i can't recognize footsteps, but i can recognize the way people shut doors. i can hear doors opening anywhere in the house, even the front doors of the houses across the street. i can hear footsteps even if i don't recognize them, and i can tell exactly where in the house they are coming from. i know the sounds all the drawers in my house make. i can hear conversations about me even if they are on a different floor with the door closed. i know where everyone in my house is at every moment, and i carefully catalog their moods to keep myself safe. i nearly have a panic attack every time i hear a door knob turning or a door opening or steps getting closer. i know which parts of the floor are loudest and which doors squeak the most and how long it takes before the fridge beeps from being open too long. i know how to switch tabs in less time than it takes to blink and how to hide a book or device under my pillow before my parents have even finished turning the door knob. i know how people look when they're mad in any stage, and have a mental collection of expressions i look for whenever anyone talks to me so i know if its safe or not. i know where everything in my house is even better than my parents do. i know how to unscrew a pencil sharpener and re-screw it quickly so my parents don't suspect anything. i know how to think before i speak so in depth, thinking of every possible outcome of what i want to say, and if there is even a slight chance it might end up not good for me i know how to make it seem like i didn't want to say anything in the first place. i know how to find reflections in windows and look at them without seeming like im looking at them.
i know these and so much more.
i know im almost 16, and knowing these should not be ok.







