overheard at nevermore academy

all 100% canon

[unsaid-nevermore]

enid: i’m cold.

ajax: here, have my jacket.

xavier: i’m cold too.

wednesday: [tossing him a lighter] here. go wild.

[unsaid-nevermore]

xavier: people are all like “hey xavier, how did you land that baddie? how’d you bag that baaadddieee?” 

xavier: man, i didn’t bag shit. wednesday picked me up by the neck and put me on her shoulder. and i have no intention of getting off! none!

[unsaid-nevermore]

enid: so, ajax is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.

wednesday: why is that?

enid: because i’ve caught him trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.

ajax: [arms crossed and pouting] you’ll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.

[unsaid-nevermore]

[enid and ajax sitting in a jail cell together]

ajax: so who should we call?

enid: i’d call wednesday, but i feel safer in jail.

[unsaid-nevermore]

[unsaid-nevermore]

[unsaid-nevermore]

yoko: just be casual. try some light flirting.

enid: i can do that!

[later]

enid: [to ajax] nice work! high five!

ajax: [high fives enid]

enid: [intertwines fingers]

enid: i’m in love with you.

[unsaid-nevermore]

enid: what are you doing?

ajax: [putting an egg in the toaster and bread in a frying pan] i'm making breakfast.

enid: yeah... i'm uh... not hungry.

[unsaid-nevermore]

ajax: I JUST REALIZED WE DON’T KNOW WHAT DINOSAURS SOUND LIKE! THEY COULD’VE BEEN SPEAKING FLUENT GERMAN FOR ALL WE KNOW!

wednesday: it’s too early for this shit.

enid: GUTEN MORGEN HERR PTERODACTYL!

ajax: WIE GEHTS FRAU MASTODON!

rowan: oh my god, neither of those are dinosaurs, and there’s 145 million years separating them both. this conversation is a paleontological disaster.

[unsaid-nevermore]

wednesday: every time I talk to you people it gets weirder.

enid: you say “you people” like you’re not part of the family. well, I've got news for you, wednesday. you’re already on the christmas card.

[unsaid-nevermore]

enid: i'm asking permission to marry your daughter.

gomez: what is this, the dark ages? you know what? since you’ve asked, no you can’t. beat me in a duel first.

[margarettherelentless]

Enid: *without hesitation* Swords or Sabers?

Gomez: *through tears of joy* your choice

[unsaid-nevermore]

the survey: what state do you live in?

rowan: constant anxiety.

tyler: denial.

bianca: perfection.

wednesday: vermont.

[unsaid-nevermore]

enid: everyone always asks me, how do you handle your girlfriend?

enid: the secret is, i don’t. i have no control over her whatsoever. this morning, wednesday called my name, and when i showed up to see what was going on, she shot me in the throat with a nerf gun.

[unsaid-nevermore]

enid: one time when I was seven, i tried to hide my diary key in the electrical outlet.

wednesday: that explains so much.

[unsaid-nevermore]

enid: i made coffee with energy drink instead of water.

ajax: are you... okay?

enid: [shaking] i need to go to the hospital.

[unsaid-nevermore]

bianca: i got arrested for being too hot.

wednesday: all charges were dropped because there was no supporting evidence.

[unsaid-nevermore]

enid: i can't take this anymore, i need SOMEONE to get the hint and take me out!

ajax: in the dating way or the assassination way?

enid: i don't care anymore. surprise me.