Up ir down? @upirdown-blog - Tumblr Blog

I'm back?

It's a bit after Easter. Spring is here. NYC is saying its goodbyes and I'm remembering how this tumblr started it all.

Your question was: What is your defense if you want to, but don't yet believe in love? The answer is: Hope and Determination. You have to be willing, if you want to believe, if you want to love.

Do you still believe that works? I see it being snatched away at every possible moment.

Is It Better To Lie?

a heart full of truth is a heart full of pain. these types of hearts die to pity and shame. (they are small hearts that die a humble and untimely death.)

a heart full of lies is a heart full of cheer. these types of hearts are often revered. (they are big hearts that have statues erected in their honor.)

it's true, pride comes before the fall but that is not to say the humble stand forever tall they fall

more often

and harder

into a pit far darker and more violent

all for the sake of truth

#lies #truth #joy #pain #happiness #sorrow #pride #humility

response to your, "i want to believe" post: "Love is our only defense against the abyss in this meaningless universe."

what is your defense if you want to, but don't yet believe in love?

eternal weight

glory to the one who let me down

#pride

the cost of honesty

i'm not sorry

the mortuary scientist

she was said to have the skills of a god the ability to reconstruct re-imagine death into life bone by bone yet for all those mindlessly roaming around her she could only offer a simple smile

#living dead

i want to hate you

but i cannot. for you are only human. i am only human. but for some reason, i can hate myself. why is that so?

#hate #power #logic

i want to believe

all i ever hear is the endless murmurings about how 'if it's meant to be, it'll happen' and 'everything happens for a reason' and all that other senseless, encouraging bullshit, and my heart ALMOST beats a single time in adulation before i realize that there is only an empty cavity in my petrified chest. i carved it out myself because, the thing is, those murmurings are true. but they are not to be heard in the hopeful tones that we all desire. it was meant to be that Judas would be a backstabbing betrayer, and it was meant to be that Kurt Cobain would blow is brains out, and it was meant to be that you would never read this, and no one would ever read your blog either, because we are in a sea of people with nothing to say to everyone who will listen, a sea of people who write run-on sentences and shit in the public cisterns only to point at the refuse and shout from the rooftops for praise--as if our neighbor didn't make the same exact bowel movement as we did only hours before we thought to squat. you see, i want to believe. i want to hope. but this world is hell. even the most hopeful person is just looking out for themselves. no one will share this. no one will read this. and i don't write those words for sympathy. i write them because you know, as well as i do, that they are true. you don't matter. none of us do. and that insignificance happened for a reason.

#hope #despair #insignificance #reason #belief

Moving Off

She told him he should move on. He packed up all of his things shortly after. I think the hardest part for him was the silence. He grew up in a world filled with noise. Never a moment of peace to be had. Until she sent him on his way. His mind disolved into short inarticulate sentences. He simplified everything. He began living out of a small suitcase. For the following two years slept in his car and the occasional couch. He was alone. He began to write. He began to write in the third person. He tried his very best to move on. He soon discovered his wits had moved off without him.

#moving #relationships #off #silence #travel

How long should a man trudge forward before he gives up the hike?

#perseverance #quitting #prose #questions

going down

at the pinnacle of the mountain we can see the darkest depths of the valley. but only in the depths of that valley can we comprehend the true majesty of the mountain. and that is why i choose to dig deep.

#depth #height #humility #paradox #perspective #prose

Please sing us your favorite love song. <3

i've written quite a few love songs. my favorite love song will be on my new album. perhaps i'll post it once i release it. sorry for the shitty non-answer to your beautiful question.

am i you?

is it a universal law that we are all destined to be dissatisfied with our lot in life? is it just me? i've got to believe that most people are like this. if they aren't then i don't belong here at all. and if i don't belong here at all, then why am i here to begin with? why do i struggle each day for meaning and purpose? why do i seek to make waves in this giant ocean of life?

because of this, i must believe that others feel as i do: supremely dissatisfied with themselves. i dont understand it at all. no matter what i do, i end up being unhappy, overall. sure, there may be a few fleeting days of joy, but soon enough, it's right back to sadness. the things and people that bring me the most happiness are pulled away from me, thus bringing pain and sorrow. and the things and people that bring me ridicule and adversity surround me, begging me to reveal my weakness. their arrow is ready to pierce my heart, if only i let down my guard for a moment.

love and truth are what i seek. perhaps this is the problem? if i should give myself a lobotomy and allow myself to be pleased with something false and forced, perhaps the dissatisfaction would cease? the falseness surrounds us, after all. maybe that's what this bottle of wine is for? should i drink it down to avoid the arrow, or is it the very arrow i seek to avoid? is life the sum of years lived (long and safe) or the amount of passion expressed (however risky) in the time we had?

is anyone out there like me?