nachos for days

mtv welcome to my crib

[stronglyunknown-deactivated2024]

be your own trap queen

cook your own pies, get fly on your own time, hey, wassup, hello to your damn self.

[drakomalfoyyy-deactivated202006]

what do u mean i don’t have a social life I just went grocery shopping with my mom

[cristinaya]

Shine bright like a washed nintendog

[ruinedchildhood]

🔊 🔊 🔊

[brentraptor]

(bake me up) bake me up a pie / (one-third cup) of flour for our pie

[sunflowergif]

me: yeah im really tough

me: [gets scared by text notifications when they’re too loud]

me: [easily startled when people tap me on the shoulder]

me: [cries under any sort of pressure ever]

me: [cries when anyone raises their voice higher than their average volume]

me: so tough

[tinaschild]

me: you guys believe everything you hear lmao its annoying

youtube: Illuminati Clones - Was Avril Lavigne Replaced?

me:

[galgorithm-deactivated20260512]

[seriousjones]

when you’re watching dora the explorer and swiper actually swipes something

[thefrenchfawn]

U kno sometimes u just gotta eat some garlic bread and move on

[generalivan]

[ulibeanzz]

imagine having money wow i just got chills

[catasters]

[badjokesbyjeff]

**ON THE SIXTH DAY… **

God Creating Spiders

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

God Creating Kittens

God: make them fluffy & adorable like little furry hugs

Angel: that’s so swee….

God: And put razor blades on their feet

God Creating Mosquitos

God: I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces…

God Creating Bees

God: Put a needle on it’s bum

Angel: Come on God, what –

God: Make it’s puke delicious

Angel: What the hell!!!

God Creating Praying Mantis

God: Make an insect that does karate

Angel: Okay…

God: Now make it bite her husband’s head off

Angel: Dude, we need to talk

God Creating Dogs

God: Oh these turned out great. I’m going to want all of these back at some point

God Creating Pandas

God: Cow bears

Angel: What?

God: Did I stutter?

Angel: ??

God: Take a cow and make it a bear

God Creating Snakes

God: How about a sock that’s angry all the time

God Creating Alligators

God: See that log?

Angel: Yeah?

God: Fill it with teeth

Angel: Say again?

God: FILL IT!

God Creating Jellyfish

God: How about an evil bag?

God Creating Parrots

God: How about like a tie Dye Chicken who screams actual words at you?

[thebootydiaries]

Person: what’s wrong?

Me: nothing…

Me internally: why did that man honk at me in the intersection between 52nd St and 3rd Ave on January 4th 2015

[devipotato]

[goreoboros]

[thebootydiaries]

baby: d-d-d-d

dad: daddy?

baby: destroy capitalism

karl marx: nice