Listen. I didn't want to ship this. But Dick Grayson in the comics is a little too obsessive and Bruce (on average) is written and treated so much better in the slash fics, so here I am. 18+ Enjoy!!
I love the slightly toxic / massively codependent relationship between Bruce and Dick no matter canon or fanon because you’re telling me Dick cut ties, created his own hero persona, led half the teams in the JL at one point, walked around telling everyone he didn’t need Batman anymore, but then if Bruce died on a mission they’d need the entire Justice League to haul him away from Bruce’s body; and even if they could, he’d fight them the entire way, screaming and spitting and inconsolable to the point of madness…that Dick Grayson. and the Bruce who literally lost his mind and gave into war when Dick died in Injustice…who carries his dead son’s body in so many comics like he’s cradling a child…who split his knuckles down to the bone and kept going until Selina had to beg him to stop…
something about how they consistently make one specific scene of bruce and dick in the dark bathed in light (especially when dick taking vow) to emphasize how intimate and sacred their bond together... yea.. yea there's actually word for people like these two
my proposed alternative for ‘there’s no platonic explanation for this’ is ‘there’s no normal explanation for this’. there are a number of different ways they might love each other but however they do they’re crazy as fuck about it
Thanks to the absolutely hilarious videos of this one guy on TikTok, I've decided that Brucie Wayne these days would more likely be like... highly pretentious tech bro who knows how to pronounce Loewe and owns Aesop soap and wants you to know it. He's a man with a chiselled face and body and a compelling baritone that he uses to lecture you on the correct order of eating sashimi.
I was thinking about this with respect to the idea of an AU where Thomas and Martha Wayne don't die, and Bruce for some reason ends up a feckless nepo baby -- to be frank, I just don't see this as happening anyway, but I decided to play it out for funsies.
(Pretty much all of the below is an adaptation & elaboration of a fun convo I had with @radioactiveradium on this, thanks buddy for humouring me on this silly topic lol.)
Let's say Dick and Brucie meet at a party -- why would they meet at a party? IDK, Dick's buddies Donna and Kory are a photographer and model respectively, and they get him into places, I guess.
Dick, over canapés and champagne, ends up in conversation with this really hot older man with a very sexy, deep voice who takes the time to explain to him how you should not put lemon on oysters because it ruins the terroir, that's why the French never do it, you know?
And Dick on one hand is like "omg kill me now" but also "I just bet he has a really big dick".
Anyway, they drunkenly make out and exchange phone numbers.
Unfortunately for Dick, his brain also ends up filing this information about oysters away because it's really quite interesting.
He meets Brucie for a drink a few days later. He has to sit through the ordeal of Bruce ordering his drink: "Ketel One martini, as cold, dry and dirty as you can make it. Shake it at least a full minute, and just use the vermouth to rinse the glass. With three blue cheese olives and one cornichon."
Dick: "Ummm a gin and tonic, please?"
Bruce cuts in to tweak the order -- "With Monkey 47 and FeverTree clementine tonic. You have that, don't you? Excellent."
Then he turns to Dick and launches into an explanation of the different kinds of gin out there, from Roku to Hendrick's to Botanist, and how "it's all about the botanicals!! Botanicals, Dickie!"
Dick is suffering, because as much as he is cringing on the inside, he is also really into all of it. He can only imagine what his mother is going to say when she hears about this.
Actually, what's she going to say is "He's rich? Go get your bag, baby", because she's not above exploiting a rich man.
Anyway, Dick goes home with him because unfortunately, he is too intrigued not to. He's half-expecting for Brucie to be a selfish, premature ejaculator, but actually... he seems very interesting in taking care of Dick.
I mean, it also comes with more lectures about the importance of stretching and mobility, as if Dick hasn't been well-versed in all that since childhood, but Bruce's slicked fingers inside him feel good enough that he can sort of semi-tune that out.
Don't tell anyone, but he does pay closer attention to Brucie's spiel on the benefits of prostate massage and how to do it properly (while demonstrating said technique on Dick ofc).
It occurs to Dick to sort of nudge Bruce's head down to his cock, and put that mouth to other uses instead -- and Brucie is surprisingly compliant, which is interesting information to file away for later -- and it works, too, except Bruce pulls away every so often to explain exactly what he just did with his mouth.
But also, it's almost like edging… Brucie slowly, very slowly, getting Dick worked up and keeping him hovering on the edge for the longest time before letting him come.
God damn it, it might be the best orgasm Dick has had in a long time.
He's too boneless and cloud-brained to think about getting Bruce off, but the other man doesn't seem to mind.
Later, Dick isn't surprised to see Aesop products in Brucie's luxurious, black-marble bathroom. He lets himself enjoy all of it while taking a shower, because he is not wealthy enough to afford any of these products on a regular basis and he's going to enjoy it while he can, okay?!
They continue hanging out -- going out for meals and coffee and matcha and all that stuff. Bruce somehow always finds some new pretentious topic for his sermons ("I'm concerned you aren't getting enough protein, chum, studies show...") and Dick somehow always finds himself learning something new and interesting. And he somehow always finds himself in Bruce's bed, too.
He ends up going home with gifts, too. One morning, it's a cotton tote full of La Mer products -- "you have to take care of that beautiful face, Dickie, sunscreen is so important" and another day, it's a Loewe satchel -- "it's pronounced Loh-eh-vay actually" -- and it's nice, okay? Dick can live without nice things, but these are all nice things that make his life better and suit his tastes even when he doesn't realise it.
(Even if he nearly faints when he realises the price of the Tom Ford fragrance Bruce gifted him... with a detailed homily on how to wear cologne, of course).
At some point, it occurs to Dick to convince Brucie to bottom for him, because maybe those lectures on prostate massage were his way of trying to tell Dick something...?
And like, it’s cataclysmic for Brucie. Life-changing. Dick fully succeeds in dickmatizing this otherwise insufferable man.
... For like half an hour until the afterglow wears off and then Bruce is back to talking about deconstructivist architecture.
Anywayyyy. This is how even vain pretentious tech fashion bro nepo baby heir to a billion-dollar fortune Brucie Wayne ends up with Dick Grayson as his somewhat-suffering-but-not-really boyfriend, lol.
I know this is supposed to be Alfred walking in and being shocked that Selina got around all their alarms and is suddenly in Bruce’s bed, but I like to imagine that crisp “oh.” is because Alfred’s stunned that Bruce is finally getting laid.
Okay Inspiration just took hold of me, that could or could not take place in an omegaverse:
I’m thinking of the time between Dick moving out and Bruce adopting Jason.
Bruce has become very very sad because of the not so good terms he and Dick are on and also because of empty nest syndrome.
The rest of the League (who doesn’t know Batman’s identity at this point) thinks he got broken up with/divorced and almost all of them are trying to shoot their shot with The Bat.
Cyborg is one of the only ones who isn’t.
And one day he’s complaining about the borderline workplace harassment that Batman has to face (and is seemingly oblivious about) every day?, to the Teen Titans. And how he wishes they’d leave the obviously depressed man alone.
Freshly rebranded Nightwing hearing this:
Nightwing immediately requesting to be recruited into the justice league.
Dick still isn't getting along with Bruce. So his sudden arrival as a member of the Justice League is a surprise, only beaten out by the fact Dick will not leave his side.
Dick is still scowling, still pissed off at Bruce, but seems almost...protective? He can tell there's a divide between his son and the rest of his teammates, except for Victor. His teammates seem almost...jealous? Of his son, while Dick fumes anytime one of them speaks to Bruce about anything other than mission work.
Bruce seemingly isn't allowed to be alone with his friends, Dick sticks by him at all times, and if it isn't him, it's Cyborg, only looking slightly less irritated by every advance from his coworkers.
Hal grumbles at one point "didn't know you liked them young, Spooky?" and Bruce just blinks. Neither did he? Either way, he's not letting Hal get under his skin, and brushes it off with a smooth, probably too Brucie "sorry, Jordan, you're not my type." Hal is less than twenty-four hours younger than him anyway.
Bruce and Diana standing off in the distance at Clark’s funeral in BVS looking cunty as fuck with their long black wool coats and sharp jawlines talking to each other dramatically must have been TOO MUCH for the small-town gossip mill, I’m telling you.
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