observations on life

just how i see things and lots of stuff that interests me

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fuck this shit

seriously about ready to shoot myself in the fucking temple about now. someone let me borrow a gun

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Streetlight Manifesto- A Better Place, A Better Time lyrics i feel like this more often than not

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i feel like death

i think i can finally get to sleep. i am so sore and my back hurts so bad rite now :( ugh...

[acehotel]

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this sums up my whole last week

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teathers

life gets blurred around the edges when you start to see the way things work in this strange world of ours. like some giant spiderweb the most insignificant things will sometimes carry the greatest weight, and the leviathans will blow away like dandelion seeds on the wind. but then again i may just be really fucking stoned

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Chainsaw of words

The Chainsaw of words is basically where you're brain loses that filter it normally has to prevent dumb shit from falling out of it and you babble nonsensically much as i am demonstrating now and will more than likely continue for many many moons to come. *this state is usually chemically induced, most often through the use of alcohol(and occasionally really good weed when combined with a discussion of theology or similarly thought provoking topic such as where do all the lost socks go)

Ex: that dude is a fucking chainsaw of words trying to saw your ear off when hes drunk!

this concludes our lesson in stoned English for the day.

[utterlylost32503-blog]

a certain clarity

i, i see, through these faded memorys, with some sort of, distorted clarity. i have a sense, a sense of me, of what i used to be, but i just cant seem to see a way through to the other side of this alternate reality. where have i been? where am i now? in this vortex, this black cloud, this old town. i remember color, but now its all grey. i still dream in color through this ethereal haze, marking my wall and counting the days. i think i use to know why, when i look up towards the sky, i see a painting unfinished a stone left unturned. guess its life, and it shows in subtle ways, how we used to use our days. but now that its grey, i cannot stay, but this black hole, it keeps pulling me in

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free time

weird feeling like i have enough time to be bored, there  are things i should do but they ARE boring is more like it...le sigh

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getting home

when you get used to living with 100 people all in one small place you quickly get lonely when you no longer have all that company all of the time, even if you disliked most of them. being physically near your friends and loved ones has no real substitute does it? i dont miss that place and i love being home but it would be nice if things diddnt move on without you so fast when youre away for whatever reason. but on a lighter note with time comes appreciation for the little things. even living like youre in highschool again is preferable to the living conditions i was in.

it sort of feels like im learning to walk again, but this time i may just be able to keep my wits about me, long winded anghsty rants aside. just a shock to see how much everyone has changed, your friends are all having kids and have new girl/boyfriends so youre meeting everyone again for the first time. i hope the right ones stick around and dont fall by the wayside but i have a curious detachment thats been developing over the last few years. my life got really crazy so its like it got wrecked in time to patch up before everyone elses lives fell apart. ill help the ones that are there for me but the general masses hold a lot less appeal than they used to.

i find myself craving contact and getting restless, slipping into a few old habits id rather not develop again. i think i may be losing my mind a little bit again. i just have to pull what ive learned from all this and apply it to the same types of problems.

im reluctant to talk to family and some friends about it because of my past, it sort of makes me feel like i failed already doing the things i do. where is the planning? where is the sitcom group of crazy therapist friends who sit around drinking wine? i feel like a tyler durden clone saying the things you own end up owning you, but it really is true. your family thinks its drugs your friends think youre losing it. you think its just chemicals man, thats the only reason im feeling like this. but you know its not just that. it never was and you sit there going nuts onto a piece of paper or just writing stuff in a blog to get it out but its hard to put it all into words without sounding crazy even to yourself. hours and hours of nothing and superficial small talk that sounds like nails on a chalk board to you. god i wish i could talk to one person who knew exactly how i feel or at least gets it.

then you meet someone who makes you really happy but youre scared to jump in all the way, keeping things in the shallow end because you never quite learned how to swim. youre still bleeding from the inside out and you dont know weather to put on another one or just keep on going without it because ripping the last one off tore whole new wounds. you like her, a lot actually but youre not used to things going ok and feeling good about yourself enough to believe you actually got lucky.

writing like this helps me process things a little better. bottom line is im finally home

[findsomethingtofightfor-deactiv]

REBLOG IF YOU WANT CURIOUS ANONS.

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why not. ask me anything

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managed to regain partial sanity after a good nights sleep. but im still wondering why i smell like ive been doing pushups in an ash tray...the world may never know

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modern tech munchies and pretty women

well im not quite as stoned out of my gord but 3 things chilled me out. realizing just how stoned i am, talking to my friends and talking to pretty girls again. and being able to do it all stoned without publicly embarrassing myself over a social media site(or one my mom dad and little brother are on rather.)

and spell check for putting the most random shit in perspective when all seems lost!

thank you Cleveland!

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or mabey im just high and will forget to write even a title and say things like im baked pass the cookies in more than 5 letters. oh yea and hashtags dont know i feel about them...

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none, just a tidbit(dont read sober no connection to reality or at least yours)

just funny quote i remember(with punctuation i may add) "The more you learn about the real things that can go wrong. like if i hadnt just read about a lot of the weird shit that happene i would have freaked out from smoking pot all over facebook where people know me. aforementioned things stated logically. not really lol fuck im glad to be able to talk again on the internet and get the dumb/crazy out with people who understand the stupid leaking out of my fingertips because they were teenagers like you instead of convicts in the prison system for shiva knows how long XD

in a more adapted version thats in blunt prison talk "god damn crackka you cray" i spell it cray but they dont. its everyone my age and half of the people ive been around for a little bit so its normal to feel a little i guess conditioned to think a certain way but not be able to physically get to say something instead of think it and not worry about a shiv to the kidneys or where ever the "chaps" want to shiv you. think about it you take the time to spell out the word chaps quotations in your fucking head you look like a psycho but with writing it is a free creative way to express that without feeling so noided out. also your friends read cracked.com and a lot of people do outside of jail and shit so you can talk without explaining things so much but slower and dumber so youre obviously high to anyone who would be a threat to you in any real or imagined(again with spell check fucking lovely invention) way but they dont get the stoner subtext that makes you both really hungry for pizza with gumballs and peanut butter too.

oh a second paragraph! or more like 200th at this point but its still cool how amazing it is to hear pleasnt words that dont sound like complete lies anymore that arent quite as misspelled, if better enunciated and with much better vocabulary. and im sure the reason this sounds like random crazy and pretty repettetave misspelled and miss-paced words, they are mine all mine and i can share them once again. going to post here and there the things i continue to write if i feel like continuing from where im at or a redraft but im looking forward to seeing even no reaction but possibly getting one thats scathing but helpful instead of just...pass the cookies im fucked up. oh cookies, ok that one was a joke for real again fuck im tired i hope someone else enjoys this trip into the mind of a slightly better than teenager guy from a strange generation thinks. or at least writes in a little less anghsty way than normal glad i diddnt already go off too far...

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SEEE!!!

http://memecrunch.com/meme/2C0HO/that-feeling-when-you-re-too-high

point made all is right with the world again

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ok so mabey i cant remember shit right now but i make a mean bowl of ramen

but i still cant remember how to post links...sigh...or edit. at least i can spell my name and but its weird doing new things in a new environment especially on heavy narcotics. the random emotional rollercoaster that is doing any kind of upper seems like it would be easy to fall off with the little simple things. but youre not too crazy if you rationalize and spell your question. then you realize youre just really ripped and talking in expanded format instead of writing and things sound funny again.

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the rults of the internet

my friend swim told me they help make sense of this batshit crazy coated thing called life(and the internet)...epically rule 34...heard some weird shit. learn em live em love em

did i mention spell check is great. lol i used it to figure out how to make a really stipid sentance half way alright when i actually remember to use it...unlike my awkward fucked up sense of humor right now humor thats still a handicap but its baby steps and god damnit why am i still writing. oh well thats the whole anonymity to cover up care of personal opion. hopefully ill get over it soon