Beautiful Escape

Using words to convey the beauty of life. I hope you enjoy. The majority of the pieces here are written by me (i.h).

[untarnishable]

As the heat of summer dies,

So does my love for you.

Like the trees of autumn

That shed their leaves,

I release the remaining pieces of you.

When winter rolls around,

My heart lets ice settle upon it,

In fears of repeating the past.

Yet when the flowers of spring bloom,

So does my longing for you.

And once again I ignore the truth.

-my life mimics the seasons

i.h

[untarnishable]

i feel it before it arrives. like with a coming storm,  everything becomes still and quiet. warm air embraces me,  and fools me into thinking i am safe. i see the clouds hover over my head, and pray that happy thoughts will take them away. when raindrops begin to saturate my skin, I simply pretend the water will purify my soiled heart. soon i am drowning in fear. i feel it before it arrives, yet i ignore nature’s warning signs.

i.h (anxiety, you have always been hidden in the earth beneath my feet)

[untarnishable]

I’m sorry I wasn’t it for you. I’m sorry I didn’t set your heart on fire.

i.h (love lost)

[untarnishable]

I remember it being dark. So dark that I could not see my own hand in front of my face. I felt my body, and remember it feeling hollow and frail, as though I were simply made of bones. Panic should have been my first response, but I only felt at peace in this unknown place. I felt detached from by body, as though I was looking down from up above, and it was not my own. I had no concept of time. I may have been laying for hours or years, but eventually it became clear to me.

[untarnishable]

I’m sorry I wasn’t it for you. I’m sorry I didn’t set your heart on fire.

i.h (love lost)

[untarnishable]

I experienced my first heartbreak around the age of two or three. I vividly remember my mother and father screaming at each other, and then soon after my father left my home forever. I did not understand where he had gone or why he would leave me. I thought fathers are supposed to love their children unconditionally... Now here I am. Twenty years old, and I look at you with so much love. Yet I cannot shake the fear that maybe you will leave me too. How can I expect you to stay, when the person who was supposed to love me most in this life decided I was unworthy of his love?

i.h (fear of abandonment)

[untarnishable]

i loved hurting for you.

i.h

[untarnishable]

When I was 18, I thought I found my best friend. I thought we would be friends for years to come. When I was 19, I lost my best friend because he loved me and I did not feel the same way. There is no worse feeling than breaking someone’s heart. No worse feeling than someone choosing to leave your life forever.

[untarnishable]

i feel it before it arrives. like with a coming storm,  everything becomes still and quiet. warm air embraces me,  and fools me into thinking i am safe. i see the clouds hover over my head, and pray that happy thoughts will take them away. when raindrops begin to saturate my skin, I simply pretend the water will purify my soiled heart. soon i am drowning in fear. i feel it before it arrives, yet i ignore nature's warning signs.

i.h (anxiety, you have always been hidden in the earth beneath my feet)

[untarnishable]

i do not understand why you are drawn to me. i am not as beautiful as the girls before me, nor am i as charismatic. yet, every time we are pulled apart, like a magnet you are pulled towards me again. i do not understand why you are drawn to me. so i am afraid one day, you will will not understand either.

i.h

[untarnishable]

i let the hot water hit my tender back and watched it trickle down my legs. i hoped that, maybe, i could burn my skin enough that the memories would burn away too. i did not want to feel your fingers tracing the small of my back. i did not want to feel your lips on the base of my neck. i simply wanted to take it back. i did not love you, i loved him.

i.h (regret)

[untarnishable]

It’s fun having little secrets sometimes.

i.h

[untarnishable]

I’m sorry I hurt you, but I don’t regret my decisions. Not anymore.

i.h

[untarnishable]

As the heat of summer dies,

So does my love for you.

Like the trees of autumn

That shed their leaves,

I release the remaining pieces of you.

When winter rolls around,

My heart lets ice settle upon it,

In fears of repeating the past.

Yet when the flowers of spring bloom,

So does my longing for you.

And once again I ignore the truth.

-my life mimics the seasons

i.h

[untarnishable]

One day you’ll wake up and realize the feelings you had for me don’t compare to what you feel for her. One day you’ll understand why I couldn’t love you in the way you wanted me to. One day we will meet again on a crowded street and smile, for we will understand why life unfolded this way.

i.h

[untarnishable]

I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I didn’t love you in the way that you loved me.

i.h (regrets)

[fy-perspectives]

Nothing lasts, you see, not even the thoughts inside you. And you mustn’t waste your time looking for them. Once a thing is gone, that is the end of it.

Paul Auster, The Invention of Solitude (via fy-perspectives)