unwell friends

i am just an unwell friend making unwell friends. i just doodle in a notebook. and then i post it. its not very good but maybe it will get better. its like my little secret feelings corner. please keep my secret feelings secret thank you. art tag is #unwell friend, asks are #i answer. the ritual is under #ritual. you can help me if you want.

[unwell-friends]

i dont draw anymore. havent for a while. the curse of fleeting interest. a symptom of the illness in my mind. but im still creative when time permits. i still work with my hands. ive taken up whittling in the past year and while i have not made anything in a few months, the things i have made i have gifted to my wife. trinkets. pieces of myself. it is fulfilling when i have the chance to indulge. i am sad i dont get to often due to my responsibilities. perhaps i will make again soon and show it here. time will tell.

[unwell-friends]

this blog too fell victim to my illness. loss of attention, loss of interest, exhaustion and effort. even though its two clicks and done. morning then night. yet even that is hard to keep up with. perhaps this will change.

[unwell-friends]

i dont draw anymore. havent for a while. the curse of fleeting interest. a symptom of the illness in my mind. but im still creative when time permits. i still work with my hands. ive taken up whittling in the past year and while i have not made anything in a few months, the things i have made i have gifted to my wife. trinkets. pieces of myself. it is fulfilling when i have the chance to indulge. i am sad i dont get to often due to my responsibilities. perhaps i will make again soon and show it here. time will tell.

[unwell-friends]

im still alive. im very tired. im a parent now. my son is amazing and im thankful for him and my beautiful wife. i still struggle with bad feelings and bad thoughts and i still wake up every day and do the best i can do. im sorry im not here. but the world continues and we have to stay because tomorrow might be better. dont give up.

[unwell-friends]

good morning. are you still there? we made it through the night. is today a better day for you? maybe it will be for me too.

[unwell-friends]

did we make it here together? are you still around to see? the sun is up on another day. and maybe it will be better this time.

[unwell-friends]

maybe i'll feel better tomorrow

[unwell-friends]

maybe you will feel better tomorrow

[unwell-friends]

maybe maybe maybe. we wont know until we get there. we wont see until the sun rises. but maybe maybe maybe we'll feel better tomorrow.

see you there.

[unwell-friends]

when what little looks i have fade away, will there be anything left to love?

[unwell-friends]

its always something that keeps me away from here for long periods of time

car broken into. notebook stolen, pen stolen. kinda just trying to save up for replacements that i've been eyeing since i bought my first notebook and pen. fingers crossed. stay cool out there everyone.

[unwell-friends]

good morning. are you still there? we made it through the night. is today a better day for you? maybe it will be for me too.

[unwell-friends]

did we make it here together? are you still around to see? the sun is up on another day. and maybe it will be better this time.

[unwell-friends]

maybe i'll feel better tomorrow

[unwell-friends]

maybe you will feel better tomorrow

[unwell-friends]

maybe maybe maybe. we wont know until we get there. we wont see until the sun rises. but maybe maybe maybe we'll feel better tomorrow.

see you there.

[unwell-friends]

good morning. are you still there? we made it through the night. is today a better day for you? maybe it will be for me too.

[unwell-friends]

did we make it here together? are you still around to see? the sun is up on another day. and maybe it will be better this time.

[unwell-friends]

maybe i'll feel better tomorrow

[unwell-friends]

maybe you will feel better tomorrow

[unwell-friends]

maybe maybe maybe. we wont know until we get there. we wont see until the sun rises. but maybe maybe maybe we'll feel better tomorrow.

see you there.

[unwell-friends]

good morning. are you still there? we made it through the night. is today a better day for you? maybe it will be for me too.

[unwell-friends]

did we make it here together? are you still around to see? the sun is up on another day. and maybe it will be better this time.

[unwell-friends]

maybe i'll feel better tomorrow

[unwell-friends]

maybe you will feel better tomorrow

[unwell-friends]

maybe maybe maybe. we wont know until we get there. we wont see until the sun rises. but maybe maybe maybe we'll feel better tomorrow.

see you there.

[unwell-friends]

no ritual. just commiseration today. for a while. im not ready to feel better.

[unwell-friends]

i dont know when i will. i dont know if i will. just anguish and despair.

[unwell-friends]

it dont mattah. nonahthis mattahs.

[unwell-friends]

no ritual. just commiseration today. for a while. im not ready to feel better.

[unwell-friends]

i dont know when i will. i dont know if i will. just anguish and despair.

[unwell-friends]

no ritual. just commiseration today. for a while. im not ready to feel better.

[unwell-friends]

dark thoughts ahead.

[unwell-friends]

today would be a good day. tomorrow looks fine too. one of those emotions that just puts you to the edge of the abyss and says jump. but you cant jump. they bolted your feet to the floor. so all you can do is stare down the hole and go 'today would be a perfect day to jump'. thank you to the bolts.

[unwell-friends]

its just so tempting and every now and then you loosen a bolt yourself and you think 'maybe this is it maybe i can plunge into nothing forever at long last' but then someone comes and tightens the bolt and locks you back down. thank you to the tightener of the bolt.

[unwell-friends]

even when the person who tightens the bolts is mad at you for untightening them. even when they threaten this is the last time. thank you for never sticking with it.

[unwell-friends]

its like. i love you, person who fastens my bolts. im sorry i keep unfastening them. im impulsive and i hate myself and sometimes i think its for the best. i love you even as im unfastening them. i dont think i deserve you and your efforts of always coming back when it was me who did the thing in the first place. sometimes i feel like you could get a much better job than fastening my bolts, so why dont you just let me jump in? you could find something so much better if i were gone and in the hole. but its not a job to you. im not a burden to you. thank you.

[unwell-friends]

i know i promised i wouldnt do it again but i couldnt stop, i didnt think. impulsive action and abject curiosity. i unfasten the bolt. you stop me. never again, you say. i say nothing because you are in the right, and i may have broken a promise but i refuse to try and guilt you into sticking around. i stand shamefully where i am and let the actions ive done face consequences. but you never stick to it. you are still here even though you said last time if it happened again you were gone. i am more thankful than you know.