𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 1٠࣪⭑
Summary: It's been seven years since Smoke left. A departure he never wanted to take as Annie was a love he never wanted to leave but grief and fear put him in a place he never thought he would be. Promises to return sooner than later and weekly letters and phone calls from community phone lines started consistently and after a year became nearly nonexistent. Now he's back. As irrational as it is for someone whose life (and the way he moves through it) has been dictated by logic, he believes what he and Annie have is eternal and fated so he's sure they will find their way back to love that sustained them and the home they created in each other. Then, he hears whispers of her moving on with someone new in the last year. Even if it's wrong, selfish, and unfair to what she is attempting to create...he'll show her that he loves her STILL.
C/W: angst, cussing, dual pov, canon compliant, smut (small flashback), heartbreak, lovers to enemies (one sided), grief
A/N: Chapter 1 is finally here! I hope you all enjoy it! Also, I don't have a beta reader so there may be a typo here or a grammatical error there.
Word Count: 5K
Divider credit: MDNI @cafekitsune ; gradient divider @cursed-carmine
They know they’re wrong.
It’s not something they’re proud of.
It’s not something they can pray away, avoid, or convince themselves has died never to be resurrected—a funeral can’t take place for something alive and well. If that would’ve worked, they wouldn’t be in the situation they were currently in.
It is something inevitable—like the Delta heat that walked hand in hand with them since the first day they felt it beat down on their skin, both comforting and overwhelming. Something unyielding like the way sweating bodies grinded close together, prohibited drinks flowed, the smell of Southern delicacies fried in oil, and music woven into the inner fabric of their soul every Saturday at The Juke was the only time their people ever truly felt free.
Neither of them had ever been known for being deceitful in any way, fashion, or form. It was one of the things that bonded them in the first place. Being honest when it was comforting and it felt like a radiating light enveloping them in a warm embrace and when it was hard and felt heavy on the tongue and the truth was the last thing they wanted to hear.
Always being honest was a promise that bound them as well as bonded them, which led to them doing something they never had—choosing to be vulnerable enough to lay their entire selves bare to the other as lasting as ink permanently etched on bare skin.
The versions of them who made the initial promise would balk at the way the current version of them discarded the very promise that was the foundation of their union. They found out that even certain values could be sacrificed if it meant avoiding a life lived without the one they called home.
What good were morals if it led to a fate that would kill you…for what good was a life without the one who made living itself not a penance but a privilege? They barely survived separation the first time as they walked around like haints occupying a body whose true soul had passed on.
EIGHT YEARS AGO…
Annie tried her hardest to start over. Even with them maintaining contact those first two years, she never let herself be lulled into Smoke's promise of returning. The third year when he had gone radio silent was when she had completely lost her whole world all at once. An experience that shook her faith to the core, which led to a deep disconnection in her root work only compounded by the loss of Luna.
From a young age, Annie had always had a strong connection to the Earth, her ancestors, and the sacred practice passed down for generations. The trauma resulting from the loss of her little moon, who was a manifestation of the purest, strongest, and most everlasting love she had ever known was enough to have her question everything starting with why this healing, life affirming practice had not worked the one time she needed it most.
She mourned in a way that would both shake the ground beneath her feet in one moment while she felt so empty she questioned if she could ever feel again in another. Whatever force in this world that thrives off pure devastation decided they weren’t through with her yet as they took her love from her too.
While he was not gone from this world, he was gone from her orbit. The gravitational pull that would keep her connected to the Earth despite the betrayal of such as the loss of a child was gone when he was never needed more.
The most difficult part was that he did not do something foul in a way that she could discard their love or curse his name from the moment she woke till the second sleep overtook her at night. If Elijah had truly betrayed her— the love would have gone sour. Annie was raised by strong women who hammered into her the importance of having her own and not allowing mistreatment or betrayal from a man and those lessons were ingrained so deep that it became a non-negotiable. It was commonplace for men to cheat and have multiple families being loyal to nothing but the urge to keep their dicks wet.
That wasn’t her man though loyalty and fidelity was a huge part of their love and no one could even catch his eye after they met. His love, yearning, passion, and desire for her was a fire that had only burned brighter and had never waned. He had regularly told her that he would live inside of her if he could to which she always playfully rolled her eyes and smirked. Something else led to the exodus he would have never embarked on if it was based on what he actually wanted.
Stack. His selfish, ill-timed, fly-by-the-seat of his pants ass brother determined to go on a dangerous mission (as he called it) to Chicago and expected Smoke to be as he had always been, by his side. Annie felt at times that Stack was a test to push the very limits of her patience by being an ever present thorn in her side when he was around.
This was by far the worst time to be the most selfish he ever had been with such a request or what Stack himself had seen as a guarantee. He could not conceptualize nor fully grasp (or respect) the love they had and what it meant. So, he struggled understanding why Smoke was heavily hesitant where he would have been on board with strict ground rules in the past, but that was before Annie. Before an insurmountable loss they still could not measure. Elijah was not a love that strayed or left; he was a love that planted roots, built something eternal, one you felt in your bones, and was enveloped by a peace that could not be disturbed. Smoke was a love that surrounded, watched, interceded on the behalf of, and above all protected—not being able to do that for his daughter did damage to his self concept and identity that he was not even fully aware of the extent of the damage. ‘Protector’ had become the role he held the longest and the most consistently. Yet, when it was needed most there was nothing he could do in his power to save who mattered most— it was as if he had a mortal wound yet still remained alive.
They grieved differently. Elijah felt grief as deep as the ocean where he would weep or become so lost in thought Annie would have to shake him to the point of his whole body moving to snap out of the frozen state. He had only ever been in trances like that following flashbacks from the War. Meanwhile, Smoke distracted himself and avoided the deep hurt by practicing control—to an even greater extent than before. His leaving being a manifestation of trying to prevent his greatest fear happening again when he felt he could possibly control it was something Annie simultaneously understood but also resented.
Smoke was not blind to his brother’s selfishness. He felt partially responsible for maybe being too indulgent to make up for what their dad had put them through—with Stack being the target who faced the much crueler punishment than he had. While Smoke had no choice but to fall for Annie, he had chosen to build a life with her and it was the first thing he did in his entire life just for him. It was his treasure, his freedom, his joy, and his foundation. That very decision led to a pattern of tug of war that happened with Stack struggling to accept that Smoke’s dream did not mirror his.
Elias desired freedom through his dream of creating worlds and safe spaces for their people while also being able to make a profit. Elijah desired freedom in the creation of a home, a groundedness and a peace that couldn’t be destroyed and was his without question, which he found in Annie through love. The love that he found with Annie was one he thought someone like him who carried a pain, a hardness, a wall 100 feet wide and 50 feet deep would never feel the reprieve of experiencing. She was his salve and his salvation. His kryptonite and strength. His desire and his joy. Stack refused to accept that Annie got access to the innermost part of Smoke and who he was at his core, his most vulnerable, his most free—Elijah. Smoke continued to reject Stack’s plan as he just could not imagine a life where he and Annie were not side by side on the daily. That was before.
Grief was not unfamiliar to Smoke. It was something that walked with him side by side, almost like a companion. The grief of losing his mother and only getting to know her through pictures and the memories of others. The grief of never knowing parental love because of the abusive piece of shit he had for a dad. The grief of not getting to really be a kid as he had to step into a parental role for Stack. The grief of what the trauma from the War took from him with scars and flashbacks he still deals with. None of his prior grief could prepare him for the loss of Luna.
His whole life he felt abandoned by God. Falling in love with Annie and then Luna being a physical representation of how deep that love is— sparked the mustard seed sized hope that maybe God hadn’t completely forsaken him. Being someone who only believed in what he could see he wasn’t one for religion or spirituality but Annie finding, loving, and choosing someone like him had to be due to a force he couldn’t see. The way they lost Luna when she was just over a year extinguished the minuscule hope as if it never existed. The man known for running shit, being immovable, unshakable, had become a shell of himself in the only place he felt safe—at home.
Smoke could count on one hand how often he had cried in his life. Of all the times he had, he never weeped or bellowed in such a guttural way that he felt he could wake the dead with the intensity of the pain alone. A mourning so deep that those who had passed on could feel it. The only way he held on at all was due to Annie and the way they supported each other but it was a grief neither had experienced. Sometimes their days looked like complete silence outside of affirmative grunts. Others looked like shouting until their throats were raw. At their most vulnerable they would spend the whole day crying and holding each other. Throughout it all they vacillated between hard fucking and love making—just to feel something and to remind themselves that they were still here. Somehow.
It had been six months since they lost her and they were surviving solely due to having each other. That is when Smoke had to make a decision that he still regrets to this very day while knowing he was just trying to prevent another loss that would be sure to finish the job of destroying him. Stack decided that he could not wait any longer and was leaving for Chicago next week. Smoke tried his best to reason with the fool but he just wasn’t hearing shit. Smoke was torn in two making this decision—his head and heart in a tumultuous war where either choice would leave catastrophic damage in its wake. Stack’s recklessness and tendency to not watch his back created a serious deficit in his survival instinct, which was the only reason he was even considering leaving. There is no single thing or person that could get Smoke to leave Annie—especially now but he just knew without a shadow of a doubt that his twin would find a way to get himself killed out there which is just a loss that he could not even conceptualize.
Even then his mind wasn’t made up. It couldn’t be when it would mean leaving his heart behind in Clarksdale. He hoped to return within a year but he knew Stack and his often hare-brained schemes lacked planning and discipline. Another failure on his part for being too lenient so Stack over-relied on him. He felt torn in two even breaking the news to Annie that he was considering this.
The next day he reluctantly brought it to Annie. It was still hypothetical as he had still felt stuck between a rock and the hardest place. She responded the way anyone who had lost their precious daughter not even a year ago would only to find now that the love of her life was considering leaving for an indefinite amount of time to watch out for his brother who thought so little of what they were navigating.
Even eight years later he still remembers the look on Annie’s face and how it shook him to his core. How could someone look so despondent as if it was the end of the world as they knew it while simultaneously radiating an anger that could burn down the rest of the world in retribution for their pain? For four days, they had yelled, cried, constantly talked through how he could even consider this, and then didn’t talk at all in a cycle he saw as his own personal hell. Even with his tendency to feel moments instead of filling them with words, their communication had been relatively healthy. So, this departure only served to further break him down.
On the fifth day, he made the decision that would change the trajectory of his life in a way he still felt to this day. Annie had barely reacted once he told her what he decided. Being as bonded as they were, there were times when they knew what the other was going to say or in this case before the words left their mouth. This wasn’t news. She knew from the moment he brought it up what his decision would be. She knew the loss of their daughter had wounded them in similar but different ways which for him showed up in his inability to protect her.
For better or worse, due to their upbringing he was put in a difficult spot of not only being a brother but he was also a father figure. The loss of Stack would not just be the soul crushing loss of a twin, but another child he could not protect. So, on the fifth day she was quiet. Shuffling across the floorboards, pouring liquid from glass bottles for protection charms, and warming water for baths were the only sounds to fill the room after Smoke broke the news.
The sixth day was different. It has settled in Annie's spirit that he was leaving and she felt the weight of it. She had to make a decision about the kind of last day she wanted with him. She tried to remind herself that he wasn’t leaving forever and that he told her as soon as they were done he would be coming back. That was not something she found comforting considering the timing was not up to him. None of this was. If his wants or needs mattered, he wouldn’t be leaving in the first place. She wanted this day to be a memory that could wrap her in warmth when the bitter cold of loneliness and grief threatened her very survival.
“Okay. This is the last full day until—”Annie said to break her silent pact from the day before.
“I know. I’m sor—”Elijah replied before she could finish the thought as if that would make it less real. The relief that comes after waking up from a nightmare that never came true would not find him this time. He made a conscious decision to approach this day as Elijah as this wasn’t the time for Smoke to be at the forefront. At his most vulnerable, his most open, his most free—all emotions he felt due to Annie, the one who brought him back to life through her eyes, her smile, her ease, her centeredness, her love—Elijah.
“Save the words. I already know them.” Annie interrupted as she already knew. She didn’t want the little time they had left littered with genuine yet ultimately meaningless platitudes. Apologies wouldn’t make him stay. They wouldn’t have him change his mind. They wouldn’t save her the heartache of the strongest love she had ever known having to do the very thing he had proven from the very beginning he would never do.
“We’ve talked this through in circles the first four days. Let’s feel today.” She stated clearly as if it was the first thing she could control since the death of their daughter. “Who knows the next time we’ll get to.”
“You’re right. I’ll follow your lead. Take the reins.” Elijah acknowledged as he stared straight into her eyes showing just how much he had meant it. The day was spent doing things they knew made the other feel whole and bonded. They had not separated the whole day acting as shadows for each other. They started with visiting Luna’s grave together and replacing the flowers and fresh bottle of milk as they did everyday. Elijah walked alongside Annie as they went around their land collecting the different roots, herbs, and stones. It reminded him how even the mundane felt special with her.
Every moment of every day felt like a gift, one way too good for someone like him. Hands on projects had always made Elijah feel grounded and got him out of a cycle of debilitating over thinking. He fixed up some walls, floors, and fortified the porch while Annie watched as she cooked their favorites. Cooking reminded Annie of her rootwork practice. Creating something from individual, distinct ingredients that not only filled bellies but touched souls in the same way her ancestors had.
They shared their meal in the way they always did—starting with prayers, Eliajh’s exclamations about how good her food was, Annie smiling because he had done this every day without fail since the very first time she cooked for him, talking about anything and everything under the sun. She talked more while he listened more. In their natural rhythm she moved to her rootwork table preparing ingredients, saying prayers, and combining items while he sat in his chair smoking from his pipe that hung directly above where his chair sat. Elijah’s brows furrowed as he tried to figure out what she was doing as the shop was closed for the day so she could not have been completing an order for a client. In the midst of his line of thinking, Annie called him over.
Elijah moved to stand directly in front of Annie’s work table as she slowly circled around. “You said I take the reins today so I have one thing I need from you before you leave tomorrow.”
Elijah nodded his full attention on Annie.
“Wear this for me and never take it off.” Annie had been making a mojo bag for Elijah as he sat and tried to decipher what she was working on. She knew that he was a person who only trusted what he could see with his very own eyes so his belief in her hoodoo had always been an uphill battle. She knew a secret he would not name. As much as he challenged her on it, the utmost trust and belief he had in her also extended itself to her practice so she knew he would honor request. After all, their love for each other was not something he could see or measure like dollars and cents yet it couldn’t be more real.
“Okay, for you.” Elijah offered without contesting. Normally he would give her pushback but he could not find that in him today. He knew this was a symbol of just how deep and wide her love went for him. She poured everything she had into this mojo bag even with him having to leave. He could never reject an item that was a symbol of her love for him. Not now. Not ever.
In the silence of the moment, not even an inch of space existed between them in this moment. The heaviness of the moment lingered following the expression of their love for each other in its purest form. Annie expressing it through pouring her all into a mojo bag she believed would keep him safe until he returned. As it was what she wanted most. She knew that she would not wait forever and didn't know and couldn’t feel when he would return. When he did, it would be in one piece, limbs in tact, heart beating, brain working the same way it did today. Elijah expressed it through the promise he kept despite his skepticism of hoodoo. He’d seen it protect and he’d seen it not deliver when it was needed most. Still, his love, trust, respect, and belief in Annie had him making space for what he wouldn’t have believed in any other circumstance.
Love was not the only thing felt. Desire made an appearance as it always had. It was always looming even before the very first time they ever touched. It never took much for them. Sometimes the smallest thing would ignite the heat that always wafted right beneath the surface. Annie adorning Elijah with the mojo bag around his neck acted almost like an aphrodisiac.
As they stood face to face, so close they could feel the warmth of their breath, their lips crashed into each other in sync. Elijah’s lips chasing Annie’s with her returning the favor as they moved about without separating. The contrast of feeling of soft, plush lips delivering hard kisses only intensified the lust they were both feeling that demanded to be satisfied. They knew what followed when they got like this. Tongues dancing, titties caressed, dick grabbed, taking turns on their knees, mouths open to pray at the altar of their love; while moans, grunts, nasty words, and squeaking legs of the bedframe served as the soundtrack.
There was a different weight tonight though. They couldn’t stop tomorrow from coming and all the day would bring, but they could spend the whole night feeling. The feel of skin to skin so close they could hear the other’s heartbeat. The feel of being impossibly filled to the point of overflow. The feel of limbs stretched in ways that tested the concept of flexibility. The feel of nails against his back. The feel of sheets caressing them as they tumbled through them.
Exhaustion came second to lust that demanded to be satiated the whole night. The hard and frantic rounds that made them feel like fiends chasing the euphoric feeling of their next hit alternated with rounds that were soft, slow, and deep--where each caress, kiss, stare, thrust, honey laced whisper, and whiskey soaked command was made a memory that could hold them when they were beyond each other’s reach.
The seventh and last day was much more somber. Even with knowing what was coming at the end of the day they still tried to maintain a sense of normalcy until they couldn’t. The same patterns didn’t feel the same when the weight of his departure turned the vivid colors of the life they lived together pitch black. Their meals didn’t fill their bodies and feed their souls the way they always had. The arrangement of the rooms and their accompanying furniture and decor that felt like expressions of their tastes and personalities began to feel drab and mundane. The place they built that housed memories, milestones, and livelihoods had always felt like a perfect fit until now--where the walls closed in tighter with each hour that passed.
Elijah waited to the last possible hour to leave as they were traveling by train. Bo Chow, their childhood friend, had agreed to meet them at the station to keep their car for safe keeping. Stack was already waiting outside but had enough sense to stay in the car because if Annie had a chance he wouldn’t be making it to Chicago. They slowly made their way to the door with each step becoming more hesitant. Once they reached their porch, they knew it was time for the goodbye they had been holding off.
“Elijah, I hope that you find peace in making this decision. My understanding of why you feel like you have to do this does not snuff out the hurt and anger. All three coexist at once. The hope of saving one while abandoning the other,” Annie stated matter-of-factly.
“Annie, I’m not—” Elijah interrupted.
“Let me finish without contesting.” Annie replied frustrated that he even tried to fight what she was saying. She was tired of pain, anger, grief, and fighting. After deciding that he had to go, Elijah had repeatedly told Annie he would keep in contact and then this wouldn’t be a long exodus. Annie knew better though. She knew how shit tended to go with Stack. This was the first time she could not trust his words which wounded her in a way that she couldn’t adequately name. Of all the promises he made, she only had faith that one would be kept--Elijah keeping on his mojo bag. He would not let his only tether to Annie and the strength of the love they shared be something else he sacrificed.
“Elijah, you have only been honest from the first day I ever looked into those eyes that said everything you couldn’t allow yourself to say, before we ever were anything to each other. What was the very first promise we ever made as a way to honor our love? We said we would never lie. That promise is the very foundation of that love. Don’t do me the disservice of lying now.” Annie noted calmly before continuing. “Telling the truth don’t make it pretty--just makes it real. You don’t know if you can keep up with the promise you made. You don’t know even if you can consistently write or call. You can’t even tell me how long.” Annie pauses before she says what’s next as it sounds like a threat but it’s just her honoring her promise to always be true. “Love, even one like ours that feels fated in a way that I’d only heard about from those who came before us, won’t wait or coast on the hope that you may come back someday. By the time you return, the bones of the home you forsook may be the only thing here to welcome you back.”
Elijah was silent. Not in a way that was reflective of the silent nature he was known for. This silence wasn’t a self-imposed decision. It was recognition—the realization in that very moment that he could be coming home to a self-appointed séance of the only love he ever got to freely choose.
He couldn’t walk away using his less is more approach. Not after what Annie had just expressed. Not in this situation.
He had spent his last full day with Annie “feeling” instead of offering platitudes that provided no comfort. Now, it was time for him to speak. This could likely be the most important set of words he ever uttered when the stakes are a life with Annie or barely existing with his memories of what they had being the only thing keeping him in this world.
“Annie, I love you. You know that. Deep. Strong. Without ceasing. I’ve given you parts of me freely that no one else has ever seen.” Elijah said as his hands shook, a trauma response from his time in the war that was elicited whenever he was anxious or panicked. He was not one for impassioned speeches but if there was ever a time to lay it all out there, it was now. “I know my decision feels like I’m breaking us and I’ll hold that. I’m not asking for you to forgive me and I know understanding my motives won’t change how you feel but I’m asking you to believe in what you’ve always known. You’ve never doubted my love, listen to your heart, your intuition, the words your ancestors who guided you told you when you sought guidance and confirmation about our love being destined.” Elijah pleaded with desperation as the floodgates he had used every ounce of strength he had to hold at bay began to break. “I have never lied to you and I won’t now so I can’t promise when but I AM returning. To my heart, my foundation, my reason why, my everything…I love you still and I always will.”
The weight of the moment mixed with Elijah laying his feelings out bare without silencing or pushing them down immediately brought tears to Annie’s eyes.
Now, they both stood in front of the physical home that was reminiscent of the home they found in each other years ago in a place they never thought they would be. Completely broken down. Faces wet with tears, eyes rimmed red, staring into the depths they had always found comfort in. The only sound passing between them is the wind as it shakes the bottles that hang from the Magnolia trees spread out on the property. Elijah pulled Annie into the tightest hug they may have ever shared. An embrace that embodied every feeling they expressed and the ones they were afraid to say out loud.
As they looked into each other’s eyes, nose to nose they leaned into a searing kiss not unlike the kind of kisses they had shared thousands of times. Elijah’s lips creating a seal over Annie’s as his hands framed both of her cheeks so that each part of him had a point of contact with her. Their eyes instinctively shut as if to burn every second into their memory. There was a melancholy beneath this one though as if it wasn’t a promise for a reunion but an acceptance of a reluctant goodbye neither of them ever wanted to have.
Eventually, they separated and he watched her as he walked backwards toward the truck until he was out of her vision on the driver’s side.
Elijah swung the door open prepared to get in, but paused because there was one thing he had to do before he departed. He leaned down to Luna’s resting place and asked something selfish as the man who was leaving.
“Can you do one thing for your fool of a father, baby girl?” Smoked asked aloud. “Please watch over your mama—you and your ancestors together. Protect every hair on her head, organ in her body, don’t let a single injury touch her.” Smoke pressed a kiss to the stone in front of her altar. “You’re the only one I can trust with this.”
That was eight years ago now. Smoke returned the seventh year with the only promise kept being his mojo bag not moving one centimeter since Annie placed it around his neck.
How do you go from years of no communication to a full blown affair that could obliterate the very foundation of their lives as they know it within a year of Smoke returning?
The seeds were sown the day the twins made their way back into the life they left behind...
A/N: Thanks for reading. We are definitely in for a ride! I actually pretty much have the next two chapters written so those chapters should be out pretty soon! If I somehow missed you and you wannabe tagged you can either comment or reply to my taglist h e r e ♡
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