Ur Not So Average Princess

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[urnotsoaverageprincess]

Alexa play "Who can I Run To?" by Xscape

The growing dependency of Black women often equates to the mistreatment of us and I cannot trust someone who expects me to serve them whilst they silence the loud screams of pain from us. Black women are considered the most disrespected and neglected group in America, but as I stare at my list of obligations, none of them involve myself in it. I am expected to be palatable, assimilate to white culture, change myself to make other people feel comfortable whilst no one does anything for me. My problem though with this is not the fact I have to manage this but more so my lack of allies. The other women of color that deal with similar issues use black women as a scape goat for internal hatred and racism they hold for themselves. The betrayal of minorities, the internal fight to end up on top, the distraction, it all feeds into each other, but above all else it continuously leaves Black women at the bottom and me with a limited circle whom I can trust.

I think the irony of this is that most of these other minority groups complain about the issues they perpetuate. The white boy who made fun of their dark hair and tanned skin stims from the same ideology that made them make fun of 4c hair. Racism, the trembling giant of our mental world, a living organism that sprouts in different trees yet connects in its roots. They complain about no one fighting for them whilst they lack empathy for others, or at least Black women.

The concept of this is foreign to me, even though I cannot say I am completely pure of internalized racism. I wonder if this is partially due to the fact I have no luxury to partake in selective empathy. I feel as if I lay at the bottom of this world watching people step on me and no one supporting me. Now don't get me wrong, I understand my privileges that i have as well. Even me talking about this is laced with ignorance. I was born in a middle class family with two parents in a loving relationship. But I cant help to feel this self pity when so many cannot even have pity for me. Its like being Black has somehow normalized casual disrespect to me and my culture.

At the end of the day, all of our issues are a result from the big trembling giant that looms over us. In order to truly prevent this, to stop this we must combat it fully, rather than picking and choosing when we want to submit to it or fight against it.

Artwork done by Nailed by Nads

[urnotsoaverageprincess]

Your Man is not Your Daily Affirmations

The lack of quality men in the world is on an all time high, as men are refusing to pursue higher education and consuming red pill junk instead of doing anything productive. The phrase, “She’s way out of your league” has probably been used more times in this period  than any other time in the world. Whether this is a combination of modern language or terrible pool of men to choose from, women often have to date down in order to find a partner of the opposite sex and I completely understand why the lesbian rate is on a slow and steady rise. With this in mind, I ask why do women  even date down if men aren’t even needed to survive in society nowadays? 

The answer was given to me when I had conversations with my friends who are relationships. When I ask them what they like most about their partner, I am met with similar responses. Some say, “He makes me feel loved and valued,” others more shallow like “He makes me feel pretty,” and last of all the worst is, “I just don’t want to feel alone”. In our day and age, instead of men being needed for financial stability or the ability to own a home, they are used as living affirmations for girls who are unable to self produce their own confidence. 

To be able to say you have a boyfriend, I theorize, is openly saying to the world “Look, I am attractive enough for a man to not only hit on me but want to stay around me.” Very rarely do I see examples of relationships nowadays built on trust and equal respect, rather we see them built on superficial things and used as fur coats. 

I use the example of a fur coat because it reflects most men. A woman will witness the horrific things that their partner will do, listen to their evil takes on society and feed into their ever growing ego whilst parading them around like a fur coat; a status symbol of disregarding malicious behaviors. 

 This obviously does not apply to every relationship in the world, I have seen healthy romantic relationships between men and women across different generations. I, myself, hope to find a partner who can understand me and push me to becoming the best version of myself. But observing society now, I can’t do anything but critique our men and those who chose to reward them. I am not “too strict” for wanting my man to have respect for all women and similar political beliefs as me. I urge all women around the world to look at who they’re dating and why. You should not need a man to remind you of your beauty/worth, those thing should be watered and blossomed within you, through you and by you. 

Artwork - Danielle McKinney (b. 1981)

[urnotsoaverageprincess]

Why is being a Black Woman so Painful?

A question to all my Black girls

From doing our hair to managing our love life, the troubling tale of the average Black women seems to be defined by a necessary element of pain. As I was attempting to detangle my mess of curls , I pondered on how many times I would brace myself for the incoming sharp tang of pain that would occur. It seems that the simple act of washing hair was more painful than our counterparts. This thought trickled down into other issues that seep into the day to day life of most Black woman, especially those who live in predominately white spaces. Our hurt is accepted as normal whilst white woman tears can convict innocent people as guilty.

Delving into our love life, many white people view dating Black women as exotic, as if we are strange animals that ponder this world in states of anger. On top of that, to be Black seems to be synonymous with the bottom of our accepted attractive pyramid. Back handed compliments like, "You're pretty for a black girl" and "I like it when you wear your hair like that" when straightened echoes throughout our life. It seems like I am always conscious of the fact I am black and although I carry the history of my ancestors with pride, I often feel like the world around me is trying to act like its a bad thing.

This is seen most when I wear my natural hair. This summer, I chose to cut my locs off to try new hairstyles and learn to do my hair. I absolutely adored my tiny fro, and felt beautiful. This was NOT take to well by my peers. Many people would make fun of my short curly hair and said comments describing me as looking like a little boy/kid. As hurt as I was, I was more disgusted by the wave of anti-blackness I received, specifically because I live in a predominately black/latino community.

Combining racism with the pressures of being a woman created a unique intersection of existence. Who I am, the value that is placed on my forehead, the empathy that I receive from the world is entirely dependent on how submissive I choose to be to this flawed system. So again, I ask the question, why is it so painful to be a Black woman? Is it something that God intentionally burdened on his daughters, or a result of a system built against us? And if so why should we still continue to serve it?

Artwork - "Caught Between Thoughts" by Bisola Michal