t just pull confidence out of your ass, but another thing I learned is fake it till you make it. Even if you don’t feel like the priceless gem you are, keep your head held high, your posture straight, and eyes ahead. Fake that confidence until you don’t have to anymore. MOSTLY, stay you! People say crocks are gross as hell, but idgaf. They’re comfy and I like them! So don’t be afraid to go against the grain every now and then. If you’re feeling your outfit, then confidence will come naturally. Good luck, my friend! Stay cute! You can do this!-V 

[universal-care]

So I have this huge crush on this guy but he doesn't have feelings for me, and I want to get over him because I know he's not good for me and it's not fair on me to continue when I know he doesn't feel the same way. I don't know how to move on because I don't want to be hurting anymore :(

Hi! First off, we’re so incredibly sorry for the wait. We hope you’re doing better now, but regardless we hope we can still help. Now to the advice. There really is no quick fix to get over someone. You know that saying, “time heals all wounds”? I’m a strong believer in that. Time does heal wounds if you let it.This might sound harsh, but let go of any hope that you’ll be together. A lot of people might think that you should never give up in this situation, that you always have a chance with someone, that you just have to find the time– that you should always have faith. I mean, yeah. Sometimes this works, but other times you just have to remember that life is more than waiting around for that opportunity. Let go so you can move on. If he’s not good for you, then he’s not the one for you.Stay busy! Don’t overwork yourself, but find things to do to get your mind off of him– hang out with friends, read a book, find a new hobby, clean your house. Just don’t dwell, you deserve to be happy!Stay away from him! – at least for a while. If you keep him close physically, you’re allowing old wounds to open. Don’t check his social media (because we all do this when we’re hung up over someone), don’t hang out with him 1:1, don’t text him at 2am to start conversation. I know this is extreme, but distance can be a profound agent of moving on. Most importantly, know that even if you follow these steps, that your feelings won’t go disappear right away. & don’t feel bad about that. In no way should you ever feel at fault for the way you feel. I know this may sound like a cop out answer, but give it time. You’ll get to where you deserve to be!Stay positive and stay strong!Good luck, my friend!

-V 

[universal-care]

HUGE APOLOGY!

Hey, guys!  We’re so sorry for the absence!  We will get on your asks as fast as we can! 

[nativemoonmag]

20 THINGS YOU SHOULD DO EVERYDAY 1. Wake up earlier. Not only does this improve productivity but it also gives you more time to make a good, hearty breakfast. 2. Make your bed. Let’s be real, being welcomed to a tidy bed after a long day at work/school (or a long day in general) is probably the best feeling anyone will ever experience. 3. If you want, spend a little more time on your appearance. Take some time choosing an outfit, applying make up or whatever. Do what helps you boost your confidence and self-esteem. 4. Stay hydrated, folks. Keep a bottle of water with you wherever you go. 5. Stretch everyday or start yoga (or do both, why not?) 6. Create a playlist consisting of songs that make you happy and listen to it. Listen to songs for the mood you want to be in, instead of the mood you are in. 7. Compliment at least one person per day. This could be an acquaintance, co-worker, class mate, stranger, whoever! 8. Use your manners. If someone holds the door for you, lets you go first etc, they did it voluntarily and didn’t have to do it, so a “thank you” wouldn’t hurt. 9. Eat your fruit and vegetables and always choose the healthy version over the junk food. 10. Have a good laugh. Catch up with friends, watch some ‘Parks and Recreation’, go see some stand-up comedy, reminisce about funny moments that have happened to you. You don’t need to be a doctor to know that humour has many benefits. 11. Be optimistic. Always look at the positives. There’s no point on focusing on the negatives because that isn’t going to help anyones mood at all. 12. Exercise. It doesn’t have to be anything to intense. A run around the block, a walk with your dog or even a ‘Just Dance’ session will do the job.  13.Bring a book/magazine or collect the daily newspaper with you. Spend you spare time reading. 14. Try and learn something new everyday. This can either be an interesting fact you saw online or a new skill someone taught you. 15. Help others when you are able to. Help your classmates with school work or offer to help you struggling neighbour lift those heavy objects. 16. Stop procrastinating. No matter how unmotivated you are to, push yourself and complete what you need to complete. Do what you gotta do. You know you’ll love yourself for doing it. 17. Drink some tea, because that stuff is goooooood (and also beneficial). 18.Make time to do things that help you relax, whether that’s painting, having baths, doing you nails or going for a run. 19. Don’t dwell on your mistakes, but instead grow and learn from them. 20. And lastly, be kind to yourself. If you love who you are, everyone else will

Chloe for Native Moon Magazine (via nativemoonmag)

[inspiringfeed]

[universal-care]

Hi, there's guy I like and we are friends, but we don't see each other much, but when we do all we do is cuddle and stuff and it's nice. Recently I went over his house and we just chilled with movies and pizza and then we ended up kissing for the rest of the night. Problem is, he's confused about how he feels about me and I'm confused too, but the kissing was amazing and I haven't stopped thinking about it. He knows how I feel but I'm not sure what to do. 26/3/15

Although it may seem awkward or pushy, it won’t hurt to try consulting with him on where you want things to go. A lot of guys get confused because we sometimes don’t know how females feel, then we get worried and try to focus on not messing up, which then makes us confused.

Try talking to him about personal things. You guys make like each other right now, and be into all this physical attractiveness, but to know if you guys really like each other, have an honest conversation with one another. Go on a date, do things that will make you two know more about the other person.

You will only be confused if you do not go out and try to find a solution to the problem, and the problem right now is that you both are confused with your feelings, the only way to figure that out, is to figure each other out, and find out whether there is a real connection with the both of you.

Just ask him what he really wants, and step up and tell him what you really want (:

- J 26/3/15

[universal-care]

I don't know if this is like, a big enough problem for you guys to respond to but my boyfriend broke up with me like 5 weeks ago, just out of nowhere, said he "feels differently now" we were dating almost a year and I can't deal with it I keep crying and the thought of him kills me and he was my best friend and I just miss him so much, any advice as to how I can get over him faster? I just feel so crap right now

Well I think thats horrible. But at the same time, it can also be the mark of change, the start of something new in your life. You don’t want to just get over someone quickly, its all a process on whether you really cared for the person or not. You can easily not care for someone, and when they’re out of your life, it won’t bother you at all. But if you truly care for someone, their absence is something you just can’t easily forget about. Just because its hard, that doesn’t mean its impossible.

-Surround yourself with good people and positive vibes

-Do something different, something that will totally get your mind off him

-Dont TRY to forget about him, just make it happen naturally, the more you think about trying to forget about someone, the more you think of that person.

-Meet new people

All these things are tools, factors, solutions that can help you get over this break up.

I truly believe you can do this, you were strong enough to seek help, you’re gonna be strong enough to overcome this

- J

[inspiringfeed]