Hi Besties!! I am no longer writing as of right now, I don’t know if I will ever finish my series or start writing again but I’m taking care of myself and my mental health <3 Remember to take care of yourself too🫶🏽.
I’m really not sure bestie, I have so much going on with school and work and just other things in my personal life that I don’t think if I even did start writing again any of my content would be good. :/
as i continue to become a better woman. i’m really starting to understand the importance of remaining silent. everything doesn't need your input or opinion. everyone doesn’t deserve a reaction from you. some situations are really meant to bring you out character. know when to speak up. most importantly know when to remain silent.
Summary: A freak accident took you away from your boyfriend, and he doesn't know what to do with himself, he's never faced a loss like this in his life.
Warning: Reader death (car accident), lots of suicide ideation (overdose, driving a car into a lake), suicide notes, swearing, Billy and reader are still in high school (entering their senior year), Billy says lots of hurtful stuff to his family (due to grief), vomit, substance abuse (drugs and alcohol), suicide (overdose), no happy ending
Word count: 3,151
A/N : Grab your tissues, this made me cry until I dry heaved. Loosely inspired by Pearl Jam's cover of Last Kiss (X) These are extremely heavy triggers please proceed with caution.
August 12, 1985
Billy laid in his room, cigarette between his lips, exhaling the smoke before doing the same thing. School was starting in three days, he was finally a senior and as soon as he would graduate in May 1986, he'd leave Hawkins with you, going back to California. He was on babysitting duty once again, Neil and Susan were who knows where, and Max was in her room with her weird friend, as he heard them giggling.
Music blared in his bedroom; he didn't even realize anyone was at the door until Max's fist banged on his door. He rolled his eyes, fixing the black shorts on his hips. He got up, putting the cigarette in an old beer can, shaking it a little before putting it in his trash can. He opened the door, "Need money for pizza?" Max shook her head, she looked odd, he noted the way her eyes were teary, Jane in the hallway, looking at Max.
"Chief of police is here, he needs to talk to you." His mind began racing. He was trying to figure out where to hide his ounce of weed. "Tell him I'm not here." Max shook her head, "You really need to talk to him." Billy sighed and nodded, leaving his room, shutting the door behind him. Max went to her bedroom, Jane following right behind her. Billy went to the front door; Jim Hopper was sitting on the railing of Billy's porch. Billy shut the front door and Jim looked up, hit hat off of his head.
"What'd I do?" Hopper shook his head and Billy raised a brow, sitting on the steps of the house and Jim joined him. "My dad and Susan?" Jim shook his head once more, clearing his throat. He reached into his back pocket, grabbing his wallet and he pulled a small clear bag out of it, handing it to Billy.
A bloody picture of you and Billy was in the bag, he looked at it, his stomach churning. He put it down, looking at the grass, trying to contain what he had eaten that day. "I don't know how you guys know each other, but that was in her car. It was a freak accident; a truck driver was falling asleep and didn't see her car." Billy grew increasingly nauseated, Jim putting the image in his head. He began to sweat, pushing his hair back.
"She's not okay, is she," he asked, choking on his words and the bile building up. Jim shook his head, "She passed a few hours ago, her parents didn't want anyone there." Billy leaned over the railing, throwing up in Susan's flowers and Jim put his hand on Billy's naked back, patting gently.
Billy spit a few times, trying to get the taste out of his mouth and he pushed his hair back again, wiping his mouth on his hand, wiping the liquid on the wooden railing. "Is your dad here?" Billy shook his head, "No, I don't know where he's at." Jim nodded. "When's her funeral?" Jim looked at Billy, "I'll come by when I find out." Billy nodded, looking at the picture again.
They were pictures from the Funfair from a photobooth, he remembers exactly how the night went. "Her mom said you were around a lot, even met them." Billy nodded, those were the first and would be the last set of parents he ever met. "Yeah, she was my girlfriend, was gonna be a year in December." Jim nodded and a static voice came through his radio, someone needing him at the station. "Take care of yourself, Billy. If you need anything, you know where to find me or ask my kid in there for our address.
Billy nodded, quietly thanking Jim and he got up, putting his hat back on his head and patted Billy's shoulder and walked to his car. Billy watched Jim leave, looking up at the sky, doing his best to contain his tears. He got up, going back into the house, Max and Jane on the couch. He handed Max money, "For your dinner," he said before going to his bedroom, slamming the door shut and he locked it.
He carefully took the strip of pictures out of the baggy, putting it on his bedside table that held a picture frame of the two of them at prom. He looked through his room, finding the black box that held a locket, his name engraved into the pretty heart locket, your guys' first picture in it. He snapped it shut, hoping you'd have an open casket service so he could put it with you.
He laid back down, letting his mind run rampant with memories of the two of you. Hours must have passed as he saw Neil's truck headlights pull into the driveway. He hoped for his sake that Max had ordered dinner and had cleaned up afterwards. He heard Neil's heavy footsteps go through the house and then he heard Max's door open as he heard her cry, most likely in search of her mother.
He heard a soft knock on his door before he heard Susan's voice, "Billy, I'm so sorry." He heard her soft footsteps leave his door and his brain finally came to terms that you were gone. He curled up, stuffing his face into his pillow as he cried, his body shaking with his cries as he struggled for air, gasping through his hiccups and sniffles.
Almost two weeks after he found out about your death, the funeral was held, Max joined him along with Susan, Neil out of town for his job. Your mom hugged him, rubbing his back and your dad hugged him, something he had never done before that day. It was an open casket and as everyone left the room, preparing to go to the cemetery, he walked to the front of room. He stood above your body, more tears falling, and he held the locket in his hand.
He felt someone's presence, someone was behind him, probably Max or Susan waiting for him since he drove them to the service. He unclipped the locket and put it around your wrist, clipping it back together. He looked down at the silver ring on his finger, something his mom gave him. At this moment, he didn't care, his mom never left a hole in his heart like this, he'd forget about his mom with time, but he'd never forget you and the mark you left on his heart.
He slid the silver ring off of his finger, holding your cold left hand as he slid it onto your ring finger, where the diamond ring he would've bought you, would sit. He looked at you, you didn't look any different than you usually did. He grabbed one of the chairs, moving it closer to your casket and he sat down.
"What am I supposed to do now," he asked, "I haven't gone to school, I think I'm going to drop out. I haven't left my house either until today, because I needed to say goodbye to you. I keep taking it out on Max and everyone else, I've never been this angry before, I think I'll always be like this. I know if you were still here, you'd tell me that you would want me to move on, but I can never do that, no one is going to treat me like you did."
He gulped, trying not to choke on his tears, "I decided to stay here so I can be close to you, I'm gonna come see you every day, just like I did when we were dating." He wiped his face with the back of his hand, "I love you, and I'm gonna love you forever, because you're doing the same for me." He moved the chair back, letting his fingers touch yours, trying not to react to the coldness of your body.
He turned around to leave the room, your mom standing in the doorway of the vast viewing room. "We have something for you." He nodded, following her out of the room, and out of the building, to the car where your dad was standing at the trunk. Billy walked over, wiping his face, his eyes burning from crying so much. Your dad opened the trunk, two boxes in it. "We kept what we wanted to, this is everything that has you two in it, your clothes that she took from you, and other stuff we thought that you would like to have." He nodded, thanking your dad and your mom hugged him again.
"You're still family and welcome to our house whenever, Billy." He nodded and thanked her, and your dad helped Billy take one of the boxes to the Camaro and Billy opened the trunk as your dad put the box into the trunk and Billy shut it, placing the other box in the backseat beside Max. Her hand went to reach out, "No, that's not for you. Keep your damn hands to yourself." He moved the driver's seat back to its regular position as he started the car.
He looked in the mirror, sighing as he saw Max looking out of the window, "Look, I'm sorry, alright? I shouldn't have snapped at you." She shrugged, "It's fine, I get it. That's her stuff." He nodded and he followed the black hearse to the cemetery. They all arrived, and he fixed his black dress shirt, throwing a blazer on and Max and Susan got out of the car. Billy met up with your dad, your brother that was a few years older than you, and other family members that he never got to meet.
Billy didn't want to be a Pallbearer, but your dad had asked him, and he couldn't say no to him. The six of them talked as the funeral director opened the back of the hearse. "Okay, so Billy and I will be in the middle since we're going by height." Everyone nodded at what your dad said.
Your dad introduced Billy to your uncle, grandfather and cousin and he shook their hands. Your grandfather and uncle grabbed the back of the casket as Billy and your father grabbed the handles on the middle and your brother and cousin grabbed the front handles. Your casket moved to everyone's shoulders, their other hands grabbing onto the handles as they all began walking to your grave site.
Susan held Max's shoulders as Max wiped under her eyes. They all put your casket on the contraption and took their seats, Billy sitting with your parents, Max and Susan on the other side of your mom. The funeral director began speaking before your dad got up and gave a speech. Your mom gave a speech as well, along with your brother and Billy stood up as your brother left the podium, your brother putting his hand out and Billy clapped his hand to his, leaning in and their shoulders touched, and your brother sat back down.
Billy grabbed the crinkled, tear-stained notebook paper out of the pocket of his blazer. He pushed his hair back, clearing his throat. "I'm Billy, I'm," he cut himself off, "was her boyfriend." He couldn't bring himself to say your name. "I had a whole speech prepared, but nothing I say will ever amount to how much I truly love her, how she made me feel during tough moments. We met on my first day at Hawkins High, I asked her to be my girlfriend in December and I met her family in January. I had never had a girlfriend before her, she made me feel like everything was okay during family problems, like nothing could hurt me. She was always so happy to see me, there was never a dull moment with her. She was the first person to tell me that they loved me and actually mean it. We did everything together; we were glued at the hip. We would have graduated together in May 1986 and then we were going to move to California and start our new life there, get married and have kids later on in life."
He wiped his face with his index finger, looking at your casket. "The Funfair was one of our last dates, she hated heights, but I was somehow able to convince her to go on the Ferris Wheel with me. She freaked out the first two minutes were on it." Your brother laughed with your dad and Billy chuckled at the memory, "We used to go on late night drives to the diner on the outskirts of town, we'd go to the lake just to go sit on the dock and look at the stars." He looked at your casket one more time, this last sentence for you and you only, "I love you more than I can ever say, I just wish I got to tell you one more time." He cleared his throat, a single tear slipping from his right eye, onto his paper.
He thanked the crowd and sat back down at his seat and your dad put his hand on Billy's shoulder. Everyone watched your casket get lowered into the dirt before someone began covering it with dirt, your headstone showing to everyone the more the dirt pile shrunk. People began leaving, your brother and Billy talking behind a tree as they smoked cigarettes. "You're still my brother, even though she's not here anymore. You need anything at all, you know where to find me." Billy nodded, thanking him.
"Is it hard for you?" Your brother nodded, "Very, I moved out because I couldn't sleep next to her room anymore knowing that she wasn't in there." Billy nodded. "How's school?" Billy hummed, "I don't go, haven't left my house since Jim Hopper came to my house to tell me that she passed." Your brother hummed, nodding in understanding. They finished the conversation and Billy saw Max and Susan at the car, ready to leave. He sighed, not ready. "I can take them back to your house, I know where it's at. Cherry Lane, right?" Billy nodded, thanking him and your brother walked to the girls, and they got into his car.
Soon, Billy was the last one left, and he was to your headstone, sitting right beside it, the dirt still too soft on top of your casket. He took a deep breath, "This is fucked up, I was supposed to go first from natural causes." He put his hand on top of the headstone, rubbing a ridge just like how he used to rub your skin. "I wonder how much these plots are, might as well put my down payment for the one right next to you," he chuckled before sighing.
Many weeks passed and not a day went by where he wasn't high or drunk. He was able to get ketamine, weed, and some type of pills. He was hoping that something would be laced with something that would kill him. He was mean now, to everyone he knew. Max did her best to breakthrough to him, but she ticked him off weeks ago when she said she understood the feeling and he freaked out, leaving his house and ending right back at your burial sight. She didn't understand, no one in his family knew how he felt.
He had gone through loss before, his mom leaving, his grandparents passing away, but nothing fucked him up like your death did. Now, he sat in his bed, weed in his system as he wrote notes, sealing them in envelopes as he wrote names on the front of the envelopes. He wrote one for his entire family, your brother and parents, and one for you. He had dreamt about his death, sometimes when he drove by Lover's Lake, he wondered if he'd be able to crash his car into the water, but determined he was too good of a swimmer to go through with it.
He knew that his drug supplier wouldn't give him anything laced, so it was in his hands. He finished his notes, coming to terms that he wanted to die. He left his bed, putting clothes on and making sure he had his wallet, making sure his driver's license was in it. He made his bed one last time, quietly making his way to Neil's bedroom as he found the high strength pain meds from a past surgery, he hoped they would still work.
He walked back down the hallway, shutting his bedroom door, walking past Max's bedroom, sliding the envelope under her door, leaving Neil and Susan's envelopes on the coffee table in the living room. He grabbed the keys to his Camaro, driving to your parent's house, putting their envelopes in the mailbox before he made his way to your brother's apartment complex, talking to the person at the front desk as they slid it into his mailbox.
Billy made his way back to his car, making his last stop at your grave, wedging your envelope between the vase and the headstone. He rubbed the top of the headstone before going back to his car. He looked at the plot right next to you, hoping that Neil would respect his last wish to be buried right next to you.
Billy made his way to Lover's Lake, the last place the two of you spent time at. He looked at the pill bottle, popping the top and started off with four pills, swallowing them with water from a bottle that had stayed in his car for days. He took more, and more until the bottle was empty.
1 AM
Max walked into her bedroom, seeing the white envelope on her floor and she picked it up before she heard the front door open, hearing Neil speak to someone before the door shut and she heard Neil scream like he was in pain. She tore her envelope open, and her eyes welled up at the opening words.
"I'm sorry for everything I put you through."
She felt sick to her stomach, clutching it as she read the letter as she heard her own mother cry, Neil's cries were the loudest. Someone knocked on her door before it opened, Susan standing in the doorway before she walked into the room and wrapped her daughter into a tight hug. Max sobbed into Susan's neck and Susan tightened her hold on Max's body, swaying them. "He was in pain, baby, he felt like he had no other option." Max cried harder, wishing she had tried harder to help him.
That night, two families were broken, your family dealing with two losses and Billy's family having to come to terms with his death, Max taking it the absolute hardest, because maybe just maybe, they could have been best friends and do what normal siblings do.
Enemies to lovers, fluff, angst, Billy Hargrove x OC, 18+
WC: 1.8K
“Hargrove!” I shouted, storming over to where Billy stood next to his Camaro. He smirked as soon as I pulled the red pair of thongs out of my pocket. I shoved it into his chest and he looked me up and down then grabbed them, shoving them in his pocket.
“Stop leaving random girls’ panties outside my window. It’s weird.” I mumbled, crossing my arms and looking up at him.
Him and I weren’t exactly… fond of each other. Eversince he came to Hawkins, with his step-sister, Max. He’s been the bane of my existence. Everytime I see him, which is often since Mike is friends with Max, my eyes twitch in annoyance.
One second he’s pretending he wants to get all in my pants, the next he’s cursing me out. It was very infuriating. “I am so sorry, Wheeler. I was drunk.” Billy muttered placing his hand on my waist and I glared at him, stepping a good two feet away.
“You’re going to make people think we’re together.” I said, waving at one of the girls I knew from the cheerleading team. “Would that be so bad Devlin?” He questioned, blowing the smoke from his cigarette right in my face.
I wheezed a bit, wafting the area around us. “You are such an ass!” I growled, walking away. “And I love your ass!” He replied and I spun on my feet and raised my middle finger, “stop staring at my ass!”
After I threw him one last dirty look, I met up with Nancy at my car. “So where exactly are you going?” Nancy asked me suspisiouscly. “Just to a party. It’s friday night, and schools almost out.” “You remember last time you got drunk Dev?”
I winced at the memories of vomit and Billy flashed through my mind. I had unfortunately gotten so drunk, I puked on Billy Hargrove and he had to take me home shirtless. It was embarrassing obviously, and it made me stop talking to him for a whole month until he slid through my window and asked what was wrong.
“I remember Nance. And I’ll be careful this time.” She pursed her lips looking at me unsure. Billy drove past us in the exact moment and stopped next to us. I glared at him and Nancy waved. Suddenly her eyes widened and she smiled.
“Billy, are you going to the party tonight?” She asked and I immediately shook my head. “I do not need a baby sitter Nancy! Especially not him!” She shushed me, waiting for Billys answer. “In fact I am, and I am also willing to watch your sister during this party and make sure she gets home safe after.”
“Nance, I don’t need to be watched!” I whined and Nancy gave me a sheepish smile. “Sorry, Dev. I just don’t trust you after your last party.” Billy gave me a cheeky smile, and winked before speeding out of the parking lot.
“Nancy, I really don’t like you right now.” I mumbled, dragging myself to my car and getting in with a frown. “See you at home Dev!” Nancy called, getting into her car with the opposite of a frown.
After five minutes of blasting songs in my car, I finally made it home. I contemplated whether I should go to the party or not but I didn’t want to let Billy ruin my night of fun. I barely get out anyway unless it’s for food, school, or to drive around Mike, Dustin, or Lucas.
I decided to wear a cute black sequin dress. It wasn’t too short and I could move easily in it. I applied lipgloss, did my hair then went downstairs to wait on Billy, cue the eyeroll, to show up. “You look… put together. Why?” Mike asked, plopping on the couch next to me. He was snacking on some popcorn with his walkie-talkie in hand.
“Going to a party with, Billy.” I mumbled, glancing at the clock nervously. “Billy Hargrove? Maxs’ brother?”
“Step-brother.” Someone said and I looked over at the front door and there he was in all his glory. I sighed standing up. “I’ll catch you later Mike, don’t get into any trouble, please?” “Can’t promise anything.” Mike muttered, waving me off.
“After you, princess.” Billy smirked and I pushed him out the door first. “Not giving you a chance to stare at my ass.” I said and he gave me a mock of surprise. “I would never do that Wheeler.” He said opening the passengers door for me and I rolled my eyes. “What-ever.”
He slammed the door closed after I got in and then entered on his side. He immediately lit a cigarette and blasted music while we made it to the party. It was a few blocks away.
I leaned my head against the window watching the lights of different cars flash, giving me a light headache. “You’re quiet over there.” Billy sighed, turning the music down and I shrugged. “What do you want me to say?” I questioned, crossing my arms and turning towards him.
“I want you to stop acting like we’re strangers. I know you more then you think I do.” I scoffed, leaning my arm against the middle console. “I doubt it. Tell me things, only my family would know about.”
He rolled his eyes, turning to me for a split second before looking back at the road. We like a safe driver. “When you were six years old,you were sexually assulated resulting in you being closed off when it comes to relationships.” My eyes widened and I looked at him in shock.
“How did you know that?!” I whisper yelled. “You told me when you were drunk. You said a lot of things that night. But, nevermind that princess, we’re here.” He gave me a grin and put the car in park.
We both got out and many people on the lawn stared as we walked in together. Most people stared even harder as we walked in because Billy put his arm around my waist. “Stop doing that.” I demanded, ripping his hand from my waist. He finally saw how annoyed I was from it and he apologized.
“I want a drink.” I mumbled, trying my hardest to weave my way through the crowd. After giving up on being nice and shoving some people, we made it to the kitchen and I grabbed myself a beer while Billy got a water. “You don’t want to drink?” I questioned Billy, popping the beer open using the counter.
A trick Steve taught me.
“Hot. And no, I need to drive you home later.” He said, close to my ear so I could here him. “Alrighty then.” I downed my beer and stepped out onto the dance floor, feeling the alcohol rush through my veins.
I was a lightweight. Sometimes it’s pissy but, other times it benefits me because I can get to having fun sooner then others. I danced to the music running my hands over my body and singing the music lowly.
After a light sheen covered my body and I started to get bored, I clumsily walked over to Billy, who had been watching me the whole time. I felt it.
When I was drunk, it was easier to admit Billy was very attractive. I had known him for some time now as well and he infuriated me more then he made me feel queasy inside. “Billy, you are just so cute!” I squealed, grabbing his cheeks and squeezing them.
“Princess you are so drunk right now.” He mumbled, grabbing my wrists and pulling my hands away from his face. “Can I give you a hug?” I slurred, standing up and tripping over my feet. Billy rushed to grab my arm before I hit the ground. “Shit, Devlin, calm down.”
As he pulled me closer, I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck, taking in his scent of cigarettes and cologne. “You smell so good, Hargrove.” Billy put his arm around my waist and sudden;y I was lifted off the ground. “I’m taking you home, Wheeler.” He whispered, kissing my forehead making me laugh.
“Nancy, will kill me if she sees me like this. As well as my parents.” I slurred, leaning my head against his shoulder and looking up at him. “I’ll take you to my house, until the morning.” He placed me in the passengers seat then reached over me to buckle my seatbelt.
“Billy, you are so nice to me all the time. I’m sorry I’m so mean to you.” I apologized and he froze, looking at me.
“You are drunk Devlin.” “A drunk mind, speaks sober thoughts. Now, get in! Chop, chop.” I shouted, clapping my hands and he looked at me with amusement then closed the door and got in the drivers seat.
Once we made it to his house, he carried me upstairs. We passed Maxs room and I waved to her. “Hey Maxi-poo! I miss you!” I called and her head snapped up from a notebook she had. Before she could say anything, we made it to Billys room. It was covered in car posters and posters of bands.
His bed wasn’t made and he had a few pieces of clothing on the floor. Billy placed me on his bed and I moved around uncomfortably. “Billy, can I take off my dress, I’m uncomfortable.” Billy shook his head, and got on his knees next to the bed.
“No princess.” “But please, I can wear one of your shirts.” I shifted myself onto my belly and placed my hands on his cheeks. “Fine, go to the bathroom and change.” He handed me one of his tshirts and I got to lazy and removed my dress while I was in his bed, revealing my panties and bra.
“And-” Billy’s eyes widened and he spun on his feet. I ignored him, throwing the shirt over my head. As soon as my head peaked through the hole, I buried myself under is covers and sighed, enjoying the coldness of the blankets.
“I’m done Billy.” I called out lowly, my eyes fluttering closed. “You are unbelievable.” He mumbled, going into the bathroom and closing the door behind him.
After the shower ran for 10 minutes he walked out of the bathroom with curly wet hair and only shorts on. It chest was slightly damp as he dried his hair with a random shirt he grabbed off the floor.
After turning the lights off he crawled into bed next to me and was silent. I turned around, and called his name lightly. “Yes, princess?” “Where is your dad?” I asked, and he stayed silent. If the lights were on I’m sure he would have been trying to contain his anger.
“He left, a month ago. That’s all we’ll speak of that, come here.” He mumbled and I scooted closer to him and placed my head on his shoulder. Billy grasped my waist and kissed my forehead. “I hope you don’t hate me tomorrow.”
