Because my dumbass posted on the wrong blog.

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@unspokenshit
Because my dumbass posted on the wrong blog.
I'm in love with Cy and it took him leaving for the Air Force for me to realize it. He just called me for the last time before he officially starts boot camp and told me he'll give me a call with his address in 72 hours. That's 3 whole days and I can't wait until I get it so I can send him letters!! I know for sure my feelings are true because when I'm around the other one I don't feel much anymore. I want to be faithful to Cy. I love that guy so fucking much and I'm just counting down the days until I can see him again.
Dammit I'm dreaming about him again. Just when I was getting over it. Stupid me.
"Janelle, you need to start knocking in here." Ben: "Yeah" Me: "Sorry... well I found this and I can't find what it belongs to." *walks out* 5 mins later I'm fixing hangers by Joie and he suddenly passes by and says "I wasnt trying to be a priiick, but we're working on stuff." They were hella amping on internal shit, the AP door was closed all day and they were cooped up in there the whole time. All of em. When I gave the ticket, they were watching Chinese girl dig through the trash. Hm ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Later Jay goes "damn girl I was tryna help you but you don't speak sign language! I aint gon help you no mo" LOL I did notice him doing some head motions but I truly thought he meant "come in" so I did and thats when I gave the ticket lol. Side note, lots of compliments from people today! It was nice. I think it was my hair lol.
I accidentally sprayed watermelon juice allllll over the computer monitor and Shan's arm today because Ben said something funny about David riding his bike to work LOL It all kind of happened in slow-mo when it came out of my mouth hahahahhaha! Shan: Janelle!!!!!!!! Ben: I didn't even get to the funniest part! He rides it like a low rider! Me: Omg I'm soooo sorry. I've never actually done that before!
He really made me feel loved despite him making me cry before dinner. Maybe it’s just me being emotional because my period is coming up but it’s still not okay that he caused my tears. More often than not he makes me feel ugly or fat. And it really hurts, today was really bad. But we sat in the car and he apologized and told me how happy he was to be with me, how much he loved me, and what he loves about me etc. He told me that I was beautiful but I still don’t fully feel it from him, and that’s something he has to build up in his own. Nevertheless, I know he was sorry and I accept his apology. Won’t let him forget it anytime soon though!
We had a really good dinner at Kincaid’s and he loved it! Nothing made him feel sluggish or guilty and he even liked the key lime pie desert. We headed home and went to bed - I slept over again.
Woke up to pack my stuff up so he could drop me home before he heads to work; I open the slightly closed door on my way to pee in the bathroom but as I opened it he was coming in the room. The lights were off and I scared him so he threw his hands up like he was gonna punch me! Dummy. Then I frowned and went in for a hug and in the sweetest way he said “I love you my witto strawberry, I love you!” Pushes my cheeks together and kisses me- “Ouh!! So sweet!!!!!” Pulls down to my face- “But sometimes sour too”. Lol I like when he’s like that. And before fixing his hair he kissed my cheek before leaving the room. I was half awake and it’s little things like that that have the biggest impact. That’s where I feel his love most.
idk i really like being called cute but i also really like hearing that you masturbate to the thought of me idk
who knew that at 19 (almost 20), I'd be taking a plan b one-step pill. Cy is just so worried and it's gotten me to start worrying. damn, I guess it's better safe than sorry!
We expressed that we are each other’s true first love; and to me, that’s pretty special.
It was also put out there (for the first time ever) that he wasn’t my first when it came to sex but he said he accepts it and that it really is okay.
"I may not have taken your V card but I took your B.V. card!" hahahaha
I always say to him "If my kids turn out like you and blah blah blah, I'll be so mad!" kind of implying I'll have my kids with him yenno. And today was the first time he said something like that to me! "If my kids turn out like you and they don't finish their food, I'll be so pissed!" he said as I left my quesadilla crust behind lol! I'm all "you gonna have kids with me?" and he nodded yes :)
Seems like our honey moon stage is coming to an end but gosh am I in love with this dude.
We had a fight and there were tears shed on both ends. But today marks the first time we said "I love you" to each other. Cy said it first. In fear of losing me and not being able to tell me how he feels about me, "I'm sorry baby I love you, I love you so much" he blurted out with tears running down his face. That stupid boy; there was never any danger of losing me. I was just really upset lol. I genuinely love this dude.
I'm falling in love with this boy. I know because even when he's dressed like a scrub I'm proud to be his. I don't have any urge to change him. This is real. I also know because I'm scared to lose him. Not that there's a threat or anything but I get jealous with him! When was the last time a guy made me feel like that?? He makes me laugh in new ways everyday and I don't know how he does it. It just feels so, fucking awesome to be with someone who genuinely makes me happy for all the right reasons. It slaps me in the face everyday how into this boy I am and it's crazy!!!! And I'm so thankful god shoved us into each others lives. I never used to be able to picture a future farther than 2 years with anyone and it's weird but, I can see us growing together, learning together.. just being together for a long time. Everything feels right with him and I can only pray that he feels the exact same with me.
All I want is to feel like I'm something more to you.
Everything just feels so, right.
He makes me happy and I only hope I do the same for him. I remember that first night we really talked about our feelings. I can't wait to see where else this goes!
This guy gives me the meanest airplanes. I always feel so cared for when I'm with. He took the best care of me when I had a baby headache, he massages my legs out of no where because he knows I'm always on them at work, and he makes me drink water because I never do. We can be homies and couple-y at the same time and it's not weird. To me that's pretty awesome :) last night (today) is a day to be documented because first time he came before me!!!!!!! lol
I realize now that I was in love with the image of us more than anything else. I lied to myself for a long time. I tried so hard to love you the way I knew I should, but deep down I always knew I couldn’t. I’m sorry for not being able to give you what you deserved. But I want to thank you for the 2 great years we shared together.
Let me just say, a lot can happen in 24 hours! I had work today but the plan was Myles, Kat, and Cy were going to pick me up from work at 9pm then we were all going to head to ate Cathy's birthday dinner!! But mommy wouldn't let Kat go and Myles wanted to chill with Mj instead. So instead, sweetie bear Cy didn't want to leave me stranded and the two of us went to ate's dinner lol. Small kind awks but not too much! Everyone was kind of wondering where Jonaven was. But I briefly introduced Cy and I got in trouble for not making him a plate to eat!! Lol, we each had 1 lumpia and played Mario Kart with Jojo. That was cute :) The party ended and I left with Cy, we were like "what should we do now??" I suggested we wax his legs like we talked about with Kat one time lol. So we went home and I picked up my waxing stuff and went to his house! But we ended up not waxing anything. We had a fat vent session about our dumb friends. Felt really nice to have someone truly understand how I saw things. After, I said "Let's watch P.S. I Love You! If you don't cry, I owe you $5!!" We got pillows and a blanket and set up shop in the living room. We played the movie and Cy goes "should I turn off the light?" And I said "okay!" so he did that, and then I got up to tie my hair or something and when I was going to lay dooown, his arm was where my head was suppose to lie!! In my head I was like "hmmm.. maybe he's just making himself comfortable! it's nothing!!" So I laid down and got all comfy :) maybe an hour into the movie, he put the arm I was laying on, around me! ugh, gave me butterflies. The movie ended and he didn't cry :( So I owe him $5 but of course he said "no need!". Credits rolled and he closed my laptop and put it to the side. We were still in the same position with the lights off and it was just so cute and it felt nice. I put my arm on his chest and touched his ear and did my soothing relaxing thing and somewhere in between, he kissed me. Sort of wish he didn't yet, but it happened! And it happened again. And again. Lol. Cy's lips were always so taut but by the next day he became gentler :) He also held my hand!! He did everything first lol. It was 4 am and grandma woke up so we acted like we were sleeping lol! Then at 6 am we moved to his room and slept until maybe 12? I took a shower and we left to get Shayden so we could take him to his game. Before we left grandma goes "Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend?" Omg so awks! So I was like "..nooooo" LOL. Then we went to their Waikele house to meet his mom so we could be there with her when the new tenants came to check it out! But first we got Jamba and we saw Uchiyama there lol. So his mommy came and we just sat there looked at our polaroid pics and this is where we took the pictures abooove :3 we laid down in his future room then moved to the stairs and when I helped him get up our fingers intertwined again haha! We left and went back to his salt lake house and took a mini nap again. And then things got a little intense but not too intense! Still intense though. But his kisses were gentle and cute and :) And then it got a little more intense! And I was like "that was intense.." And he was like "that was intense!" hahahaha. I want to hold off though. Too early you know? Cy dropped Kat and I to the David's Bridal appt in pearl city and on the way to getting Kat we held hand in the car :3 BUTTERFLIES!!!! He looks so handsome when he drives. Well, all the time really. But even more when he drives lol. So basically, idk what this is or where it's going but we'll see! :D
I seem to have formed a little crush on Cy. This is so weird. But he’s family oriented, exceptionally caring for others, and he’s hilarious. He may not be my usual type; with the no school thing and the drug use thing but to be completely honest.. I wouldn’t mind giving it a shot if the opportunity presented itself. Or maybe I’m just crazy hahahaha. Can’t deny that he’s gotten very handsome though!