i understand the reluctance to call it abuse cuz it doesn't seem like a big deal but a lot of abuse is small things happening over and over, so if they keep doing this i'd say it's abusive. but more than that it's indicative of a mindset where your children do not deserve any respect.
you don't have to keep your promises to them because it's inconvenient to you, even if they did everything you told them to and achieved exactly what you asked for. because they're your kids, what are they gonna do about it? you have all the power here.
and if you can back out of a promise this big (a PS5 is no joke and neither is getting straight A's) what promise CAN'T you back out of? how much lying and manipulating is permissible because it's "not a big deal"
a lot of my moms emotional abuse hinged on the idea that if she didn't understand or relate to why we were upset, we must be upset for a stupid reason, and if it was stupid/unimportant then it didn't matter at all. she'd pat you on the back and basically say to suck it up- even if she was the one causing the unnecessary pain or stress.
if you promise your kids something and don't deliver just because you don't want to, you're not only showing that you're untrustworthy, but you're also showing you'll exercise your power over them for whatever reason you want.
and you're pushing your kids to lie/cheat/manipulate/do whatever it takes to get what they want- since they can't rely on you (and therefore anyone- cuz as a kid if you can't rely on your parents who CAN you rely on) to be honest and help them actually get what they want.
how are you supposed to be honest about your desires if you're afraid people will just use them to string you along like this?
ok idk if that made sense that kind of got away from me near the end
