Heyyy I know this might not be the vibe but I could use some sage advice.
Iâm just came back from summer camp, and there I had an amazing coach/authority figure/person responsible on me and we got pretty connected over personal talks. Now itâs over and weâre not supposed to meet again. On the last day, they gave all the group a bracelet and me personally permission to text them if I feel like it. I did two days ago to ask if the bracelet was water-proof, and I do want to stay in touch. Theyâre like six years older than me. Now I kind of donât know how to stay in touch. Should I feel comfortable asking how was the day? Or should a convo have some purpose?
Feel free to ignore me thanks xh
Well, thank you for trusting me with this question! Listen, I donât know how old you are, but I have the feeling you might still be in high school. (If youâre older than that/college-age or older/etc, feel free to disregard).
So hereâs the dealâit probably isnât appropriate for you and someone six years older to be having chatty fun text conversations about how their day was, particularly someone who is/was responsible for you. I donât know the subject of your conversations and how deep they went, and this isnât me being anti âcross generationalâ friendships, but imagine that person telling someone that theyâre regularly texting a teenager they were in charge of at campâŚ
I think itâs important to create distance while keeping that line open if itâs important to you. A simple, âThank you so much for talking with me this week. It was really good to meet someone with whom I connect about [blank]. It meant a lot to me. I hope we can keep in touch!â Or whatever sounds best to you. Then, in the future, reach out if you have a purpose.
This is just my personal advice. When I was in high school, I reached out to a former teacher from elementary school because he had a huge impact on me and I wanted a close relationship. It gotâŚway too intimate. Do I think he was intentional in âgroomingâ or âpursuingâ me? No. But I think with me, a teenager who had a lot of time to ruminate on this person, and this other person being extremely lonely, it sort of led to us depending on each other emotionally. It just wasnât appropriate.
I guess it boils down to: if this relationship was that meaningful, you shouldnât have to keep in constant contact. Text them when you need some advice. Thatâs just my two cents âşď¸
(And if youâre not in high school, AND youâre an adult, do whatever you want. Ask them how their day was! Whatever, have fun! See where the friendship goes!)
Also, uh, I just reread and noticed you said, âWeâre not supposed to meet again.â Iâm not sure what this meansâis this a policy of the camp, or is this something this person told you? Or is it just like, âWe arenât going to see each other again?â If it is anything other than the last thing, please do not contact this person.