I’ve been thinking lately about some of the differences I’ve observed in online feedist community versus in other online kink communities I’ve been a part of, as well as theorizing as to what the reason for said differences might be. This is obviously all anecdotal but I would be interested to hear if other people’s experiences are similar or if they differ.
It seems generally as though, in online “feedist spaces” broadly, there is a real emphasis on finding a kink partner that I haven’t observed as strongly in say, online BDSM spaces. It almost seems to manifest as a kind of pressure being exerted on people who are perceived as “available” to feed or be fed, as it were. I think it’s a natural consequence of having significantly fewer in-person spaces dedicated to mingling (dungeons, bars, munches, play parties, etc) and perhaps because feedists themselves may even be more innately sedentary and therefore more likely to socialize online than in person.
People certainly post nudes, sext, roleplay, and meet play partners online in other kinks, but it’s often in addition to their irl activity. There’s a greater emphasis in other communities on what one might call the “meta” of kink: discussing frameworks like RACK, sharing tips and tricks, etc, that makes up a greater portion of online interaction. Again, it makes sense from the perspective that these circles existed in real life and practiced very community-centric, diy type ethos historically, as well as the fact that if your kink, is, say, sharps or anal, it’s much easier for you to cruise at the gay bar.
On one hand, it’s amazing that we have this online community, and we owe so much gratitude to all those who have helped to build and curate and safeguard it to give us all a place to connect. That will always be true and I am absolutely not casting aspersions on this community that I truly love. On the other hand, though, I think the lack of in-person spaces can lead to a near-fixation on Finding Someone, because it feels like options are so limited, and that has downsides. People I’ve never spoken to pop into my asks and dms asking if I want to encourage them with no preamble. As someone not looking to find a feedist partner, I sometimes interact with people who pretty clearly think if I’m not here to “participate”, I don’t belong in the community at all, or that the fact that I’m not looking for a feedee means I’m somehow wasting their time by being on this app. I’ve been pretty careful about not referring to myself as a “feeder” when I’m not actually, you know, feeding. But there are obviously still people who think that if I don’t want to live everything I post, I’m “contradicting myself”. I just find it unfortunate that this attitude seems to be more normalized here than in other spaces I’ve experienced. Interested to hear other thoughts + from the feedee/gainer perspective as well.
