SO ITS MY DICK BIRTHDAY yayy I have typical sexual organs now. Rip, I'm not special anymore but what can ya do
The cookies came out kinda weird, burnt a dick pretty bad, but the pussies are surprisingly well put together. I didn't have any extra cookie stuff to make a shork with a fat vagina so rip me I guess. And then my shitty cheesecake with a giant chocolate dick. I spent so much money on all these things lmao.
SO its tmi time babey. The following is an unnecessarily graphic documentation of me trying to figure what the fuck is going on with my clit that popped out of my lower pelvis area after not having one for 22 years
So up until about may 14ish of 2024, I did not have a clitoris. And by that, I mean I had a clitoral hood but there was nothing in there. Along with no clitoral shaft, or just like, anything outside of skin. I can say for sure this isn't something that happened later in life, and that I was definitely born like this because I've been uhhhhhh poking around down there since I was about 4. We lived in the country and had a lot of animals so the second I saw live birth I was like "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BABIES COME OUT OF THIS???" And basically would poke at in fascinated horror.
Anyway. My mom sorta refuses to agree that I didn't have a clit because she thinks she would've noticed that when I was a baby. But clearly you didn't.
For literally as long as I can remember (which is again, like 4) arousal has caused me moderate to severe pain in my lower abdomen. When I got older and was starting actually understand sex, everything I read/was told(cuz I did try to explain my discomfort and get answers from my mom) was that cumming felt like "tension" in your tummy/waist area, so I just assumed that in the many ways that I already am that I was broken and didn't like the thing everyone else liked.
Touching that whole section of my body hurt VERY BAD. Like, any amount of contact hurt. If I wore shorts too tight and it rubbed against me I was sore and hurting all day. I actually used to not wipe as a kid because it hurt so bad. (Honestly, the fact that I regularly complained about my vagina and insides hurting as a VERY YOUNG CHILD and not a single adult in my life thought that was worth looking into is kinda horrific. Especially considering the people I was around, and the fact that they KNEW I was around them.)
I didn't have a shaft, but I think I might have had a blood vessel, or like?? A tendon?? Idk what to call it but there was a very thin bit of internal structure that feels similar to the stuff in my wrist. That felt weird to touch. I wouldn't say it was "good", because it wasn't. But it was probably the closest I ever got to typical masturbation options. Not that I ever did it because it was uncomfortable and pointless.
I spent my teen years in a lot of physical pain, and embarrassment over this. I won't get into it just cuz this is about my dick not my childhood trauma, but I was very isolated and uhhhh horrifically robbed of adolescence and not being able to experience the Normal, and Completely Universal experience of masterbating as a teenager just felt like another part of my childhood being taken away from me. Or never given in the first place, I guess.
I never really opened up about it because the reaction I always got was "oh you're just doing it wrong. Do it the right way, and you'll be fine." And I'm sitting here like......I'm trying.....seriously I promise that I'm trying to do it in the Normal Way. But it never worked and I'd get upset and drop the subject. I think I've only really personally talked to maybe 3 people in my life about this.
Basically what I'd do it try to jerk off, go "that sucks" and forget about it for a few years and then try again, and cycle repeat.
And then all of a fucking sudden, my bits start hurting at work, and I go to the bathroom to try and like, wiggle my skin around because that sometimes helps the pain. ONLY TO FIND. A FUCKING LIL NUBBY GUY IN THERE.
I was sitting there, holding my pussy open in the bathroom stall like, "oh shit what the fuck is that????" ITS A FUCKINGJIFJGVJ CLIT whoo. Obvi, couldn't deal with that at work. But when I got home I went-ainvestigating.
The reason why I didn't realize I didn't have a clit is because 1: theres literally an entire section of the pussy wiki about how its not real. And I understand thats just a sexist bullshit thing but having that in the back of my head didn't help. And 2: most clits are fairly small and come in different sizes. I always assumed mine was just really tiny or something.
It was actually kinda gross, looking back now that I have one. Like....I just had an empty sack of skin with a open hole in it. That's so weird. Rip me not fucking tho, I could've bullied so many men because good luck finding the clit WHEN ITS NOT EVEN THERE.
So the thing that really freaked me out about SUDDENLY HAVING SEX ORGANS, was specifically the fact that it was bleeding. Not severely. But the skin around the hood was bloody, and it hurt pretty bad.
I did jerk off tho, even tho IT HURT. But I'd never in my life experienced anything resembling physical gratification so I was invested in Figuring This Shit Out Immediately.
I tried to tell my mom, because again, I was bleeding from my clit and genuinely so fucking scared and my mom called me "gross" for talking about masturbation and literally ran out of the house and didn't talk to me for about 4 days. (This is the same woman who told me how she lost her anal virginity on a air hockey table as a fun fact story time when I was 7. But sure. My medical emergency is just me being super gross and inappropriate.)
The next day, the pain got worse and the mild bleeding was still going on. And now, the clitoral shaft was starting to swell pretty severely. I didn't measure, and I have no real sense of scale cuz I'm stupid. But it got to about the width of my pointer and middle finger combined, and the thickness of about one finger. It was VERY uncomfortable and I was limping all day. But also like?? Felt sexually gratifying??? I think the swelling was almost internally stimulating. Idk. It was more uncomfortable than pleasurable.
I kinda just cried and panic googled for 2 days. Googles suggestion was that I have endo and cancer. Which like, maybe. Nothing was in line with my experience and it was largely useless.
By the time I went back to work the swelling had gone down and I was mostly fine walking. It was definitely very fucking sore and I had to be careful letting my thighs touch because ow. But it was fine.
And then soon after I started trying to jerk off and play catch up as a late bloomer(literally). For the first 3 months, I'd have heart palpitations after orgasms, and would feel extremely dizzy and sick the day after. This eventually went away, and I only get dizzy if I cum REALLY HARD instead of just any time after stimulation. Again, very scary and worrying but whatever. I think my body just needed to recalibrate and settle down with the new system.
I won't go graphic in the jerking off part, cuz this is more about my Weird Clit, but it's still like...uncomfortable even though its normal now. I think its just really sensitive or something, but touching it with my hands isn't exactly good and it takes like 3 hours for me to cum manually (which is what I'm calling non vibe based masturbation) I can't for the fuck of me tell you how this works out because I bought a $60 suction toy that has literally left my foreskin BRUISED and I'm having a great time, but I rub it with my finger and I'm like :(((( owie it doesn't feel good. Idk what the fucking logic is here.
Internal stimulation has never felt like anything to me. No amount of rubbing or curling my fingers did literally anything. It just felt like touching wet skin with the same sensitivity as like, my arm. NOW MY CERVIX ON THE OTHER HAND-
Anyway, this is another thing I think was somehow affected by my clit popping out for some reason. Because now it does feel like something? Its actually incredibly jarring. It's like if you touched you arm every day and felt nothing and then randomly you touched it and it felt like rubbing a nerve. Very weird. Fingers still do fuck all. The only way it feels "good" or "pleasurable" or whatever the fuck is if it's big enough to cause me a least a mild amount of pain. Masochism size queen goalllllsss.
Predick, the only orgasm I ever had was me bashing the fuck out of my cervix for about 40ish minutes straight, which didn't even feel good until I came. It freaked me the fuck out. I really didn't like how my vaginal muscles relaxes and I couldn't be tenses up. And I think I could literally feel my cervix dilate a little. It was very psychologically distressing and I cried after, and it didn't even feel good. Also it hurt my wrist.
I'm more normal about this now and I don't cry cuz it scares me anymore. I will say, that because I couldn't cum, and my clit was hiding, the only thing I could to deal with my physical frustration was essentially to tense the fuck out of my genitalia, and relax over and over. So I think I've been doing kegals semi regularly for the last decade or so. My pussy game is probably crazy not that I'm letting anyone in there.
I'm not exactly sure how this is connected, but predick if I was on my period and tried to do penetration, it wouldn't work because my vaginal canal was almost completely swollen up. I've had like, maybe 6 periods since my dick popped out(covid fucked my cycle) and I haven't had any internal swelling issues since.
My pussy also used to be stop sign red, and now is a more normal pink color. I wonder if maybe the lack of typical blood flow was causing issues, like a kinked up water hose kind of thing.
I think having my clit in the correct spot as basically allowed my body to relax and have a normal amount of sensitivity.
The on going theory I have for why arousal was causing me so much pain/discomfort, is because I think my clit was lodged somewhere with my other organs in my lower pelvis. Actually, I've come to associate really needing to pee with arousal, because the second I felt ANYTHING like that, I'd immediately need to go. Another thing I thought was normal because idk...like, squirting and also people saying you should pee after sex. I thought everything felt like that after and it was just part of the process. But my idea is that I think when my clit was getting engorged with arousal/blood flow, it was crushed and squished in the wrong spot and thus swelling and putting pressure on parts of my body that aren't supposed to ever be squished unless I'm like, fucking pregnant or have a tumor something.
I still kinda associate needing to piss with cumming?? Its easier to cum if I haven't gone first. I think my brain just thinks those two are the same kind of build up now cuz of how log those wires were crossed and fucked up. I don't identify as a piss kink person though. Stilllllll hate fluids.
And on top of all of that, I also have an atypical urethra!!!! Mine is located right above my vaginal opening, and is actually kinda apart of my thick ass g-spot(or whatever it is) pad that's practically obscuring my whole hole. I have accidentally sounded myself twice. I am in such a Wrong Hole situation. Its fine tho, it's definitely sensitive.
SO along with my dick popping out, I also got a noticeable boost in testosterone!!!
I noticed this the most with my eyebrows. I was made fun of a lot(by my parents??) for having really thin and barely there eyebrows my whole life. And then all of a sudden, I have to actually shave them off or really work to cover them if I want to do sfx makeup. Which wasn't a thing when I was 12. I have chest hair. Kinda. Not really? I have visible peach fuzz that I actually think is really cute. I have a LOT more viable peach fuzz on my upper lip, like a few full on hairs. Its not super distracting. I doubt other people really would notice unless they're really looking. It's just...odd? Different, I guess.
I also think my labia has gotten longer. At one point my mom sorta...bullied me? Into showing her my situation because I was getting so anxious about the pain when I was 15ish. She said I was weird for my short/lack of labia. And then said my clit was like that because I had an STD(I've never had sex, and her argument was that she gave me the STD accidentally by like...sitting on the same furniture as me??? Idk. Humiliating and unhelpful experience)
I sorta feel like I've mellowed out a LOT after my dick popped out. I'm wondering if I've basically had a really bad case of hormonal imbalance since I was 11 and hit puberty. I feel calmer and less weirded out by sex. Even tho I still practically think its disgusting. I hate fluids. I think maybe a lot of my sex repulsion might have been a brain thing where, arousal = horrible pain so avoid anything that triggers those reactions by overloading disgust. Like, when I was younger if I watched porn I would get UPSET about it. Now I'm just like, "ok" and move on cuz I don't really care about it lmao.
Anyway. I kinda think all this bullshit qualifies me as intersex. But also, I'm Normal™®© now cuz my shit seemed to work itself out. So maybe I used to be intersex? Idk. Female reproduction research is shit. I never found a good answer for what was wrong with me as a kid, and was left feeling very scared and isolated because literally no one understood it. A lot of intersex conditions aren't like....organs getting stuck in other spots I don't think. Or at the very least I couldn't find information about it. But I wanted to share my Scientific™ documentation and experience because this shit was terrifying and humiliating to go through my whole life and I'd like the information to be out there. Also I like over sharing.
And just for funsies my clit is almost at three cm, or basically one inch. If my measurements are remotely accurate, which its entirely possible its not. It is big tho.
Anyway thats it bbbyyyyeeee.
Here's some bonus pussy files documentation
