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@unpluggeduprooted
I'm...comfortable standing. [ze said uncomfortably, wringing zir hands together. Beckett can't quite look them in the eyes. Has that been mentioned? It bears repeating. Ze fixes zir attention on zir hands. A callous. A hangnail. A little spot of dirt under zir thumbnail.]
What did you. What did you want to tell me?
jaclcfrost:
itās so awkward being askedĀ ādo you really think that lowly of yourself?ā because no? of course not? buddy, i was just.. kidding around.. haha, funny, haha? humor, you know? but also truthfully: yeah. absolutely. without a doubt. hold up a handful of dirt & one individual speck of it has more worth & purpose than i could ever even begin to hope to have but, you know! anyhow! nice weather weāre having
@unpluggeduprooted [Okay, okay, letās not linger on this one too much. They instead lead the way, twisting down a few alleys and carefully dodging clumps of dirty old snow. For once they donāt have much to say, until they finally touch down at the ruins of an apartment complex; from the outside, it looks like a functional multi-story housing unit, but upon pushing aside what is left of the door itās revealed to have collapsed to nothing but a frame. Thereās a veritable mountain of rubble in the middle of all of this, the leftovers from the floors and roofs and walls that have toppled in as if there was great weight placed in the center.
Julian sets the umbrella aside and opts to grasp Beckettās hand, leading zir up to the top of the rubble. Thereās a plateau there, and they seem to have laid out a blanket like this is some sort of picnic. Hoping zeāll follow suit, Julian sits down on one side of the blanket]
Do you like this place? I think itās nice!
It's. Um. You know. What y-you said. Nice.
[Beckett hesitates. Ze hovers on the edge of the blanket. Looking here. And there. Stretched out as far as ze can go, while a) still letting Julian hold zir hand politely and b) straining to avoid stepping zir dirty boots on the blanket.]
Beckett: "You're all wet.."
[Theyāre confused for a second, like they hadnāt even considered the possibility, but a smile flutters open on their face when they pat their hair thoughtfully] Hah! So I am! Wet enough to ā¦. sorry, Iām nervous about all of this, so it may take a few minutes for the jokes of any quality to arrive.
[Ze twists zir hands together, looking anywhere but Julian. The synth looks better today. Like zeās slept at least a wink. Zeās sitting under a small alcove, on a building across from the bar. Mostly out of the snow, except for the little white mounds of it on zir boot toes.]
What did you want to say?
[ At least they can take small comfort in knowing zir doesnāt look quite so haggard and weatherbeaten today. Itās likely going to emit some sort of precipitation later, so theyāve brought their umbrella. Popping it up over their head, they silently offer a bit of real estate underneath]
Do you mind if we go on a walk first? Iād prefer to talk in private. Nothing fishy, I promise! Unless youād like to meet near a lake, in which case itās a bit fishier than Iād like, but, besides that-
[Beckett ducks under the umbrella as beckoned. Zir shoulder bumps Julian's, and ze smiles a wan apology at them.]
'Fishy'? It's alright. I trust you. Even if you wanted to kill me-- at this point, I, I don't think I'd mind.
Beckett: "You're all wet.."
[Theyāre confused for a second, like they hadnāt even considered the possibility, but a smile flutters open on their face when they pat their hair thoughtfully] Hah! So I am! Wet enough to ā¦. sorry, Iām nervous about all of this, so it may take a few minutes for the jokes of any quality to arrive.
[Ze twists zir hands together, looking anywhere but Julian. The synth looks better today. Like ze's slept at least a wink. Ze's sitting under a small alcove, on a building across from the bar. Mostly out of the snow, except for the little white mounds of it on zir boot toes.]
What did you want to say?
Heelies? Feelies? Healings? I can perhaps be a doctor robot, for wounds.
You, you might need different hands...for surgeries.
Okay. Iā¦ letās talk about this tomorrow morning. I want to meet with you somewhere when thereās light out andā¦ Iāve got some things to tell you. But, before I let you go, I just want to say: thatās sort of mean to synths, donāt you think? Iāve got lots of good synth friends, butā¦ best of all of them is you. I donāt think a drop less of you for this. I promise, a-and you wonāt get me to that point either.
Please, if you donāt mind, meet me right outside of Goidneighbor in the morning? Weāll go for a walk andā¦ well, you can hear my half of this story.
[Beckett just looks at Julian for a minute. There are dark circles, like someone's pressed their thumbs under zir eyes. Hair's all tousled from far too much sleep. And ze shrugs. Indifference hand-in-hand with weariness.]
I don't mind. I. I'm. I'll see you outside the gates.
fantastic-julian:
Beckettā¦
[they inhale a quaking breath and sigh it out in an attempt at steadying these frazzled feelings. Zeās got zir fingers pressed hard against the purple fabric of their suit, enough so that itās hurting a little, and they wonder if ze can see the sadness in their eyes from here. Tell zir. Tell zir the truth. It will help you both to come out with it and tell the truth, because maybe if ze knows zeās not alone, ze might not hate zirself so much.]
āNow, hah, you know thatās not true. There are lots of lovely people who are synths. I knowā¦I know a lot of folks have a prejudice against synths, butā but those people are wrong, and Iām sorry to say that so are you!ā [Theyāre trying so so hard to keep this all together. Now, time to break the news;]Ā
But, Iām certainly not in that group! I donāt think thereās anything wrong with it, and, hah, I! I donāt think for a minute that youāre broken.Ā
[So close.]Ā
Then you donāt know me at all, do you.
[Beckett Lake finds zirself in that upsetting spiral, where one has cried quite enough, but canāt imagine what else ze can do but be miserable. Ze releases zir grip on Julianās shoulder, and with one hands, tries to smooth out the wrinkles zeās left on their sleeve. The other handās occupied with wiping zir faceā the tears are freezing, and it stings, and so on.]
Iām sorry. Iām. Youāre supposed to hate me. Iāve been lying to you. Iām not human. [Feebly said, face hidden behind a scrap of cloth.] I donāt. I donātā Iā I donāt understand you.
[Julian dips into a bigger frown, clearly unfamiliar to their usual range of expressions. This whole conversation keeps getting worse and worse with every turn, but they need to keep chipping away at it.]
Beckett, [theyāre staying calm, but it is now time for them to take hold of zir shoulders] do you really think that someone being a synth is enough to warrant hating them? Do you truly believe thatās enough?
[zir shoulders are thin. ze's all bones and skin. Beckett tips zir face up. Ze looks them straight in the eye.]
It was enough for him to leave me, wasn't it? It was, the, just the /maybe/ was enough for everyone I thought I knew t-to turn on me, to treat me-- like an outsider. They were talking about lynching me, Julian. People leave, people don't trust you, people want you to die when, when you're a synth. So yeah. It's enough. Yeah. It is.
Hey HEY, what is going on? Talk to me (Micah) and I will solve your problems! Let me know and I will help you with wisdoms. toll free act now you will get a second problem solved absolutely free plus shipping and handling.)
Thatās, uh, quite the offer.Ā
fantastic-julian:
Beckettā¦
[they inhale a quaking breath and sigh it out in an attempt at steadying these frazzled feelings. Zeās got zir fingers pressed hard against the purple fabric of their suit, enough so that itās hurting a little, and they wonder if ze can see the sadness in their eyes from here. Tell zir. Tell zir the truth. It will help you both to come out with it and tell the truth, because maybe if ze knows zeās not alone, ze might not hate zirself so much.]
āNow, hah, you know thatās not true. There are lots of lovely people who are synths. I knowā¦I know a lot of folks have a prejudice against synths, butā but those people are wrong, and Iām sorry to say that so are you!ā [Theyāre trying so so hard to keep this all together. Now, time to break the news;]Ā
But, Iām certainly not in that group! I donāt think thereās anything wrong with it, and, hah, I! I donāt think for a minute that youāre broken.Ā
[So close.]Ā
Then you donāt know me at all, do you.
[Beckett Lake finds zirself in that upsetting spiral, where one has cried quite enough, but canāt imagine what else ze can do but be miserable. Ze releases zir grip on Julianās shoulder, and with one hands, tries to smooth out the wrinkles zeās left on their sleeve. The other handās occupied with wiping zir face-- the tears are freezing, and it stings, and so on.]
Iām sorry. Iām. Youāre supposed to hate me. Iāve been lying to you. Iām not human. [Feebly said, face hidden behind a scrap of cloth.] I donāt. I donāt-- I-- I donāt understand you.
[Yep. There it is. There it is. Julian wasnāt sure what the lie was; theyād gone in with no expectations. Of course that frankly pompous brotherhood soldier would break up with someone just because theyāre a synth. Julian wants to touch zir face, or kiss zir hands, hold zir and say that itās all alright. They want to tell the truth. For once.
Theyāre the same.
Julian tears up, eyes welling in an otherwise blank expression. Say something. Anything! Anything will do, Fantastic, but telling zir the facts about yourself would help. Tell zir that you have huge gaps in your memory of the past, and that you ran away from home because you couldnāt handle the implications or the fear that someday the invisible commonwealth boogeyman is going to come back looking for you. Let zir know that you even stole your brotherās name, to let Taylor truly die when they got replaced. Drop it all, right here, right now.
Jules pulls their mouth into a smile, hopes Beckett wonāt look them in the eye and notice the crying, and works hard to pass it all off as compassionate relief.]
Oh. Oh, Beckett. Youāre getting so worked up over this? Thereās nothing wrong with being a synth! Hah! Gosh, you had me going there for a second! I like synths, frankly, so I stand by saying that your ex was wrong, wrong as the day is long. But, I can see youāre not pleased about it, and I can only imagine how hard it is, but your secret is under my hat and safe with me. Hah! Haha! Come here, you wonderful thing. Youāre worth all the caps in the world to me, okay? Youāre going to be okay.
[as they pull Beckett in for another hug, Julian the Fantastic has never felt more guilty in their entire life than they do right at this minute]
You donāt-- even understand-- what people think-- Iām not a person. Someone p-put me together, and they put me together wrong. Iām not human, Julian.Ā Iām fake. Ā I was never born. I donāt know if Iāll, if Iāll ever die or just. Break down. Like an old car. You know what they did? You know? They, they stole a real person, and they put me where he should be, but Iām not him. Iām not Beckett, and there are people who probably miss him. I stole his life then I threw it away, because even as a fucking synth, Iām broken.
[Ze grips Julian by the shoulders, fingers digging in harder than ze intends. Too swept up in zir own self-loathing to see outside zirself for five seconds, hmm? Beckett shakes zir head violently.]Ā
Everything is wrong with being a synth, Julian. Everything.
fantastic-julian:
[Julian the Fantastic, synth, magician, and all around actual liar as far as theyāre concerned, feels like their heart is actually breaking with each word ze says. They empathize, but canāt even admit to that much. Theyāre going to carefully reach out and caress that face, an attempt at comfort without crowding.]Ā
Sshh shhā Beckett, I know that sometimes we have to lie to make things work, butā¦even if you donāt deserve it, which, I stand by my assertion that you do, Iām going to keep giving my kindness to you. Iām unmoveably stubborn like thatā¦.Ā
If you died, things would get lonely around here, you know. I wont.. I wont sit here and tell you the one hundred reasons that I want to you keep living, because I know you wont want to hear them, butā¦Beckett, no one deserves to die. Most of all not you. And PRINCE was wrong. I donāt know what transpired but heās wrong. Ā
No, heās not. He, heās, he was right. He is right. Julian, listen to me. Iām not-- what you think I am. Iām not a, a farmer, or a Beckett Lake, or even, even human. I thought I was, and I wanted to believe I was this whole time. Even with memories missing, even with the-- whatās been happening to me. But I canāt fool myself anymore.Ā Iām not human, Julian. Do you understand? Iām a-- Iām-- [ze swallows back the word, but the truth wants out. Beckett pushes away from Julian, a hand flat against their shoulder.]
[Ze stares down at the snow. The boots that were bought for zir. The brown slush stirred up at zir feet. Itās an grey, empty-seeming winterās day. In a quiet voice, barely above a whisper, ze says,]
Julian. Iām. Iām a synth. And Iām sorry.
fantastic-julian:
[This embrace would have been better in ā¦a lot of different circumstances. Not this. Never this. They put both arms around zir again, letting one hand carefully thread into zir hair if zeāll allow it to rest there.]Ā
You donāt have to talk about it, itās okayā wait, no, none of that, Beckie. You are a good person. Youāre a sweetā sorry, okay, I know you donāt like that. Butā¦hey, Iāll pass along this bit of insurance: no matter what happens, Beckett, Iām going to stand by you as your best friend. Lots of people would want a magician best friend, right? I like to think so.Ā
No, no, no, no. No. You donāt understand. He was right to leave. Iāve been lying to him, to y-you, to everyone, for months! You donāt get it. I donāt deserve your kindness, Julian, I donāt.Ā
[and yet ze canāt bring zirself to pull away from it. ze trembles as ze holds back the tears-- zeās tired of crying, but ze canāt stop, and everything feels wrongĀ and bad. Ze canāt even stand zirself.]
I should, I should just die already. Hhh. Iām not doing anyone any good. Iām not--
fantastic-julian:
[Their face falls. Falls past justĀ ānot smiling,ā already a feat for them, and plunges down into concern and sadness. The thin frame zeās sporting isnāt going unnoticed either. ]
Ohāyouāre. Beck. Iām so sorry. Iā do you need to talk about it? What happened? [and a mild distrust for the BOS aides the small spark of fire in this next question:] He didnāt hurt you, did he? Ā
I donāt. I canāt. He-- [ze takes a shaky breath] --he was so angry. He-- I, I donāt want to think about it anymore. I canāt. [Beckett buries zir face against Julianās shoulder, suddenly tightening zir arms around them. Quietly, not meant to be heard,] I deserve it. Iām not a good person.Ā
unpluggeduprooted:
Ha. Thatās, uh, thatās me! Hello, Julian.
Beckett I missed you SO MUCH! Oh ā [ get hugged, tight and lingering ] Are you okay? H-have you been eating? is your boyfriend taking care of you? Wh-are you keeping warm? Youāve been gone for weeks I wasnāt sure Iād see you agā Iāmā Hah, Iām glad youāre safe.Ā
Oof-- [Beckett stumbles, catching at Julian to catch zir balance.] Iām...um. He, he ended things. Between us. You know. Uh. Iām alright.Ā
[Ze does not look anywhere near alright. Not even in the near orbit of alright. Zir eyes looks huge in zir too-thin face, and itās altogether not an idealĀ picture of a Beckett Lake.]
How are you?
@fantastic-julian
For someone s-so, um, upbeat, you worry a lot.
BECKETT!!!!
Ha. Thatās, uh, thatās me! Hello, Julian.
@fantastic-julian
For someone s-so, um, upbeat, you worry a lot.
