terrible interview.
I lean more and more into wanting to talk to AI / ChatGPT about how I'm feeling and how to process these feeling since I know no one around me wants to talk about it and just doesn't care. My wife cares, but I keep telling her the same thing over and over again, and she doesn't really understand. My close friends who are in tech know where I'm coming from, but I can't bombard them with shitty feelings from an interview. It just pushes me to want to chat with AI since at least then something is listening to me and """trying""" to understand when no one else wants to.
Just had a terrible fucking interview. The problem on the surface was very straight forward, but the remove case is where things got difficult. I basically spent an hour running in circles trying to get this thing to work, and had way too many hints from the interviewer. If I made it to the next round after that, it's 10000% a pity accept. I fucking bombed.
After something like that, I just can't help but be sad, angry, and hurt. I feel stupid that I wasn't able to do a problem that I would've been able to accomplish outside of an interview setting, and I hate that I can't get over things quickly. I really just want to break down in tears, but that also doesn't get me anywhere. I want to be better, I try to be better, but I don't ever get noticeably better. I am just mediocre, lacking knowledge, and unwanted.
These feelings only come out (at least like this) when I'm in the middle of interview prep. It's a whole fucking job. System design, behavioral, Leetcode, researching the company, understanding the history of the founder, finding an excuse WHY I want to work somewhere if it wasn't initially apparent, how to tell a compelling story, and on and on and on. I fucking hate it.
I hate rejection. I hate interviewing. I hate not having anyone to lean onto who wants to listen to me complain and truly understand. I hate life sometimes.
