Im Like If Garfeild Was Real

they / them 25 I like to make music, play video game, & eat. I forget to tag shit a lot, sometimes NSFW.

[calebwittebane]

only things related to those shows i'll ever want to or need to see

[doggirldick]

in my truck with the flower man

i’m drinking from the seventh beer can

we’re running red lights here without a plan

oops i think we hit a

dear god, what now, my flower man?

she’s the knight you say? don’t make me laugh!

reverse over her fountain-making ass

run off with the

[frontfacinglanino]

Buddy I love you but please calm down my state is on fire

[dailycatsblog]

[buniix3]

i still have hope he'll win look at that crowd

[sr-roto]

Audio pls

[agnes-nielsens]

[agnes-nielsens]

[slutdge]

i love being a pervert online with all of you

[missybunno-deactivated20260510]

She's ghostin you but shes goblin me

[beemovieerotica]

[beemovieerotica]

[dogpuppy]

[starrynet]

jimothy when he was a baby raccoon

[colonthreedotexe]

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[k-wame]

[creature-wizard]

[Description: A divorce lawyer answering the question "do you believe in soulmates?"

He answers: I believe that whoever created the concept of soulmates should be taken into the town square and beaten to death. Or you should tell me who they are so I can send them a check for a couple of hundred thousand dollars, because they have done more to facilitate the demise of happy marriages than I could ever aspire to doing.

The concept of a soulmate to me is absolutely bizarre. To suggest that out of eight billion other people in the world, that there's just this one person, and they happen by the way to live within like the same town as you, where they went to the same university as you - what were the odds of that? And that's the only person you could ever have a happy, fulfilling relationship with. That's insane, folks. It's insane. And by the way, it's toxic. Because here's the thing: when you get married, society essentially tells you, this person, they're supposed to be your best friend, best lover, best roommate, best travel companion, best co-parent - that's a hell of a resume, guy. Like, it'd be shocking to find someone who fits all three of those things.

So what happens when you have this concept of a soulmate? And my partner, you know, they're the best co-parent, they're the best roommate, the best travel companion, but you know, they're not the best lover I ever had. Well, they mustn't be your soulmate then. That means that there's somebody out there in the eight billion people, that they would be the perfect one. And that's what the horizon that just forever recedes and keeps people constantly craving the next thing that might check all of the boxes. It's dangerous.

Look, we break in relationship, we heal in relationship. You're marrying a human being. They're just as flawed as you. They have great moments, they have awful moments, they have heroic moments, they have villainous moments. This idea that somebody out there is going to be this perfect angelic presence in your life, it is a fiction, and it is the siren song that's gonna send you right into the rocks of my office. /End Description]

[ahhvernin]

I need this man to write a poem or short story anthology about the woes of marriage as the divorce lawyer looking in. I think it would be FASCINATING. "it is the siren song that's gonna send you right into the rocks of my office" SIR. PLEASE. WRITE ME SOME MORE VERSES.

[nyanbinary-perineum]

cums all my cum in a shotgun blast like that's normal to do

[nyanbinary-perineum]

cocks my cock and it very audibly makes all the mechanical clicks and chunks you'd expect because it's normal

[vivvy-of-the-lake]

cocks my cock and a spent casing falls from behind my balls

[vivvy-of-the-lake]

my break-action cock with two barrels (shark-style) that can cum twice or once really powerfully but then i have to snap it at the base to reload and it sounds really painful

[lowhitpointspuppyplagueharpylady]

doing the terminator reload with my lever action penis and I accidentally shoot myself in the face

[lowhitpointspuppyplagueharpylady]

[chaieyestea]

Boyf got me a @punkitt-is-here sticker and I put googly eyes over her